Is there hope?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Kjl0812, Feb 16, 2019.

  1. Kjl0812

    Kjl0812 New Fapstronaut

    Since the age of about 13 ( I’m early 40’s now) I became addicted to porn. It started with dads playboys, as in the late 80’s there wasn’t much video I could find and no internet. Masturbating started then as well, and honestly it occurred a lot, to the tune of 2-3x’s a day quite often (and sometimes more). At about 18 I had a day where I couldn’t get hard and it scared the shit out of me. I quit cold turkey that day, fapping and porn (early 90’s so internet was starting to come of age). About a year later I met a girl who I told of my issue, nothing about porn or fapping but not being able to fully get erect. The talking must have helped because we immediately became close and intimacy came easy from there. Not sure why but once I found erections came easy again I found porn and fapping again. Fast forward to now... wife and I are pretty good about weekly sex, although I’ll freely admit porn and fapping have probably caused me to not do so as often as she would like thru our marriage. Recently, I’ve noticed basically a zero sex drive and not even slightly interested in porn at all. And erections are slim to none, with sex maybe every other week at best... hard to explain but have lost kind of every interest in thinking about sex as well. My brain I’m sure is fried from constant porn as I’ve been reading more about it. The only positive thing is I really have zero interest in even seeing porn anymore, and so fapping is relative zero too. All that said, is there hope? Of my brain rewiring and finding the ability to have a good sex life again?
  2. NF4L

    NF4L Fapstronaut

    I have hope for you! Try a reboot, and set those rules and goals that make you feel uncomfortable, but not necessarily unobtainable. I too am of a similar age, and started with the same path with my addiction as you did. While I haven’t had similar symptoms you have had, I was bored with the P when I was finally discovered, and admitted I had a problem when confronted with it. You are uniquely gifted with the insight to see what it is doing to you, and make the decision to address it. There is no better time than today to start and commit to living a life of sobriety. I have become a better person, have been able to have a wonderful and meaningful relationship with my wife. I have been able to fully love her and commit to her , and truly appreciate all she has to offer. There really isn’t a better gift to have than realizing who I can be, and how amazing of a partner I could have found. I have hope that you can find this too. For you, for them, and for all of us.
    I can tell you from experience that I have been able to rewire most of my abhorrent behaviors since I started. Those pathways certainly still exist to be honest, as I spent decades carving them into my brain. Although, I can say they happen fewer and farther between, day by day, week by week, month by month.
    Kjl0812 and Committed to One like this.
  3. Hey thanks for sharing your story.
    Yes there is hope. It is a journey and it won't happen overnight. The fact that your sex drive is currently low resulting in less acting out with PMO does not mean your addiction is gone. The sex drive could be a result of the PMO or a legitimate low T issue, either way, if that comes back to life so will the urges to be acting out. You have taken a huge step in getting this out there.
    "Facing the Shadows" by Patrick Carnes is a good place to start understanding what recovery looks like. It's more than a 90 day streak of hard mode or just abstaining from the behaviors. We've spent decades feeding this addiction and it started when our brains were just trying to figure out how to function. There is a lot that goes into healing and recovery.
    It is worth it!
    It's not easy. In fact it will be painful as hell for you and your wife and will be genuinely disruptive beyond what you can believe.
    It is worth it!
    If all you're looking for is a better sex life and for things to stay status quo, you can find a men's doctor that does testosterone therapy and that'll probably do wonders for that issue. If you want to truely become the man you really want to be, then buckle up cause it is a rough road to the top.
    I will say for myself, it is the best journey I've even taken and beyond what I could have hoped for.
    I wish you the best and I hope you choose to go for it.
    Kjl0812 and oreogirl like this.

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