Issue with thinking im gay now

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Baduser, Nov 12, 2019.

  1. Baduser

    Baduser Fapstronaut

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    Fapped since i was like 10/11

    Never had any thought that I was into guys at all back then.
    Because I smoked alot of weed I got a panic attack. Had medication for 10 years and I felt it changed me for good. Im not that guy I was back then.

    I fapped to different kind of porn which also had Gay and shemale in it. I only liked the parts where the guy had a big cock or the girl. Dont like the kissing and stuff. Back then I had periods I fapped to this for like 1/2/3 days and then went back to "normal" porn. Which had fisting, beating, pissing, bondage in it, So not that normal.

    I had a 34 streak of nofap and felt great besides the fact I had problems getting over my ex girlfriend.

    The period I was with my girlfriend I had no gay thoughts whatsoever, I did not watch alot of porn also.

    Saturday I had a big set back, woke up super early and slept short to go to a seminar. When I sleep short or wake up early I have more problems dealing with issues.

    At the seminar I met 2 guys that I got impressed by. They were good looking and had some muscle. My mind got carried away big time from then. On my way home later I thought about gay porn and went home and fapped later. Not to gay porn tho. Not to any porn or thought.

    The last couple of days im struggling when I see a good looking guy and think im into guys now. Its feels like im obsesively watching to that guy or guys. Im lost and it messes up the way I feel.

    Can anyone help me or give me some advice please.
     
  2. Baduser

    Baduser Fapstronaut

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  3. Sounds like your a developing HOCD. Search up the term HOCD, it is a type of ocd where one starts to fear they are becoming or have always been homosexual. This obsession can take over your life, you should act fast and educate yourself on it by reading about what it is, what it does, and how to counter it.

    Also with porn you may have escalated into those genres as they are pretty extreme. Do you feel a rush when you PMO to something extreme? And how do you feel after climax to something extreme?
     
  4. Baduser

    Baduser Fapstronaut

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    Yes it felt better to watch a more extreme genre then a regular one. I felt afterwards like ive watched just porn.
     
  5. Baduser

    Baduser Fapstronaut

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    I had an OCD with washing my hands. I always had less problem with women and more problem with men, people who live on the streets and people from another race (im not racist)
    I have read on HOCD and now I understand more the men part. I recovered almost from washing hands but its slowly coming back. I think when its not going very well (feeling depressed) the problem with OCD is bigger and therefore it gave me another gay episode where i doubt myself etc.

    When I now have a thougth like this I tell myself its just your OCD and it doesnt make sense.
     

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