Its not only a personal issue!!!

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by psy001, Dec 12, 2014.

  1. psy001

    psy001 Fapstronaut

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    Yes you try to reboot, yes you try not to fantasise, not to think about asses boobs etc etc.. I have a simple question to make... How the f$#@ck is that possible when our society, every aspect of our society is promoting this behavior ???? i see a movie (trigger) i see an episode of a serie (trigger) i check youtube for songs (trigger) i watch tv (trigger) i go to gym (trigger) in posters in streets (triggers).... how is it possible to gain focus on something that is actually opposing in almost every aspect of our daily social interaction ???
     
  2. Personal Freedom

    Personal Freedom Fapstronaut

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    The trick is changing your reaction to triggers. We see these things, and they're designed to trigger us, but mental discipline can change the direction you take it. When you see something, actually look at it, not at the fantasy it portrays. Look at the actual image. What it truly is.

    When you're triggered, the image sets in motion a fantasy in your mind, a thing that is not real, and is not present. It's a lie. An illusion. Fabricated to reinforce your habits, because the brain isn't smart enough to know the different between productive pleasure and destructive pleasure. If you pracice this focus, even seeing the image of a naked body can be just a naked body, not a sex object. It's just a body. Nudist colonies aren't constant orgies, they just don't treat the body as a thing to be used exclusively for sex, so they don't hide it away.

    Focus on the present, not on the fantasy. Live in the moment, in the now, and you'll find your illusions weakening and falling apart. Shed the lie. Live the truth.
     
  3. monkotto

    monkotto Fapstronaut

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    we have to learn to control the lust - not to get aroused by all this triggers you mentioned. i know this is very hard. but we cant isolate ourselves completely from all this triggers (in our society).
     
  4. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    It's very hard in our society. That's the challenge.

    I was mad during the beginning of my journey because it definitely makes reboot harder. Here are some useful tips for dealing with triggers:

    *Avert your eyes - If you know something is in your environment that is going to trigger you, don look at it!

    *Leave the area - The greatest defense against lust is by simply running away. I don't mean literally run away from something, but if you around something triggering, don't stay there.

    *Praying - Honestly, if you pray, it really helps. it takes your mind of what's triggering you and you focus on something greater.

    *Keeping a journal in which you write about your triggers can help. You write about what things trigger you, then you write a response on how you will avoid/deal with them.

    Once you get used to this, it will be easier for you to work on mental discipline and such.

    Yes, ads, movies, and shows are hard, but it's all in your approach.

    If you have any more questions, feel free to ask.

    ~Squeaky Soul
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2014
  5. Karegador

    Karegador Fapstronaut

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    A method that I've been experimenting with, and having some success with, is trying to take an objective, scientific, approach to sex. I guess a good way to describe it would be to call it a disconnection of sorts.

    I basically turn off the connection to sex and fun. It is a kind of hard to explain but I have had some success in this area. Also it isn't, by any means, easy. It is a form of meditation for sure since there is a conscious effort involved.

    Here is a rough idea of what goes through my brain when I'm doing this.

    Brain: Naked lady!
    Brain: Ok next on my to do list....go to Safeway.

    Pretty much I see the trigger and switch my train of thought the minute it has been acknowledged by my brain. At first it takes a huge amount of effort but after a while you won't really have to think about. Mind you, this technique requires a certain amount of will power to succeed so if you are at a point where you are feeling weak willed, then there is a chance it will fail. So when you are weak, avoid known sources of triggers, as best you can ; when you are feeling strong go for it and just keep your brain from making the connections that cause relapse.

    I hope this makes sense and helps.
     
  6. galaxim

    galaxim Fapstronaut

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    I think we can make a simple, three step division:

    1)external stimuli>2)reception of the stimuli>3)acting upon what has been received.

    Psy001, try to remover external stimuli as much as you can. Have you considered an electronical shutdown for one month? During my first month, I didn't watch any youtube videos, any Tv-series, any movies. Anne Dauphine used to have the "no screen day". Maybe you could start implementing something like that, at least once every few days.

    Regarding step 2), "reception", try to associate those images that start coming into your mind with disgusting things: cockroaches, shit, vomit. Try to identify those thought as mere fantasies that don't have any real power over you.

    Step 3, "acting upon": one of the most efective techniques is delaying a few minutes. You could take a walk, a cold shower, go outside and just look to the trees... anything to cut down that impulse.

    A quote taken from this same site is pertinent:
    "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom". Viktor E. Frankl.

    Galaxim.
     
  7. Karegador

    Karegador Fapstronaut

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    This is a great idea. However, there is still the problem of billboards, signs and so forth. You can encounter countless bits of stimuli just walking down a street.

    psy001 is right our culture is all about sex. Hell, even five year olds are sexualized thanks to those disgusting child beauty pageants. Nothing sells like sex.

    To be clear, I am not saying the quoted post is wrong. It is a great idea but I think this is also a good time to try to think up strategies to combat triggers that exist offline. You could turn into a shut in but that isn't a healthy approach. If one wants to stay clean we are going to have to eventually learn how to fight triggers that we know exist and can be encountered at any time.
     
  8. KrmGrn

    KrmGrn Fapstronaut

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    I don't think I'm ever going to get to a point where I don't think about sex. That's just not going to happen. But when a sexual thought occurs, whether it's triggered by something external or it just pops up in my mind, the discipline as I see it is what I do next. I can continue to indulge in the thought or fantasy or I can turn my attention to something else.

    For me, that's what it's all about.
     
  9. galaxim

    galaxim Fapstronaut

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    That's true. If you're not driving (for example, going on the bus) you can focus your view on a book.
    Or do what I do (for longer trips): http://gonzalolopez.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/61.jpg
    I also use http://www.bo.all.biz/img/bo/catalog/12876.jpeg and http://www.sibol.es/data/productos/imagenes/95.jpg
    I know, you can't do that when you're walking, but if you start limiting yourself at the beginning, your mind will start to change. As time passes, you won't see the billboards. That is, you'll see them, but they won't do anything at you. But it's crucial to have a first period of dexintoxication.


     
  10. BracedLegsClenchedFists

    BracedLegsClenchedFists New Fapstronaut

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    We know, man. It's tough trying to stay out of the carnal mindset when sex is what sells everything best. Even benign advertisements can have sexual aspects to them. But, in respect to your examples, it's all about what movies/tv shows you watch, and, more importantly, what you see in them. For example, I just got done binge-watching Arrow, season 2 on Netflix, and there are a lot of hot chicks in that show. Seriously, every one of them. But I found that if I kind of surrender myself to the storyline of a show (i.e. get lost in the plight of the characters, try to feel their pain, think about what I would do in their situation, etc...) that I forget how how the chicks are. I instead feel an urge to go to a MMA dojo so I can learn how to fight like the Green Arrow, or to a shooting range so I can get a better aim like Deadshot. Or to the gym, so I can get brute strength like Deathstroke.

    I know this is sort of a silly, childish example, but it's not about the world around you; it's about how you react to it. In the immortal words of The Dude, "Don't let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace."
    Stay strong, brother.
     

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