First off, I'll just say that this wouldn't have been possible were it not for my faith. For more on that, read my journal. Oh, and I have a tendency to be quite frank. But this is a forum about overcoming porn and masturbation addiction, so no sense in sugar coating it. One year ago tonight I was standing in the shower at my gym, having just PMO'd. Disgusted with myself, I knew something had to change. 2013 had been a year of almost overcoming. I started the year in a PMO nightmare. Then I got some Jesus, and went six months without. Then I relapsed. Then I got some Jesus again. Then I tried to start a relationship with a girl at work and got shot down. Relapsed hard after that. I really didn't even try to fight after that. I just succumbed to the idea that this was always going to be who I was, despite my faith and the hypocritical nature of what I was doing. I don't know why I started looking online for help. I had looked into therapy and other forms of help before, but never took a step. (Full disclosure, I have some deep-rooted issues from my past that I knew were part of my PMO addiction, but I never wanted to fully face them.) So I snooped around online and actually came across the NoFap Reddit in an article on The Blaze. (Yes, I'm one of those people.) I didn't like the Reddit forum (and later, a buddy of mine actually told me that Reddit can be a hotspot for P, so I avoided it), so I landed here. This started as me trying to prove it to an online community of people I didn't know that I could go 90 days without PMOing. It was really no accountability whatsoever. After all, my real-life accountability partners weren't enough to keep me on the straight and narrow, so how would these people I didn't know do it? That first 90 days sucked. Between the super horniness, the wet dreams, and the constant desire to reach down for just a quick release was awful. Not to mention the images that I'd downloaded to my psyche seemed to constantly replay at all stages of mental activity. But I resisted. I really dug into my faith though. I got in pretty good with the Man upstairs. That's what landed me at the 90 day mark, and what was able to push me to where I am now. But besides the faith, I got educated. I read up a lot on the subject. Realized that it wasn't just PMO that I was addicted to. When you cut out PMO, you realize other things about your life that need to change. I lived vicariously through others. I was (still am, but I'm working on it) a control freak. I was for all intents and purposes addicted to the internet. And I was a two-faced hypocrite. Realizing those things gave me a long list of self improvement to work on, on top of overcoming PMO. To be honest, I don't know if I could have done it had I not moved in with one of my accountability brothers. We both had struggled with PMO, and were quite honest about it with one another. There was something not right about PMOing in an apartment where someone else lived. I didn't have a problem with it when I was in college. And it didn't seem to bother me doing it in public-ish places. But this time was different. Maybe I thought I owed it to him to try. He's had ups and downs, and while I haven't physically done any PMOing for a year, there have been many times where my mind is a battlefield. But having someone I can share my heart with and be frank with has helped immeasurably. I could drone on and on about the benefits of not PMOing for a year: - Increased faith - Increased zest for life - More focus - More umph at the gym - A new appreciation for women - Honesty - Lack of shame - Possible weight loss (I lost 20 pounds) - More sleep - And I swear my junk is bigger - though someone on here mentioned that when you've gone as long as I have, you're in a permanent state of rocking a half-chub Sure, I'm not out of the woods. I never will be. I'm human. Humans are prone to failure. But I've been given a new lease on life, and I don't intend on screwing this one up. If you're reading this thinking, "This guy is nuts." Well, you're probably right, but it is possible to go a year with no PMO. I'm living proof. My heart is healing, but the journey is not over. Like I said - I couldn't have done this by myself. I know He's got my back. I pray that those seeking to end their addiction to PMO not look only to themselves, but look up too.