It's almost funny....

Haven't written in a few days, just busy that's all.

I almost had a success story I was quite proud to share, I just didn't type it because it was very late and I was tired and needed to go to bed. I got off at midnight and had to be on the road at 7:30.

So I work as a tv news reporter and I did a live shot at a bar during the world series. I spoke with fans and whatnot after the game. I also got to eat, drink and watch the game during the series...it was an all around great day at the office. I closed my tab shortly before I left and to my left was a rather attractive girl checking me out, I could have easily brought her home. I didn't for two reasons: I don't want to exacerbate my problem, and it was late as I mentioned earlier.

I was so proud I had a success story to share...but I ended up finding time to jerk it when I got home instead of going to bed.

It only got worse. A new girl was introduced to my group of friends the next day, for some reason I am good at being able to tell when a girl will put out...not sure why. The next day we hung out and ended up having sex. Some call what I do smooth, but I just know how people think...some may call it manipulative. Regardless I had a hookup and you'd think I would be satisfied, wrong. After she realized it was just a hookup she wanted to leave. I wanted more.

I ended up jerking it two more times that day.

It's almost funny when I think about it. It started as a habit and became and escape and now I don't even know what it's an escape from. It's just a routine sometimes, something I have to do and it sucks.

The worst part is I have a crush on this girl right now, she's the kind to probably not even make out until she's married which is honestly what I need given my current predicament (read earlier forums, I mentioned her more then). Part of me thinks I shouldn't pursue her given that I've already hooked up with someone whilst crushing on her.

If you read this far, here's a pretend cookie.

I have some plans to help my situation: running, my day job, I'm an uber driver, I like to deer hunt and it's deer season now, and I could start lifting weights again. Ideally I won't have enough time for it to cross my mind, or I'll be away.