Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

DAY 1230: 06/12/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Tea.
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Last night, as we are still recovering from our colds, dealing with high stress between my dad and our eldest... we just watched some TV and then called it a night.

Today, Wade had to drive my dad to an appointment. The weather was crappy and to be honest, I slept bad and my cough is insane - so we missed another walk, it's been a week now. Planning for another slow day of honey teas and R&R.

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For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Trying to stay positive amongst all this news.

#Inspiration
Quote...
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DAY 1230: 06/12/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
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Last night, Wade gave me a trifecta, I sprayed my nose so I could breathe lol. It felt so soothing, although I felt bad because neither of us is out of the woods yet. Afterward, we watched the latest episode of Handmaiden's tale, man - that show is intense. Then it was time for bed/work.

Today, during our walk, we began listening to "BIGGEST PROBLEMS Men & Women Face Today WHEN DATING!" an interview with Stephan Speaks, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Stephan Speaks — also known by his given name, Stephan Labossiere — is a certified relationship coach, speaker, and author. From understanding the opposite sex to navigating the paths and avoiding the pitfalls of relationships and self-growth, Stephan’s relationship advice and insight help countless individuals achieve an authentically amazing life. So far, we are interested in it, hopefully, they won't trail off topic too much. Wade also told me about a conversation he had at work, but we hurried home because our eldest has a graduation party to attend and Wade will be taking her early and then handling some phone repair issues. My morning workout kind of caused my congestion to flare back up, I might have to skip tomorrow.

Hoping for a lax day.

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For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers.

#Inspiration
Quote...
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DAY 1231: 06/13/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
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Last night, after a soothing trifecta, we watched some tv before calling it a night, which is exactly how I like my evenings: stress-free.

Today, during our walk, we continued listening to "BIGGEST PROBLEMS Men & Women Face Today WHEN DATING!" an interview with Stephan Speaks, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Stephan Speaks — also known by his given name, Stephan Labossiere — is a certified relationship coach, speaker, and author. From understanding the opposite sex to navigating the paths and avoiding the pitfalls of relationships and self-growth, Stephan’s relationship advice and insight help countless individuals achieve an authentically amazing life. He makes a lot of really good (and true) points. Then, we ran a few errands and went on an excursion to the new school our eldest got into, to learn the route, etc. I am still not looking forward to changing my morning routine, that's going to really throw me off.

My mom brought up the conversation we had a day or two ago, about us possibly moving in a few years. She tried to guilt-trip me again, she sat there all down and depressed at the mere thought/conversation about this possibility and it's not something I take lightly, it hurts that they are so dependant on only us but I also feel a bit bitter/resentful that I'm the only one that has to be right next door to help, all the time, they have my brother too but they expect it only out of me. We can not even consider anything, without taking their needs into account - just like with our kids. They feel like we are obligated to always be by their side, they can't be left alone at all, because "what if we need someone to drive us somewhere, call doctors, etc) - even my dad's twin brother lives alone with his wife, both their kids moved out and are not next door and seem just fine. Wade and I haven't had our lives to ourselves, well, ever between my parents and our kids. I love my parents and am grateful for all they've done for us in the past, but I'm an adult just as much as my brother, but they are only attached at the hip to me. I'm the only one that has to worry about making any plans because I can't do what's best for me and my family without trying to figure out ways to bring them with us, because "you can't leave us alone". My brother? he left and hasn't looked back. Taking care of their needs and every whim, that's on Wade and me, only. I love them to death, and I know this might come off wrong, but sometimes I feel like I am being suffocated and to me, it feels so unfair.

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For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Did my morning workout.

#Inspiration
Quote...
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DAY 1232: 06/14/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Daytime Solitude.
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Last night, I felt a bit better and my mood was calmer, even after visiting my parents lol. Wade gave me a lovely trifecta and then we continued watching Lucifer, it's a good break from the more intense shows we watch.

Today, my parents wanted to see the route to our eldest's new school, so we went. It was loud, non-stop chatter and direction arguing between my parents. I definitely needed a few Advils after that. Wade had stuff to do with the car, and it was raining so we did not walk today. I'm hoping for some peace and quiet for the next few hours - if that is even possible.

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For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Stay calm, quiet, and collected during a loud and frustrating morning car ride.

#Inspiration
Quote...
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DAY 1233: 06/15/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) My dad's doctor.
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Last night, during the trifecta Wade, vented to me about some petty/obnoxious co-workers he has and how they acted the night before. It's unfortunate when your work is sometimes unbearable because you have to deal with certain people. Later, we continued watching Lucifer for a bit, then it was time for bed.

Today, we decided to just buy some stuff instead of walking, because tomorrow is our eldest's graduation and we wanted to do something nice. The weather is beautiful (for now) and I hope it stays this way. My dad's doctor called with a little bit of good news, which really brought up my spirits - I hope it brought his up as well, but it is difficult to tell since he continues to complain about everything. I am grateful that I did my due diligence and found this guy; although he was already being seen by another guy who was also knowledgable but 'cold'. This guy is a good doctor, very personable, and really great with communication. Later, Wade is taking him to our dentist, I hope this visit doesn't force us to look for a new one, sigh.

Looking forward to catching up on some shows and organizing some files.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Minor triggers but I got through them.

#Inspiration
Quote...
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DAY 1234: 06/16/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• 
  
  
  • My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  • Daily talk with my husband. ✓
  • Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  • Currently Reading: Various
  • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Graduation Day.
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Last night, my client decided to send me a new image (a cover no less) that had to be done by this morning, knowing full well that I had plans today. Anyway, Wade had me take a small break to give me a much-needed trifecta. Then I tried to go to sleep and for the life of me I could not fall asleep, I got up and just worked until I was almost finished with it. I barely slept lol.

Today, my eldest had her graduation today, the weather was lovely. The graduation wasn't what any of us had wanted, but you know - Covid. Then once we got home, someone was elated when they saw a table full of gifts. Afterward, our entire family went to Olive Garden, my parents included, and had a nice, yet loud/headache-inducing lunch. Overall, with no triggers and no major drama, it was a lovely day/lunch. Tonight Wade is off, and I plan on doing NOTHING BUT chillax'n, hopefully, my client is happy and there won't be any requests for changes coming!

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers.

#Inspiration
Quote...
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DAY 1235: 06/17/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
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Last night, I was beyond exhausted, Wade was tired too and we skipped the trifecta. We went to watch TV, but I was so tired that I began passing out during the show. We went to bed and I was out cold lol.

Today, during our walk, we continued listening to "BIGGEST PROBLEMS Men & Women Face Today WHEN DATING!" an interview with Stephan Speaks, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Stephan Speaks — also known by his given name, Stephan Labossiere — is a certified relationship coach, speaker, and author. From understanding the opposite sex to navigating the paths and avoiding the pitfalls of relationships and self-growth, Stephan’s relationship advice and insight help countless individuals achieve an authentically amazing life. We also talked about an issue we had this morning, I won't go into that as it relates to our child and Wade going against what I asked.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers and trying to say positive.

#Inspiration
Quote...
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DAY 1236: 06/18/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
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Last night, after another tumultuous evening with our eldest... there was a sweet moment with our little one who saw how upset I was, she came to me and kept hugging/kissing me, telling me it's okay, it was adorable. Then Wade tried to ease my tension with a lovely trifecta. Shortly after, we watched some TV and went to bed.

Today, during our walk, we continued listening to "BIGGEST PROBLEMS Men & Women Face Today WHEN DATING!" an interview with Stephan Speaks, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Stephan Speaks — also known by his given name, Stephan Labossiere — is a certified relationship coach, speaker, and author. From understanding the opposite sex to navigating the paths and avoiding the pitfalls of relationships and self-growth, Stephan’s relationship advice and insight help countless individuals achieve an authentically amazing life. Stephan makes a lot of really great points in this one, especially when explaining connection versus chemistry. Same as arguing versus fighting, something Wade and I have been doing and it has helped our communication. There were a few triggers today, but I did my best to get through them, I don't want to be in a mood with Wade today, as his parents are coming over.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Trying to be more positive today.

#Inspiration
Quote...
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DAY 1237: 06/19/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Water.
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Last night, Wade was running around all day, I really do appreciate all that he does for me/our family. I'm not a homemaker, never was, I do what I do best, he does what he does best - both of us kind of fell into certain tasks, and luckily both of us were okay with it. He's such a great and attentive host, I'm grateful and thankful for that. By nighttime, both of us were toast lol we watch a little TV and then passed out quickly.

Today, this morning my respiratory system was still acting up, it was best to skip my workout and give it a break. Wade and my dad went fishing, so we skipped our walk. This of course meant my mom coming over and prob staying until they come back. Later on, we promised our little one to take her to Five Below, so she can get something called "Pop It". I have a feeling this is going to drive me absolutely bananas, but a promise is a promise.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Not shaming myself for not working out.

#Inspiration
Quote...
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DAY 1238: 06/20/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Wade.
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Last night, After cutting his finger, we skipped the trifecta. We watched some TV but paused in between because we both needed to rant about the conversations we both had, respectively; he with my dad and me with my mom. It was hilarious to both of us, how they can't see past themselves, but are quick to warn us about others... when they are doing exactly what they are each describing. Wade knows what I mean. Anyway, I barely got any sleep but ... it is what it is.

Today, during our walk, we continued listening to "BIGGEST PROBLEMS Men & Women Face Today WHEN DATING!" an interview with Stephan Speaks, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Stephan Speaks — also known by his given name, Stephan Labossiere — is a certified relationship coach, speaker, and author. From understanding the opposite sex to navigating the paths and avoiding the pitfalls of relationships and self-growth, Stephan’s relationship advice and insight help countless individuals achieve an authentically amazing life. Stephan continued to make great points about connection, it's how I feel about Wade and he says how he now feels about me, that no one else matters... I'm inclined to believe him, I really want it to be true, in my non-triggered state because I feel it... but if there is a trigger around, I can not get past those thoughts. Luckily there weren't too many around this morning. This evening we plan on going to dinner with the kids to celebrate Father's Day, I hope it won't be too bad out there on a warm Sunday evening.

And a Happy Father's Day to all of the good men out there, especially my hubby @Wade W. Wilson


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For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Happy to be walking again.

#Inspiration
Quote...
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DAY 1239: 06/21/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, Wade wanted to eat out for Father's Day, so we took the kids to have dinner. I knew it was a Sunday afternoon, warm weather, and a holiday at that, and as much as I tried to mentally prepare myself for possible triggers, I couldn't prepare myself for this many. As soon as we drove up, I saw tons and tons of them, all over the place. The restaurant was also packed, so we needed to wait almost 45 minutes, outside/around and they just kept coming, from every angle. I tried my best to control my physical reaction and attitude because I did not want my kids to see, nor did I want to ruin Father's Day. I did my best, the kids were none-the-wiser but Wade knew where my head was at. I don't want to keep getting triggered, I want to take him at his word, but something is holding me back from it, maybe it's my fears and/or because I just don't know if I can believe he doesn't want those type of women (over me). I was holding up my act until we got home, once the girls were in their rooms, all of that mental exhaustion hit me like a truck. I was so drained and could barely function. I can't help it or control it, I want to believe him, I want to be over these triggers but the way it has been it just seems like I'm holding out for an impossible dream.

Today, during our walk, we continued listening to "BIGGEST PROBLEMS Men & Women Face Today WHEN DATING!" an interview with Stephan Speaks, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Stephan Speaks — also known by his given name, Stephan Labossiere — is a certified relationship coach, speaker, and author. From understanding the opposite sex to navigating the paths and avoiding the pitfalls of relationships and self-growth, Stephan’s relationship advice and insight help countless individuals achieve an authentically amazing life. Stephan again brought up so many good and interesting points, I found myself saying "yep, that's me 110%, that's describing my triggers, fears, etc" it was a good listen. Of course, this brought up last evening and we talked about my fears and the triggers that I had. He told me that none of them phased him, however, he was worried for me. As I said, I want to believe that, but I find it so difficult to do so, especially when I recall why he preferred those types vs me. We had a good talk about it, it was easier to do so today because yesterday I was really out of it and overwhelmed.

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For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No major triggers this morning.

#Inspiration
Quote...
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DAY 1240: 06/22/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, our eldest actually wanted to hang out with me, without being told: "take a break from your devices" first lol. We watched a lot of old music videos and funny stuff. We went over time a little and Wade had to skip the backrub, he seemed annoyed but these moments are rare, I didn't want to skimp out on her. Later, Wade gave me a lovely hand and foot rub as we continued watching TV. Then it was time for work/bed.

Today, during our walk, we continued listening to "BIGGEST PROBLEMS Men & Women Face Today WHEN DATING!" an interview with Stephan Speaks, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Stephan Speaks — also known by his given name, Stephan Labossiere — is a certified relationship coach, speaker, and author. From understanding the opposite sex to navigating the paths and avoiding the pitfalls of relationships and self-growth, Stephan’s relationship advice and insight help countless individuals achieve an authentically amazing life. This interview was given us so many opportunities to pause and share our thoughts on the matter, I've really enjoyed it, hopefully, tomorrow we will finish it. Now, I'm going to be scanning for prime deals, I'm splurging a little but I've been good for so long.


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers out, thank goodness.

#Inspiration
Quote...
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DAY 1241: 06/23/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, after a very soothing trifecta, we watched a bit of TV. My mood was shot a bit because I can't find my HS yearbook, when I know we looked through it two years ago, so unless someone threw it out... it could not have just vanished. Sigh, so bummed out.

Today, during our walk, we finally finished listening to "BIGGEST PROBLEMS Men & Women Face Today WHEN DATING!" an interview with Stephan Speaks, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Stephan Speaks — also known by his given name, Stephan Labossiere — is a certified relationship coach, speaker, and author. From understanding the opposite sex to navigating the paths and avoiding the pitfalls of relationships and self-growth, Stephan’s relationship advice and insight help countless individuals achieve an authentically amazing life. It was a really great discussion and I recommend everyone who is in a relationship (or not) to give it a listen.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No major triggers today.

#Inspiration
Quote...
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DAY 1242: 06/24/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Time Together.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, after coming more and more to the realization that my yearbook has in fact vanished, Wade distracted me with a soothing trifecta and watching Loki together. It helped, but the thought of it being gone forever still depresses me.

Today, we decided to run a few errands because he is home tonight. We walked a little until the first store opened, then we ended up buying a new Aquarium, the kind I wanted to buy for a long time. Our current one stopped working, so it was time. I can not wait until we finished setting it up! so fun! we stopped by and got some pleasant candles for our place. Now, we are about to pick up the girls and then mentally begin to prepare for the last day of school tomorrow. Hoping for a calm, drama-free day today...

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Minor trigger today, but I got through it.

#Inspiration
Quote...
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DAY 1243: 06/25/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, after doing so much at home Wade was exhausted. We went to bed really early, he passed out quickly, I kind of did too.

Today, we dropped our kids off at school for the last time until the next school year. Then we walked and ran some errands, where of course I ended up getting triggered, which sucks since Wade plans to go on a date night this evening, I hope I can wind myself down by then. Plus, our little one is upset that we are going out without her, instead of spending all day with her. We've done that before but she is being really sensitive today, which makes me kind of guilty/sad about the whole thing. As I mentioned the plan for later today is still to go out, I'm trying to work my mind down, hopefully, it works.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Got triggered, hoping to work through it.

#Inspiration
Quote...
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DAY 1244: 06/26/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Quiet Time.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, Wade and I went out for a date night. I spent almost the entire day trying to ground myself after a few triggers at the store. The moment we pulled up to the restaurant both of us noticed the hostess through the glass windows, all I could think to myself was "f*cking why man". Of course, this hostess was one of his primes and that had to be the first thing I experience, right as we walk through the doors. Once she seated us, she went back to the front but I continued seeing her on and off through a mirror. It sucked, I wasted all this time trying to ready my emotional state so that I could have a good time, and then bam, a fresh hit - before we even got to sit down. It's so exhausting, it really is, the emotional toll it takes on me is really heavy. Wade tried to explain to me that she has no effect on him, after talking to him for a bit I did finally get a little more comfortable and tried to make the best of my time there. We had a good chat about this and various other things going on in our lives. If not for her, I would have actually had a good/positive time. These triggers are eating away at my soul, I want to take him at his word, and I'm becoming more inclined to believe him after we talk these things out, but as soon as a trigger pops up it is like my whole brain shuts off and goes into fear/rage mode, with no way for me to stop it until it begins calming on its own. Like I mentioned, him talking to me and ignoring her did help move it along quicker, but it's constantly lingering at the back of my mind. Overall the date night was good, minus her.

Today is a lazy day. Wade has a doctor's appointment, so we skipped our walk. My shoulder has been in pain, so unfortunately I had to skip my workout again, which sucks but whatever. Now, I am waiting to hear the doors unlock because my parents asked multiple times "what time is he leaving?" and I know what that means = massive headache. Anyway, other than that I plan on doing absolutely nothing today, something I needed after so many triggers yesterday and my pain.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers, get to have a breather from them.

#Inspiration
Quote...
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DAY 1245: 06/27/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Cuddles.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we spoke about our date night during the trifecta. I hope he is right and I am getting better, but it sure doesn't feel like it when I get triggered. I want to get past this, but my brain is, meh. Then we watched some TV before I headed to bed and he left for work.

Today, unfortunately, I had to skip my workout yet again - my pulled shoulder is still not back to normal. I hope tomorrow it will hurt less, so I can possibly work out, either way at least tomorrow I might walk. Today we are skipping it because Wade is going to take our little one to a birthday party and needs his sleep. Who knows, maybe my body needed this workout pause, I had been doing it religiously every single day, without breaks. Today, if no one interrupts me, I plan on getting started on a new budget plan.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Not shaming myself for my lack of exercise.

#Inspiration
Quote...
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DAY 1246: 06/28/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, after Wade made a delicious meal (for tomorrow), he gave me the trifecta. Luckily my mood was good because there was a close call, but turned out to be no triggers at the pool on a Sunday afternoon! then we watched this new show "Manifest" on Netflix and we are hooked!

Today, after a really good morning workout, I walked with Wade. This walk helped me release some frustration, my dad had come in and began rambling about having me talk to one of his friends to fix our eldest's PC... when I've already done everything this guy would suggest and last time he put me on the phone with him, I was on for 5 hours (not exaggerating). We also talked about a podcast he listened to, it sounded familiar (from a betrayed spouse's perspective) but interesting. We hurried home so that Wade could go to bed asap, so he could wake up a little earlier, so we could go to the pool again.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Finally got back to my workout!

 

DAY 1247: 06/29/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, after we came back from the pool (with no triggers, only some thoughts for me)... we ate the delicious meal Wade made for us last night. Then he gave me a lovely trifecta, which helped with some of my sore muscles. After we continued watching Manifest, we are so hooked.

Today, during our walk, we listened to "This is What Happens When You Don't Share Much in Common with Your Partner" a Q&A, on Relationship Theory with Tom & Lisa Bilyeu. During this set, they discuss how takes a lot of work on both ends of the relationship to make progress by creating time and opportunity for each other. Tom didn't really answer the question from another perspective, only his own, which is moot since he doesn't know the questioner's story/her partner's lifestyle. It was an okay one. When Wade wakes up, we plan on heading back out to the pool, fingers crossed for a calm time.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers this morning.

 

DAY 1248: 06/30/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Drive.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we had a hiccup because Wade and our eldest were arguing again, right before it was time to head to the pool. Once we were at the pool things were better, our little one had a blast and there were no triggers, phew. At night he gave me a lovey trifecta while releasing some steam (venting). Then we continued watching Manifest until he had to go to work and me to bed.

Today, we had to make a run to the store because the next few days will be busy, during our drive to the store we listened to "If You're Feeling NEGLECTED Because Your Partner is Busy" a Q&A, on Relationship Theory with Tom & Lisa Bilyeu. During this set, Tom and Lisa break down the hard truth about what it takes to sign up for that lifestyle and also what it takes to prioritize each other as number one. We weren't really enjoying/agreeing with this one, I think we've gotten to a point where we're beginning to outgrow their relationship advice lol. Wade went to sleep, once he wakes up it's pool time again, fingers crossed for a trigger-free evening.


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check-in with, and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
How my new shorts fit.