It's time to quit for good

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by timetoquitforgood, Dec 17, 2020.

  1. timetoquitforgood

    timetoquitforgood New Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone,

    New member here! Porn and Fapping is something I'm now super determined to give up on, more than ever before. I thought I'd post my story here - not sure anyone will be interested, but it's good for my recovery trail to journal my thoughts and motivations for quitting. I also reckon there's a fair few people going through what I'm going through, so if you are interested then great - we're in this together.

    So I've been on and off quitting porn/fapping for close to 2 years now. I'll be 23 in March, and I think I first started reading about and trying out NoFap a few months before my 21st birthday. My original motivation was to help reduce social anxiety, and become more compatible with girls. In the time since I first got interested in it, my life has been pretty up and down. I've gone through periods (never quite 3 months, but up to 2 months) without whacking off, although it's worth noting that I often have watched the odd porn video that appeared on my twitter feed (even though I don't follow any explicit accounts). I definitely cut down massively on the amount of porn and fapping in these last 2 years or so, but can't say that I was properly practicing nofap. For instance, I'd stop for 1 month, then start for 2 weeks, stop for 3 weeks, start for a few days etc.

    I feel since discovering nofap, I have reduced social anxiety and improved with girls. However, I also haven't transformed myself in the way I'd like to. For instance, I previously went a few weeks without fapping, only to then have sex with a girl I wasn't even physically attracted to (she just behaved like she was hungry for sex- a lot like how pornstars act in videos). I am now aware that this did little to help my progress - I was refraining from porn, but seeking out my fantasy of 'quick and easy' sex that I had developed from years of watching porn.

    I have therefore been unable to fully focus on self-improvement, and have failed to find a significant other who I wish to settle down with (or at least try to have a long term connection with). This is due to the fact that every time in the past I started nofap, I was always thinking about girls and sex, and that it was alright for me to do this as long as I didn't watch porn or whack off. How stupid this was of me.
    My self-esteem is also pretty low, and I have no doubt this is partly due to having 'unconventional' sexual fantasies that are in the back of my mind (developed from the porn I have watched). I won't go into any detail - they're not fantasies I'm really ashamed of or anything, they're just sexual acts that aren't intimate, passionate, or loving. Perhaps this is why I have previously gone for girls who I don't think are particularly attractive - I just wanted someone to fulfil my fantasy.

    I am now attempting to quit whacking off and porn for good, with pure intentions straight from the start. I know this will be one of the hardest things I have ever done. I've never been addicted to substances, foods, drinks etc. Sexual desires are a different beast for me unfortunately.
    My motivation now is self improvement - I want to become the best version of myself in terms of work, lifestyle, and success. Of course, I'd be lying if I said women weren't motivating me in part. It is now a different kind of desire for women though. I only want a woman for loving and intimate purposes - any kind of meaningless sex can fuck off. I am also not focussing primarily on attraction from girls - I hope this is just a side-product from the end result of me becoming my best self. A previous girl I had a relationship with (and actually kind of liked) recently ended things with me. I have no doubt that if I was succeeding in my life, she would have remained with me - all the more motivation for nofap - to avoid situations like this in the future.

    At the moment the main hurdle for me will be when I'm hungover - I always feel very horny when I wake up after drinking. I don't drink too often, so hopefully this won't be a huge obstacle. Boredom is another obstacle, although I am now so determined that I hope this doesn't come into play.
    The one positive is that due to Covid, it is unlikely I will meet any women for the next 3 months. As mentioned before, in the past this was a huge detriment - I'd refrain from fapping only to end up sexualising and sleeping with women who I didn't really like.

    My birthday is in March, so by then I hope to have accomplished a full reboot. Yeah, that's my story - I may continue posting about it, to help me on my way.

    Peace and love guys.
     
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2020
    Jefe Rojo likes this.
  2. Jefe Rojo

    Jefe Rojo Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap! Good luck on your journey here. Let me know if you need any assistance with this forum. Take care!
     
    timetoquitforgood likes this.

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