Is there really a lot of fish in the sea?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Deleted Account, Jan 5, 2018.

  1. Hey guys,
    I have a problem.Believe it or not,it's a pretty odd sideffect of PMO.
    Everytime I come across a girl I find attractive(which is not often enough),starting from a physical attraction,my mind keeps telling me to pursue her as I will never find anyone as attractive as her,especially in looks and as a overall package department.

    It develops this irrational fear that I will never find someone as physically or aesthetically attractive again and I must pursue this girl to the ends of the earth.

    I try to fight this all the time because logically and statistically it seems to make no sense to me,thinking of girls makes my edgy and vulnerable to urges, but my mind persists nevertheless . This ends with me often getting hung up on the girl for a long time,even though I there never has been anything there at all.Like getting hung up on a schoolboy crush/infatuation(which I don't really like) for a long time,sometimes when I haven't even talked to the person!. This has happened a few times. I absolutely detest it because I realize how pathetic it is.

    So, what I want to ask is,is there a lot of fish in the sea? Are there enough attractive people,physically and overall or you run out of great people to be with in time and have to "settle" for someone?

    How do I overcome this irrational fear?

    P.S. I know there are like 3 billion women or more women on this planet.
     
  2. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    There is a way yes, but you have to develop an abundance mentality at the moment you are in scarcity , of course the super hot girls are easy to get hung up over. The solution is to lower your standards and date around.

    Honestly, a girl who doesn't quite get your pulse racing means guys like you, will be calm enough to follow through and not mess things up. Once you've progressed you can of course 'upgrade' as I like to say.

    I know it's difficult because love is a very emotional affair. But you got to think of it like getting your first job, start low then work your way up. You'll also develop a rock solid personality along the way.
     
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  3. Dracoterra

    Dracoterra Fapstronaut

    Yes, there are a lot of girls out there. On the other hand, you can't operate from a place of fear; you need to either come from a place of confidence or use your fear as an asset, but not the controller.

    Make a list of what qualities you're looking for in a girl. I'm guessing that a lot more girls fit that criteria that you come up with than you'd expect, so it's an interesting exercise to try.
     
  4. malwarebytes

    malwarebytes Fapstronaut

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    this is interesting, i have the same problem (although i´m only at like a few days) but i´ve been at 70 days so i can relate to it. we see the woman as a subject, just looking at their ass and tits guess why we got this kind of mindset? because of the strong usage of porn. and when you are able to stop that, you will be able to look at a woman in a normal way again, your mind not being controlled by your dick.
     
    Hitto likes this.
  5. Chef Boy

    Chef Boy Fapstronaut

    It's a natural thought process to have but it's definitely an irrational one. There are billions of women; many of which have great personalities who are out there available to meet. The big problem, rather than there not being enough good ones, is having the courage to put yourself out there and meet them. That's where 90% of us go wrong, myself included.
     
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  6. lordram17

    lordram17 Fapstronaut

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    Hey,

    Your post is insanely similar to my own situation. I cant even begin to express how much I detest liking someone from a distance for years at a stretch. They dont know a thing but secretly your mind is getting fucked up with overthinking, self loathing and what not.

    I dont really have much to say regarding your question about whether there are enough attractive women out there or not because I am trapped in the same fear of not finding someone attractive and having to settle. But I get it. I get whats going in your mind completely.

    What I do want to say though is that on some level I believe that having such thoughts is a consequence of living in your own bubble. Your exposure to the world and girls in particular is probably not enough to help you understand how these things work. Atleast, thats what I realized about myself. Its like that story of the frog in the well. You are a frog who was born in the well so your mind cannot wrap itself around the idea that there is a body of water as large as an ocean. Its only when you come out of the well can actually see the ocean for yourself.

    These fears resolve themselves over time. There is not much that you can do in the moment (thats what I realized for myself). Having patience is the key, although patience is an attribute that is painstakingly developed over time. Your saving grace, probably, is understanding that things which disturbed you once, lose their influence over you with time. Surviving through that fear and gradually overcoming it builds character.
     
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  7. DeProfundis

    DeProfundis Fapstronaut

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    @OP
    You are right, it is irrational. All human beings are unique, of course all girls are different. You will like different things about them, maybe something in common in all of them. The question is how are you going to filter out and decide when to commit to one? Also, what's stopping you from making a move, or making a commitment?

    We have to be realistic. You can't get all the girls in the world! (Although we often fantasize as such. =P)
     
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  8. Ongoingsupport

    Ongoingsupport Fapstronaut

    This kind of idealization is a form of fantasy. It is psychological masturbation in a sense, a kind of almost OCD process of the mind.

    I don't think statistics is really the point. People think in terms of large numbers and odds and so of course they join popular dating sites and the like, but the truth is we want to be SPECIFIC about someone that is not just a "good match" in terms of a profile you filled out and chewed and spit out by some algorithm you'll never see, but an actual connection and relateable in a deep way.

    So yeah, there may be a lot of fish in the sea, but a lot of them may be like canned tuna - INCLUDING the one you are idealizing in your mind. It's not even just who you and they are to me, but who you and they can become together but that's probably too subtle a point.
     
  9. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    Yes. You just can't let them get away.
     
  10. Cornixico

    Cornixico Fapstronaut

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    Wasn't there a song about that? By calvin Harris.
     
  11. Cornixico

    Cornixico Fapstronaut

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    This is true, when I got with my first ever girlfriend it was because I came out my own bubble and made friends with her social circle. A player type friend of mine said that he gets more female attention when he isn't looking for it. It's a case of not forcing things to happen and let them play out naturally. Make friends with loads of people improve your conversation skills, making friends is fun and easy compared to finding romantic relationships.
     
    Hitto likes this.
  12. First of all, great profile picture and congrats on your 86 days keep going :emoji_grinning:
    I love "How I Met Your Mother" :)

    i feel you (I am a girl though, same age as you). with my reboot I get attracted to very few guys (now the only type of guys i feel attraction and interest for have muscles, self-confident, likes Drake's music and also look physically similar to my last ex)

    yeah i see a guy I like (that looks the best of what I want, basically perfect for me) and i have the interest to ask him on a date and i imagine i would like the date. you should never settle. If you do, you end up with someone you don't really want sort of better than nothing minset. It is not better than nothing. trust me I have been there, better focus on who you want and get the girl. get what you want and don't settle for anything less. never settle for crumbles

    I think also your mind in reboot is adjusting to from before getting excited to every girl to less girls with whom you have more interest, and you are more picky)

    The sea is full of fish, it really is. get a girl you like and don't let her slip away. Go and get her :emoji_couple: this is an advice i give to myself too obviously towards guys
     
  13. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    Sometimes your mind needs to be shut off because all negative thoughts are when we are not focusing on the present moment as far as seeing attractive girls there are a lot of them and your brain might tell you to pursue them or wow they are hot but looks fade not everything glitter is gold why be hung up on a person you never even talked to but it will get better the more you abstain from pmo but I suggest you do things to help you become more aware of your thoughts and how to become more present the book that helped me was the power of now by Eckhart Tolle
     
  14. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    That's where am at I'm done looking finding and seeking just let life flow and take opportunities to meet new people
     
  15. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    How to overcome the fear of being unable to find enough attractive people? go on a college campus lol. But seriously I know exactly what you are talking about and have had this issue to an extreme regarding a girl I have been interested in. There are indeed plenty of people out there but its hard to find someone right for you. The best approach is to relax and meet as many people as possible.
     
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  16. DeProfundis

    DeProfundis Fapstronaut

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    Lol. No idea man.
     
  17. When I was your age I thought like you but as I got older I become less fussy. I say it fussy because that's what I was. For me I was only interested in exotic looking women throughout most of my twenties but I've gotten to the point where I don't care. I see beauty in all sorts of women of all different colours, shapes and sizes. I'd say if you become less fussy and be little more humble, also expand your interests and social circle then things might change. I'm sorry if it seems I'm judging or making assumptions (I guess I am) but I'm thinking back to how I was. There was so much arrogance on my part in my twenties and that caused me to look down on women who maybe would have been a great gf for me. I think if a person runs out of people they find attractive it is because they've chosen to run out of them. I think what you're attracted to is what you chose to be attracted to. You can actually make yourself to be attracted to what you find unattractive if you really want to. It's all about you attitude.
     
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