It's been one year since I PMO'd...

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by scrat_on_speed, Dec 5, 2014.

  1. scrat_on_speed

    scrat_on_speed Fapstronaut

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    First off, I'll just say that this wouldn't have been possible were it not for my faith. For more on that, read my journal.

    Oh, and I have a tendency to be quite frank. But this is a forum about overcoming porn and masturbation addiction, so no sense in sugar coating it.

    One year ago tonight I was standing in the shower at my gym, having just PMO'd. Disgusted with myself, I knew something had to change. 2013 had been a year of almost overcoming. I started the year in a PMO nightmare. Then I got some Jesus, and went six months without. Then I relapsed. Then I got some Jesus again. Then I tried to start a relationship with a girl at work and got shot down. Relapsed hard after that. I really didn't even try to fight after that. I just succumbed to the idea that this was always going to be who I was, despite my faith and the hypocritical nature of what I was doing.

    I don't know why I started looking online for help. I had looked into therapy and other forms of help before, but never took a step. (Full disclosure, I have some deep-rooted issues from my past that I knew were part of my PMO addiction, but I never wanted to fully face them.) So I snooped around online and actually came across the NoFap Reddit in an article on The Blaze. (Yes, I'm one of those people.) I didn't like the Reddit forum (and later, a buddy of mine actually told me that Reddit can be a hotspot for P, so I avoided it), so I landed here. This started as me trying to prove it to an online community of people I didn't know that I could go 90 days without PMOing. It was really no accountability whatsoever. After all, my real-life accountability partners weren't enough to keep me on the straight and narrow, so how would these people I didn't know do it?

    That first 90 days sucked.

    Between the super horniness, the wet dreams, and the constant desire to reach down for just a quick release was awful. Not to mention the images that I'd downloaded to my psyche seemed to constantly replay at all stages of mental activity. But I resisted. I really dug into my faith though. I got in pretty good with the Man upstairs. That's what landed me at the 90 day mark, and what was able to push me to where I am now. But besides the faith, I got educated. I read up a lot on the subject. Realized that it wasn't just PMO that I was addicted to. When you cut out PMO, you realize other things about your life that need to change. I lived vicariously through others. I was (still am, but I'm working on it) a control freak. I was for all intents and purposes addicted to the internet. And I was a two-faced hypocrite. Realizing those things gave me a long list of self improvement to work on, on top of overcoming PMO.

    To be honest, I don't know if I could have done it had I not moved in with one of my accountability brothers. We both had struggled with PMO, and were quite honest about it with one another. There was something not right about PMOing in an apartment where someone else lived. I didn't have a problem with it when I was in college. And it didn't seem to bother me doing it in public-ish places. But this time was different. Maybe I thought I owed it to him to try. He's had ups and downs, and while I haven't physically done any PMOing for a year, there have been many times where my mind is a battlefield. But having someone I can share my heart with and be frank with has helped immeasurably.

    I could drone on and on about the benefits of not PMOing for a year:
    - Increased faith
    - Increased zest for life
    - More focus
    - More umph at the gym
    - A new appreciation for women
    - Honesty
    - Lack of shame
    - Possible weight loss (I lost 20 pounds)
    - More sleep
    - And I swear my junk is bigger - though someone on here mentioned that when you've gone as long as I have, you're in a permanent state of rocking a half-chub

    Sure, I'm not out of the woods. I never will be. I'm human. Humans are prone to failure. But I've been given a new lease on life, and I don't intend on screwing this one up.

    If you're reading this thinking, "This guy is nuts." Well, you're probably right, but it is possible to go a year with no PMO. I'm living proof. My heart is healing, but the journey is not over. Like I said - I couldn't have done this by myself. I know He's got my back. I pray that those seeking to end their addiction to PMO not look only to themselves, but look up too.
     
  2. MlohavaCuna

    MlohavaCuna Fapstronaut

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    Whole year, holly crap! Well done! May I ask you have your mental abilities improved and are the girls more attracted to you?
     
  3. jatar

    jatar Fapstronaut

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    A year, wow:eek:! Congratulations! Also, thank you for sharing that, I am at a similar spot that you fought through in that I don't know if I will be able to get rid of this addiction and your story reminds me that I can do it. Again, thank you for that!

    If you don't mind me asking, how long within the year were the periods when you struggled with urges? Like 10%, 30%, most of it? I am wondering what to expect in the long term if I make it that far.

    Anyway, keep it up man! :)
     
    control your life likes this.
  4. scrat_on_speed

    scrat_on_speed Fapstronaut

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    I guess I'm not sure what you mean by my mental abilities. I would say that I see PMO addiction for what it is - a waste of time, debilitating to relationships (personal and spiritual), and damaging to your psyche. It took a lot for me to get past the whole, "Well, it's technically not P." habit that I'd went through in the past. Just because sex and nudity in movies isn't outright P, doesn't mean that it's not debilitating to a recovering addict - just like going to a bar and not drinking may be debilitating to an alcoholic. I also had to consciously avert my eyes when I was around triggers: yoga pants; girls in short skirts at work; and for the love of all that is bacon, the sensory overload that is Las Vegas. So I don't know if that's what you meant by mental abilities, but that's the answer I gave. Alternatively, I guess now that I think about it, I'm probably a lot sharper and more focused than I've ever been. I'm still pretty easily distracted - squirrel! - but not constantly wanting to look at P.

    Are the ladies flocking to me? No. However, I sort of kind of dated a gal this year. We weren't really compatible (she doesn't like bacon), but it was the first date(s) I'd been on in over two years. So that's progress for me. Honestly, I'm not really doing the PMO-free thing just to get into a relationship. Sure, it'd be nice. I'm saving myself for marriage though, and I'm still healing. Yeah, that sounds like the easy way out, especially since I have a history of being non-committal, but I really think the more God I inject into my life, the happier I'll be. Hopefully my future wife is attracted to my faith - because Lord knows I didn't win in the looks category. (Not that I find myself heinous, but I'm no looker either.)

    So that was the long answer. I'm good at those. But not fapping has increased my word count abilities.
     
  5. scrat_on_speed

    scrat_on_speed Fapstronaut

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    It varied. I'm 29 and I hear that's pretty much the sexual prime for men, so naturally, I went through some extreme horniness. Let's be honest, I would've humped my pillow on some of those mornings early on. But then I would go through periods that some guys on here call flatlining, where I'd not have any sexual thoughts or even MW. I went like 2 months without a WD. It was odd. I just had to roll with the punches. I think every guy is wired differently, just as each guy can be triggered by different things. (For instance, the phrase "It's okay." is a trigger to me. I won't elaborate, but it's just an example of how varied we can be.)

    So if I were to put a number on it, I'd say about 40% during those first 90 days, then less after. There are some days were I feel like I'm struggling 90% or more, then other days that almost feel like I'm in negative percentages. The trick is balancing them out, and knowing what to do on those bad days. My advice. If you don't have it already, get faith and get accountability (face-to-face, preferably). Those are the two things that helped me the most. Those, and spewing word vomit on here for all the interwebs to see.
     
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  6. Jalus

    Jalus Fapstronaut

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    ROFL!

    I'm so happy for ya brother! Celebration!!! :cool:

    Can I ask what's the biggest life change you had to make to rid yourself of PMO habit? Not including faith or the nofap community I mean.

    On the subject of healing and faith, I would HIGHLY recommend you pick up the book "The Cure" by John Lynch and others. It will most likely introduce you to a whole perspective on God, you, the church, and sin. I don't buy everything in the book, but it's emphasis is on authenticity is sooo refreshing. Honestly, I think everyone on these forums (it's meant for Christians, but whatever) should read it as I think it puts guilt and shame in the right perspective.
     
  7. jatar

    jatar Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the answer! It's great to see that you are able to go through those tough days and keep your commitment (congratulations on that again!) but also a bit scary for me due to the amount of urges that are waiting along the way.
     
  8. tempest

    tempest New Fapstronaut

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    Well done. I just started but your story gave me courage. Thank you.
     
  9. firstcaptain

    firstcaptain Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for posting your story scrat!

    Just out of curiosity, where are you going to go from here? Are you going to continue to post? I ask because I've always had a hard time moving on in life in anything. I actually didn't want to graduate high school, I didn't want to graduate college, etc. I'm trying to find out what's the next step after this.

    -firstcaptain
     
  10. scrat_on_speed

    scrat_on_speed Fapstronaut

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    That's kind of tough, actually. Since my faith is what's most in my life now.

    I'd probably have to say that my self-worth is at an all time high. But I think the difference is that I'm confident, but not cocky. Strong and unashamed, but still humble. However, getting to that point wasn't easy. Staying at that point isn't easy either. But I'm probably happier now than I've ever been. I'm working out with vigor. I have very high confidence talking to women - and I appreciate their beauty better now, both inner and outer. I've started caring less about my physical appearance and more about what's on the inside. That said, I'm much more motivated to work out now, as I love to eat. However, since I'm not PMOing, I don't find myself depressed and eating my feelings. So a boost in self worth would probably be the biggest change in my life sans faith. Though, are the two not tied together in some capacity? Maybe I didn't answer your question very well...
     
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  11. scrat_on_speed

    scrat_on_speed Fapstronaut

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    Honestly, I don't know. I feel as though I do want to move on from this community, as I've been posting fewer and further between. However, I wanted to at least share my one year story, if only to inspire one person. If that's all I help by posting this, it's worth it. If something in my story - which isn't over yet - can help one guy on here, I'd tell it a hundred times. I don't live with the shame of my past any longer. I'm not proud of my past, but I will not let it define my future.

    This community has been very helpful for me, and there are resources here that have helped me. Plus, it's nice to have a place where I can be real. However, I have found that face-to-face interaction and a brotherhood that can hold me accountable in person is equally if not more helpful. So I may post for a while more, but I may not be an avid poster after that. I may check in from time to time though.

    I don't have too tough of a time moving on from things. I couldn't wait for high school and college to be over. And I actually am looking forward to the next chapter(s) in my life. I don't think we should fear the future. I think I clung to my past and played the victim for far too long, so I'm ready to move forward.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  12. inspiring bro...! congrats !!
     
  13. Eskorbuto

    Eskorbuto Fapstronaut

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    1 year without PMO?? Congratulation!! :)
     
  14. ayush

    ayush Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone and loren.I think best place to share and resolve my problem is here.I am 20 year old and i have been masturbating for 7 long years.Generally i pmo'everyday.Sometimes 2 days or even 1 week i have resisted this but that did'nt work.It was either illness or i was busy because i was not pmoing.but beleive me in december 2012 i did not masturbated for 45 days and the reason was i girl whom i fell in love with.She broke my heart and this addiction came back.I now masturbate everynight sometimes it is wet dream,sometimes masturbation.I am afraid i will eventually lose my masculinity.Please please if someone can help me to save my life inbox me.
     
  15. apsumo

    apsumo Fapstronaut

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    Congrats dude, I went over 700 days without porn and I can honestly say it was because of my faith. The MO was a bit more difficult but I got there. Lately I've been stressed due to the hassle and bassle of life and have became complacent with my faith.
    This caused me to stumble about 2 days ago and full PMO. It was a wake up call of sorts and I know I can do much better the next time.

    Let's not forget that we're not perfect but not let this stop us reaching our goals. The whole this a continuous journey and we should never keep our guard down. Gos willing I can go many more years now
     
  16. nate311

    nate311 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for this, my friend. It really helped me today.
     

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