It would be nice to have someone here

Where do i sign up ! Is there an accountability what's app group ?
 
Relapsed today on day 2

I just had so much urges today which I think is because of the hot dream I saw today.
But the relapse was only MO where I did peek but to not even semi nude. Some of the time I have to MO after relapse or else three urges will be uncontrollable.

I do feel down and regret because of the major relapse 2 days ago but that's in the past and I have to learn to be in the present moment more. After some time, I'll meditate which will be a daily routine from now. There was no work today which means no earning which weights me down so much . But no matter how the feelings, I have too be with it and not abandon myself which I think is the major cause of relapses.

So it is day 0 again however I must not put to much emphasis on the days. I'll write another entry for the day later on.
 
There were some instanes today where I was getting struggling with porn flashbacks and I think I have a solution for that. I started to treat the women and girls in the flashback with love. No matter how ugly and self humiliating their acts are/were, I will show then true love because that is not me and it is my duty to do so. Oh they're having sex, its an act of bonding etc.

Lust is the absence of love and why I'm struggling with this is maybe a sign that I'm lacking it in my heart. My goal at the end is to look at women with love, respect and not lustfully even if they might not behave as such, it is good for ME. Even if someone shows me porn scenes or nude girls, I won't be affected by it. That's WHO I want to be!

Its late night now and I'll sleep. Goodnight.
 
Day 1

There werent many urges and today felt quite different. Maybe I finally started ti try landscape painting but yea, its going good. Although the fear and weakness on dealing with urges is still there, but it has almost faded as the day went by.

And about yesterday's insight that I had about showing love to even "those" kind of female, it is working really although there were some mental struggles on should you love them even when they cheat is still there because cuckold is what I PMO to.
Well I guess I haven't reached that level of detachment, so I must focus more.

My manifestations:
Porn is no longer a part of my life because I do not have lust in my heart, but love is present. Even if someone shows me a porn scene, I am not affected by it because to mind, it is a scene of making love and beauty.

I can feel that its been a while since I haven't watched porn or peeked even slight nudity. I feel nowadays that I've forgotten about it.
 
Day 2

Feeling a lot better today and the porn flashbacks were barely non existent which I think is becausd of my love over lust practice. However I did feel some urge to watch because of my stress when I was using laptop but then I quite literally told my self "I'm stressed and I know and I'm aware of it, its okay". Then suprisingly it faded. I must be present to what I feel and accept it as a part of my human experience.

So what I'm feeling now is a bit todards excitement and so I'm not able to quite focus on my reading. I was totally absent minded and mindless while on my laptop today which is btw so hard, to be mindful while using electronics.

I must be aware and ready for the urge on day 3-4 where I always relapse, but this time I will be prepared. This needs to be done.

Reason
To make a new habit and MO only once week with no visual stimulation or even imagination.

Porn is no longer a part of my life because I'm already fulfilled and live my life to the fullest, in both my ups and downs.

I'll read my novel now ig. Also it would be nice to have someone else around here.
 
Day 3

After a long time was outdoors for most of my day and I felt really good like no porn flashbacks and just overall felt so much good. I'm someone who is greatly affected by weather and it indeed was a very beautiful and clear day today.

Spend a good time with my brother and also my girlfriend so no front for urges. Although I feel tired no so must be aware of that, in fact I feel so tired, I can't even read. Yk after I really feel emotions even the negative ones and not be unaware of that, I feel really alive like I'm living.

But I do feel some regret about not able to workout today but I couldn't really do anything about it.
 
Day 4

The urges are really starting to kick in however I've promised myself that I will not peek no matter what because its not a part of my identity now which I can feel and really think its true. In some way, I'm free even though I'm having urges. And btw these urges are good in sense that its not porn urge bit urge to just feel that need to release which I feel is natural
 
Relapsed only MO

Man it was so hard to control. It was as if I couldn't stop or control the boiling energy that was in me. But at least I'm proud of myself that I did without peeking after a looong time and even I released imagining having sex and not other weird fetishes that I had. I feel like I'm changing now.

Made it to day 4 now next time I'll aim for higher and again the rule stays the same forever which is my new life now.

No peeking at all while about to MO
Will MO only after 1 week gaps


Cheers to my new life.
 
 
This really good advice thanks
 
Relapsed to slight peek
Day 0


I haven't been writing my journals because I've been really busy, these few days were quite different. Had to travel and I actually relapsed yesterday and was so tired, I couldn't even journal and say it here.

I'm quite bogged down because I peeked a little hot images but not nude ones, just kind of bras and stuffs. But at the same time proud that I stopped myself because I felt I'm a really a new person now and that is not a part of me doesn't bother me.

The rules stay the same and this my new lifestyle now

Will only MO after one week alternatively with 0 peek.
If I peek even a little, while doing on the 7th day, it counts as a relapse.
 
RELAPSED BIG
Reason : Alcohol


I have to stop drinking although I only drink occationally but it leads me to relapse, always. I have no problem saying no to drinks but sometimes when its festival, I want to enjoy man but this thing, its irritating.

Or maybe its a sign that its doesnt serve me well for my being.

I rellapsed PMO this time but it was because of alcohol I don't feel the negatives of urges this time so that's good.
Porn is no longer a part of me so maybe after relapses from things out of my control like after drinking, I don't feel the negatives or relapses now.

The rules stay the same.
 
Day 0
Today my relapse was only Mo and 0 peek which took off some of the pressure urge I was feeling due to major relapse 2 days ago

Then after there was no major urge but I have to be careful though. I will train myself to be more mindful of my emotions at all times where I will.keep asking myself what am I feeling now?
I will also give major self talks to myself, motivating me with positive words and also keeping a check to overthinking.

I will remind myself of the rules again or rather more like a new lifestyle
I want to have a porn free life where I will release only once a week. It is for myself and whenevef I think or make excuses like "Its okay to release, some people do it multiple times a day"
Then I'll ask myself, do you know what kind of person they are and do you want to be like them?

ZERO peek because I want to be free from it and begin a new lifestyle.
 
Day 0
Today my relapse was only Mo and 0 peek which took off some of the pressure urge I was feeling due to major relapse 2 days ago

Then after there was no major urge but I have to be careful though. I will train myself to be more mindful of my emotions at all times where I will.keep asking myself what am I feeling now?
I will also give major self talks to myself, motivating me with positive words and also keeping a check to overthinking.

I will remind myself of the rules again or rather more like a new lifestyle
I want to have a porn free life where I will release only once a week. It is for myself and whenevef I think or make excuses like "Its okay to release, some people do it multiple times a day"
Then I'll ask myself, do you know what kind of person they are and do you want to be like them?

ZERO peek because I want to be free from it and begin a new lifestyle.
Baby steps. One day at a time. You got this.
 
One thing that has been a huge help for me has been this community and having accountability partners that can help you on your journey
Yes man having accountability partners will really change the game. If you want, feel free to post tie journey here as well. Sometimes kinda feels lonely
 
Day 1
I did MO today but I wont count it because there was no porn involved. The reason I think was because, I was scrolling through some tattoos on pinterest late night and came across some explicit photos. Relapsed next morning that is today.
So from next time no pinterest late night unless work related.

Currently, I feel quite better that I have an opportunity for a job so that's good. I guess its time that I cut the line for other unhelathy dopamine sources.

No Youtube Reels. Youtube only for informative content
No pinterest after dark
No facebook at all, forever.


I also feel guilt that I'm not being mindful of my feelings. It has always been dufficult to find out or put into words what I'm really feeling. I think its neutral or somewhat slight anxiety about my new future investments, that it might work, or is hard to work.
 
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