It's never a Weakness to ask for Help.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by RndyBm, Jul 12, 2018.

  1. RndyBm

    RndyBm Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys. I am new here. Just call me Randy. It's time. I'm 26, fast approaching 27 and life ain't slowing down. I am sick and tired of being in my own porn prison. It's time to break free, with the help of the Almighty, my willpower and this awesome community. I am positive but I know this isn't going to be easy. For the hardest battles lie within ourselves.

    A bit about my porn addiction story. I have been addicted to porn since I was about 14. It started off innocently by looking at dirty magazines that were smuggled in by the kids on the playground and it was the "cool thing to do and make you a man to look at". This quickly spiralled into image-based fapping on portable devices. Then images turn into videos. I used to convince myself saying "As long as I don't watch hardcore or other penises, I won't become addicted to the sex element of it and it won't really be relatable to me" so I used to watch Lesbian porn all the time. Then as the brain wanted more, Lesbians turned into two girls one guy scenarios and then eventually escalated to full on hardcore filth. By this point, I was well and truly lost! I have wasted so many hours. Days. Weeks. Years. Of my life. Watching this crap. I haven't gained anything from it. Actually questioning my physicalities and ability as a man, when all of these thoughts stem from what I am seeing on screen. Thinking this is what women want, because of their reactions, that its ok to treat humans this way. When the reality is I'm trying to escape into something I don't have full awareness of. Due to religious reasons I am a virgin, and this, as you can imagine, becomes increasingly more of a trial as you mature into your late twenties. Marriage is on the cards now. And I really DESPERATELY need to align my focus elsewhere. I do not want this to impact my future in anyway shape or form. I want to view women as humans not just pieces of meat with fake assets. I notice as I have grown up, I disregard normal "average-looking" women that are perfectly created, and idolise the models with the curvy shapes and figures - because that's what I have hardwired my brain to think "that's my type". This is why I have come here. I know I have a serious problem. This addiction started as videos, till recently it's actually gone to indulging in webcams models now I have wasted ALOT of time doing this and it's impacting my working days now, in terms of my energy and motivation. Every time I relapse, the addiction gets stronger. I am fearing if I don't take charge now, I am doomed. Only today, I watched a porn video that "encouraged the duration of when to ejaculate", like this is some sort of game. What the heck am I doing? This has gone way too far now. This community is my last hope.

    My longest streak of abstinence has been 65 days. It was a record for me, and then stupidly I went back to the habit with the thought "just one time won't hurt" and then we are back to the same scenario of fapping about for stupid amounts of times late into the night, only to feel like dirt afterwards. And those images flicker through the day, ruining my focus, all because I let it! As you can hopefully sense, I am sick of it. And this is a cry for help. What I have noticed over the years of stopping and starting are the patterns. I will rid porn for a good month, maybe even three if I am lucky. Then I will start to have erections. Wet dreams. Dream of women I can't have. And then turn to Babestation or something similar and convince myself "it's not actual porn". Ofcourse it is! It all ulitmately leads to same road. Which is porn. It's so evil I can't stand it!

    Anyway. That's me. I have been brutally honest. I am not proud of my experiences and my story. But its never too late to change. God hasn't given up on me yet! As long as I'm alive and breathing I can still change. Please help me on this journey NoFap.

    R.
     
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  2. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    Welcome Randy; thank you for telling your story. You are definitely not alone, which you will see for yourself if you explore this site. I hope you keep coming back.
     
  3. RndyBm

    RndyBm Fapstronaut

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    @Septimus thanks for your reply! Feeling like I am part of a bigger change here.So thankful this website exists. I will try my best. I have to.
     
  4. goodnice

    goodnice Fapstronaut

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    wow so honest. I can tell you really want to defeat this. You are crying out for help, that's great.

    We all have been down in the dumps mate. You have to use this time. It's the sign you have been waiting for. Whenever you hit rock bottom, is actually your best chance to climb out.

    Please click my profile and check out my 100 days nofap- how to overcome PMO post. And try to really follow through with some of the things i say.

    Yes we can all "try" to defeat this. Only the most disciplined, the ones that want to end this with all their heart, soul, and mind can beat this. Lust is the biggest advice. You are no alone.

    You can change your life for the better. Don't even go for "goals like 1 month" or whatever. You need to clearly conceive in your mind the plain simple truth that you CANNOT go back to PMO again. You need to accept and be comfortable with the idea of never watching P again, and i think after what you described that shouldn't be too hard.

    You see what a wreck PMO and filth and indulgence in sexual pleasures leads a man- only to destruction.

    You're right! God hasn't given up on you, and so therefore don't you give up on God. Start the 40 day Overcome Porn Bible plan (on the Bible app) IMMEDIATELY!

    Good luck brother
     
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  5. RndyBm

    RndyBm Fapstronaut

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    Thanks so much for your reply! Since that post I have been on this daily, like another addiction lol. THe difference is, I feel like I am actually getting somewhere. Everytime I have the urges, I log onto here instead and just read and engage. Its helping so much. And comments like this are exacly what I need. Yes. I need to be comfortable with the fact that I am NEVER gonna watch porn or M again. And that... right now. Sounds impossible. But with this community. I believe I can. I can. I can. I will check out your post later. Thanks again man!
     
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  6. Yeah we could all say that - Just call me randy haha! :p

    Sorry, no offence, blame it on my English humour if you like, lol. Actually, I wanted to post on this thread to welcome you and to say I am confident in your progress. I can understand why you lack that confidence, but you have a proven track record of a couple of months of continuous abstinence in the past. Few of us can say that when we turn up here.

    I am not trying to imply that your recovery is a fait accompli though Randy. Complacency is one of the factors that has tripped you up before - "Just one time won't hurt"! A full reboot is more than just the repair of the brain's reward circuits. We also need to change our entire outlook. It is encouraging to note that you see the need for this...
    You are off to a steady start. I encourage you to be quite strict with yourself. Because your brain is craving the dopamine rush that comes from fantasising, masturbation, edging, porn and orgasm, it will try and rationalise these. You alluded to this when you said, "It's not actual porn"! This is such a typical thought. You will see people referring to p/subs. Porn substitutes could be lingerie, swimwear, even clothed but attractive pictures on social media. So, be vigilant and you will be fine.

    Btw, cool beard! You can share your picture(s) here, if you wish. :)
     
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