It's ok to be a virgin

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Fordfanboy2010, Nov 22, 2015.

  1. Something I just wanted to say. If you're a virgin, there's nothing wrong with you! It is time our society STOP measuring manhood by the number of notches on your bedpost. There is so much more to being a man than that. In fact, all it means is that you are in a position to give someone something that is really special. I'm 27 and I am a virgin, and I am not ashamed! I spent years thinking there was something wrong with me. I felt that I was a loser because I couldn't get laid like so many other guys around me were doing. However, now I am just determined to find the right person for me. I want my first time to be as special as possible, so I no longer try to pick up women for one night stands. I recently got in shape so I've had opportunities, but I've walked away from them. I want to wait for the right girl to come along. I don't want my first time to be with someone who doesn't mean anything to me, nor I to her.

    So stop feeling bad about yourself and accept your virginity as something that makes you unique! Don't let it make you feel like less of a person. You'll only gain more confidence in yourself as a result.
     
  2. L Coroneos

    L Coroneos Fapstronaut

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    Fordfanboy2010 You've got the right attitude. I'm 30 now and sometimes I wish I were still a virgin as I wouldn't have the sexual sensations engraved in my mind that keep prompting me to MO. Enjoy your virginity while you have it.
     
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  3. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    I had sex only without ejaculation. I don't know whether it still counts as virgin. I am 22. And I think that virginity is useless.
     
  4. I see you're point. However, I used to be lonely. Loneliness in the form of wanting sexual companionship is a choice. You can choose to be happy as a single virgin. The happiness comes from being content. I am content to be alone. Alone does not have to equate loneliness. For now, I choose to be content and wait for the right person to come along. When she does, I will look her in the eye and tell her that she is the only person in this world with whom I want make love. I feel like under those circumstance, you can say "You're the only one for me," in its most pure form.

    Singleness and virginity is not a disease. It's a season. Let that season shape you into the best person you can be. That will only make your future relationships more successful because you've shaken off unhealthy baggage.
     
  5. Gens

    Gens Fapstronaut

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    It all depends on whether you see yourself as a victim or not.

    Perhaps you think we're unable to empathize with you because we feel it's our choice, but believe me, I used to feel the same way before. I somehow thought that if a girl were to approach me, for some goddamn reason the universe would go out of balance and crash, thus stopping all life signs on the planet, and this was the reason why it could not happen at all costs. But taking your example too, there are many paraplegic people who later on see their own disability as motivation to move forward and do even better in life. Impressive, isn't it? It certainly wasn't their choice to lose their ability to walk.

    That said, it might have been an exaggerated analogy, but it shows the way you currently feel. It might be hard to believe, but it is not physically impossible for us to get a partner. It is completely natural to feel like a victim at first, but later on, it becomes your choice to keep feeling that way or make the decision to move forward.

    Dev-abc, thank you so much for sharing that story.
     
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  6. yzeew

    yzeew Fapstronaut

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    The worth of a man being that of how much attention the opposite sex gives you is not who you are or anyway your worth. At the end of the day is not that central to how (especially younger) view our worth as a man? Is not that the cause of the stigma?

    You are not you job, your bank account, your suit, the freaking size of your privates (all which helps find a sexual partner).

    You are a conscious entity beginning based on your entire of your ancestry then mixed with the sum of your thoughts and actions past and present who is able to model the future and move towards whichever-one serves you best with intent.
    Also it becomes hard to take anything seriously when we realize we are a growth of a freakin' rock spinning and rotating around a fireball at incredible speeds like a g'dang superhero lol!

    In reality whatever state of mind you are currently in it matters little as in a year you will be in a different state of mind and then that reality will be more important then your current one.
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2015
    Fordfanboy2010 likes this.
  7. This is just... Lovely. Supremely lovely. Like seriously, boys, take notes and listen to this sound advice, because it's freakin spot on.
    Thank you for this!
     
  8. Vrother

    Vrother Fapstronaut

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    Sometimes i wonder if after my first time i will get free from my compulsive sexual desire. I have never thought in hiring a whore before. Are my symptoms normal or do i need a pro? A reboot could help. That's the thing: it's my first time in nofap. I m rushing. (Excuse any gramatical mistake, english is not my native language. I m español latino guy)
     
  9. Your feelings are completely normal. And unfortunately, no, having sex will not take away your sexual desires. I would argue that it actually intensifies them. Aside from being illegal, prostitution is damaging to both parties in so many ways, and I would definitely not advise that route.
    Just stay strong, lean on the support you can find here, and take things one day, one moment at a time. It's so easy to get overwhelmed with this battle, but don't be discouraged by the trial of overcoming. It's tough, and we're all in the same boat fighting the same fight, but I truly believe that ever single tiny moment of resistance is a win and will make a difference. It'll all be worth it.
     
  10. Vrother

    Vrother Fapstronaut

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    Thanks bro. Lastly, i have being thinking weirder and weirder. I hope you all help me. This is the first time i feel supported in this topic. When i talk with my friends, i used to joke about my own virginity and show off my constant porn using. I wonder how sincere i ll be with myself and with them.
     
  11. Hm... I'm not sure I understand what you mean, there. But I know there are a lot of great, supportive people here. I've only been here for like... a day, and I definitely felt heard, welcomed, and supported. I hope you feel the same today! Stay strong, brother.
     
    Pancho likes this.
  12. Gens

    Gens Fapstronaut

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    I think I know what you mean. Among my close circle of friends, we all joke about sex and it's no secret that we all masturbate and watch porn (though we haven't done anything sexual between us, it's just talk). When it becomes such a standard chat topic, it is hard to get them to support you, if they've never had the same drive for self improvement as you.

    I did talk once with them about this, but they didn't respond in a very positive manner, like "...really, you're saying that?" - it was more like they didn't believe anything could be achieved by abstaining from porn, and quickly discredited what I said.

    You're doing the right thing, buddy. There will always be someone here to support you, as we're all in the same boat.
     
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  13. Baroque

    Baroque Fapstronaut

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    A man's virginity is a social construct. Your penis will still look the same after you've had sex whereas a woman's hymen will rupture after her first time.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 28, 2015
  14. Vrother

    Vrother Fapstronaut

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    Thanks bro. Lastly, i have being thinking weirder and weirder. I hope you all help. This is the first time i feel support in this topic. When i talk with my friends, i used to joke about my own virginity and show off my constant porn using. I wonder how sincere i ll be with myself and with them.
    Wait a minute. What about my foreskin? Everybody says it will scrap like a bloody paper.
     
  15. yzeew

    yzeew Fapstronaut

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    The brain likes novelty so it will constantly look for new stuff. This can make weird stuff become interesting after the more traditional stuff has already been looked at for a while.
    Nope, a guy does not change. Although yea if you do end up taking a girls virginity the hymen will rupture so a towel should be ready as breaking the hymen can be a bit bloody after.
     
  16. I understand what you're saying. I've been there. I spent years yearning to be accepted by peers. I was lonely. I take back what I said about loneliness being a choice. It comes and it is a very real feeling, and you can't decide to not feel that way. I used to let it make me depressed, even to the point of suicidal ideation and planning out how I would do it if I ever worked up the "courage." However, you do have a choice for how you respond to loneliness. But you see, social anxiety comes from feeling like you need friends (and/or attention from the opposite sex) and feeling insecure about your perceived inability to say or do socially acceptable things. Thus, you feel anxious around other people. They see that you are anxious, and they then reject you. Happened to me over and over and over. However, if you come to accept yourself, your need for friends and social acceptance declines. You no longer need other people to accept you, to make feel as if you are a person of worth. As your need for attention and acceptance decreases, the more confident you become. And with confidence comes friends and increased social acceptance. If you are alone, then learn how to become comfortable with just yourself. EVERYTHING comes down to how you see you. If you don't like yourself, then make a list of the problems you can change, figure out how to change them, and change them! Because how you see you, is how other people see you. I spent the first 25 years of my life with zero friends, no dates, no girlfriends, overweight, and underachieving in school, convinced I would never go anywhere in my life. I then began working on my problems and I slowly began to like myself more and more.

    With that being said, I am still socially awkward, but I am no longer have social anxiety. I have friends despite my social awkwardness. People just see me as quirky, and they like me for it! But because I don't come across as socially needy, they don't reject me. I get more attention from women as well, but I don't need it. I'm content to keep waiting for the right one to come along.
     
  17. The Powerpuff Girls

    The Powerpuff Girls Fapstronaut

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    Exactly! I agree, that there nothing wrong with being a virgin. I never felt bad about being a virgin. I felt frustrated at times because I didn't have sexual experience. I don't want to just have sex, but with the right person.

    - Blossom
     
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  18. "Sugar! Spice! And everything nice!"

    Seriously my husband and I quote that on like a weekly basis. Love your avatar.
     
  19. @Dev-abc I really feel no guilt or shame about being a virgin. When you said, "But hey - I'm not a virgin anymore!" that didn't resonate with me at all. I have no desire to lose it just to be able to say I'm not a virgin anymore. I feel no pressure to have sexual experiences just to have stories to share and brag about to my guy friends. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I used to go around wanting to have sex with every attractive girl I saw, but that passed. I don't even worry if I find the right person or not. I would like to, but I am content being single for now, and what a relief it is to feel that way! The pressure is gone.
     
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  20. I figured that was the point of your post. But yeah, I am willing to wait for the right person, however, I do believe that there is more than one right person for everyone. I don't think there is just one person who right for us. I just think we have to find A right person, not THE right person. You know what I mean?
     
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