Is there someone who can give me advice

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by elvagoazul, May 20, 2021.

  1. elvagoazul

    elvagoazul Fapstronaut

    Hi I'm 24 yeras old, I live in a small country. I was studying my career from 2015 to 2019, This year 2019 was also the year I came across Nofap. We have to present a research at the end of the career in order to get the degree. I always be a good student but this work had a lot of problems.
    The pandemic started in 2020 as you know, In this year I made a lot of progress in nofap achieving longer streaks every time. But by that time I was alrready late for presenting my research. All the institutions were closed so I got more time. But even now I'm not finishing it. I'm afraid my work could have a lot of mistakes. I'm afraid it can result in me going back to the PMO addiction caused by all the frustration. I feel I'm in a possition I have to choose between finishing my career or continue liviving without stress (without the addiction).
    Soon this will explote in my face, I was already liying to everyone including my family. I made a lot of excuses for skiping my probblems. Whenever I think about my work in the I feel very bad. I know I'm weak and iresponsible. Maybe I never got my feet on the ground beacause since I entered my career I had very good scores all the time, but this is not like a final test.
    Thank for reading, any advice will be apreciated. I wanted to made it short but I can give more details if you ask. And sorry if I did mistakes English is not my first language.
    Yujirō Hanma and matt2k12 like this.
  2. Slimjimjones

    Slimjimjones Fapstronaut

    Don't blame PMO for all your problems. It's your procrastination that is making you so stressed.

    My advice, quit being a b**** and get things done when they need to and get a good schedule routine going.

    You said it yourself, you're weak and irresponsible. The solution is to stop being weak and irresponsible but it's good that you identified it.

    elvagoazul, ReVera III, Jag45 and 2 others like this.
  3. Yujirō Hanma

    Yujirō Hanma Fapstronaut

    Go do whatever you aim in your career while also doing NoFap.

    I believe you can do it
  4. henryhill

    henryhill Fapstronaut

    In a similar vein as the previous comments I have this to say.

    Don't be afraid of doing both. You may fail at both. That's okay, you can learn something from failure as well. I have a friend who treats everything in his life as all or nothing. I don't think that's a good way to live. Instead of just consistently working throughout the ups and downs of life he gives up as soon as he hits some kind of adversity. For example he set a goal of going to a religious school once he 'conquered' his porn problems. I advised him to just go to a normal school that 1) would cost less, and 2) would not have the added pressure of having religious undercurrents that would have made acting out even more stressful (if that makes sense), and then to continue to work on his porn addiction. Instead he insisted on his plan, never conquered his addiction, and never got schooling either.

    I guess my point is this: too many people put their life on hold because they think they need to have a particular part of their life under complete control (in this case your PMO problem). The problem I have with this is that, you working on your schooling, trying to get your research together as best you can and making improvements, can actually give you a lot of joy and satisfaction that is not connected to Porn in any way. Thus you eliminate (at least in those moments) some of the potential triggers that lead towards acting out.

    As a side note since a previous poster mentioned procrastination. I listened to a podcast a while back and the host had a sex therapist or sex researcher or something like that on the show (it was a while ago so i don't remember perfectly) and she stated that she doesn't believe that Porn addiction is real. Now although I don't necessarily agree with that statement based on my own struggles with porn I do find her reasoning to be interesting and helpful even. When the podcast host asked why she felt that way she said that the research she's seen indicates that the problem with isn't relate to porn its rather an issue related to procrastination. If people with porn problems get over procrastinating other aspects of their lives then their porn use drops significantly. When I look at my life I definitely see a pattern of procrastination that has led to PMO. When I'm actively trying to be on the ball with all my responsibilities (including school work) then the urge is small or even non-existent. I'm just too damn lazy a lot of the time.

    TLDR; no reason you can't do both; procrastination feeds your PMO problems
  5. eagle rising

    eagle rising Fapstronaut

    You have options, look at them as objectively as you can. I can fathom these here (there are many other options of course, but here's a couple):

    • Continue your work on your own. Study independently. Find someone who can help you revise, edit, and optimize whatever it is you are working on. Look for sources that may help you. There are over 1.72 billions websites on Google, surely somewhere in there you'll find something to help you with your problems. There are over 129,864,880 books in the world, surely there is something out there that can help you.
    • Don't do anything and let the fears become your reality. Stay in a porn-induced state for the foreseeable future. Let time tick away as your fears keep you leashed to the fleeting comfort of doing nothing. Let the opportunities for growth pass you by everyday. Let compulsions and emotions rule you until you cannot lift a single finger because that is what's going to happen.
    What is going to look better to your future employer or whomever? You continuing to learn everyday and putting out effort no matter how meaningless you think it is? Or you just laying around waiting for a miracle to put you in a position to prove yourself? There is no miracle, there is the next act, and in that act you have power.

    No matter what befalls you you have the next choice to make, it cannot be any other way.

    You have real power in the act. Sitting around contemplating is paralysis.
    henryhill, elvagoazul and ReVera III like this.
  6. elvagoazul

    elvagoazul Fapstronaut

    Well I think I was blaming PMO for my problems but I never admited it. I like the schedule idea.
    I must do it
  7. elvagoazul

    elvagoazul Fapstronaut

    It's a good point. Fear to failure is holding me, but it is waste of time. Yes I was obsesed with doing both things perfectly and I ended failing anyway. I will try to focus in doing my best instead of the results.

    All this time I use procastination as a way to deal with my PMO problems but I can't continue like this. You give me another perspective, procastination was reinforcing my addiction, it is part of the problem. It makes sense I also see this pattern in my life.
    Thanks for sharing your ideas.
    henryhill likes this.
  8. elvagoazul

    elvagoazul Fapstronaut

    That was so deep, it make me sad but it is a good sadness because I'm more aware of the reality now. You made me think about my life, something I usually avoid. Thanks it was very helpful for me.
    henryhill and eagle rising like this.
  9. Davikch

    Davikch Fapstronaut

    I am very inexperienced guy to ask advices, but if you think you need to choose and not to do these thing at the same time, do carrier, of course.

    PMO is always there. You can start dealing with it anytime.

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