I've got girls chasing me but I'm paranoid

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by parad0x, Aug 29, 2019.

  1. parad0x

    parad0x Fapstronaut

    One of my goals of 2019 was to get shredded, along with nofap, which still a work in progress (recently messed up a long streak). I'd been bulking (basically eating whatever and lifting all 2018) for a while and had gotten pretty fat tbh.

    As we hit the 8th month of the year I'm down around 40lbs total weight loss and the best physical condition I've ever been in.

    The uptick in female attention has been quite astounding tbh. I've got a very attractive girl I'm meeting within a few days for 'beers'.

    I'm worried if things progress I'll get PIED and screw it all up. I didn't have PIED before and it wasn't the reason I started nofap, I think reading about it so much has made me paranoid it will happen. I've been off the dating scene for like 12 months.

    Should I cancel the date?
  2. VK2019

    VK2019 Fapstronaut

    I would say no. You've been "off the game" for 12 months. You should expect to mess it up, badly.
    You are in a scarce mindset right now and this will show off, no matter how hard you try not to.
    Go on all the dates you can, make new friends and regularly go out and speak with random people, this will allow your brain and neuroplasticity to re-wire itself into abundance that is the exact opposite of neediness.
    Coffee Candy likes this.
  3. TIMMY0110

    TIMMY0110 Fapstronaut

    stop overthinking and go to the date without having any expectations (good or bad). If you stay relaxed your date is gonna be just fine.
  4. Daggertail19

    Daggertail19 Fapstronaut

    I am going through something very similar. Met a girl who seems really into me and I am really into her, however I have suffered from PIED in the past, or maybe performance anxiety or whatever, and am worried that it will happen with her too. It helps that she does not want to have sex yet, says she doesn't want to rush things. But I get paranoid when she is close to me like cuddling or something and my guy downstairs isn't responding. The paranoia was a lot worse at first, but I do understand your paranoia as I have the same fear.

    I talked to my mom about it for the first time ever, and she told me something that I already knew, but did not really consider until she said it. She said "don't think about sex, it will come naturally" And I think she is 100% right, if I want to stop objectifying women and thinking of them as sex objects than I have to rewire my brain to not expect anything sexual AT ALL. I am very glad I spoke to my mom about it, I feel like it has helped me get a grip on my paranoia and dismissing the thoughts.

    Good luck.
    need4realchg likes this.
  5. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    An increased level of success means an increased level of problems. You don't think you can handle those problems. So you use fear, worry, doubt, stress, negative assumptions, and limitations as a way to self sabotage and scare you from achieving your desires. You use negativity as a way to maintain control in the face of uncertainty and adversity by mentally filling in the gaps with negative assumptions. Your ego doesn't want you to fail, make mistakes, or get rejected. It wants you to stay comfortable and never take risks.

    There are no guarantees in life. The reality is that things might not work in your favor, but your negative expectations and desire to control the uncertain future outcome is counter productively lowering your chances of success. Your chances would be higher if you just accepted everything for how it is and be fully present in the experience. Doing your current best is all you've got. You can't be at your best if you're expecting to lose and mentally self sabotaging yourself as a ineffective form of protecting yourself from undesired outcomes.

    That's the difference between fear and excitement. Fear is expecting to lose. Excitement is expecting to win. You might not win every time, but you expect to win eventually and you bring your best to every situation rather than expecting to lose and tip toeing your way safely towards your goal.

    You can't run and take 2nd base if you still got a foot on 1st base.

    The more risks you take, the more you'll fail, but also the more you'll succeed.

    The less risks you take, the less you'll fail, but also the less you'll succeed.

    Let go of all the excess bullshit you've placed on yourself, be present in the experience, and take whatever outcome that happens like a strong individual would. Learn to handle different circumstances and outcomes rather than avoiding and fearing them.

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