Its about socializing, not only about abstaining from fap..

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by InnerFaith, May 24, 2019.

  1. InnerFaith

    InnerFaith Fapstronaut

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    i think there is a bigger picture here for all of us fapnauts,
    we should encourage ourself and others to socialize and initiate more outdoor situations, to reach out of our comfort zone at home, to learn that there is interesting stimulation outside from spontaneous chat with a random woman, or at a bar or something like that..
    so in short its about: nofap + going our of your house and initiate a social life, go alone even without your regular boring friends, create your own identity and present yourself..
     
  2. You are completely correct. This is what made my 30 days success story.
     
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  3. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    You do nothing by not touching your privates. NoFap is not a magic tool to fix everything in your life. If you want the real thing, then go outside.
     
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  4. olsen

    olsen Fapstronaut

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    perhaps you `re right. only not everyone shares your opinion
     
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  5. Absolutely love this comment. There's no thread it can't go
     
  6. Yes. Isolation, loneliness are common feelings to people with PMO issues. I believe we also sexuality a lot of our needs.

    The book "Unwanted" by Jay Stringer, which i highly recommend, also makes the point that we keep 'stuck' when we think we can only start socializing when we are 'healed' socializing is part of the healing!
     
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  7. Yes. It's my experience also. I was ashamed of myself and therefore isolating as a way to avoid my shame. When I realised I was still ashamed I realised isolating was protecting the shame instead of me. I conjectured my shame was excaserbating the addiction and so I began socialising in order to confront it.
     
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  8. For others that's probably good, but for me instead of socialising I think working on my personal issues and managing what I do in my life is the most important. When you quit porn you really not only get more time in the day, feel less lazy and have more motivation, you also get a sense of having the ability to do whatever you want.

    That's the beauty of doing NoFap as it really changes your perspective, shows you the door to possibilities and can create a better way of living if you really work on yourself. The only thing standing in your way of actually living is yourself, the door may be there but you alone must walk through it.
     
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  9. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    A bigger picture is always a good idea, and I think it's both going out in the form of social interactions and going within.

    Traditional recovery *fellow-ships*, as it is practiced is all about socialization. If you go to some meetings you'll quickly realize the whole thing is pretty much based on attachment, if it's a 12 Step program a lot of those people probably couldn't tell you what the steps are much less what they mean - which is kind of understandable given our mental capacities may not be 100% when addiction is involved. There are groups where people are well educated and that is still the emphasis and primary driving force as far as I can see. And the thing is it may be largely a matter of hanging out but there is a particular focus and people work on it together.

    Contemplation and inner examination is also where I lean toward, and frankly am a bit biased as a introvert - so I think it's good to balance it with both. And the thing is you are in a better position to understand other people if you go deeper within yourself, that's why I couldn't see myself asking a lot of people for sponsorship. At a certain point I FORCED myself to because it's the thing you're supposed to do and when you're desperate you don't really think and just act, and it wasn't surprising that the guy though nice wasn't as wise as one might like.

    And I go back to the principle of interdependence. The socialization depends on psychological work and the inner work also informs the quality of our relationships - if it didn't have that connection the social would be kind of superficial or the introspection would be disconnected. They work together.
     
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  10. onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

    I used to be rather sociable but that didn't stop me from relapsing. In fact, I used to be scared of being on my own because I might relapse. I would spend far too much time with people and they would start to get annoyed with me for being around them too much. Encouraging people to be sociable could lead people into codependency which is unhealthy as well.
     
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  11. Great perspective in this thread- it shows that there's no magic bullet for recovery and no clear one-size-fits-all path. Personally, I've been neglecting socialisation in previous recovery attempts and know that getting out more is the way forward for me, but it's cool to read how some actually need to become more introspective in order to succeed.

    I think @King Of of Bashan has a really good point about codependency. It can be quite easy to become reliant on external situations in recovery as a sneaky way of avoiding confronting ones' own self.
     
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  12. Likewise. l have done the same. I even go to the mall or public spaces to avoid being alone on a trip. And the anxiety —- the worst. Plus—-the feeling that time is speeding past and you are stuck in a wormhole.
     
  13. I completely agree with you. I feel like some people pay too much attention to the days and not focused on actually doing something with the days. I am guilty of this as well so I appreciate someone posted about what I was feeling.
     
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  14. Kiz Whalifa

    Kiz Whalifa Fapstronaut

    Yup. If there's no other self development, other than no PMO, it's a fruitless conquest. The point is to evolve as a person, and fit back into society (?)
     
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