It makes so much sense

Hello fellow Fapstronauts. I am 30 years old. Recently broke up with my fiancee of almost 4 years - for good. PMO + other things going on in my life played a role in the break up. After a PMO session, later that day, me and my fiancee would have a fight. For some stupid reason - usually me overreacting to something she said or did. She knew I watched porn and fapped sometimes. She was cool with it - in a sense that all guys do it, you are a guy, you do it too - as long as you don't cheat, I am cool with it. Interestingly, even though I knew she was cool with it, still, after PMO session, I felt kind of ashamed - does not make much sense, but still I felt awkward and would hide it. Like, when she asked me - how was your day, honey? I would never say I procrastinated and PMOed all day. I would make something up to cover up.
My porn journey started really early - I think I was seven when I stumbled upon a soft porn mag - it was well hidden, but I was VERY curious kid and found it. At that age, I had no idea what I was looking at. I felt aroused, but I did not know what to do ( I had not idea how to M). I somehow knew it was not right to look at those pictures and felt ashamed and I never asked my parents what it was to not expose myself ... I always returned the magazines exactly the way I took them, so I was never caught (at least parents did not confront me about it). I was a smart and sneaky kid too - always found my Christmas gifts well ahead of Christmas- and they were hidden well ... I was and still am very curious - sometimes it's a blessing, sometimes a curse.
I always kind of new, that PMO is not good, first for religious reasons, second I noticed that I was lazy afterwards and I felt better without PMO, but I could not put a finger on it. On the other hand, everybody was doing it and seemed to be ok, even doctors said it's ok, so it must be.
I watched Gary Wilson's TEDx presentation and I was like YES, that makes so much sense. And I realized the damage that was done ... . I got inspired after reading stories of fellow fapstronauts and decided to become one. My initial goal - 21 days. To keep me on track, I decided that for each reset, I will donate $100 to a charity.

 

That would be a wonderful symbiosis if nofap partnered with some kind of charity. I am up for it.