Is this OK instead of PORN and FAP?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by DannyO, Feb 19, 2019.

  1. WalkingForward

    WalkingForward Fapstronaut

    Just as long as both you and this guy are happy about it, this seems perfectly fine to me
     
  2. WalkingForward

    WalkingForward Fapstronaut

    On the basis that I don't see anything wrong with it. If this neighbor had been a girl, this would have seemed fine, I don't think it's different just because he's a guy.
     
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  3. Gmork

    Gmork Fapstronaut

    Just wanted to point out that @WalkingForward didn't offer any "advice"
    He merely offered his opinion, which is clearly different (and rather less aggressive) than yours.

    You said that 9 posts ago.
     
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  4. DannyO

    DannyO Fapstronaut

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    Let me say I welcome EVERYONE's advice, and I am thankful to WalkingForward for offering his. I would prefer to decide for myself whether to follow that advice. Also please let me make it very clear that I do already have a relationship with my friend. Whatever a perfect relationship may be in your mind, this may not be it. Whatever happens sexually, I am seeking a relationship of one sort or another, with him, sexual or not, and I would like our relationship to grow and improve in whatever direction it goes, as he is a good person and has the makings of a good friend I believe. He is not a blow-up doll for me, but someone I respect, whose company I am coming to enjoy more and more, and whose feelings and welfare I care about. .
     
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  5. DannyO

    DannyO Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, guys, for all your time and effort in coming to my aid during the period of confusion I was in. Honestly and truly, it helped me clarify and understand a lot of things in my life. I feel like a fog has lifted from me, and it's your comments that helped me get there. The rest is up to me. One thing, I can see a lot of people have different views about the world and life, and I thing from where I stand, there is some core of truth underneath each one of them and no matter how different they appear on the surface. I wish you all a great journey no matter which train you take and no matter which direction it heads. I probably will not be coming back here for a while, so this is good bye.

    Oh... and remember to love one another.

    --Danny
     
    Gmork likes this.
  6. Gmork

    Gmork Fapstronaut

    Best of luck, mate.
    Take care of yourself & best wishes.
     
  7. Futurebillionaire88

    Futurebillionaire88 Fapstronaut

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    Stop wasting your breath bro they’re too far gone
     
  8. Gmork

    Gmork Fapstronaut

    Still here then ... after one round ... two at the most??
     
  9. Harrynak

    Harrynak Fapstronaut

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    seriously please tell me, what are you doing?

    you are replacing fapping yourself by being fapped by another male?

    its just wrong in my opinion man

    you are still chasing aroual and orgasm, not even with girls?

    did you stopp P all toghether?
     
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  10. Harrynak

    Harrynak Fapstronaut

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    in my opinion, this is the perfect example of what porn does to you, and what it is supposed to do by the hiddn agenda.

    IT MAKES YOU GAY

    IT MAKES YOU DO THINGS YOU NORMALLY WOULDN DO IF P DIDNT EXCIST

    IT MAKES THE NORMAL FAMILY FALL APART

    males looking for stimuli outside porn and fappping eachother? I mean common what are we doing!?????????????????

    and yes, porn makes you gay
     
  11. I never answered complex questions like this one before, so this is what I would think in your position:

    About Q1: this is a general question, and I'd approach it with two differente perspectives:
    > 1. I'm in a relationship, and the masturbation is part of a healthy, consensual, sex. In that case, it's really ok, and does not count as a relapse, since it's part of another context. Here M is part of the couple's intimacy, and is positive since, it helps to get you closer to your partner.
    > 2. This is not a relationship, and masturbation has the only goal to achieve the orgasm. In that case, M alone, or by another person or even by a machine, or whatever, wouldn't make any difference for me, since using my hands or not, my purpose is only get pleasure for myself, and I'd be only feeding my addiction in a different way.

    Anyway, to know the difference, just ask yourself about the context: am I doing it just for myself pleasure, or is it part of a bigger context, where I'm sharing pleasure, in a consensual way, off course. That would be a guidance for me to decide if I'm in the first or on the second perspective.

    About Q2: Relationships are complicated, and you have to make clear for yourself if you're in a relationship or not. A key guidance here is to think: "do I care about him/her and want to spend time with him/her? Do I want him/her to be happy?". And, of course, if you realize you're in a relationship and, you have to figure out if that makes you feel good, because any relationship should be healthy for you.

    If you're in a relationship, then telling him that you'd not be doing oral sex or masturbating him back would be a consensual term between you two.

    Anyway, these things are complicated. You have to think about what it means for you first; if you figure out you're only using someone else to attend your urges and necessities, this is not as much different as M yourself, since the goals are the same. A relationship, on the other hand, is a bigger context, and is supposed to make both parts feel good about it. In that scenario, sex is only a part of the whole thing. The relationship's benefits are supposed to be bigger than the individual sum of the benefits you can get from its parts alone (sex, spending time together, sharing thoughts and feelings, etc.).
     
  12. Crossbow

    Crossbow Fapstronaut

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    Could you explain to me how or why watching porn makes you gay?
     
  13. Gmork

    Gmork Fapstronaut

    Perhaps he's speaking from his own experience.
    Everyone reacts to porn differently I guess.
     
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2019
  14. Harrynak

    Harrynak Fapstronaut

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    Porn numbs your response to women AMD tricks your Brain into thimking males having sex Turns you on ( novelty unseeen taboo material) al of sudden you feel aroased again

    As a person gets more familiar with naked bodies of the same sex he might start feeling more comfortable around them. This comfort can be transformed into pleasure because the person was already feeling good as a result of the high dopamine his brain was releasing.

    When the pleasure gets interpreted by the brain in a wrong way it can be attributed to seeing members of the same sex and so the person can turn homosexual or bisexual.
     
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  15. Crossbow

    Crossbow Fapstronaut

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    Maybe bisexual. I can see that. But my own experience of the world is that one's basic orientation is pretty much set either at conception or if not, then very, very early in childhood.
     
  16. Crossbow

    Crossbow Fapstronaut

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    Yes I agree
     
  17. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    I dont tend to comment much anymore but this is such a bizarre situation that I feel compelled to comment on it.

    My gut reaction to this was that you obviously have bisexual tendencies and are still at a point of denying it to yourself (I know you made later comments clarifying this but for now I'm responding only to the first post). I am usually the person defending the countless posters who talk about gay porn addiction and HOCD and all that stuff, but in this case I'm not sure if that really applies, I mean this isn't a one time thing you did, if it was I would be more willing to say it was just that, you tried it and didn't like it, but this is a whole arrangement you have going on that you are a willing part of, and seem to enjoy a great deal. It seems a little disingenuous to say it isn't reciprocal as though that really even matters; you engaged in sexual activity with another man, might as well just make peace with it.

    Having said all that, there isn't really anything wrong with what you are doing as long as it remains consensual. It seems obvious to me that this guy is gay/bi and is interested in you, no other explanation makes sense. What you need to do is decide for yourself if you are willing to continue it, and understand what that entails. I dont think you can fairly call yourself straight if you do, and while there is nothing wrong with that per se, you need to be comfortable with it otherwise it will bother you forever.
     
  18. frankpyle

    frankpyle Fapstronaut

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    I’ve long held the position that Masturbation is a same sex activity. You are having sex with someone of the same gender, yourself. This is one of the leading comments some make for homosexual activity is that men know how to please men better. Why do you think that is? And as others said, nothing wrong with that, but call it what it is.
     

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