Is something wrong with me?

Is something wrong with me if I can't sleep with a stranger? I'm unable to do a hookup? I'm also unable to have sex, even oral sex with a man I don't plan to marry or am not sure I want to marry. Is something wrong with me?

If feels like everyone is having sex and so many can sleep with strangers without getting an STD. I was raised Christian but not in a strict household and I've always wanted 1 man for life. I also believe I must be in love first since sex can result in pregnancy and I want to know and love the man I do that with.

I can kiss and everything but I can't do regular or oral sex with a man. I'm still a virgin because of my preference to find 1 trusthworthy man and have him as my life partner.

Please, I need to know if something is wrong with me. I'm so lonely however God just made me so that I can't do hookups or sleep with a stranger. On all the dating apps, the guys want hookups but I just can't do it.

 

Just my 2cents feel free to ignore.

I don't blame you it's a scary world out there, tbh you best without cheap hookups and dating sites. There's a lot of toxic men on those types of places. Anyway, I can understand your loneliness, but physical closeness is different from emotional closeness, I doubt physical closeness is what you're really seeking, but an emotional bond.

I would be careful not to fall into the trap of wanting to be more like those around you, what you see in society. There's a lot wrong with society in my experience. I once thought I was gay but have concluded it was just a fleeting want and didn't fulfil that part of me that I wanted it to and has done more harm than good. It's all just cheap thrills, propagated by cheap entertainment/media/ads and fueled by lots of alcohol. Look for love not lust

I hope one day you find the right man for you, that you can find the adam to your eve etc.

There are Christian dating apps if you want to fully embrace your Christian side, or more up class dating apps rather then hookup sites.

 

Thanks geester. It's all so confusing. I do prefer an emotional bond over a purely physical one. I also want love over lust.

Thanks for your response because I am unable to sleep with someone who will not be a life or at least long-term partner. Sex to me, given I'm a woman, means letting a man into my body who could squirt from his body into mine and of course get me pregnant. I need to know the man very well and would prefer to be in love with him.

It seems many, especially men, do not think like that. I mean there's like tons of hookup apps now which is surprising because I did not know we women even did hookups. I feel so weird like something is wrong with ME!

I see all types of people able to show their bodies, even online. Able to give oral sex or sleep with someone that they're not committed to, yet here I am unable to. It appears that sex is VERY enjoyable, no matter what but God made me have so many hang-ups and made me unable to do it willy-nilly with just anyone.

I know Christianity teaches we're to wait, but society has me confused because it's like everyone else is freely able to have sex out of the desire for physical pleasure and and I just am not able to do it. God made me so that I'm only able to have intercourse or oral with someone I know, love and trust and because of that here I sit for so long ALONE, LONELY, a virgin and feeling awkward like I'm in the wrong.

 

Most of the major religions not just Christianity believes in self-control over such urges, part of the problem is modern society is really set up for instant gratification. The internet has made that all so much worse. It's not helped by the media ofc. I've met women who are into that type of thing, there not that nice people in my experience. Try to be easy on yourself you're most likely a great person even if you don't realise it... We are often the most harmful critic to are self I know I am to myself too.

Men are more promiscuous than women I've found though. Though it might just be my lack of self-confidence.

I would think your hang-ups are less a hindrance more of a positive trait. I know it can be hard to be single though. I'm yet to have found the right woman either and I'm 35(or any)... I dislike being touched for some unknown reason... feels alien to me. Why I have slept or fooled around with men idk... regret it a bit.

It's not sitting well with me now days, esp since reverting to Christianity.

Sometimes some churches have social events outside the church if you are a church goer. Might be worth a shot to meet some new people. Not that that's that's the only reason why you should get involved in Church ofc...

I don't drink anymore so idk what the chances of meeting someone through pubs or social clubs are like

 

Thanks, I do need to reread parts of the Bible. Maybe doing that will help me not feel abnormal for my inability to have casual sex.

 

Thank you. I’m sure you are right. I’ve just been feeling weird at this point. So much web-camming, women able to show their body online, hooking up and meanwhile I’m not even comfortable in a bikini or shirt that shows my stomach.

God sure made me different and I know I’m not the only woman like that but in these current times it sure does feel awkward given popular culture and how it seems everyone else is able to be getting physical pleasure easily and without shame by having hookups, etc. with near strangers.

It’s not a struggle for me, but it sure does make me feel like something is wrong with me. I am though still going along with how God leads me.

 

Thanks Tao! I know you are right, it just makes one feel different and weird nowadays to not be doing ‘things of the world’ so to say. All around us in popular culture, online culture, message boards where people report sleeping around or their partner cheating and sleeping around, that lifestyle is everywhere. It’s like I know God does not want me to do that but because everyone else is practically it makes me feel like something is wrong with my thinking and preferences for a life partner.

 

Thanks! I hope I will find that. I know there’s lots out there like me but it feels like most men aren’t into monogamy though! I’m holding out and trusting Gods plans for me still, not much else I can do! God designed me unable to think and do anything else as it pertains to sex! I think I will have to stay from mainstream social media and news and music, because none are promoting a 1 partner lifestyle where people keep sex to themselves!

 

Yes, I will need to meditate on these parts from Gods word. Sometimes it’s a struggle to be so different from what’s being pushed as popular but I know hookups and sleeping around or taking naked photos to share online is not what God would really want or what we’re meant to do! It’s hard though!

 

I found the full quote which made me feel a bit better about how I’ve been living my life. I’m glad I’m doing what’s in agreement with our creator but why does it seem most other people are not? That’s what’s making me feel weird!

———
”1I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. 2And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.“

 

Yes, I started staying away from most social media (youtube, instagram, etc) the same day I started my nofap journey( all of it was tied to mindless internet browsing and addiction) and I notice my thinking is much more clear. I'm much more in-tuned to myself, my thoughts, past, present and so forth. I plan to not go back to social media or porn at all as I prefer my thinking being clear.