I've Never Told Anyone Until Now

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by b-v-o-y, Aug 6, 2019.

  1. b-v-o-y

    b-v-o-y Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone. I'm 19 turning 20 in a week and I started watching porn since I was 11/12.
    It started off as a curiosity at first and I did it very rarely, since it was risky and there was a high chance I'd get caught.
    My dad passed away when I was 13 and since then it became a struggle. I used it to numb the pain for several years, and then after talking to people I eventually got over his death.
    The porn usage still continued throughout high school, though.
    As I started college I joined a support group that consisted of my childhood friends that I grew up with. We meet about twice a month and share about our struggles and joys since the past time. I've learned to grow vulnerable and share with them my deepest struggles with my dad and how I struggle with my spirituality (we are a Catholic group).
    However the one thing I've never ever shared with anyone is my porn addiction.
    Makes me wonder - am I truly vulnerable with them? (Probably not) Am I actually close with them?
    I grew up in a very reserved and secretive family - I was the youngest, so my upbringing and influence of family has a bit to do with this. However another factor is obviously the fact that I am afraid of what they would think of me if I told them this. Nobody else has shared on anything like this so I don't feel comfortable sharing about this topic. I'll literally share about anything else.
    My username is b-v-o-y and it stands for best-version-of-yourself.
    Since I started college I made it my life goal to be the best version of myself. I began to make goals for myself, I started to journal and see areas of my life that needed improvement.
    Life's been great these past couple of years and I've improved a lot and had a lot of wakeup calls.
    But I notice that I still use porn, and that does not align with who I want to be. If anything it has only set me back. I have been able to learn and improve despite using it but I know that I can only unlock my full potential once I fully quit.
    I don't use it because I am depressed, nor do I get depressed when I use it. I've learned from that and grown from it - to be less harsh on myself when I do fall back into old habits.

    It has taken up nearly have of my life. But today I decided enough is enough. I'm almost 20 soon, and while I can't put a timeline on any of this stuff I'll do whatever it takes to recover as soon as possible.

    I look forward to meeting all of you and us helping one another. Life's short, and we all do what we do because we think it'll make us happy - but while porn gives us pleasure it does not give us lasting happiness.
     
  2. b-v-o-y

    b-v-o-y Fapstronaut

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    Feel free to ask me anything. :)
     
  3. Hello and welcome! :)

    We are glad to have you as a part of our community. Here are some quick links to get you started.

    Getting Started Guide | How to Use the NoFap Forums | Panic Button |Day Counter | Rebooting Resources|Forum Rules | Glossary

    If you wish to keep a journal of your progress you can do so in the appropriate section found here

    You can also take part in one of the many challenges available. It can be a tremendous help. Challenges

    There are plenty of wonderful, friendly and knowledgeable people here to help you along on your journey to a life free of PMO. I wish you nothing but the best!
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. VK2019

    VK2019 Fapstronaut

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    Hey b-v-o-y, I really like your username, good choice.

    Congrats on your progress and awareness, huge respect! From what I've read, this is the thing that I can relate to the most:
    "I know that I can only unlock my full potential once I fully quit." So accurate. Keep pushing, never quit! You got this.
     
    allitnam and b-v-o-y like this.
  5. Hey,
    I'm sorry about your father's passing but I'm glad about your heart healing more over it.
    I love that you meet up with your friends, I find that so sweet. Lol. You should try opening up to them about it..but either way thanks for coming and opening up to us about it.
    I also like the meaning behind your username, b.v.o.y!

    It's a pleasure to see the step you've taken!

    P.S.
    I strongly advise you to be active on your profile; start by choosing an avatar and then make daily posts to show you're active and needing support/encouragement. They've got a neat little feature that shows freshly posted statuses for all users to see. People will find your profile and give you
    encouragement/support.
    You should also highly consider creating a public journal (in the appropriate sectionfor you ) and write about your days in more depth for us members to follow along on your journey!

    ★ People love to communicate in the profiles section and also the journal section. We need more supportive people though, we could always use your help and in return receive some as well!

    Last but not least: Good luck on your journey here, make sure to really give it a try with all your heart!
     
    b-v-o-y likes this.
  6. b-v-o-y

    b-v-o-y Fapstronaut

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    Thank you all for the warm welcomes!
    I'm giving this with all I got. Going strong so far. Thanks for all of the tips. :p
     
    Coffee Candy likes this.
  7. rafael33

    rafael33 Fapstronaut

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    Wise words. And yes - this life is very short. Focus on true happiness - free of any addiction.

    Welcome to the Nofap community.
    The NO PMO journey is not easy but worth the effort.
    The community will support you.
     

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