Is Tinder bad?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Tankus, Nov 22, 2018.

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  1. Tankus

    Tankus Fapstronaut

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    Do you think swiping on Tinder and going on dates is bad? I like going on a dates because it can be a challenging experience and obviously can get the poonani. I don't feel at risk of relapsing when briefly swiping on Tinder but the whole idea of tinder is pretty shit, instantly judging someone on looks seems bad, but it is the surest way to get dates in this day and age. I hate it.. but as soon as we meet in person it's totally different. Tinder to me just seems like the shitty path but the experience on the date Is often wholesome and authentic.

    What's your thoughts people?
     
  2. ras-tanura

    ras-tanura Fapstronaut

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    One of the goals of Nofap is to help our brains get less hypersensitive to images that would trigger PMO. The answer to your question lies in how aroused you are while browsing and swiping. If you're looking through a picture of a 10 and say to yourself "she's beautiful, and seems nice", then tinder is ok. If it gets you over excited and you start fantasizing, triggering your dopamine receptors in the same way porn does, then tinder is bad for you. Nofap can help with that, i'm seeing changes in that area right now. Keep fighting the good fight!
     
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  3. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    It's perfectly healthy to go on dates while avoiding PMO and Tinder is one possible route. The problem with Tinder though is that it is almost all about looks and how successful one is depends on where one ranks in the gene pool (there's other things like where you live and population within a reasonable radius etc.). Personally I give Tinder a miss on the basis I am unlikely to get much in the way of matches which makes me feel bad and provokes urges to 'medicate' with PMO. Of course other people won't have this problem.

    In Tinder's favour, the matching element is useful because there's a good chance when you message someone that they will be keen to chat and date, as effectively they have pre-approved you through the matching system. This is the big advantage it has over other dating sites where you endlessly 'cold message' people hoping for a response.

    And of course once you meet them in person, it's just normal dating and whether you swiped them on Tinder or met them in Tesco is irrelevant, dating is dating, it is as you say "the shitty path".
     
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  4. outlander.9

    outlander.9 Fapstronaut

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    If you are actually looking for casual dating and/or sex it's ok. Some might disagree with me buuuut...don't expect to find a wife on there. For most of the users it's basically a meat market.

    Don't expect to have a lot of matches: Even mediocre looking women almost always get swiped right on by everyone so they are PICKY on there because they have options. It may not seem "fair" but unless you are outlandishly gorgeous like a movie star you're just gonna have a few sporadic hits here and there. And even then, many of not most of them will be flaky, lukewarm, not really go anywhere or just ghost you. Like, even if you are attractive you might swipe 200 women, match with 8 and get a date with one.

    This is normal, remember that you are literally just doing this on your phone without going anywhere or presenting yourself in public and it's easier than ordering dominos. It's low hanging fruit and a little like gambling. If you want real options and chances, get out there and meet them in person.
     
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  5. Tankus

    Tankus Fapstronaut

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    Solid advice, thanks guys, I appreciate that. I think I will just monitor myself about the whole thing, if I feel bad or like dopamines kicking in, sexually objectifying too much, I'll stop. At the moment though it really doesn't feel like that, I'm past 4 months nofap and I flatlined for a while but now I feel my attractions coming back in hopefully a healthier Way. And I want to keep it that way.

    And yes, tinder is a cancer in society. Never before would 6/10s women been able to have the ability to get an 8/10 guy every night of the week to fuck. It has lead so many to becoming corrupted, entitled thots. Since doing nofap I am perfectly happy without sex so now I can take the time to vet chicks better before going on dates
    I literally know women who use it just to get free meals and accomodation though. I've met a few great women on there though who went on to become quite genuine friends, so it's not all bad, just the system is.
     
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  6. Uncontrollable Urge

    Uncontrollable Urge New Fapstronaut

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    I get the same dopamine rush from Tinder as I do from watching porn. Generally, I would say that Tinder brings out the worst in both sexes, it only serves to reinforce the lower worldly desires as opposed to the higher will. I used to meet a lot of girls on Tinder, both good and bad. It started out as dating, but after a while it only served my compulsive sexual behaviors. I ended up humiliating myself time after time by having sex with girls I didn't feel any real attraction to. I was only attracted to them in a superficial way for my own self-gratification, in the same way they were superficially attracted to me for their own self-gratification (it's not hard to recognize other sex addicts if you are one yourself, people who've been hurt seek other people who've been hurt). This is a vicious circle if you're struggling with sexually compulsive behavior. In any case I believe it reinforces some kind of addiction, even if it isn't a sexual one (same thing with social media, gamling and so on).
     
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  7. Tankus

    Tankus Fapstronaut

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    I relate to this 100%, but I'll play the devil's advocate here.
    I also used to get a lot of self-gratification out of dates and I eventually recognised that I was using dates as self-esteem confidence booster but in a dependent way. I've been on a few dates recently and I managed to have a great time, be completely independent of the outcome and of their perception of me. I think this was healthy. The thing I noticed too though is that it definitely gives you a positive boost of energy after a successful date ( and I only slept with one of them out of the three I went on in that month, but considered all successful because I was positive and genuine) . And we should never be dependent on that boost for our own self-worth or happiness, but I don't think we should deny ourselves that positive boost. Hell I think you SHOULD feel positively boosted when you meet another person and connect with them in a genuinely positive way, that's what life's about. What do you think?

    I am almost on 5 months nofap normal mode and starting to question how far this could all go, like how puritanical do we get. I suppose if you wanted ultimate happiness it would be like, quit alcohol, caffeine, porn, masturbation, sugar, coffee, any junk food. I suppose if you could enact self discipline on every single area of your life like this, and surround yourself with people doing the same, yeah perhaps you would be very happy. That just seems like an impossible feat and perhaps not as great as it seems. I am going to try never to watch porn again, but I think soon I will try masturbation to just sensation, maybe once a month or a fortnight. What do you think?
     
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  8. Uncontrollable Urge

    Uncontrollable Urge New Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I've should have made the distinction between will and desire more clearly. Dates are great, because our motivation for going on a date is founded in our will. This is the genuinely positive way you're talking about. Both parties are treating each other as ends, not merely as objects of desire. When we go on a date out of desire, it's no longer a date because we're treating the person and ourselves merely as a means to an end. In this case we're not really interested the part that constitutes the concept date, the intention of a long-term relationship, love. In this case the action only serves as a temporary solution, quick fix. It serves a distraction to a deeper existential issue which is rooted in the world of ideas (metaphysics) and not the physical world, which is only conquerable by our inner will and not our outer desires. By feeding this desire we're violating both ourselves and others as it serves to further this vicious circle in humanity.

    Whenever we do something out of desire we seek to distract ourselves in one way our another and I think this goes for everything in life. To solve this, we really need to ask ourselves why we are doing what we are doing regularly. At first, it might be hard to make a distinction between desire and will, whether our actions are motivated by the former or the latter. However, once you start to ask ourselves this question regularly you do see a certain pattern. If you're doing something as a way of dealing with restlessness, as a distraction, you'll generally see it's reinforcing some kind of desire (addictive behaviour). If you're using Tinder (or drugs, alcohol, other material goods) in this way, you probably be better off without it. On the other hand, if you manage to use it non-compulsively (compulsive behaviour = desire) then you're probably doing it for the right reasons and you should be alright.
     
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  9. Tankus

    Tankus Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I think it's that line between; enjoying and appreciating something for what it is, versus enjoying it but also compulsively using it for coping/escapism purposes.

    I am not looking to fall in love and find a partner though, I want to have my career and everything in place before doing that. So I just enjoy dates for the experience, fun, connections, but not looking for something long term.
     
  10. FruscianteIsGod

    FruscianteIsGod New Fapstronaut

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    Trust me, you don't want to go the Tinder route... I relapsed from a 4 month streak because so (added some Tinder girls on Snapchat, & you know what happened next...). If you want to meet girls, really try practicing approaching girls at clubs or even on school campuses. If that's too scary for you, start with just maintaining eye contact with any attractive girl you see (a lot will naturally look away, don't take this personally). Once you're comfortable with that, start smiling at attractive girls you see and once you're comfortable with that, start approaching. Trust me, this is the best way to meet new girls and stay true to nofap. Tinder is very dirty anyways, it's rare to find a good match on there nowadays.
     
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  11. ClaudiusMoon

    ClaudiusMoon Fapstronaut

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    Well for me, one of the key reasons I'm doing nofap is to help me have more pleasurable sexual experiences. Obviously I'll need a partner for this and as you've said, in this day and age Tinder is one of the surest ways to meet someone. So I have been using it a lot recently. In a way, it has been great. The confidence I've gained from being able to resist PMO has helped me interact much better with women. I've never been as active on the app before, and I'm hopeful this will lead to more than just texting.

    For my first three weeks or so of nofap I didn't go near the app. I had to totally focus on staying free of PMO and knew any sexual thoughts could compromise that, and it was actually easier than I anticipated. However, seeing as the whole point of me doing this was to enjoy sex more, I had to accept that a balance would have to be struck. Tinder has definitely made it much more difficult to stay PMO free. It is impossible to flirt with girls constantly and not have sexual thoughts zipping through your brain. Since I've started using the app I find myself constantly resisting urges rather than blocking them out. They are there and the urge is strong. I have managed to keep them at bay but I don't think I could responsibly advise using Tinder if you are serious about staying PMO free. I know that if I keep this up I will eventually crack but, for me, it is a necessary evil.

    Ultimately I think it depends on what you are aiming to get out of nofap. I have already achieved more than I could have hoped for and although I still want to keep going, if the opportunity to have a pleasurable sexual encounter presents itself, then that would be more important to me.
     
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  12. Tankus

    Tankus Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for this reply man, I honestly think you're viewing this all quite healthily and its good to hear. I really agree that Tinder might be a necessary evil. I should try some of the others like Bumble sometime, might be a different vibe. I've found just fucking around/trolling as much as possible and genuinely trying to make it a funny experience for myself on Tinder works much better than going at it seriously. Also a really great GIF for Tinder that is "Rasta Pug" hahaha that thing always gets a response out of women.
     
  13. My coworker met his wife through Tinder. So guess it isn’t all bad.
     
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  14. Tankus

    Tankus Fapstronaut

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    Yeah most of my friends these days have met their partners through it to be honest. I don't want to meet my partner through Tinder, it feels too superficial or something, but I think I might be being a bit stubborn or something in that regard. Doesn't matter where you meet your partner if it turns out to be a good relationship.
     
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