I've never felt this depressed before.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Deleted Account, Oct 24, 2020.

  1. I'm really trying to hold on with all my might right now. A week or so ago I told my mother about my addiction and everything seemed to go well but 2 days later I got a call from her that she doesn't want me there anymore and how her and my sisters are scared of me and that just sent me spiralling down. I've got nobody at the moment, I go days without saying a single word. I try to go out on walks and such but I feel this constant underlying anxiety and feeling in my stomach like I'm about to cry or something. Some days I just lay mostly on my bed. I really don't know what to do. I feel like I'm just rotting away in my room and I can't seem to get out of this situation. I dropped out of school at age 18 because of anxiety and it's been downhill from there to be honest. This year I have really fought hard against my addictions and I'm getting longer and longer streaks, however this has made me realise that it's not just porn and that my entire life is fucked beyond comprehension. I'm in therapy right now, for the third time but I again feel like I'm not being understood and like its a pointless endaevour. I just feel completely alienated from the outside world and I just keep thinking to myself "This can't be it" "Is this really my life?"

    Anyway, thanks for listening guys. Don't know what I'd do without this forum.
  2. Another thing I really want to get off my chest is how annoying it is to hear people say that my depression is like a sickness. No I'd say it's a pretty logical reaction to everything Ive been through and to how fucking absurd and cruel life and people can be. Treatment for depression always comes from the perspective that I (the patient) am wrong but what if I am right? What if my life is just genuinely terrible and I need help to accept this and learn to live with it? I'm so sick of being pushed around, suggested pills and whatever the fuck they come up with like I have some kind of sickness.

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