Is there a point in abstaining from O when you are (probably)going to O with your partner?

Discussion in 'Abstinence, Retention, and Sexual Transmutation' started by plusscientist, Feb 8, 2019.

  1. plusscientist

    plusscientist Fapstronaut

    Hello everyone. This question has been bothering me for a while.
    I'm wondering if there is even a point in abstaining from achieving orgasm and releasing your seed when you will probably one day start having sex with another person?

    I mean, you will probably want to orgasm with your partner, and, what bothers me is: won't you lose some if not all positive changes that you gained by not ejaculating for one larger period of time?
    Isn't it then better to not have sex at all? Or, is losing some benefits inevitable?
  2. MetaGame

    MetaGame Fapstronaut

    Well the simple answer is one release with ur partner over 7 days won't set u back much in regards to progress rather pause for half a day or so. Note I said one release, not 3. Secondly sex has its own benefits to give as well. Thirdly if it really bothers you. Many people practice karezza or basically have sex but will not O. If u do this well u benefits get enhanced quite a bit temporarily and u get best of both worlds. That takes a lil discipline and practice tho but u can look it up if u want.
    Nugget9 and plusscientist like this.
  3. plusscientist

    plusscientist Fapstronaut

    Thank you very much, Shinsoo. So, it seems like it would be okay to have sex from time to time. I'm looking forward to hear other peoples responses on my topic.
  4. Goo

    Goo Fapstronaut

    Yea because when you O with a partner it's real and feels way better than O to porn.

    Don't let people try to make you celibate. Just don't watch porn and don't masturbate. Sex is fine and healthy. It's a real person after all not a computer screen. That's why it's so unnatural, because nobody was jacking off to a computer way back when, they were having sex with real people.
  5. plusscientist

    plusscientist Fapstronaut

    I see. Thank you for your response, Goo. But, can you slip into having too much sex with your partner, same as, for example, you masturbating few times a day? Or would you still defend that it's okay as long as it is with the partner?

    What I also want to point out is hookup culture in which you can easily find people for sex even if there are no emotions. I am against those but some people are not and it's personal preference so I respect everyone choice. Would you explain to me would you support having sex with those people if it's just for pleasure? Or are you supportive about having sex only with your partner that you are emotionally attached to?
  6. There are benefits to semen retention. If you ejaculate it will drain you. Especially masturbation, sex less so but still. There are things like Karezza (Tantric sex without ejaculation) as well as ways how to learn to orgasm without ejaculation through Tantric methods. You don't have to never ejaculate tho. It's probably not for most people. But the less often you ejaculate more benefits of semen retention you will have.

    It's fine to have some fun while masturbating as long as you do not overdo it. You can also overdo sex. There is such thing as sex addiction and too much ejaculation during sex too often will drain you too. But it's worse with masturbation because your body does not release the same hormones in same balance when other person is not present. So if you want to release then it would be more healthy for you to get casual sex through Tinder than masturbate.
    No, you won't lose everything. You will only lose some of it. And longer you have retained more ejaculations it will take to drain you. Also, longer you have retained faster you will recover from that drainage. For example if you ejaculate once every 90 days it might set you back two weeks. Which is almost not noticable. But if you ejaculate once every month two weeks is very noticeable. And if you ejaculate once a week it pretty much could set you back to day zero, or even drain you beyond that. This is just an example, it's different for everybody. But that's generally how it works.
    You would be missing out on fun of sex though. I don't believe it's worth it. But if you want to be super spiritual or focus on becoming billionaire and race Elon Musk on who will colonize mars first then being less than 100% will probably not work. Haha. It really depends from your own personal values and goals.
    My goal is sex without ejaculation. That seems like a reasonable middle way between complete celibacy and excessive ejaculation. Most of the pleasure from sex comes from the process and not those few second of finish anyways so the way I see it I won't lose much. Eventually I want to learn how to have orgasms without ejaculation as well. If you can do that then you can avoid losing benefits of semen retention while still having all the fun.
  7. plusscientist

    plusscientist Fapstronaut

    Wow. I did not expected this detailed answer. Thank you very, very much @010010010100000101001101! Your way of thinking was very helpful, and thank you for your tips on PMO in general!

    I had one sex buddy that I loved playing with. Guess I should have fun with them from time to time instead of masturbating.

    EDIT: One more question came into my mind as I typed my thought about sex buddy.

    Would the "drainage" rule apply to casual sex too?

    Also, good luck on your journey towards learning how to have your specific way of orgasming!
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2019
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. It applies to all ejaculations, all of them drain you. But some drain you more than others. Masturbation will drain you more than sex. If your sex is based on lust it will drain you more than sex based on love. But it's still better than masturbating.
    plusscientist likes this.
  9. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

    Mantak Chia is your friend mate

    I am going to start this after i finished my 90 days of No PMO. i am not really touching my D other then putting the coconut oil on it to increase the lost sensitivity from deathgrip symptome.

    I think a healthy balance between Semen retention and enjoying sex is the key.
    I certainly won't practice full-on semen retention when i get my girlfriend at some point.

    It's just a personal choice, if i feel like i want to let go, i let go, if i dont, i wont.
    It's a very good discipline excercise as well : )
    Joe92 and plusscientist like this.
  10. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

    Orgasm is destructive, whether from masturbation or sex with a partner. Karezza is the solution.
  11. Sounds like nonsense to me...

    It makes sense that excessive orgasms would be unhealthy. Semen retention (or for females limited orgasms) are certainly beneficial. But occasional ones won't hurt you. In fact they can be healthy, especially with a partner. Because they release many positive hormones such as serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins, among many others. These are responsible for bonding, sense of calm and happiness, lower cortisol levels, etc. Even things like dopomine and prolactin (which are undeservedly demonized within this nofap community) has benefits. Prolactin helps to deal with stress while dopomine helps with learning, increases focus and memory, etc.

    What is however unhealthy for the psyche is unnatural sexual repression. I practice semen retention myself and am a big fan of Karezza. But anything in this universe is about balance. Extremes are never good.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 19, 2019
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  12. Agonist

    Agonist Fapstronaut

    It's simple. Your orgasms should be induced by a real partner. If you are in a relationship, keep having sex (this will help rewire your brain to real sexual stimuli). If you are single, feel free to have sex when you think you are ready, but just don't ever masturbate or look at porn. I can vouch that trying to quit PMO is actually much easier/healthier with a partner than without. One of the biggest fears porn addicts can have is wondering what their first sexual experience after abstinence will be like. Being able to see your sexual performance improve gradually over time before your eyes and enjoying the fruits of your labor is very gratifying/encouraging.
    plusscientist likes this.
  13. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

    Now the real question is: Is there a point in abstaining from O when you are (probably)never going to have a partner? (Joke)

    O to P = Fake = Bad
    O with partner = Real = Good
    plusscientist likes this.
  14. Meditation Monk

    Meditation Monk Fapstronaut

    Depends on the partner they have. Like me for example. I want to abstain from my porn use and cut back on it because it damages my relationship with my family and relationship with God. If I am going to get a girlfriend and get married, that would put too much stress for me, too much, and I am happy, because sometimes marriage can be your very personal hell. xD
  15. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

    O to porn is different than O to sex.

    PMO releases too much dopamine and your brain starts to shut off dopamine receptors to protect itself, leading to long term brain shrinkage and ED.

    O with a partner leads to healthy amount of dopamine and larger oxytocin release, that builds long term satisfaction and protect the brain from the dopamine. Partnered sex leads to better health and strong relationships.
    +TenPercent and plusscientist like this.
  16. The orgasm without ejaculation. I'm not so fan of it.
    First of all, it is tricky to reach the peak without accidentally
    releasing. And secondly, in my experience, the orgasm
    has also negative side effects. I prefer more just retaining even
    during intercourse.

    It still feels good, if things done correctly, just there's no the
    very high pleasure peak. It is more like walking on beautiful
    meadow on sunny day, and makes you want to lay on the ground
    and watch the sailing clouds while you are just chilling.

    Orgasm+ejaculation, i suppose it is healthy and fine to do sometimes,
    especially with real human being. There's the balancing hormones
    mentioned above, compared to MB effect. I wouldn't avoid it. As said,
    it is natural. Just don't do too much.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 3, 2019
    plusscientist likes this.
  17. Joe92

    Joe92 Fapstronaut

    I think everyone should seek what is right for himself. Don't put too much pressure on not having O at all, it's cool... I have a lot of sex with my girlfriend, like 2 or 3 times a day. I focus on being with her and not escaping in pleasure for pleasure, and I don't O much because I chose it, but sometimes I do, it is not a problem for me, 'til it doesn't get me back to porn.
    plusscientist likes this.
  18. I have sex and I have had orgasms without ejaculating for a long time. It takes much practice. Sex is healthy when practiced properly. To feel pleasure in masturbation is not the final judgment. What matters is not to make masturbation an addiction. In any case, it is possible to have orgasms in sex and masturbation without ejaculating and without losing the benefits of seminal retention. Between masturbation and sex, the latter is much superior.
    plusscientist likes this.
  19. These exercises are really useful. I have been practicing for a few days and it has helped me control sexual desire.
    ReclaimedLife likes this.
  20. Harrynak

    Harrynak Fapstronaut


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