I've made it 6 hours

I slept, and made it 6 hours. When I woke up, I looked up "why we self sabotage" on youtube. The reason I looked this up is because I know that I have a goal in mind. I want to go 30 days without pmo and be able to have sex. I want to feel life, and stop numbing myself. So, I always wonder after a relapse why I continue to do this to myself. I've had this 30 day goal for a while, and I keep failing.

The video I looked up talked about how self sabotage has been part of the human condition for a long time, dating back to prehistoric days. It happens when fear of changing overpowers the desire to change. It's like we're constantly fighting against that fear, and probably the desire for comfort. The video also mentioned a lack of clear intent and visualization of the future, and lack of awareness of self.

Who do I want to be?

This is a question I need to sit down and answer, so I'll do it now.

Be able to approach women, no problem. Be able to have sex. Be able to help others break out of their shell and meet women. Able to give tips on relationships and sex. Be that guy.

Why do I want this?

To satisfy a need that wasn't met when I was younger. To make up for lost times being a shy person growing up. To get pleasure (admittedly). To make the world a better place for other guys who want to be less shy and meet women.

Why do I feel the need to live as this person, and help others?

I want a career I enjoy. I hope to make this my career. I don't really know the answer. I don't know why I want to help others. I don't even know exactly why I want to be an expert dating guy, other than the reasons above. Just for the heck of it?

To bring people together, in a world that has separated us. The world needs harmony, like in Avatar: The Last Airbender. I believe it is my destiny to be part of this movement to bring people together. Not to say it is all on my shoulders. I say this to defuse my hero complex lol. I always want to be the hero, the one who does things on his own. I can't do this on my own. Besides, that goes against what I am fighting for...coming together. Let's come together and make this world a better place.