its getting worse day by day

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Asgardian36, May 22, 2020 at 7:16 PM.

  1. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    Hi,

    i'm a 28 year old, never had a relationship, the only affection i get from women romantically is when I pay for it. I know its fucking pathetic, but I can;t help it. I'm not an easy going guy. I suffer from depression and anxiety and I', pretty serious all the time......

    here;s what has been happening in the last couple of years.....from Nov 2018 to march 2019 I had an excellent streak of not fapping. It wasn't perfect....i edged multiple times and peeked....but I didn't relapse. Ever since that 160 days streak came to an end, it was downhill from there.

    I started camming, went to massage parlous and I find independent providers. And ofcourse my standard MO is to gather pictures of nakes girls and women on a major P site and put on a slide show and jack of to it.

    Today, what happened has shaken me, its was so disgusting...


    The photo with the girl on the right got me triggered. I immediately peeked for pics on reddit threads....

    I didn't think I would be so triggered by an innocent pic...i feel ashamed...
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2020 at 12:06 AM
  2. Gyorgy_Schwartz

    Gyorgy_Schwartz Fapstronaut

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    There's not a day I don't want to die brother.
    I get it.

    If I were you... I'd delete that link. No point in accidentally triggering fellow members.
     
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  3. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    hey man.....you are right. I have deleted that link.

    No matter how fucked it gets, we have to endure and move forward not think about death.
     
  4. Lowself247

    Lowself247 New Fapstronaut

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    hi, im similar. I watch porn for 5yrs until I discovered parlours and escorts, been going for almost 2yrs now, last few months its been getting worse seeing escorts from 1 a month to now weekly, started 2x a week now nad realized this is not right, i cant go back to porn because it will just trigger me calling an escort. My wife of 15yrs completly lost her desire for sex, i dont want to divorce her either, but i dont no what to do, it seems like I have to give up sex for the rest of my life, but i have needs. Sorry for hi-jacking your thread. I hope your able to find someone that will love you emotionally and physically
     
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  5. Dealing with shame was a primary factor for me. Eventually Instead of counting streaks I started counting the days I didn’t fap and wouldn’t count the days I did. Then I would look back each week and grade my days. How many days were positive vs negative. Evaluate. & go again. Rewarded myself after successfully taking myself down but forgetting all progress the next day treating each like day 1. I have bad days and also have to accept it, weigh it against the good ones, feel the emotions honestly and then move on. Focusing on my thoughts and correcting my self-talk. Once I began to pay attention to the thoughts I was telling myself I realized how harsh I have always been and chose to no longer give those thoughts my focus and energy. Not that we shouldn’t be ashamed when we do wrong but that we should have an honest remorse and then pick up as quickly as possible and go again. Streaks are harmful because they emphasize all progress lost after 1 bad day but were not fucking machines. No person just gives up a habit they’ve had for years and years, it’s a slow progress out just like it was a slow progress in overs the years. It comes with multiple almost necessary relapses in order for us to figure out the deeper reasonings behind our compulsions.
    Anyway be kind to yourself and give yourself some credit where credits due. Then forget it all and begin again next morning.
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2020 at 7:55 AM
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  6. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    wow....i cannot agree more. Treating every day as a first definitely has benefits. May be counting the negative days and positive days is the right way rather than counting the streaks.

    thanks for your help, i'd appreciate it, man.
     
    NamaClature14 likes this.
  7. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    hey man!
    I can see myself in your position in 15 years from now. Sometimes i believe everything is setup for us to loose control and indulge. I have no idea at what point i will realize that a loving relationship is more important than sex. I hope i find some one who loves me so much so that I am comfortable with the idea of not having sex.
     

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