Ive had a few success stories to know this is legit. But i fell hard the last time... I need help.

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Palerequiem348, May 13, 2021.

  1. Palerequiem348

    Palerequiem348 Fapstronaut

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    So, this might be long. I thank anyone who took the time to read it and especially if you have any good advice on the matter...

    So this is the first time im doing this online. Trying to open up and be as "exposed" about my issue as possible. I am a 28 year old male. I am a virgin. I grew up in a heavily Christian background. I still consider myself a Christian. However im confused on some things right now in my life. I have seen blessings, and i have seen deprivation. I took spirituality very seriously. So when I was told that sex before marriage was immoral, i chose to wait till i found someone i was sure about. My friends; they were all of the same Christians too. I have lived a sheltered life to an extreme, though, not as much as others I've heard. I was homeschooled from 6th grade through high school up. I did go to trade school in high school though. But it was clear I was sheltered then too. after that, I just spent a lot of time doing ministry work for the church. I never had a gf till i was 21-22. and i met her online through Insta. (more about that later).
    Now... I say i was introduced to porn and masturbation at around 13. From then on i always had a problem with it. And in particular, I always was drawn to lesbian porn. Nothing more extreme than that. But that got me really bad. As a Christian, and being reminded of it all the time, I felt very very very badly about watching porn, even masturbating. I would hate myself for it. I remember one time i even tried physically hurting myself in hopes that either i would "discipline myself" into not doing it again, or that God would notice and help me out and forgive me. It didn't work. I made friends and for the most part, people usually feel like they can be close to me. I talked about my issue with some of them. Some of them had the issue too. Me and one friend would be accountability partners. We texted each other or called if we felt like relapsing or if we would relapse. It helped some, but at that time we still didn't have the awakening of knowledge on this subject like we do in the internet now. So we both still struggled for as far as i can remember. He was good with girls though. I never was. In time, we drifted away as friends. And it was around 20-21 that i started to do good for once. I talked things out with the elders of my church. i confessed. And they tried helping me for a while. I dont remember what happened, but there was finally a time i actually did it! I stopped porn and masturbation and Orgasm. I went a long time too. I went, i believe, 4 months. I was working with my dad at the time doing plumbing. things were stale in life. I come from a small town. It sucks. I have not left it yet either to this day... But after 4 months, I met this really beautiful girl online. We were talking for awhile, and eventually, we liked each other. And to me, it was the best thing on Earth. Even to this day, it was the best quality in my life. She was hot. She liked me. She was spiritual... but she was not over 18 yet. We did nothing sexually. But as we would talk, my hormones went crazy. I was 8 months in to NoFap, and i dont even know how to explain it other than that, things were just going my way. She lived in Virginia. I lived in Florida. She did not want to tell her parents about me. That's fine. But somehow, her friend planned a trip to Florida randomly, her family she was visiting? IN MY SAME SMALL TOWN. My gf was going to be with me in person. And i couldn't believe it how the universe was just making things "work." Had my first kiss. Was great. She went back, and then... I gave into MO again...
    My life went so downhill so fast after that... It really sucks.
    8 Months of NoFap. I didn't even no to call it NoFap back then. And then it ended.
    I became an emotional wreck. I became a wimp. I lost my gf. Got addicted again to hardcore porn and mo. this went on again for some time.
    Then, I conquered it again. I was doing good again. I was really spiritual and active in my church. Then, one day, some random guy invited me to travel to Nicaragua with him and his wife. I just got my Passport in the mail that week... Prayed about traveling and everything. It was answered. It was amazing to my sheltered mind. I was in another country. I loved it so much. It helped break my shell. I did so many fun things. I was even attractive to women!, But i was too stupid to even notice it. XD But anyway, life was fkn amazing! I went into volcanos, went out for drinks with random new friends, and did fun stuff. Eventually, i went back to Florida. Went back to work. hated life again. But i was still doing good with nofap. And i didn't know it, but i was coming to know another girl of interest back then.
    I started doing more hobbies. I worked out like all the fkn time. I got ripped. I was into martial arts. I hung out with new people. But they were still Christian. But they liked to party. So that was cool. And then I started getting into beekeeping. and being vegetarian. It wasn't the life i wanted yet, but i was happy with my own accomplishments. Mind u tho, I was still living with my parents.
    I met this girl. She was amazing to me. She liked all the stuff i liked. She was great.And again, it was like everything in life was working out again. We had plans. We were doing great. Really in love. But at the time, I started developing a nuerological disorder called Charcot Marie Tooth disease. I waisted the muscles away in my hands and feet. I was stuck... I couldn't do plumbing anymore without much pain and aggravation. I couldnt work out like i used to or run or do CrossFit or anything extreme. And that was what i did to control my NoFap! I was stuck. Ive been stuck. Then, like clockwork, I gave in one night to MO. Again. My life went to absolute Shit from then on to now. I lost her. Everything went bad. It hit me really hard. Harder than ever in my life before. I travelled some more. I went to Puerto rico, different parts of the U.S. Then i ended up in Thailand. It was great, but i still was giving in to PMO. Eventually, because of my addiction, I fell away from the church. Not because I dont believe, but i figured, "maybe i won't get better with women and dating and marriage and life unless i '"live a little.'" I got back right before Covid. I was expecting to go back to Thailand. Live abroad, and just teach English for a living. Instead, I was now trapped in the U.S. I am currently living with my Aunt and Uncle. My family at home are going down hill, and I feel like there is nothing I can do to help them. My sister is more messed up than I am. My disease got worse. I cant walk without pain. I look healthy and attractive to girls on the surface, even while being short, but my confidense is like 0. I have so many insecurities and mental problems. I am overwhelmed.

    I have tried everything else in the world to fix myself. I've seen improvements, but nothing has ever "fixed" me in the major areas of my life that have been so effected by PMO. I am currently Vegan, I am practicing Meditation and yoga. I have started exercising again through the use of some alterations on orthotics i made for myself. I have tried Psychologists, Therapists, pills, herbs of ALLLLL different sorts. I drink tea like a ninny. I have studied other religions. I have studied eastern religion. I listen to affirmations and self help videos and books. I got into crystals and stones and frequencies and then to quantum physics to find a solution to my issues. I have tried drugs. I got my medical M card. I started going to college! I'm doing WELL in college. Got scholarships and everything. I made friends with people younger and older than me, Christian and non-Chrisitan. People like me as a person to a degree. I have accomplished a lot to make up for my past of having such a lame life. I have a girl-friend, but she is not a gf. I think she is more attracted to women than men, and she can tell; I am weak. I am a loser of a man. I have no confidence with even her, but we are still close friends that support each other. She won't have sex before marriage either. I am thankful to God He has always given me something in my life to hold on to. Since I left the church, I have only two friends left and my family to talk to. But they are keeping my head above water. But I have never been that guy that was good with women or did his goals on his own. I finally have just started to know how to take a girl out on a date. But i still talk too much and suck at it. I overanalyze everything and eventually, i turn off a girl in as much as, on the rare occasions, I turn on a girl. I don't have a job currently. Our family business has finally ended. I managed to get SSDI from the government. Thank God. I have been living off that and financial aid for college. Allllllll this stuff, and still.... I feel like shit. Porn, Masturbation, really, perversion in it's varying forms, have been what has defeated every good attempt, prospect, livelyhood, feeling, and mental clarity in me since the beginning. It really has scome down to that. I dont know what else to say other than, at least from what I have seen in my case, that PMO is like a taboo of sorts. It has lead me to ruin many times. The only time the life i actually wanted was becoming in my life, was when i was cleaning myself of PMO for the 8 month length of time that i was doing. Ive never been past a year without the addiction coming back.

    I recently started getting into drugs. Just Marijuana and Shrooms. And i think its almost like its bringing on some sort of Psychosis in me. So i dont know how i feel about it all yet. Shrooms sent me on a crazy trip to the throne room of God and back. And it was actually very cool because I actually got to hear from God I do believe. I can't say much about it. But i can say, what He told me essentially showed this: "God is merciful. He does love us, and animals and all life too. But apparently, life is a matter of cause and effect. Breaking morality does lead to problems in life. This applies to every different case of morality, from the negative effects of PMO on us this way, to gluttony leading to overweight or other health problems. But just because we fall short of the "golden mean" on morality doesn't mean He hates us. Forgiveness of SINS is always there. And there is an afterlife where we can try again in a sense."

    So i walked away from that event detangled. Right now in my life, i am going on a study abroad trip to Italy at the end of this month. I am honestly hoping, in whatever way, that my life will change after this, while I am over there.

    I finally have made improvements in fighting PMO again... I am fighting it. And i started reading these nofap sites again. It is getting me motivated. But i have so much negative crap in my head pushing at me. I have not orgasmed in like maybe 2 weeks... But i have been edging on and off, and i feel like im going to explode some times. So now i am trying to fully cut that out too. I have been able to turn away from porn for the most part. But it has still gotten me some. LAST NIGHT, I was actually able to resist and walk past my laptop to watch porn. And i was able to resist edging and everything. I felt a glimmer of my old self come back the other day after notibly feeling my brain recepters working crap out in my head. I couldnt sleep. But i felt at peace. Today, i am motivated. I know 100%porn and MO are in fact, not healthy. I have seen and analyzed the difference between a cloudy mind of addiction, and one that is free. Accomplished people, are free. But as of right now... I am not free yet. And it feels like an injustice in that, i feel like i have in part ruined this whole person's life that is my "self." I want to free him. I want to start today, and never look back.

    I am a 28 year old virgin, with conflicting views of faith, psychosis, maybe bi-polar disorder. I am somewhat crippled. I think too much. I am living with family still. I am sheltered, trying to come out again. I dont know what to do for work. I dont have a job. I dont know what to do for a career. I am starting all over again as if i was 21. And it is wierd. Not gonna lie. It isnt as bad as i thought it would be, and fortunately, i dont look my age. So people think im 24 at most. I am afraid to live on my own and move away. IDK why. I feel ashamed. And up to this point PMO has perhaps been worse than ever. I had a mental breakdown. I am stressed. I am trying to hold on. I am making it. But i absolutely know, i ruined my life with PMO. And i wish the Porn industry would be destroyed tbh. I need a change... Im afraid tho, that it is too late for me. I am motivated to end this thing... But i need to know, does anyone reading this think that even for a guy like me, that i can change into being a successful accomplished person, even get a gf or a wife, live a normal life, and even be truly "happy?"

    If anyone has read this so far, thank you from the bottom of my heart... In the weeks, maybe days to come, i will try to be more active with nofap chats and accountability. Im still learning to do this tho. This is my first time on here i think, doing this. Any help... would be greatly appreciated. Even just something to let me know that it is possible to win.

    Thank you.
     
  2. NFGrad

    NFGrad Fapstronaut

    Interesting story and varied life experience.

    yes, you can do anything you set your mind to. You can be a successful accomplished person. You can get a gf or get married. You can live a normal life. You can be happy.

    know yourself. The true self. Be well. Be kind to others. Do good work. All the rest will follow. And yes, quit pmo. The process of quitting will lead to confronting deep psychological issues. Don’t let that stop you. Get help. Take help. Good luck!
     
  3. capitansubasa

    capitansubasa Fapstronaut

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    Hi brother.

    You can start right now, because if you dont do it now, in the next 5 or 10 years you will think about it maybe asking yourself what wouldve happened if that day i was determined to do it. If you want to study, you can start now.

    Ive been PMO for more than a decade. I was introdced to porn when i was 12. This guy who was my classmate showed me these websites and I started to this shitty PMO. Now Im 29 years old and im about to finish my career. I was studying and for some periods of time i managed to abstain from fapping but then i would watch and this whole cycle started.

    I tried to study two careers but then i changed, so i actually started to study Engineering at 25 years old. I felt like pretty old because all the other students were 17 or 18 and shit i was 25, i thought that by that age they would have a job and many stupid stuffs.

    I even had some classmates who made fun of my age, and I avoided fighting or paying attention to what they said, but even so, everything they said was very hurtful because they made me feel like the worst. And if I started at that age it is because I attribute everything to masturbation. This cursed habit prevents us from doing many things.

    I am 29 years old and I am about to finish my degree, but even so I have continued masturbating. Until I did it again today. Yes today. I did not do it for about 1 month, until 2 weeks ago I relapsed and so on every day until today. I believe a lot in God, and always every time I do it I ask him to help me to quit, but it is incredibly difficult. The times that it lasted 1 month or 2 months were because I prayed, listened to the gospel and kept myself busy doing various things, such as exercising by practicing boxing.

    This feeling of the worst is what should drive us to stop this habit. We are capable of achieving everything we set out to do, the point is to want to do it, to want to achieve it.

    I live in Colombia and here it is normal to still live with your family. It is difficult because in Colombia all the girls are attractive and those suggestive photos from instagram, facebook or other networks all they do is incite us to masturbate. I've been seeing Dr. Trish Leigh on YouTube lately, and she says very true things, she says we should avoid looking at butts, we should avoid giving that touch of dopamine to the brain if we want a change. Otherwise, sooner or later we will relapse. She will help us too!

    That's what I'll do from now on, friend. Do not give up. We do not give up.

    Remember that it is never too late to start something that is positive. We are at an age where we wish we had never known porn, masturbation and orgasm through it, but time cannot be turned back. WE DO NOT DEPRESS OURSELVES. Sure, I'm not saying that what we did is okay, but it's not okay to always think about that either.

    YOU CAN BE A SUCCESSFUL PERSON. YOU CAN HAVE A LOVE AND WIFE, LIVE A NORMAL LIFE AND BE HAPPY.

    TO SUM UP:

    Remember that EVERYTHING depends absolutely on us. Do not relapse into the use of drugs (marijuana or any other), entrust yourself to God and if you are taking drugs, seek help. GOD IS WHO CAN SAVE US, HE HAS THE POWER AND WE MUST HELP US TO HELP US.

    I AM ALSO A VIRGIN AT MY AGE, AND I BELIEVE IN GOD. IT WAS THE MASTURBATION THAT HAS PREVENTED ME FROM HAVING SEX BECAUSE OF ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION AND EARLY EJACULATION. THE TIMES I ALMOST DID IT, I MADE EXCUSES NOT TO DO IT BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID OF LOOKING BAD IN BED. I AM SURE THAT IF I CAN GET 3 MONTHS OF NOFAP OR HALF A YEAR, I WILL BE ABLE TO TRY TO HAVE SEX WITHOUT FEAR OF WHAT THEY WILL SAY. I AM CONVINCED THAT I WILL.
    I also believe in God. In my case, I am Catholic, and if it is allowed to have sex before marriage, then perhaps I will seek when I feel more confident about myself, to get in love. But in the meantime, I'll keep improving. BECAUSE I DO NOT LOSE HOPE OF SOME DAY MEETING A GOOD WOMAN WHO I WILL NOT TELL MY PAST, BECAUSE THAT IS SOMETHING VERY PERSONAL.

    IF YOU WANT TO START SOMETHING, DO IT! IT'S NEVER TOO LATE. DO YOU WANT TO STUDY? DO IT! As I told you, I started at 25 years old. In the country where I live, it is common for people aged 22 or 21 to have already finished their professional career for that age. And when I started studying, I even had teachers my age, I regretted and remembered how I wished I had never known PMO, but that is something that can no longer be changed. So, there is nothing left but to continue and look forward. STOP FEELING COMPASSION FOR US AND SEE OURSELVES AS EMPOWERED PEOPLE.

    BY THE WAY, YOU CAN ALSO PRACTICE SPORT ACCORDING TO YOUR PHYSICAL CONDITIONS, SEARCH WHICH YOU COULD PERFORM. MAYBE BOX SITTING OR MAYBE SOME KIND OF SPORTS THAT ALLOWS YOU TO TRAIN AND EXERCISE. YOU CAN FRIEND, YOU CAN!

    I WILL ALSO LISTEN AND I WILL TELL MYSELF MOTIVATING PHRASES BECAUSE THAT WORKED FOR ME, HOWEVER, WHEN I STOPPED IT ALL DOWN. SO I RECOMMEND YOU TO DO IT TOO.

    CHANGE IS POSSIBLE. WE ONLY HAVE TO PROPOSE IT. YOU CAN DO IT. I CAN MAKE IT, GO ON, LET'S START!

    As I mentioned, I relapsed after a month today, but today I am determined not to do it again.

    YOU CAN AND I CAN. LET'S ACHIEVE IT.
     
    toziko and Palerequiem348 like this.
  4. capitansubasa

    capitansubasa Fapstronaut

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  5. Different Built

    Different Built Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing. I see a lot of success within this. Overall, you have done great things. I like you was devoutly religious and now at 20 yo I am struggling to know what to do next as I completely left my religion. I am struggling too with PMO and can’t seem to get past a week even though I’ve had 4 streaks over a month in the past. Stay strong, and find something you care about and strive towards it. And maybe I can take my own advice and get it together myself
     
  6. Based solely on my own experiences, the one thing that I can offer you is to please, please, stop edging. Like so many of us here I've had a problem with masturbation, but when I discovered edging and became addicted to it, it steadily destroyed my mind and body. It is by far the worst thing you can do to yourself. And I am so glad you wrote that you were able to resist it and walk away. Please stay on that course. Strength to you, my friend!
     
    Palerequiem348 likes this.
  7. DeeJ4y

    DeeJ4y Fapstronaut

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    Your story really gives context on how PMO can effect our lives. I think that you should not stress about not having a job etc - as you have seen God will give blessings when they are due, just hold on everything will be fine. I hope you all the best and God bless you.

    I recommend listening to an audiobook "your brain on porn" you can sign up for free trial at audible and listen to one book for free. Of course if you find a physical copy of it - the better. I will also link a book that I am currently reading - its a book that takes the methods of quitting cigarettes to quitting porn. (PDF) I was linked it here on nofap.com as well and now I will spread it onwards. I have found that reading literature or posts about stopping PMO really helps since it gives something productive to do - which really helps with kicking this addiction.

    You said that you started being vegetarian and after that you started having health issues - are you sure that you get enough nutrients? I used to be vegan but I stopped. I have found that balanced diet works for me better. Organic/ hunted meat (the most ethical, still I do know that it is killing) is my way of battling against the unethical mass farming of animals. I also eat animal products like 2/3 times a week. Not counting but I have found vegan foods nice too and eat them as often as I can.

    About drugs - I know that they can help deal with everything. I have used myself. I see it only as a way to numb the reality - doing something just because this moment is not enough on its own. Sure everyone can have different motives - this was only mine. Even though cannabis does not seem to do any physical damage - it created brain fog and sluggishness - something that will cause lack of will power. This was my case at least. I have found that living sober really helped me to abstain from PMO better since I would relapse so often when I was high or drunk, since then I do not have that much self discipline.

    I hope that what I have wrote can help you in some way, again God bless you. Stay strong, this is a hard battle.
     

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  8. Palerequiem348

    Palerequiem348 Fapstronaut

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    Man, you said all the right things. Thank you very much man. You just encouraged me, not only to keep faithful to NoFap, but also to keep faithful to God again. It's got me thinking again. Thanks brother
     
  9. Palerequiem348

    Palerequiem348 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah man, edging really messes up my brain. I admit though, it is the only thing so far that helped me get a foot in the door to getting out of the really bad addiction hole i was in. That seamen retention is vital for health. But you're right, edging feels like it literally is burning the brain neurons in my head. After reading the NoFap threads today, i decided I'm going full on. No m at all. It's only been today, but i did it.
    Thanks for your reply man.
     
  10. Palerequiem348

    Palerequiem348 Fapstronaut

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    Nah man, it hels a lot. Thank you so much man. That helps with the weed thing too. I was undecided on it, but you are right. It gives me brain fog and cuts my will down just a bit. And i notice i get way horny on it for some reason. I thinik it is like good when you are down and in a tight spot, and it is like a last resort pick me up. Im trying to cut it down now. Same with alcohol. Just things that we don't need every day. yknow?
    And as for what u were saying about vegan, actually, i think the same as you. Im not opposed to eating meat. I eat organic stuff too. I am like the benefits im getting right now being "mostly" vegan. It has helped me lose weight real well and get more energy. But yeah, if i feel like my nutrition is out of wack, im not afraid to eat something extra. I still do it with yogurt and eggs every now and then. So really, im not vegan. lol.

    But yea man, ill check those links out. I've actually read a lot of the "Brain On Porn" book. I have it for amazon. That book wakes you up to this crap. But honestly bro, thanks for the first thing u said about trust in God with the job thing. That is legit. And i am not kidding u, i literally just was, in a sense, offered a good job with training at this yoga place. It may actually be an answer to a prayer, as the job benefits seem to answer all my needs. Thank you for your words, man. It's cool to see the level of spirituality from the people on here. Its cool to know we were just some guys that got caught in all this porn crap without ever having asked for it. And I believe He knows and understands that. Forgiveness is a cool thing. Deff took the pressure off during this whole fight.
     
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