I've become a failure, I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by mEvy, Dec 4, 2018.

  1. mEvy

    mEvy New Fapstronaut

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    Been out of high school 3 years (graduated 2016), dad died right before college started. Moved away 1 year after dad died with my mom to a different state to transfer colleges for a different engineering school while she got new work. Used to be a straight A student in high school, but failed a few classes my first semester (fall 2017), took off time and did a little work (spring 2018) while retaking the classes I failed. Came back optimistic about (fall 2018) semester, but ended up failing another class again, and now i'm gonna move back up north with mom in (may 2019) and working during (spring 2019) instead of going to school since I failed my mother (we decided in the middle of (fall 2018) to move back up north because we hate it in the south and we miss our family).

    I have been using porn and masturbating since age 14, was never a problem until after my dad died, when I started college and masturbated at home instead of trying to connect with new people, while all of my old friends from high school drifted away. Problems got worse and worse after I moved away to a new college and state, I felt lonely and that's when I started to really start masturbating 6-10 times a day. I used to run about 40 miles a week and enjoyed studying and going to school, now I hate it and I feel angry, spiteful, and sad all of the time. I've wasted so much of my mom's time and money, I feel like I'm the worst son ever and I'll never get better. I've tried changing and NoFap but I've failed every time, and there's just so much guilt now because of what I've done that I don't think I can overcome it. I've become a failure.
     
  2. IDKWHYIUSEDALLCAPS

    IDKWHYIUSEDALLCAPS New Fapstronaut

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    just because you failed multiple times dont mean you're a failure, dust yourself off and keep trying.
     
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  3. Focused mind

    Focused mind Fapstronaut

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    Hey there bro
    Don't feel this way man.. I m sorry for your dad but,, see this is how it works ,this is how the wold is .. someone comes and someone else depart .. and I can understand what kind of situation it would have been when all of the responsibilities suddenly came to your shoulders ..
    But see man it all started when u allowed porn and masturbation to take u over and now
    It must end when u will force it with all the mental toughness and strength u have
    And I know u have it bro cause every human is made to change and to evolve for betterment
    If not for yourself then do it for you mother
    Take steps one by one one day at a time
    And make a building of success from this small blocks of success
     
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  4. mEvy

    mEvy New Fapstronaut

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    Thanks I appreciate it, its just my mom isn't really an irresponsible or feeble person, she is a strong woman who has yelled at me and called me a waste and a failure, which she should do. I am lazy and I hardly do anything for her besides yard work. It's been hard and I've wasted so much money (like $26k amount that she has spent), its just hard for her to forgive me and I've just given her so much stress, my dad and her were married for 25 years, and he was a dentist and the major breadwinner of the house, which we had to sell after he died because we couldn't afford it without burning up the money he left behind.
     
  5. tiredofdoingthis

    tiredofdoingthis Fapstronaut

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    I found that when my dad died I started escalating with porn even more than before. It was very hard. It has been over 4 years. The pain isn't as bad. It still is difficult. Your mom shouldn't be saying those things to you. My guess is that she is having a hard time on many levels. The year after we lost my dad, my mother in law passed away. My wife couldn't understand my actions at all when my dad died. I withdrew more and more. She became very angry. She went through similar issues when her mom passed. It a very hard thing to lose a parent. I have to believe losing a spouse would be worse. Hang in there. You keep working at things. See if you can get back into school. Give yourself a little grace, man. You lost a parent at a much younger age than I did. That changes you forever. People can't comprehend until they go through it. It sounds to me like you've been trying to escape the pain you are in. That is natural. It's going to get better.
     
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  6. tom4change

    tom4change Fapstronaut

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    your still young and have the rest of your life ahead of you! one day at a time just just and cut down limit yourself and make goals! start running again trust me it will help, sorry about your dad, we all fail here but we all can keep trying, personally i want to make sure i dont masterbate more than once a week then once a months untill i can stop completely. believe in yourself bro
     
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  7. Sam_ba

    Sam_ba Fapstronaut

    Hey man
    We are here for you
    Lean on us
    There are plenty of ways you can get back on the tracks where you want to go
    But for now the pain is big
    You need help. Maybe professional help
    In any case we are here to listen and to help you stop getting deeper into depression by the use of substitutes n

    Together we can heal
     
    Focused mind likes this.
  8. shevro

    shevro Fapstronaut

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    Listen to eminem's song! Guts over fear, not afraid, beautiful are my personal fav!
     
  9. shevro

    shevro Fapstronaut

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    And ya, I know its hard to cope up with failure. Let me tell you my story, I was a very sincere studious guy in school. But I had a habit of not getting along with people well. I was shy, had difficulty talking to girls, strangers and even relatives. Then one day I discovered porn and soon started the habit of masturbation. Became too addicted to it! And in my engineering, I failed in 5 out of 6 subjects! I had to appear for 2 exams in which I had failed previously. So altogether I failed 7 times in engg! Besides this I have had to deal with a humiliating incident too! Still I holded my ground and kept on working to get better! So bro, let the whole world call you a failure, but do not accept that! Don't react. Show with your actions! Start working hard and stay strong!
     
  10. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

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    Self-destructing criticism could be the end of you. It's not set in stone that you won't do the things you want to and are possible. I know it can be hard, I have a similar story to yours, but I don't know what could I possibly say to make your situation better. We are quite damaged, here on this site, some more than others. But playing the victim role forever won't do any good. Identify what makes you take the choices you make. It might involve inspecting your past and reconnecting with yourself and others close to you and probably won't be easy, but if you don't know your problems how are you going to fix them?
     
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  11. Cheese Puff

    Cheese Puff New Fapstronaut

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    You should really look into reading a couple self help books. It's insane how one $10 book can completely shatter your mindset and have you questioning your life.

    You're in a major life maturing rut right now. Dont underestimate how much reading a book could change your life.

    Check out: You are a badass, Power of now, and how to win friends and influence people.

    For you specifically, committing to nofap will turn you into a God. But you will have to go through struggles to get there.
     
  12. Hros

    Hros Fapstronaut

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    I'm really sorry about your dad, but listening to your mom's negativity and continually convincing yourself that it's true won't help at all. C'mon, pick yourself up and start bettering yourself, slowly but surely.
     
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  13. You are in a tough place, and it sucks ... but this does not = Failure. Our lives as human beings are uncertain, and we often end up taking wrong turns. We get off track. Sometimes we don't even know where the track is anymore. But this does not mean you have failed. You are just in a place where you're struggling to find your way forward after some difficult developments. Take things a step at a time to improve your life, it really can get better.
     

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