Is this normal? or damaged sexual organ?

Hi guys

I am very embarassed to share this but i cant talk it to anyone else and it has to be talked about.

I have been on pmo since i was 7 years old,(my sh*tty cousins tought about it).It was tv porn that time,hardcore porn.I would just keep doing it for many times a day even if i didnt get an erection.I would rub it over the clothes sometimes because it was so little.Sorry for the disguisting explanation.

Anyway i dont remember,since when i have done it completely right,to have ejaculated in more than 10 seconds.I would always have premature ejaculation.

The first time i was with a girl it was a very long foreplay,yet i didnt ejaculate,but when she started rubbing me i had to drive attention to something else,like taking both her hands and kissing her in a romantic way,because if she continued i would ejaculate.

And then everytime i had sex with smn,i would pretend she is amazingly hot and i just cant control myself with her.Theyd feel like godesses and wouldnt care.

I never enjoy sex fully,only the foreplay,but i am more worried now as if i will ever have a child or not?
My cum isnt completely white,like in porn,its like greyish and when i ejaculate i dont 'shoot' it,it just spills...

I am very embarassed to go to a doctor and als dont have money so please advice me from you experiences.