On hard mode. This would be my second attempt at a reboot. First went for 40 days and now two good months. I know why I relapsed, of course. It was sheer anxiety (I'm going through a lot these days, believe me) and the fact that I wouldn't stop gazing at hot women thinking I'd become "immune" to the sudden dopamine rush that porn triggers. My next attempt will probably hit the 90 days mark, or it will simply cure my brain once and for all. Point is, I'm making progress. Anyway. There's something I need to share with you guys. After relapsing I had what would be my first wet dream in more than 8 years. I had almost forgotten what a wet dream feels like. Now I remember. What really baffles me though is the fact that the wet dream occurred after the relapse. Wet dreams are your brain getting rid of excessive sexual energy, right? But didn't I just do that when I relapsed? What? My brain wanted more (chaser effect)? Anyway is this something I'm supposed to be happy about? Like I said I haven't had wet dreams since I started porn and masturbation. Am I finally (if slowly) going back to "normal"? Also, I can tell that my OCD rush is now stronger (but thanks to self-education about OCD and CBT, it just doesn't scare me that much any more). Might this not have something to do with relapsing?
