It is not normal to be a virgin in your early twenties

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by fapequalsdeath, Oct 29, 2019.

  1. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

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    I just spent nearly the whole day watching youtube videos of James Marshall coaching some students of how to communicate and supposedly "pick up" women. The results were brutal, most of the guys were socially awkward, the majority of the women rejected them and very few were willing to disclose personal information like phone/facebook. Now, without contemplating if pick up is moral-ethical, etc. I personally think it's an industry built on vanity mostly, HOWEVER watching this whole day these thoughts strike me:
    -We live in a world where men are so socially inept and fearful, they go fight wars, are great engineers, businessmen, and still, there is a fucking market of so-called "coaches" teaching men how to interact with women??? THE FUCK. Why? And I ask "WHY" in a rhetorical way. This was the role of the father and now we see the disintegration of family structure, divorce is 50%+ in most countries in the west and as a whole. Men don't have a role model to show them their specifically masculine traits and assert themselves in the world. You are being fucking schooled by the brainwashing government school for 12 years and you are unable to do a qualified job after 12 FUCKING YEARS? And you are unable to go to a woman and express yourself cuz you've been cucked all your life(very broad statement here, ofc it depends on your upbringing and a million other factors)? So basically become a slave for the debt - either college or mortgage, the two genders are polarized by leftist ideology and general lack of values, the hedonism of the secularist, consumerist state. For what? for what I ask so your life can crumble and the lives of all the people around you can crumble AS WELL? Fuck this world we live in where everyone is trying to screw you, either big institutions or people trying to get ahead on the behalf of others. Is there a way to isolate from the shit completely, while being in a civilized society? I do not know. I really don't even where to start. So what to do fuck women, until you realize it's not gonna make you happy? Marry a woman and have the likelihood of her divorce raping you? Slave away in the corporation that treats you like shit, your whole life on top of that?
    -Being a virgin in my early twenties I slowly start to realize how much dysfunction has been dealt unto me willingly and unwillingly. It is a truly sad predicament that I'm in, not being able to communicate and bond with the opposite sex. It slowly makes my life more and more pointless. Not because I'm not banging a lot of chicks or having a great girlfriend/wife. But simply not having the prospects and the confidence to even have the possibility to turn that into reality is excruciatingly painful. I too may solemnly categorize myself as an incel, although not the kindest word, but unfortunately true. Or even the virgin from the "chad and virgin" meme. Strictly metaphorical description, but still when you see more and more traits fitting the characteristics of the definition it grows on you more and more, even when you don't want it to be your reality.
    -To be more on the topic of why it is not normal to be a virgin in your early twenties, I want to point out the following:
    • You have an undeniable sexual predisposition towards women, which naturally inclines you to commit in a sexual act. Now why you don't commit to the act is lack of ability to make the circumstances which lead to the act. which are the circumstances? Any social circle, where you have direct access to a female, or even public place. Then an initial contact has to be made with the woman, with the intent of fraternizing with her, since women and men are not naturally inclined to be friends - they have different interests,way of thinking etc. It's not impossible but there's always lust that's hanging over which turns the relationship in a romantic and sexual one. And this lust, which is tied to procreation and instinct etc. is what drives a man to want to do anything with a woman, excluding other commodities like work, etc. So the question really is - why after having this lust it is not fully realized after the teenage years and even in them. ?Well, if you don't eat you die, if you don't have sex you don't die, but let's say you go crazy with the sexual energy being bottled up and that's aggravating. Now, before in history it was early that a woman and a man in teenage years were forced due to circumstances, marriage was a way of survival and sex came out of it and kids did as well. n a way your biological needs were met in a rather äpproapriate" time. Now everything's fucking delayed, both men and women have to work who is to watch over the children? and not only children are not an asset when they work on the farm but a liability which you have to pay for 18 years and even more. I was gonna be way happy if I had children by now and if my wife stayed at home while I work. But I'm crushed under the system we live in and it's hard to get out of it both economically and emotionally. The lack of ability to attract a woman to have a loyal and strong family relationship is completely demotivating to me. The lack to provide resources even if such a woman ever dares to look at me and accept me, for this family structure demotivates me even more. And it's all one big loop, of anxiety stress and quiet desperation. Just rotting away... existing for the sake of it. In a rut that's almost impossible to get out of. But I have porn, right? When I got my juices squeezed out every day by everything around me I might as well choose the illusion and stay in the matrix. Fap a day keeps the pain away! I wish all the best to you all lovely people and may you find a better solution to the circumstances then I do. It's scary to realize how fucked up you are and how fucked up everything is.
     
  2. This was a lot to read, but I have to say this is one of the best posts I've seen on this forum in a long time. Thank you for venting here, that was a good idea. I'll be responding below.
     
    ShowY likes this.
  3. You sound like someone who has just had a huge realization about the state of your life. That is perfect. Where do I begin?

    This sounds like the problem. I don't know the causes (only you do), but it sounds like you are very stressed and anxious, possibly even depressed about things. And you are desperate to find some way out.

    This is great. You managed to find one of the things that is a coping mechanism for you (a bad one). Obviously that's why you're on NoFap. And with 500+ posts and a join date in 2015 it sounds like you really want to quit porn. I don't know how that's working for you, but I hope you don't decide to go back.

    But right now you are starting to sound very defeated and deterministic. That only serves to justify doing the wrong things and having a counterproductive attitude. This is your wake up call. You need to lose the defeatism right now.
    It sounds like your biggest concern (correct me) is your difficulties with women. It can be painful and demotivating as you've described. But you said it yourself, that men are willing to go to war, and work, and do all kinds of difficult things, but when it comes to women, suddenly there is an immovable obstacle. You need to get rid of this fear. They are just humans. They can say all kinds of things, reject you, call you a creep, ignore you, laugh at you, or whatever. But the moment you can ignore all of that and still have the guts to keep trying is the moment where you become a true man. And having that confidence will pay off. I don't know anything about your life but I hope that you can find that courage to break through these barriers in front of you. You CAN go to a woman and express yourself. You CAN communicate and bond with the opposite sex. You CAN achieve that confidence and the possibility to turn your desires into reality. You CAN attract women - but not like this. Not with all the defeat and self pity.

    Not with this:
    Take some accountability. Your situation won't improve unless you take action to improve it. People hurt you, you feel dysfunctional, and it's a sad predicament. Ok. Is that the end? You decide.


    By watching youtube all day and fapping to porn, you'll be out of society and forgotten in no time. But that's not where you want to be, now is it?

    You can't sit there and think that people don't have values. And talk about hedonism - you're a porn addict. We all are. I've fapped to some nasty things and so have you I'm sure. And our lives were crumbling, but one day we woke up. And we realized that we're a part of that consumerism and that debauchery and we wanted to stop it. And we weren't helping the world at all by doing any of it.

    You already started. Now it's time to finish. You know EXACTLY what to do. And it's not what you're doing right now. Make some friends, and get good at some things you like. And save your money, do some investing, so that you have something to give to people that you love. The more you love yourself and improve yourself, the more people will love you, and the more the world will improve. But you have to take that step. No one is going to make you.

    I suggest you start making some huge and radical changes in your life right now. Ring ring, wake up call is here. Do you answer? Or do you go back to sleep?
     
  4. I just read your status and compared it to this post. It sounds like two different people. I like the guy in your status a lot better. Don't you?

    AND BTW >>>> I'm a virgin in my early twenties too. You can call me bluepilled, or cucked, but I look forward to the day when I find that woman I've been waiting so long for. And I know that day is coming because right now I'm making myself into the kind of man that any woman would be lucky to have. And it all started here on NoFap.
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2019
    LoloLaRoux and ShowY like this.
  5. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

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    I've had this realization for years, but have been unable to act on it. Which even makes it worse.
    I am for most of my life, yes, a general feeling on an unfulfilled life looms over.
    Well, that's the thing I've been here for years and I am still unable to quit this, which makes it even more depressing. I fao daily and multiple times, my counter is fake since I don't even bother resetting it. Highest record was 2 months, was unable to repeat that.
    I am taking ownership and still, it's hard to be motivated in a world where the odds are stacked against you. We are not dying of wars and famine in modern society, rarely someone dies of hunger and yet it feels suffocated due to the isolation and lack of connection and community.
    Yeah, I'm aware of that and I still do it since there is lack of options and at least for me hard to create an environment, where I'm ok to be in.
    No, I'm not being hypocritical, I just acknowledge the dysfunction in myself and society. We definitely aren't doing any good by contributing to the system, but the system is there and you are in it and it's damn hard to get out of it, guess why? Cause you've been brainlessly been in it for so long. It's almost hard to imagine a life without it, although you rationally conceive it's possible.
    Ah well, it's hard to navigate in the social stratum, I can work hard and invest my money because that's dependent on me, however when it comes to other people I can rarely make them hang out or create the opportunity.

    Thanks for the comment, the status is from when I was way more idealistic about the NoFap mission. Now, I slowly have lost almost all hope over the years.
    Being in a similar state like me, unfortunately, confirms some of what I have said - it is truly not normal to be a virgin in your early twenties. The truth is, I've been postponing getting a woman for years now, cause I feel I'm not worthy. Now that I think about it, you are never worthy enough, since you could always improve more. So why should you deny yourself the opportunity of creating a relationship with a woman? Fear, plain and simple is the driving emotion here. Fear of the unknown, of the success, rejection, judgment... Who knows how can you break this barrier.
     
  6. If you want fulfillment you need to work for it. Confront your fears and do things you are uncomfortable with. Not to belittle you, but I felt exactly like you do when I was in high school. Complete lack of fulfillment, I hated the world, felt left out from all the happiness, felt like I was wasting my life. But I was a lazy piece of shit and I wasn't taking any risks or doing anything new or exciting. So I joined the Marine Corps. It was the most shocking and exciting thing I've ever done. Needless to say I didn't finish boot camp, but that's another story. When I came back home I got my first girlfriend and it was one of the most traumatic and stressful things in my life. I was awkward, I couldn't perform sexually, I wasted lots of my hard-earned money trying to please her. But I was a stupid kid and I learned so much from that. Now I am so much happier and brighter. I stopped porn and I feel so proud of it. I learned to play the bagpipes. I'm taking two martial arts and I started an intense workout routine.

    Are there any things in life that you feel proud of? If the answer is no, then that's a huge problem. But there are so many things you can do to fix that. The possibilities are endless.

    Here's a suggestion. Reset your counter right now and make a journal. You have to be serious. What are the things in life that you want? And how can you get those things? And the answer is not "it's impossible." You want a girlfriend? There are millions of women. There are old men, fat men, legless men, blind men, who all have girlfriends. There is nothing stopping you but yourself. The pessimism is not natural but it's only the result of a lifestyle that is not fulfilling.

    I hope you will try to dig yourself out. If you don't try you will gain nothing and I don't want to see that. This is the animating contest. SO GET ANIMATED!
     
    LoloLaRoux and Jay Dolphin like this.
  7. Jay Dolphin

    Jay Dolphin Fapstronaut

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    Yes it is normal, especially with the millennial generation. Much more normal then the media would have you believe. Why is there so many adult virgins? I mean, i think you listed most of the reasons. The fact that society has us marry later in life, as well as the fact that our society doesn't ever encourage boys to become men, and in fact now dissuades them from doing so with the rhetoric of "toxic masculinity" (I'm not against feminism, only against the ideology that undermines manhood). And a huge part of this is a lack of role models and father figures, even for kids from stable marriages, many of us were raised by emasculated men, or emotionally/physically absent workaholics.

    Personally for me and most of my close friends, we are saving sex for marriage, so that goes into it too, because America has a very diverse population, with many very religious people -- much more so then Europe, which is quite homogenous and secular.

    But do know that there are many men (and women) in our generation who were never raised to become adults. They never teach emotional intelligence or healthy dating practices to us in schools, just like they no longer teach us auto mechanics, wood shop, welding, home economics, cooking, or filing taxes. Our education system is too short-sighted. But to be fair, most parents neglect to teach these things to teenage or preteen children either. Too many parents either assume schools will teach them everything they need to know, or else plan to wait until their kids are adults, at which time the kids aren't open to learning from their parents anymore because they ready to find their own path.
     
  8. Jay Dolphin

    Jay Dolphin Fapstronaut

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  9. I agree. We don't always have access to the kind of upbringing that gives us confidence and responsibility as adults. And I hate to play the blame game, but I was raised by a single mom. And looking back, if I had a father in the house when I was growing up, my shitty behavior as a kid wouldn't have been tolerated. I would have had more discipline. I never respected my mom at any point in my entire life (I still don't) and she didn't know how to discipline me. I feared my dad when I went to his house and I feared my grandfather when I spent time with him. Still I loved them and had a great time with them, I just knew not to misbehave. My mom was not a bad parent, she just didn't know how to fill the role of both parents (an impossible task). So instead of gaining fear and respect from me like my dad and grandpa, she responded in different ways. When I was maybe 11 or 12, she threw one of my toys and I got mad and hit her. So she called the cops on me and I got taken away and spent 10 days in a mental ward. FUCK THAT. I know I'm ranting but the point is that we all have problems and being a virgin isn't the same as being a fuck-up or a loser. You still have the ability to take charge of your life.
     
  10. Lendog90

    Lendog90 New Fapstronaut

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    i lost my virginity at 19 and was highly embarrassed at that fact. On the other hand I’ve been a boxer and I am a veteran who served in Afghanistan, no one thing defines you. The more you fixate on one thing the further away you will find yourself from your goal, by dealing with yourself right now and having love and respect for yourself you can achieve anything you want. I also had a shitty dad but sadly I can’t change that. YouTube has over a million role models, pick one and start living your best life.

    Have a listen to Alan Watts or Jordan Peterson become the man you want to be. David Goggins is also an awesome example of dealing with your past and becoming his best self. Stoic philosophy is an excellent start. The truth and the tools are out there you have to want to look. Peace
     
    FellatiousD likes this.
  11. Good stuff dude. Where tf did you come from? Welcome to the forum!
     

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