It needs to stop

Hello! I wanted to create this thread because I’ve made a commitment to stop my porn addiction by signing up to nofap and I feel that making my first thread will help me integrate and participate for my benefit.

I wanted to share a bit of info about my addiction.

I am 19 years old and been watching porn for about 10 years. Porn has made me into a unconfidently quiet person. Sometimes it feels like my mind and my body are not one. Most notably, porn has made my mind go “blank” at times were I needed it most. I am struggling trying to explain how severe my situation is. I cannot explain how this addiction has destroyed my life. It has made me into everything I hate about myself: it is the root of all my problems to this day.

I have grown tired of watching porn and suffering the consequences for far to long and I am conviced that it will never stop if I don’t take action.

Here are the symptoms I have been experiencing for many years that I know derive from watching constant porn:

- Intense Anxiety
- Cloudy thinking/judgement
- Physical tiredness
- Greasy facial skin
- Lack of ambition
- Increased lapses of depression
- Decrese in self-confidence
- Lack of creativity

In the times that I’ve tried to quit before, I’ve noticed awesome benefits like increase in confidence and clarity of thought. I like to think that that’s what I was born to feel like, but porn is what is impeding that.

I wanted to say that yesterday I went to a clothing store to pick up some pants and after not finding anything, heading on my way out the door I see a girl I’ve went to school with since middle school. I always been attracted to her and at times in high school she has demonstarted interest in me, but I eventually stopped seeing her after she stopped going to school for unknown reasons. Anyways, at the store I see her and Immediately the anxiety kicks in and I walk out the door. She follows behind me and says “Hey! [insert my name].” I turn around and I act nervously, fumbling my words. She picks up that I’m acting nervous and says, “you sound the same” (Referring to how akwardly I acted in High school). Somewhere in the conversation I said, “I was hoping you didn’t see me,” so now she thinks I don’t want to talk to her so she leaves. She gave me warm hug, and I couldn’t help to think that she truly missed me and thought that I was looking good for the lost time. I think she was looking for a man since I think she feel out with her previous lover. Despite it, I was too caught up thinking how nervous I was. Long story short, she went home and I went home angry knowing that I missed this opportunity and knowing that she still thinks of me as a unconfident person. It’s worth mentioning that I haven’t seen her in almost 3 years since Junior year of HS back in 2015.

What pisses me off the most is that if It were any other girl, I would’ve not acted like a fool, but I think that cetain people from my past trigger these behaviors that come from porn.

I’m currently attending a community college and I can name 4 beautiful females who I know for a fact were interested in me, but I never made a move due to anxiety.

I think girls find me attractive initially, only to find out that I am not as confident as I set myself out to be. I feel like I compensate by constatly buying clothes that make me look and feel good. I’m basically trying to look like I got everything together but in actually my mind in in ruins. I’ve concluded that this is a waste of money and effort. I am tired of not functioning properly and because of that I ask the nofap community for help.