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it still hurts me

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Deleted Account, Oct 19, 2021.

  1. Hello ,
    I 'm a woman and my marriage did not survived the porn addiction of my (ex) husband. And cause of this addiction all his lies about tired, not feeling well to work, did not help either.
    He used me. And that feels worse than anything you can imagine. I loved him. But this secret these mayor lies..... and I was not allowed to tell anyone. so I bravely did not. He told his family a completely different story about the reasons of our divorce.
    This probably will be my only post. But I could not, not post something.
    My life collapsed about 3 years ago when my partner told me about his porn addiction. Everything my whole life felt as a lie. Our 25 years of marriage was one big lie.
    Our 'sex' wasn't normal at all. Strange proposals, it didn't feel right....And all my partner told me, all these years that I was the problem. I even took therapy , because I started to believe it was my problem that I didn't always wanted strange sex. Even when he told me to help him out as my duty as a wife. I really believed him.
    At first when he told me about his addiction , he told it as a excuse... When I asked him to get in therapy together he actually said he didn't need to because I was the problem.

    I hope that this post will reach you all with the addiction. If you use your partner for your own sex drive, realize you abuse her and cause her PTTS. Her life is ruined !!! She will not trust anyone anymore. For example: My ex, always tried to have sex with me while I was sleeping. Maybe you can imagine that I do not sleep at night anymore. Not even when I am alone.
    If you want to change your Pm your Pa. get a real therapist to get your life back together. I see, after all these years , still a ex-partner who is great in telling the only and true fantastic life he is living, He is a master in lying. Even to his own mother. Even to his own kids.
    It still hurts me. Our marriage could have been fantastic. Without the fucking P addiction.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 20, 2021
    The legend06 likes this.
  2. thank you for your reply.
    I do not want to get therapy again. I have had many.. because He let me believe it was my only problem. Talking with other woman would be nice. I think that will be more helpful.

    I just realized that you're the first person who said , sorry you went through this... he never even said sorry that he made a mess of our life.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 19, 2021
    Krishna Das and MindfulWarrior like this.
  3. Thanks, I joint the group
     
    MindfulWarrior likes this.
  4. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Hi there , I’m so sorry for what he did to you. Just understand he is an addict. Addicts lie, cheat, steal. They lack empathy and the person they lie to the most is themselves. Trauma changes your brain, please get therapy for your healing , find a csat, who will know what you are dealing with. You deserve to be whole, healthy, and happy. If your children are adults, I hope you tell them at least the truth. If you love him- don’t keep his secret. Addiction is fueled by secrecy. Focus on you and know, nothing could save your marriage while he was an active addict.
     
    ANewFocus likes this.
  5. I have been thinking about telling the truth. But they are only 14 and 16 years old. I indeed found out the hard way, he lies, always asking for money. Always tired. Now I m divorced I realize the mess he has made of our relation ship and I feel so used. I will miss his good days, but I can asure you I dont miss his lies at all.
     
  6. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    My kids were 15, 17, and 20 when we told them. I wanted them to understand why and how their dad became an addict and secrecy is a huge part of addiction. Think seriously about telling them. Think about how you felt that your ex had this big huge secret he kept from you. However, since you’re divorced I would seek help in deciding when and how to tell them if you decide to. My husband and I sat down together, as he got into recovery, it was a very big step for him. Had he not told, I would’ve and he knew this. I want him clean even if I no longer stay married. He is not the father he should be when using. So I will not enable him to continue. Being divorced though, makes it trickier.
     
    GoBlondyBlind likes this.
  7. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    Sorry for what he did to you and what addicts like myself do to our partners. I’m sorry we project our own deceits and flaws onto you. Thank you for reminding me today of why I must do this.
     
  8. Krishna Das

    Krishna Das Fapstronaut

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    Sorry for what you have faced ma'am.
    I am currently 18 and reading your story gives me another reason to get out of this addiction becauseI don't want to be in a situation in which I would hurt someone due to this cheap addiction.
    I pray to God that he may give you the strength to face this situation and lead a peaceful life ahead.
     

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