It's not the women

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Eric'sBlue, Jan 6, 2016.

  1. Eric'sBlue

    Eric'sBlue Fapstronaut

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    It's the guys around me watching me...that throw my game off and cause a disgusting combination of anxiety/anger and hatred ...and a feeling of violence, which I constantly fight to ignore...and which takes energy, which pisses me off, and which are diametrically opposed to he feelings of relaxed love, attraction or focus ....

    when I am approaching, talking to or hitting on a(n) attractive female, in a public space.

    It's like I can feel them sitting there just hating...I also feel a threat.
    Does anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it?
    Why can't people just be decent human beings. I would never run a guys d**k in the dirt just to get a girl, and I also realize hating someone else isn't going to improve my game... what's with these guys? It is somehow like a romantic approach gets turned into a fight, just because of the presence of these knuckleheads around. I try to ignore it but I can't. It's really, really distracting.


    ...I imagine how much of this is just imagined, how much every guy feels this??..is this just part of being a guy? I really hate it. Why can't I ever just hit on a girl in peace, without the hornets flying all around constantly...

    I feel like I always somehow have to look over and see who's watching me hit on a girl, sure enough, it always is some guy sat there - staring burning holes through me like he wants to kill me. ... just because I'm doing what he can't or won't. I wish I didn't look, but the threat is real. It's sort of like being in the room with a 300 pound grizzly, you're going to make sure you feel safe.
    I REALLY hate this problem.


    Guys How do you Deal with this problem.
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2016
  2. calo9025

    calo9025 Fapstronaut

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    Just ignore them and do your thing. Haters are going to hate but don't let that affect you. Unless that guy is her boyfriend why should he have a problem with you hitting on her anyway? Don't let their jealousy get to you.
     
    Saskia likes this.
  3. I think you might just be paranoid, this sounds like the diary entry of some murderer hahaha. Don't worry about them and just do your own thing, those guys aren't judging you, they are just watching you get up and move, and if anything they probably have some respect for you for getting out of your comfort zone and talking to a stranger.
     
    ICleansedMe and Saskia like this.
  4. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    I know exactly what you are talking about. I can't approach at all. They are watching like "Don't do anything, I am watching you!!" :D
    But I think that on one hand it is good, that they are watching over others, because if the girl rejected you and you kept forcing yourself on her, they would help her.
    But if she enjoys it, then they have no right to stop you.
     
  5. Eric'sBlue

    Eric'sBlue Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, thanks for the replies. I've seem to have gotten a mixed bag of them, probably truth in all - as I've sensed. I'm guessing this is a universal guy issue, exacerbated by personal anxiety. Startingover had a good point, and he's right. I know part of it comes from inside me, it's like a performance anxiety. ...I guess the best remedy for anxiety is exposure while removing things you do to defend or protect yourself from it. Then you will acclimate to it, and it won't be an issue.

    But I do know that part of this is a jealousy thing. I know because it's real, many guys will hate you and so what. It's a jealousy thing. Public ridicule is a powerful thing, and people use it as a weapon.
    I remember one time I was throwing discus in middle school in a competition - I attempted a spin around and throw, and I slipped on the concrete because (it was wet, and I just slipped)...and I remember everyone laughed and giggled, but died down after a millisecond, it was barely audible - but it was this group of black, African-American guys that sat there howling and ridiculing, falling over laughing - literally because of a mistake I had made (and most likely, because I was a white kid who they could make fun of...); how embarrassing and uncouth...going on and on inappropriately and scornfully after it had occurred, laughing and mocking me, cracking jokes at my expense, howling...and acting like it was the whole "we're just laughing with you, brotha" ...kind of bullshit. I remember I was extremely angry, but, I also wanted nothing more than to sink into a corner and die or disappear.
    It happened over 15 years ago. I'll never forget that. Public shame/ridicule has a powerful imprinting effect.
    Anyway, thanks for the replies.

    Part of me just has to get over it. Besides, I could probably take over 90% if not more in physical battle, if it came to it...of these guys I'm so anxious about. Idk why I'm anxious about it, but I guess that's anxiety.
     
  6. Eric'sBlue

    Eric'sBlue Fapstronaut

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    I guess what I'm really saying is that I'm tired of going home sexless, without a girl, loneliness.

    I also really want a relationship and haven't been able to land one, one worth having yet.


    I'm just really frustrated. ..
     
    XPiRED likes this.
  7. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    Maybe most of it is in your head. What are they supposed to do? Should they be smiling and saying: yoo go for it man! Or do some silly looking happy face?
    The question is what do you do, when someone else approaches? And what men should be doing, when you approach?
    I personally look, because I am curious. I don't know, maybe I look like hating.
     
    ICleansedMe and Eric'sBlue like this.
  8. If not being able to approach women is the biggest problem in your life, consider yourself lucky.

    Guys that are comfortable around hot chicks generally have other things going on in their lives. Pick-up is something they do for fun when they're not working or repairing something or exercising or otherwise trying to better themselves. You shouldn't have to try to get women. If you're working and making money and on your own it will come naturally.

    The problem with this forum, though, is you've got a bunch of guys that still live at home with their mothers and think they're going to get Taylor Swift. It doesn't work that way. You want those hot college chicks you see in the city or the subway? You have to have a kick-ass job. Not because all women are superficial gold-diggers. But because as a man you have to take pride in yourself and know deep down that you are invincible, independent, and unstoppable. When you've achieved some level of success in your life and career and faced true adversity, getting women will seem like a cakewalk. The good things in life aren't cheap.
     
  9. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    Nope. You should try to get women. "Waiting naturally", is waiting for your death. Lonely death. I got a friend who is over 30 and he is waiting.
    Most people will tell you that in order to get women, you have to not talk to them at all, not want them at all, forget about them completely and work on yourself and die alone. But I don't agree.
    And I think that if you approached many girls and you could find a girlfriend.
     
  10. Eric'sBlue

    Eric'sBlue Fapstronaut

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    I have to say, I think much of the above is absolute bs.
     
  11. Eric'sBlue

    Eric'sBlue Fapstronaut

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    Define success? ...Is success working your ass off for a job and money that you might never get? ..My dad did that, stressed himself out and died young.

    That doesn't sound too smart to me. It's people like you're talking about that, put everything and define themselves by their career, that I don't get.

    If I have to make lots of bucks and be invincible /unstoppable (which is utter nonsense btw) ...then I'm getting all the wrong kinds if girls. They'll be gone in a heartbeat.

    That doesn't sound like what I want. Maybe you want it. That's cool. ; )
     
  12. I'd like to see the list of women you've fucked in your entire life before you dismiss something as BS. Homeless guys on the street have probably gotten laid left and right. And now look at them. They're broke and women want nothing to do with them. Continue believing that pick-up and hocus-pocus are the answer to all life's problems. It's clearly doing wonders for your sex life.

    People that look for advice on the internet are people that want to avoid reality. They want to believe that a broke guy with "personality" will be able to bang any chick he wants. They can't even support themselves and they think women are attracted to that. Get a freaking clue. Why do you think Alexander keeps asking for money every second? Unlike you he's a go-getter that helps people. He also understands that talk is cheap.
     
  13. Eric'sBlue

    Eric'sBlue Fapstronaut

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    You're the kind of guy I would ask to step outside for 5 minutes...

    You know nothing about my life, bud, but you sure have projected a lot.
     
  14. Eric'sBlue

    Eric'sBlue Fapstronaut

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    And by the way, insulting an entire forum (repeatedly) is really dumb...especially because you are here, but you don't need advice.
     
  15. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    Pretty fucked up when most of the country is living paycheck to paycheck.
     
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  16. i know whta you mean, forget about them.
     
    Eric'sBlue likes this.
  17. Chef Boy

    Chef Boy Fapstronaut

    Dudes are just jealous of the fact that you have the courage to approach; never let that derail you. Do you.
     
    Eric'sBlue likes this.
  18. Temujin

    Temujin Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like the social anxiety is doing a whammy on your brain. Heard of ACT therapy? It's helped me a great deal.

    It sounds like the act of approaching a woman is bringing too much 'arousal' to your nerves and brain. When you next feel these things and think these thoughts just watch and accept them. Know that they are not you but just your fight and flight response freaking out.

    Also keep doing approaches. Over time you're body will learn that it is safe and that it isn't in danger. This will reduce anxiety significantly. But you need to treat it like a marathon.

    Watch and accept any thoughts and feelings that arise. Keep taking action and moving forward.
     
    silverlukas likes this.

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