Is watching pictures of my naked wife okay?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Deleted Account, May 17, 2019.

  1. Hey everybody!
    I've a serious question which maybe sound a bit funny to some of you. This is my third try of rebooting. The first time I relapsed after 60 days, the second try ended at day 22 or so. Now I don't only wanna give it another try but make something different. This is where my issue comes in. I wonder if it disturbs the rebuilding of my reward center when I watch pictures of my naked wife — not to M but only to focus on her as the center of my sexuality.
    I'm curious for your opinions.
    Shay2019 likes this.
  2. BeastModeAlpha9

    BeastModeAlpha9 Fapstronaut

    It doesn't seem all too bad, if you spoke to her about it, what do you think she would would she say? I mean some women may think it's a bit strange so I'm not saying mention it to her
  3. That's a good point. I'm sure she's fine with it but I'll ask her!
  4. BeastModeAlpha9

    BeastModeAlpha9 Fapstronaut

    Well as long as she feels comfortable with it, I mean it's better to base your sexuality around your partner like you are doing rather than other women on P.sites. Just be careful doing this as well though, it may take a little bit more self control on your part when you start to reintroduce pictures.
  5. Yeah, maybe I'm to early in the process.
  6. BeastModeAlpha9

    BeastModeAlpha9 Fapstronaut

    I'm here if you wanna talk bro, I am new to this process myself, I am making an attempt to do a 90 day reboot on hard mode. I believe after that, or maybe even longer, I can start to bring back sex into my life, but I think until then my tastes are still going to be P. Related. I'll still be objectifying women and myself. Reboots are the way, if you are in a serious relationship then being open and honest with your partner is the best course of action. Just make sure the context is appropriate to discuss such things and make sure she is aware of what your going through. Your call though mate
  7. goodnice 2.0 and hope4healing like this.
  8. While the thought of you replacing your porn addiction with your wife sounds like a good idea, I'm not so sure on replacing it with pictures instead of intimacy.

    She may be the focus instead of seeing other women naked, but you're still looking at nude pixels on a screen though instead of real life. Your brain is used to this already and it probably uses the same pathways as porn regardless of who you see on screen, not to mention your brain will eventually get bored and slowly encourage you to seek out more "rewarding" dopamine.

    I mean you could try it and see for yourself, but the moment you notice it's making anything worse and you're heading into relapse territory, I'd stop. Some things work better for others but just absolutely make sure your brain isn't using this to get to you, because we all know how it likes to make us feel like we're the ones in control.
    BeastModeAlpha9 and Lilla_My like this.
  9. @Ginny Weasley: You could be right. The danger of strengthening the pathways is too high. For the moment I'll abandon this idea.
    BeastModeAlpha9 likes this.
  10. I'm not saying it's necessarily a bad idea, you just need to be careful that you're not feeding into your addiction by accident. So if you do just be aware of your emotions and thoughts.
  11. JKnight

    JKnight Fapstronaut

    There are a few issues:
    1. Whether your partner or another woman, it's still encouraging a false reward system that is based on fantasy. It is still about getting a fix rather than encouraging a reward system that is based on intimacy and that you have to work for and is real.
    2. The main issue with porn addiction is the porn addiction and not the 'betrayal trauma' and how your wife feels. Looking at pictures of your wife instead of porn just deals with the wife issue, if she lets, not with the core addiction. It still encourages the same thing
    3. Your realigning your perception of your wife as the substitute for porn. Your supplanting all the crazy desires that are porn induced onto her and your objectifying her. This can have severe relationship consequences as you will start perceiving her very differently. This will not help you long term
  12. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

    Very wise and well put JKnight...well written and straight forward . Thumbs up to you
    JKnight and BeastModeAlpha9 like this.
  13. Alright. Now I'm sure to let the pictures in it's box (yes, the are printed on paper!). Anyway, thanks for your feedback. Really like this forum. Day 5 is running and I'm feeling confident. Thanks!
  14. This is a great post!!

    Does seeing your wife naked stimulate you?
    Did it stimulate you before?
    Does pics of you naked stimulate her?

    The irony is you are supposed to stimulated by her; and hopefully you find her attractive.

    BUT, if you love her , try this:

    Age the picture 20 -30 years.
    Make the boobs droop.
    the butt cheeks need to sag.
    Put bags under the eyes, and a sprinkle of gray hair in places where it’s not today.
    Add varicose veins in those legs.
    Some swelling in her feet.
    Put some celulitis in the arms. Add wrinkles or freckles sunspots in the cheeks or back.
    Add a little aunty -belly to her abdomen.

    NOW look at it all you want.

    Your wife needs and deserves to know you love HER..more than the shell. It will be hard for your wife to let go her physical beauty as she ages. Probably more so if she thinks or knows she is your fantasy for right now.

    Tbh I’d basically say we do the same thing with girlfriends but it’s not designed for permanence. I would say it’s not who you look at but the fact you are looking.... lol.
    Lostneverland likes this.
  15. Isn't there a difference between objectifying vs appreciation? Also physical intimacy is not the only way a couple could "enjoy" each other. Taking away healthy outlets invariably leads to seeking answers elsewhere- often resulting in relapse.
  16. JKnight

    JKnight Fapstronaut

    Yes of course. But appreciating doesn't lead to masturbation but it could lead to intimacy. That's objectification. Objectification is about you whereas appreciating is about the other. This is not a healthy outlet and it is counter-productive. It is still in the fantasy realm and the brain needs a dose of reality; escapism is not healthy, especially not for the addict.
  17. @need4realchg: I understand what you mean. But there's no need to age those photos artificial. My wife and me are a couple for 20 years. For sure, both of us have changed a lot since then, both physically and mentally. But I still love to look at her. Naked or dressed does not matter. I love how she moves, how she speaks, how she thinks (as far as she lets me understand) ... Is it clear what I'm thinking? As such, I would not distinguish so clearly between beloved body and person / spirit. Instead, I understand both as a unity. And that this unit is subject to an aging process or change is in my eyes a commonplace. I can not see what is wrong with it, that I like to look at photos of her (naked or not) to revel in my feelings for her. On the other hand, I allow the idea — and this is exactly the question I'm dealing with here — that viewing photos is in the way of my hoped-for change in brain structures.
    need4realchg likes this.
  18. If you are rebooted it is perfectly fine as long as you
    a) don't prefer masturbating to pictures instead of having real intimacy
    b) don't watch them too frequently.

    I have plenty nudes of my gf on py phone but i store them all in a seperate folder which i keep hidden invisibly. I only look at them like once in a month or so.

    As long as you don't look at other womens nude pictures and maintain real connection to your wife, there is no big of a problem. Just keep that in mind.
  19. Awwee, that's really impressive friend.

    I honestly would LOVE if my wife did that with me. So from a realistic perspective I have no quarrel with you. lol. I will ask her that today...

    From a idealist nofap view point; the substitution of the flesh and blood, for pixels or videos is the same problem. Looking at it with a different paradigm: You "the actual actor" are competing with a movie's portrayal of you. The real deal, is often a larger than life, or letdown that they aren't as funny, smart, sassy, sexy, or awesome as their persona. That would remain.

    Your challenge is answering if your solo session of "loving her" matches the intensity of the physcal/2-person session of loving her.

    You have achieved demi-god status in my book anyways, for what it's worth :)

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