Is this a relapse?

So I suffer from severe HOCD, and this is my second time going through it.

However, my HOCD is not porn induced this time, the first time it was due to escalation to gay porn and that was 3 years ago, when I cleaned up my PMO addiction, the fetish went away and all gay porn/thoughts became repulsive like before.

3 years later I picked up my PMO habits again and I have escalated again, and this time into incest porn, but specifically porn with women who look like my mom. This causes me to get a huge dopamine rush and it’s the only thing that turns me on, normal porn is boring. It’s the same situation that I had with gay porn years ago, I get turned on by the taboo idea of it, how nasty it is and wrong, something about that excites me. I fantasize about my mom cheating on my dad with me and this turns me on so much, it’s turning me on right now. Just from me typing that I have an urge to PMO but I will stay strong. I would never actually have sex with my mom, similar to how I would never have sex with a man, but something about fantasizing about the taboo is a turn on. This fantasy around my mom is killing me.

I have had a PMO addiction since 7-8.

But my main question is, for my HOCD I get a constant need to check gay porn to reassure myself I’m not attracted to it, which is bad for people who suffer ocd. The key for me is to watch it and not check to see if I’m aroused or attracted to it. People who understand what OCD is will understand that, but if I were to do this, even though gay porn does not arouse me at all and I find it disgusting, would it be considered a relapse?

 

Go with a specialist to relieve your hocd and leave pornography.