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It's Time

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by aeburbt, Jan 18, 2021.

  1. Jan 18, 2021 #1
    aeburbt

    aeburbt Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone. I kind of can't believe that I'm about to put this in writing, but it also feels good to get all of this out. So, here's my story.

    I started dabbling in porn when I was around 14 or so. We only had dial up internet at the time, so I would sneak downstairs at night to look at pictures or read erotic stories. I wasn't addicted at the time, but it definitely opened the door. Fast forward to college, when I got my first serious girlfriend, as well as high speed internet. I still wasn't addicted, but I would watch porn and masturbate because I thought it would help me last longer during sex.

    After college, I moved back to my small hometown and broke up with my girlfriend. Now that I wasn't having sex anymore, I began to turn to porn more often, usually in the form of pictures of girls on Twitter. Since that time (about 9 years ago), I have gone through various cycles of porn use. I will binge for a few weeks straight, feel ashamed and broken, quit, enjoy a few weeks free from my growing addiction, and then fall right back in. This has been a repeating cycle and it's very frustrating to look back on how long this has been a problem for me.

    I won't go into the details, but last night an acquaintance of mine found out about my use of porn. I'm embarrassed and ashamed, especially since I'm expecting the birth of my first child in two months. In a strange way, however, I'm thankful that this even happened. It sort of broke a trend in my life and forced me to hit the reset button. Now is the time to quit for good. I know it's terrible for my relationship with my wife, as well as my mental and physical health. I also want to be a good father to my child, and it's hard to do that when I'm ashamed of the "man" I am.

    Anyways, thank you all for this space. Just shedding light on my addiction has been a salve of sorts. It's time to end this addiction for good. Starting with day one.
     
    aeburbt, Jan 18, 2021
    aeburbt, Jan 18, 2021
    #1
    tonyk1982, MixerAwersome, yammers-nf and 1 other person like this.
  2. Jan 19, 2021 #2
    Anti-Hero

    Anti-Hero Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations on taking the first steps. The child could be a powerful catalyst for your self control. Jerking off is for confused boys, not you. You're now a real man - a father. Best of luck.
     
    Anti-Hero, Jan 19, 2021
    Anti-Hero, Jan 19, 2021
    #2
    aeburbt likes this.
  3. Jan 19, 2021 #3
    Robindale

    Robindale Fapstronaut

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    Lots of self-awareness expressed there. Best wishes to you on achieving the goal of PMO-free for your wife, your new-born child, and most especially, for you. We are proud of the man you are and the steps you are taking. Good luck.
     
    Robindale, Jan 19, 2021
    Robindale, Jan 19, 2021
    #3
    aeburbt and yammers-nf like this.
  4. Jan 19, 2021 #4
    yammers-nf

    yammers-nf Fapstronaut

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    Greetings, and welcome to the NoFap community. It is interesting how relationship with people can encourage one to change. As you discovered, sometimes it is these moments of shame and embarrassment that drive us to a dead-end, and the only way to continue is to turn around and confront the behavior.

    Surrendering your addiction in the wake of receiving your child is truly commendable; I think we can all appreciate your desire to be a good father, and you have realized this is perhaps impossible if you continue your addiction. We hope you will rely on this community if you find it helps you stay accountable to your goal.

    You can do this, and we will support you along the way.
     
    yammers-nf, Jan 19, 2021
    yammers-nf, Jan 19, 2021
    #4
    aeburbt likes this.
  5. Jan 19, 2021 #5
    aeburbt

    aeburbt Fapstronaut

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    Thank you all so much...I really feel your support and I can't tell you how much that means to me. Just know that the support is mutual; we're all in this together! We got this.
     
    aeburbt, Jan 19, 2021
    aeburbt, Jan 19, 2021
    #5
    yammers-nf likes this.
  6. Jan 22, 2021 #6
    MexFighter

    MexFighter Fapstronaut

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    Welcome, thanks for sharing your story!
    We're all addicts fighting this battle..
    Tbh I'm so glad your wife knows about your addiction now but I would recommend to look for an AP.. a good friend or family member who you trust and love an talk about your addiction.. It gonna take courage and it gonna be sooo hard and embarrasing to do it but also gonna be sooooooo healing. Don't save anything, be clear and say it loud. This can save your life, trust me.
    What's your first goal? I really hope can reach that first goal.
    At this time of our life the key to go sober is DISCIPLINE! One day at a time... Good luck.
     
    MexFighter, Jan 22, 2021
    MexFighter, Jan 22, 2021
    #6
    aeburbt likes this.
  7. Jan 22, 2021 #7
    MixerAwersome

    MixerAwersome Fapstronaut

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    welcome to Nofap Community!
     
    MixerAwersome, Jan 22, 2021
    MixerAwersome, Jan 22, 2021
    #7
    aeburbt likes this.
  8. Jan 22, 2021 #8
    aeburbt

    aeburbt Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. My first goal is to get to 90 days...but I'm hoping that's just a milestone on my way to a lifetime without P
     
    aeburbt, Jan 22, 2021
    aeburbt, Jan 22, 2021
    #8

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