Its simple - you don't while rebooting

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by RedPillRebooter, Mar 11, 2017.

  1. RedPillRebooter

    RedPillRebooter Fapstronaut

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    Haven't been on this website in months and this new subtopic "dating while rebooting" thing is now here.

    Its simple - you don't 'date' (we don't do that here in the USA in 2017 lol) while rebooting.

    You have to think of yourself as "sick", you are in the process of being healed. You wouldn't go out to the bar when you are diagnosed with cancer would you? Well alot of y'all have PIED so you cant get it up anyway so heal yourself before you 'date'.

    about a month ago, even when I had nearly 200 days w/out porn, I only had about 6 days w/out masturbation. So I couldn't get it up, for this girl I spent the night with, I left, and ended up getting a DUI. wtf.

    PIED left me with emotional and legal problems lol

    on a more serious note, now I don't have PIED anymore, I could probably start to see a chick now or soon and definitely get it up w/out any problems, but I'm still healing, so must you.
     
  2. Rigel7

    Rigel7 Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry for the legal problems you have run into, but to be totally objective about your situation, dating during a reboot and PIED were not responsible for you getting a DUI. I feel that you need to own that it was a mistake you made regardless of your sex life. You might have to also consider whether alcohol is an issue for you that may need healing from too.

    If healing for you means abstain from dating, then I think go for it. I hope things get sorted out with your legal problems.
     
  3. Makavel!

    Makavel! Fapstronaut

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    I have to agree with @RedPillRebooter .
    I have been down this reboot thing too many times and I have gone through through dating during it and without.
    Dating will definitely put a dent on the reboot and ultimately lead to relapse.
    That was the case for me, multiple times.

    A lot of people say you shouldn't wait 30, 90 days to get a move on.
    Well, guess what? Going ahead thinking you are cured because you made a week or more and feeling better doesn't cut it.

    I'm not saying wait for eternity either. But, every guy who is addicted to Porn has problems which fapping has caused. Why not fix those problems before?
    Believe me, having another person by your side won't make you happy if you were unhappy with yourself to begins with.
    End of my ramble.
     
    RedPillRebooter likes this.
  4. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    That is certainly true. I must say that I am often yearning for a girlfriend, I haven't been with a woman for almost three years, but deeper inside I always know about this.

    Regarding the rest, I think it depends on what you define as "dating". By now I can say I don't want any sex without love anymore, and I would probably wait for the relationship to be serious, too. With this in mind, I don't see any problem with dating, although you need to be aware that emotions will come up and might trigger you. I should add that I also think my reboot might never be finished. I got to 8 months last year, and after I relapsed I had the feeling my reboot had only just begun.
     
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  5. joey0411

    joey0411 Fapstronaut

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    But wouldnt having sex with a real partner instead of virtual shit (porn) improve the process of healing?
    Any more experiences from people who had intercourse while healing?
     
  6. Chef Boy

    Chef Boy Fapstronaut

    I agree that it's probably best not to date in that initial 90 day period. In the past I've been triggered and relapsed after going on dates with chicks.
     
  7. joey0411

    joey0411 Fapstronaut

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    To specify what I mean:
    As I understand it, while watching porn sex is just simulated in the brain and is not happening because of stimuli through our senses.
    But if those senses get trained through REAL senses in sex, it should contribute to the healing process, shouldnt it?
     
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  8. Rigel7

    Rigel7 Fapstronaut

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    I think it's been said in other threads before, but really, your mileage may vary as it depends on your situation. For example, you could be having an active sex life but are not present in the sex and always fantasise about being with other women or porn stars. Cold turkey from sex could help in that situation.
     
    Tesslynne likes this.
  9. joey0411

    joey0411 Fapstronaut

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    So you think it would not help in my case and if so: why?
    Case: watched porn for over 10 years. Now experiencing (realising) the bad effects and struggling to get trough my PMO challenge.
     
  10. jmjo12

    jmjo12 Fapstronaut

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    So where does your mind go during sex? Are you present in the moment or watching a porn scene in your head?
    I'm having the same problem btw. And I think this is the key...
     
  11. RedPillRebooter

    RedPillRebooter Fapstronaut

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    You should not be able to think complete thoughts while having sex. It should feel so good that you aren't thinking about anything except for pleasure.

    A few years ago I used to worry during sex about my PIED and thus wasn't enjoying it nearly as much as I would today now that I'm close to being fully healed.

    So if your at the point where you're thinking about porn when you're fucking a real woman then you need to take a break from all things sexual for a while like I did. Sexuality should not equal porn, a normal healthy human being should be able to get it up just fine and think only of the woman he is with at the present moment. In fact he should have trouble getting it DOWN. - thats what I think being healed means, not having PIED and porn thoughts.
     
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  12. staub

    staub Fapstronaut

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    This is exactly why one does the reboot. :)
    I can see the point you're making, but you also have to consider that most of us here have different levels of the problem (so to say).
    You are absolutely right, if your sexing a woman and constantly thinking about some porn, you should take a break from all sexuality and set this straight again.

    However, for many the problem might be other areas. Social Anxiety around strangers/women for example. That was it for me a lot. This is something that vastly improved (I'm currently around day 80ish noPMO hardmode).
    For me however there is no problem going out dating, but dating doesn't neccessarily mean fucking. It's also the process of courting, going out, cuddleing over a movie all that stuff.
    And a relationship is far more than just fucking each other.
    You're also right that sexuality does not only not equal porn, it is actually something whole different (spiritually, not technically.) as it is far more intimate. You are at a point where you're pretty much the most vulnerable you'll ever get but at the same time so is your partner, and giving in to this enables you to enjoy yourself and your partner like you describe that what you have now. I like this way of putting it. :)

    I'd go so far as to say that dating might even help you, especially if you're in the "long-time single" department.
     
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  13. jmjo12

    jmjo12 Fapstronaut

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    Very well said!
     

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