I've done that before... Now I'm back

Hi,

I turned 30 this year and I started serious NoFap at the end of the last month. I've been doing great, though I still watch some stuff but I don't fap to it. It's sometimes hard but when I feel I have to do it, I just go and ride a bike. It's been more than 3 weeks now.

I've been on NoFap when I was 17, if I remember correctly. For over a year. I had few relapses then but I kept it all in real control. I wish I used that to my advantage back then but I was focuse on unrealistic plans then and I regret that.

Unfortunately I have Borderline Personality Disorder but I know the cure to it. The cure to it is to meet people constantly. Being in touch with people. Porn addiction and fapping was making me staying in comfort zone. It's still hard to meet new people, because I am very lonely. Outside of work I don't have much people to talk to. Hell, I don't have anyone out of my work. But my job helped me find some good relationships and I also regained some ties with an old friend. I don't think it's all because of the nofap.I also go to psychologyst and she's helping me a lot.

About the whole nofap/not using porn thing. I mean I still watch that stuff but I don't do anything with it. I am clean and I plan to be clean. I need power which nofap is giving me. Sometimes it's hard when I get blue balls but I am strong. I get them a lot. It's not healthy but I am constantly improving. Once I had a really bad pain but I just relaxed, went out at night to go for a bike ride. And I was free from stupid thoughts. Exercise do a lot of good. I also started calisthenics which is a blessing for me. I love it and I plan to stay in it, improving my social life.

My psychologyst told me that the best cure for all my anxiety, stress, loneliness is to FORCE myself to go out and maintain ANY sort of relationship with people, even if I am UTTERLY bored. I have to force myself to be with them. That's my cure. She told me to stop looking at women only interested in sex, but at least trying to become interested in them as persons. I know that many women want sex and sometimes it's the only thing they think, when they are lonely themselves. Some women have stronger sex drive, some less. And I am not withdrawiing from sex life, although I haven't had sex for a year now (pretty scary to me when I think about it). If I meet the right girl and if I will get intimate, I will go for it. Although it would be nice to have sex with no cumming. I would like to preserve my semen. That's also my goal.

So I have been off of it for 3 weeks and my main goals are:

1. NoFAP (doing that).
2. No porn - getting there.
3. Have healthy relations with people and to have ANY constant relations with people - to keep in touch with them (this is the hardest actually).