Is your porn addiction responsible for NOT having a GF?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Trinere, Apr 3, 2019.

  1. Trinere

    Trinere Fapstronaut

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    Hi there,

    I have a question. I am meanwhile in my thirties and I have realized that in the last 10 years or so I havent had a girlfriend for a longer time or have I been crazy in love...
    Earlier I didnt have any problems with lonliness but as the time goes by, its starting to hurt...do u think that porn can cause such that behaviour? I mean I always loved watching girls and being with them, but obviously there was not the need of a girlfriend. I dont want or like that...do u understand what I am saying?
     
  2. Peace467

    Peace467 Fapstronaut

    Honestly? For me Yes.

    I would say that PMO numbed me to my feeling and emotions / my attraction for girls, if I ever felt lonely I went to PMO.

    Towards the start of my nofap journey, I couldnt look girls in the eye easily beucase of shame, and I definatly couldnt respect them properly for being women without lustful eyes.

    I have no had a GF since I was 14 - I am now 25 and have big ups and downs with this. The last 3 years of Nofap have been a huge battle for me, and I finally feel like I am starting to win. I have given over my feeling and stopped focusing on getting a relasionship which I have so desperately desired, and its made me happier and more loving to everyone.

    I think what has made it hard for me is that I am a Christian; and porn just doesnt wash with anyone. I wont get married unless I can stay largely clean for years.
     
  3. yeah i think it ruined me in so many ways. no confidence. really bad anxiety. reason i have no motivation in life. and why ive never had a GF and probably never will. but its done now. i cant do anything about it. i just wanna get a long streak just to prove to myself that i can do it.
     
  4. Trinere

    Trinere Fapstronaut

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    R u really almost 3 years on NOFAP?? Great!
    How many relapses?
    Pls let me know about ur Benefits. U say ur starting to win. Pls describe it closer.
     
  5. I am an old motherfucker now,but I think when I was a young teenager I didn't pursue the idea of hanging out with girls due to the fact I jerked off to much.
     
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  6. Yah i would say so, before i was so awkward, could not keep a conversation going, i am bad at small talk, if it is deep meaningful conversations i am fine tho. Because i had no sex drive i never noticed when girls were into me because i was never interested in real sex, of course i wanted it but i was not seeking it out. I could easily have one now but i am going into the navy soon so i cant really date, which is a shame because this hot girl at the grocery store is all over me and i could easily get with her.
     
    SoberSquirrel likes this.
  7. BruceD

    BruceD Fapstronaut
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    I am in my late 40's and I came of age before the internet. Even back then when I jerked it I could feel my motivation and drive decrease. That night, if I would go out to clubs or bars I was just kinda meh. Of course this intensifies greatly when you get older and you can't bounce back like in your 20's. I would say this is a mini epidemic among men, maybe some women too.
     
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  8. SoberSquirrel

    SoberSquirrel Fapstronaut

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    I can say it is responsible.
    After I stopped, I met my girlfriend who's now my wife. Before that I was single for years PMOing.

    But then again, you cantc blame everything on porn. It is also an effort on our side to stop.
     
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  9. ShyIIock

    ShyIIock Fapstronaut

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    Hey same for me! Thats why im on NoFap :) And my current streak wont end till I get some love!
     
    Peace467 likes this.
  10. Peace467

    Peace467 Fapstronaut


    So for a full story check out my journal. In reality I have been trying to reduce PMO for the last 7 years but only been serious for the last 3/4.

    I didnt know it was a sin until 18 and before then watched almost daily for several years (i bought an ipod touch pritty much on release for this reason).

    So yeah, it was my default to get through everything. When I tried to quit for the first time I watched MLP a lot to help me through the emotional pain and loneliness.

    Its been slow progress. But really since I joined nofap I have been very serious about kicking it out of my life. The last 2-3 years I have really started to understand why I feel down and loneliness, Ive fixated on God more and got rid of lies in my life. I invest more in friends etc and try and make sure I have people around me who I can be accountable to, have fun and love.

    Its a battlebut I am constantly laying down my feelings to focus on the happiness in my life, yes I want to get married, but i accept the feeling and relax a but more about it.

    Benefits?: I am closer to God, but more tagible:

    Closer friendships (I dont have to lie like I used to about my life)

    Less loneliness (more friends, I can speak to people more easily and enjoy being with people more)

    A better sense of identity of who I am over time

    Loads more time (seriously, for me a relpase lasts 1-3 hours)

    A pure happiness rather the. a chemical high.

    I feel my emotions - This is one of the biggest benefits but also a double edge sword) I use porn to numb me from the world, make me feel wanted etc (normally why i relapse now is I get overwhelmed by negative feelings and fo back to the ild coping mechanisms). But I know I go numb / emotionless when I watch lots of porn. I can watch anything and feel dead to it. Nothing effects me. No happiness or sadness. I love having my emotions, but I have to work at having them :).

    I hope that helps...
     
  11. Newlife33

    Newlife33 Fapstronaut

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    Not really. I had plenty of sex and girlfriends. My issues with porn led me to value and chase only sex and not intimacy and relationships.
     
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  12. johndoe117

    johndoe117 Fapstronaut

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    I believe it does affect your relationships. First it decreases your sex drive, your body isn't going to urge you to seek women if you're sexually exhausted. At a basic level, your brain doesn't know the difference between PMO and a real woman, so it believes you already have mates. Also once you address PMO and recognize that it's an issue, relapsing becomes tantamount to failure and decreasing your confidence.
     
    Reborn16 likes this.
  13. Vilkas

    Vilkas Fapstronaut

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    I never had a gf and i think porn is a big part of the problem.I have developped an addiction to masturbation . So i prefer to masturbate rather to speak with girls.
     
  14. johndoe117

    johndoe117 Fapstronaut

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    Don't settle for that man. Besides as your brain begins to adapt and realize the porn girls aren't real women you will get decrease in dopamine and an increase in cortisol.
     
    Reborn16 likes this.
  15. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    I would say it is detrimental to a relationship (current or future). But I believe it to be a symptom, rather than the cause.

    When I couldn't talk to a girl I found attractive, I would turn to porn for false comfort. Of course this made the next time I saw a nice girl even more intimidating. But I wasn't addressing my real issues.

    I was lazy, did no exercise, had a bad diet, no job ambitions, no hobby besides video games. It was just easier (in the short term) to ignore those facts and watch porn.

    Porn in my life sure does push away women. But a bad posture, diet, no purpose and no hobbies, believe me we announce that to the world a lot clearer.

    But those things are far easier to fix, one by one. And then slowly, the reasons to numb ourselves start to dissipate.
     
  16. I have to admit porn is mostly responsible for me not having a serious relationship but this is in bold also very appicable to me.

    In fact this is applicable on the flip side as well. My obsession with just wanting to sleep with as many women as possible definitely amplified the porn use.
     
  17. SoberSquirrel

    SoberSquirrel Fapstronaut

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    This is very true. Your brain got its sexual satisfaction in a different way. It's like when:
    You're hungry and you decide to eat a bag of chips instead of cooking a real meal. Are you less hungry after the bag of chips? Yes. Is it healthy? Definitely not.
    You have sexual urges and you decide to watch porn instead of seeking a woman for a real sexual relationship. Are you satisfied after the porn? Yes. Is it healthy? Definitely not.

    Sometimes we choose the easy way. It's definitely easier grabbing a bag of chips and eating it than gathering all the ingredients, giving time and effort to cook the real meal.
    Sometimes we choose the easy way. It's definitely easier opening your web browser and PMO than giving time and effort to develop a relationship with someone you like or love and having a real sexual relationship with that person.
     
    BruceD likes this.
  18. It's a vicious circle. You don't have a girlfriend because you watch too much porn, and watch too much porn because have a girlfriend.
     
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