It all started in the Age of 14....

Beginning (2004-2008)
It was in my 10th grade, Age: 14(2004) I started with Fashion TV, images of bikinis in the browsing cafes, then slowly diverted to Porn on CD& DVD's (until then fapping was not a part of the game). Everything changed when I got my first desktop computer with an internet connection in 2008-09. Porn was just a click away. Since then, I didn't look back, Porn became a huge part of my life and there was no turning back.

Forming a habit (2008-2014)
Since I had a separate room and was very private. I started to watch 1-2 porn clips almost 2-3 times a week(dopamine rush was the key). Then after a few months of use, 1-2 porn clips became 4-5 clips and then 8-10 clips after which in around 2011-13 I used to watch almost 3-4 hours a day(3 times a week) Fapping almost 8-10times a week.

Small diversion (2014-2016)
I got fired from the job in December 2014. After which I used to work on my own. Even though I was not a very active user of porn during this phase. It was always a thing in me when I was in solitude. I used to watch for 2 months and then not watch for 3 months and then watch for 1 month(it was all patchy depending upon the mood). Whenever I felt something was difficult to study or work, I used to turn to porn. Because it is instant gratification and the pleasure that we get out of fapping to a particular porn clip with a particular timestamp was the best way to lose oneself into. So, it was a getaway fantasy world free of cost. But things didn't go well as intended and could not concentrate on things.

Addiction (2016-2019)
Age 28 and the Business Collapsed, after which there was no other go in life. Without work, there was nothing in this world to do except the instant gratification free of cost porn. Usage of porn became severe, I used to watch porn day in and day out. Fapping almost 3-4 times or even 5 times a day. Gradually, my energy started depleting and there was no interest in doing any work. Starting in 2017, I tried almost all ways to come out the trap of porn by meditating, diverting my attention to work(but none). I could not last more than 15-20 days without porn. Sometimes after a great struggle, would last for 30 days.


Started Nofap but Failed (Feb 2019)
Watch hours were roughly 3-4 hours a day throughout the week and fap almost 7-8 times a month. This went on till Feb 2019 and realized that I exhausted all my energy and I don't have any time to waste on porn anymore. Then I took a decision of Nofap.I always knew about the Nofap community. I used to read the forum a lot whenever I felt about leaving porn(it helped me for a few days but could not succeed in Nofap). So, then I created an account in Nofap and left it, didn't update anything as such. In the month of March, April and May I didn't fap. For the first time in my life, I didn't fap for almost 100 days. That was a big victory. The reasons might be meditation, badminton, domestic travel. But it didn't last, I became very vulnerable to even the smallest of small triggers. Even a bikini Ad would make me the urge to watch porn and fap and things took a turn in the month of June I almost watched 3-4 hrs a day with fapping 4-5 times a week.

Started the journey of Nofap(9th July 2019)
I was at the peak and one of the biggest addict of porn in my entire life. Until one day, July 8th, 2019 night around 12:30 pm. I didn't get sleep. I started sweating. I became scared. My heart started pumping and felt almost a heart attack. I didn't sleep that night. The next day I took a decision, Nofap to porn for the rest of my life.

Today is 19th August 2020 and I am on my 407th day without fapping. In my next post, I will be sharing you with the things that I have gone through in the past 400 days. Thanks for reading. Hopefully, the next post would bring all you to the limelight of the existing situation and tool to come out of the problems we are being faced with.

P.S - To be really frank, the persistence and patience of writing a post like the above was not there in my entire life since I was born

 

Hi,
Thanks for such wonderful words. Totally humbled and this is inspiring me to write about the journey that i have been for the past 400 days. A revelation/ realization that i came across recently is "it's not about gaining knowledge and implementing it to onself. It's all about how you are going to improve the lives of others around you."

 

Hi Pathtohappiness,
Thanks for the comment. Comments like these make me think and wonder, how i got past it. I will post on how i was able to get past more than 400 days shortly. But before that, since you asked me, i am going to reply in short.

To be frank, everybody's journey of nofap is not the same. According to what i have gone through, There are either 1 or 2 things that can get you past nofap. 1) Threshold and or 2) Sheer determination

1) Threshold -
With this method. Your Body and Mind is reaching the maximum threshold and totally F****d. This method is easy go about because your body and mind will not support your fantasies.

2) Determination :
There is so many discussions regarding grit and determination. And you can find hell lot of journies in space amoung the nofap community.

For me, above 2 thing and by reading the stories of others success has helped me lot when i was going off track. I will be posting every small element which plays in determining how successful you will become. Hope this reply has help you a bit. Thanks

 

Hi Ricardo26,
Yes, There were days i felt like i was about to die because of heart attack. It not about masturbation/ nofap . It about the addiction. Any addiction to the extremes will reflect somewhere in our lives. Either psycologically or physically.