I've been trying since 2014. I need help.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by seth, Mar 3, 2019.

  1. seth

    seth Fapstronaut

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    I've gone through many successful streaks in the last 5 years. 89 days hard mode right off the bat in 2014. Several 30 day streaks. The longest ever without P, M, or O was a solid 7 months in 2016.

    Just recently, I had gone another 4 months without porn to finish off 2018, and it was all because I was using the software EverAccountable (if you don't know, with EverAccountable, every week your accountability partner gets an email that has all suspicious content you looked at in the last week). Very effective. But recently, I recently found a way to get around it and now I feel it doesn't work for me! If I can cheat the system, it's not going to be as effective as it used to be. The one year renewal is in March, so I decided against it.

    Two days ago I tried to pick myself up again, and I am motivated (as I usually am when I get back on track). However, I need a better accountability software to keep me accountable. Knowing that a friend was going to see everything I would be using was immensely helpful - what other technologies exist?
    Any other advice?

    Please help. Thanks.
     
  2. Never Again

    Never Again Fapstronaut

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    I would recommend Covenant Eyes, which has filtering as well as accountability. Err on the side of stricter general filtering rules. You can add websites after the fact without administrative abilities.
     
    seth likes this.
  3. Depressed&Out

    Depressed&Out Fapstronaut

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    Five years and you're still not recovered? :( Where's this notion that it takes 2 years to recover is coming from?

    Most people are taking much longer than that, if ever!
     
  4. SirErnest

    SirErnest Fapstronaut

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    Maybe you can pick up some hints and inspiration from the Success Stories forum.
    You have had significant experience in the past, so that should give some hope..
     
  5. bigboibez

    bigboibez Fapstronaut

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    Do you have ED? Do you have any othr symptoms of porn addiction? It could just be that youre rebooted but arent in a relationship? I dont think after 7 months its normal to relapse unless youve left a massive void in your life filled by PMO. Did you not have fewer urges after 7 months?
     
  6. Sam-_

    Sam-_ Fapstronaut

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    There are two ways to fight PMO: you run from it, or you face it.

    Nearly everybody on NoFap, FOR SOME REASON, chooses the wrong way. They choose to run.

    Running from PMO is just about as beneficial as not even trying to stop. Why? Simple. When you run, you never learn to conquer the urge on your own. You instead, learn to throw stuff at the urge (I.e. distractions to get away from the feeling) but never learn how to overcome it on your own. When you run, you also STILL SUBMIT to the control of PMO. Why? You feel an urge, you retaliate. You feel another urge, you retaliate again. Sure, you’re not PMOing, but you’re on the defensive. You react, but don’t act. Not only that, but running because you’re feeling anxious, or scared of PMOing is just as bad as relapsing. The second you become fearful of relapse, you lose. Your mind scrambles looking for ways to prevent it, you begin to panic and eventually you relapse. You might be able to run for a day, a week, a month, or even a year, but eventually you will fail.
    You’re essentially trying to put out a fire with gasoline. It’s not a solution meant for long term abstinence.

    On the other hand, you fight it. This way is the hardest way, but the most effective. When you fight PMO, you’re making the mental effort to withstand the urge, rather than hiding behind barriers you’ve built. Rather than running away, you let the urge wash over you, and you decide which is more important: the quick high followed by dissapointment, or the feeling of accomplishment that follows overcoming PMO even one time. When you fight PMO, each win powers you through to the next. You know you overcame it before, and in turn you can overcome it again. When you fight PMO, it cannot control you. You don’t run, you don’t hide. You continue doing whatever you are doing and simply ask yourself, “is it worth it to give up my progress for a quick high? Is it worth it to restart?”

    Basically, it comes down to this: running is a short term solution. You’ll eventually tire out, and relapse. Fighting is a long term solution. Every day you make it becomes another reason not to give up, another reason to endure the urge. I made a post describing what I said here in more detail here:https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...elling-people-to-do-this.218119/#post-1931836 and if you’d like to understand it more, go read it.

    We have to realize there is no way to outrun feelings. In a war, you cannot run from your opponent and expect to win. You have to fight. You have to be smart, and you cannot give up.
     
    AxBlaim and Freeddom_Taker like this.
  7. seth

    seth Fapstronaut

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    I have no signs of a porn addiction. I'm in a healthy long-term relationship with a healthy sex life. I'm not a big fan of hard mode. I think occasional masturbation is fine and think too many people are push their hard core hard mode on to too many other people. So I somehow managed 7 months without anything. I got sick of it. Fighting too many urges. So I broke the M streak first. Only a month later, did old habits kick and I was just masturbating to fight the urge to want to watch porn.

    This just lifted my entire spirit. How right you are. This was beautifully said. You are right. I've gotten good at running. Even that 7 month streak was just a really long run. Motivation doesn't last forever. I need to build the urge-resisting muscle. It will never be easy. It might get a bit easier, but I have to start becoming a fighter again. And I haven't been in quite some time. Thank you sir.
     
    Sam-_ likes this.
  8. zeekland

    zeekland Fapstronaut

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    You are either dedicated to this or you're not, if you're not 100% dedicated heart and mind then you will never break free and you will constantly fail. You need to sit down and really think if this is actually the path you want to take and then look deep inside and ask a simple question, am I dedicated or not. If you're truly in a long-term relationship then obviously you should accept that you are being unfaithful to this person because porn is cheating, you are putting love and desire into other people that should be poured out onto your SO. It doesn't matter if it's a video or a person, it's cheating.

    I don't believe in hand holding, I believe this is the main reason people spend years failing, too many people don't hold themselves accountable. I will admit my first streak might not be great, yet, but for my first run it's been effortless, and as my counter keeps climbing my words will begin to carry more weight in other people's eyes. I dedicated 100% and after a few weeks of forcing thoughts out of my mind my overall view point is far different today than almost a month ago. I even look at women differently now, as stupid as that might sound to others. I can only imagine my 90th day reflection moment.

    If you were my best friend this is what I would tell you.
    1) remove the child block software, you don't need it and there is no point if all you do is try to bypass it. You wont gain willpower by having a nanny run your life.
    2) stop making excuses for your relapses, real men take responsibility for their actions.
    3) If you think PMO/MO is ok, then tell your SO in great detail what you think about as you PMO/MO to other people, see how accepting they are after that.
    4) You can't handle just MO, it's proven by your own words, you need to consider no PMO.
    5) Force thoughts out of your mind, stop fantasizing, and face porn as if it was an attacker, don't flee but defend and conquer it.
    6) Trigger words are for children, fearing a word is like using porn software, it removes your willpower and leaves a nice opening for porn and relapse excuses to wiggle in.
    7) Never give up, you gotta look yourself in the mirror, we don't. Clearly you are ashamed of your choices or you wouldn't be here, you're not alone on this and plenty of others share it with you.


    End of the day you are alone, it's up to you to do what's best for yourself. Nofap is a tool for advice and motivation, but if you are 100% dedicate to YOUR choices then you should get to a point where you don't need this place. Porn shouldn't be a demon after a few months, if you actively remove the thoughts and fantasies from your mind then you should get to a point where not thinking about it is daily and normal, that's when you know you are past it. Since you have a SO the urges should also be minimal for PMO or MO as well. Take my words for what it's worth.
     
    Last edited: Mar 15, 2019
    Sam-_ and AxBlaim like this.
  9. seth

    seth Fapstronaut

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    I don't know why, but there are some things about what you said that rub me the wrong way. I don't have a child block software. I can access porn anytime I want - what worked well was the accountability piece (which I eventually bypassed). Again, this should only be serving as a reminder - not my only method of defense against porn.

    I'm not making excuses. I'm seeking help.

    I tell my partner all the time about my struggle with porn. She honestly thinks it's great I'm working towards this, but she wouldn't really care if I said I want to watch porn regularly.

    Where did I say anything about trigger words?

    These are good points and help me frame my thinking. You're absolutely on the money here. I am ashamed of these choices, which is exactly why I am here. I also get a bit of inspiration and reminder when I'm on NoFap, why I want to do this which is what I was seeking by posting. So thanks for giving that.
     
  10. zeekland

    zeekland Fapstronaut

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    Well I never said I was going to give you advice you liked, I told you I would give you advice I would give a friend......the truth has the tendency to piss people off in these scenarios, perhaps instead of feeling slighted you should consider my words in a different light and context.
     

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