Is this a relapse?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by PopularLoner, Apr 23, 2020.

  1. PopularLoner

    PopularLoner Fapstronaut

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    I haven't masturbated or watched porn for over five days now I have been working out everyday feeling great I still hear that small voice telling me to go watch something frisky when I'm bored but I quickly shut it off, so Today I was feeling good and motivated and then I started to think about how I had let myself be enslaved by porn and I was just kinda seeing how it was a useless habit I was getting angry at myself seriously, in my head I was just insulting myself like I was seeing how porn was supposed to not have any power over me but still I let it. So I just typed in a site cause I wanted to be able to say NO to it (guess I was feeling a little bit too good for my own good) as I typed in, in those few seconds that it took the site to load and all this images started showing I could feel my heart starting to race my body shake that old rush I used to feel wanting to take over like hungry rabid dogs being let out of their cage, I didn't look at it much i scrolled a bit, i was trying out this reverse psychology stuff for addicts i watched a video on youtube about how the final stage of a recovering addict is to really be tested like really near what you are addicted to and having the power to say NO or to reject it or to be near it and not just partake you could be in a room be and everyone is doing what ever and you can just be cool, it could be alcohol, cigarette or whatever (I had forgotten the name of the exercise) I saw the video from this Nofap guy who shares good helpful tips to help people in this Nofap journey (the guy is 1year in and counting) but I just had to tell it I said NO out loud and in my mind I could just see how it was foolish I got off the site immediately, i didn't click on any of the videos didn't watch anything and i went by doing what I was doing previously I could feel my heart slowing down the thoughts still trying to creep in from the back but I wouldn't let it. I just only saw it as pathetic. that was about 30mins or so ago and I am feeling great right now. But I also know I'm not doing that again I still have many more days ahead of me to get stronger I know that. Sharing here also help I see that so I will do it as much as I can. Thanks to the people who reply with contributions and encouragement we need those!!
    PopularLoner here still 5days in
    Signing out!
     
  2. jojojo888

    jojojo888 Fapstronaut

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    Keep the good thoughts up. You don't need any test, just do what u are comfortable with
     
  3. PopularLoner

    PopularLoner Fapstronaut

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    Thank you!
     
  4. Jawbones237

    Jawbones237 Fapstronaut

    Avoid peaking at porn, when you are in the first stages of recovery your mind will do rationalisations like "I'm able to go to this site, I'm just testing myself" but its actually your addicted mind making excuses to get its fix. Peaking at porn will make harder your recovery and will slow down the process. No matter what excuses you make to yourself, don't peak.
     
    Tripp09 and Shadow™輝ツ like this.

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