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Is something wrong with me or is this all part of the process

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by oledmi, Feb 17, 2018.

  1. oledmi

    oledmi New Fapstronaut

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    so heres the scoop...i have been doing PMO maybe 2-3 times a week since around age 15. I am almost 26. I always felt like I was doin it a “normal, healthy, in control amount”....until I broke up with my gf of 4 years last October. It got to the point where i was doing PMO at least once a day without fail. Sometimes twice a day tbh. I took two weeks off for the holidays and thats when i was PMO at least twice a day... To me it was still not to the point where it was interfering with my life in a negative way but i could slowly feel myself getting de-sentsitized. I could feel my losing interest taking affect. It started to not feel as good as it used to feel...it was almost as if it had turned into more of a depressing chore than anything else. So around january 6th i decided for the entire month i wouldnt MO...and surprisingly this was before i even knew this site existed!...i noticed i was starting down a path where i didnt have control and decided to take action.

    So I didnt really OFFICIALLY watch porn (like penetration videos)...but every once in a while i would find myself scrolling through sexy or even naked photos of women online for 10-20 minutes at a time. Not exactly sure how often throughout the week i would do this but lets just say everyday for about 20 minutes. So the month passes...and during that month i did not feel any better whatsoever. I did not feel more motivated, i did not have an increase in libido, i did not have more energy, i did not feel like i had a more of anything good or less of anything bad... I still felt just as numb and desensitized to sex as i did during the two a day bender for two weeks during the holidays....

    I remember when looking at a picture of a naked woman would have made me aroused but it almost feels like i have lost all interest...i didnt even get hard after looking at any of it...i don’t know if i am depressed...or this is part of the nofap process or maybe my breakup or my age or what. But after that first month ...i decided to try Masterbsting without porn videos or pictures...you know, just to “see if everything still worked” lol, and it was AWFUL. Everything was good up until the climax (which obviously came very quickly after a month lol)...i thought it would feel great because it had been a month of no MO and no porn videos but i really just felt nothing. The climax felt like it stopped as soon as it started. It didnt feel good like i thought it would or how it used to. I Just felt....numb. And that frightened the sh!t out of me lol.... i thought is this how its going to be forever? Did I permanently damage my brain and ruin sex for me forever or something?

    So naturally, i immediately went to the internet and found this site about 10 days ago and i have been all three (PMO) free for 10 days now. Im guessing that my mind is associating masterbation with porn so one wont feel good without the other lol. I now avoid all permiscuous photos of women online and even on tv. Wet dreams have happened and i know its normal....but i still have that empty, numb, uninterested in sex feeling and i dont really get aroused by anything. Even if i try to think about it without touching myself (again, just to see if everything still works lol)its still pretty hard to get hard on command lol. I feel like my body works fine because i get wet dreams and morning wood...but i feel my mind just isnt working right in terms of arousal, motivation, and the good things that are supposed to come with this process.

    Is this what i have to look forward to after completing the 90 day no PMO challenge??? Is something wrong with me? Will it get better??? Is this just how life is after 25?!! (Jk on the last question lol)

    I guess my greatest fear is having sex with someone after 90 days and it feeling as awful as it did when i jerked off 10 days ago.

    Any explanations would be greatly appreciated, thanks
     
  2. Iraklis17

    Iraklis17 New Fapstronaut

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    Hey my man, im not going to write much im just going to say that to have sex and enjoy it, you must be relaxed. You re thinking what if after the 90 days i get with a chick and i cant perform or have an orgasm that's good enough. That way of thinking is understandable but it will most likely make you nervous when the real deal happens and you might not perform. My suggestion is, after the 90 days find someone but dont push yourself too much. Give yourself a couple of tries if you don't succeed at first. What's worked for me in the past is getting with chicks below my standards. Therefore i had the confidence and i didnt really care if i was going to perform or not, but i did. My huge problem always was failing to do anything every time id get a really hot chick. All that was going on in my head was to get hard, nothing else. I didnt care about pleasure, or being relaxed or anything but to stay hard and please the girl cause she was that hot. Screw that! Do whatever makes you feel more relaxed, when you re calm you ll be ready to go and dont worry too much about the orgasm at first, it will come eventually (lol).
     

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