Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

DAY 671: 11/30/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
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Last night, he let me pour out my shame because I did something really stupid when booking our next trip. I overlooked something due to being excited and I regret it immensely, it's something I normally never do and that makes me feel like shit. He let me get my frustrations out and it did feel a little better, but I knew I still had to tell my mom because she would be affected as well and my nerves were shot because of it. Then we talked about his family and the most recent Thanksgiving gettogether, reflected on the whole situation and the lessons we've now learned from it.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “The Secrets To How To Be More Confident", in this episode, we get some great tips on how to be more confident. Remember, confidence is not 'They will like me', confidence is 'I'll be perfectly fine if they don't'.

This morning, we continued listening to "Why You Need to Proactively Change Your Thought Patterns & Beliefs" an interview with Gabby Bernstein, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. She is a best-selling author who has devoted her life to helping people unpack and overcome the deep trauma that leads to so many forms of chronic physical and mental illnesses. During this conversation they discuss how can you can decide to stop feeling bad, she describes the point where your meditation stops working, how her faith helped her deal with buried trauma, the healing process begins by recognizing the real roots of the trauma, she talks about the EMDR therapy process, the emotional freedom technique, or “tapping” - something I've actually tried through a free app I downloaded, kind of works but you need pure silence to focus and I can never get that, she also advocates transcendental meditation and using a mantra, how do you practice not believing your own judgments, because her belief is that judgment is an addiction, then she shares her story of getting clean from addiction and that is where we stopped. Then everything was going good until... we were leaving Target and there was a trigger, she was right in front of us, with her tight jeans that really defined her plump, round ass and she stayed in front of us all the way out the store, so for me, it felt like forever. Wade was right beside me, I didn't dare turn my head his way because I was so terrified that if I caught him slipping, ogling or whatever I would completely lose my shit and have an epic meltdown. When she was finally out of our line of sight, Wade stops me, looks at me and begins telling me how beautiful he thinks I am. It was like déjà vu hitting me because we just went through this already and I told him then how it makes me feel. But, here we were again, round 2... to me, when he does this - in this very moment his words and actions scream inauthenticity - they scream agenda, it's as if he is 'making up for' something [slipping, ogling, being triggered, being tempted, etc] by trying to butter me up with compliments at this very moment or at the very least trying to calm me like a crazy person with a "Hey little girl, don't be sad, you're beautiful, don't worry! see I noticed you too!" meanwhile in my head, all I am seeing is red (feeling like I am not who he wants, he wants HER) so these words do not come off as 'coincidental' to me at all, they come off like a strategy he concocted when he noticed the threat, instead of his truth from the heart and I don't like that at all.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
I gained a sense of calm about my mistake after telling my mom what occurred and her taking it better than I expected.

#Motivational
5 RULES FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE | Matthew McConaughey

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |
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DAY 672: 12/01/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Teaching the little on kindness.
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Last night, as he gave me a soothing backrub we finished listening to "Why You Need to Proactively Change Your Thought Patterns & Beliefs" an interview with Gabby Bernstein, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. She is a best-selling author who has devoted her life to helping people unpack and overcome the deep trauma that leads to so many forms of chronic physical and mental illnesses. During this final part of the conversation they discussed the benefits of meditation, relaxation, and calm, what’s wrong with the mindset that “if I don’t make it happen, it won’t happen”, she describes how the feeling of unworthiness holds us back, and she explains how to choose new belief systems. Then the fun continued when we went to watch some tv and he gave me a foot rub to boot.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Get What You Want Out Of Life", in this episode, Eric Thomas and Gary V talk about how to get what you want out of life. Remember, luck is for leprechauns, and you're not green.

This morning, as I got my morning walk in and listened to some more of my book, Wade took our little one to the indoor playground. After we wanted to teach her about good deeds so we purchased a bunch of toys but explained to her that she wasn't allowed to keep them, instead, we headed over to the Toys for Tots and donated them and she was super excited about it. We explained to her it was the kind thing to do, the right thing to do and exactly what holiday spirit was all about. We were also the ones to 'open' the Disney store, so she received a special Disney store key and was stoked about that. She had a great morning and so did we. On the car ride home, Wade told me about an interesting conversation he had with some co-workers, the female, in particular, was very condescending to him about facebook posts that he has been dedicating to me... various one's like quotes/memes about how he is thinking of me, love, missing you messages, etc. She began questioning his motivates behind those posts, perhaps if it was I who was making him do it and when he told her no, she questioned if maybe I was getting tired of getting them? aka he was posting too many messages of this sort, for her liking. I told him that those messages are irritating her because it's something she is probably yearning for from her own husband and he is not doing it, so every time she sees one of Wade's posts to me, it's like a knife in the gut. Then a male coworker said he knows his wife would enjoy getting messages, but "oh well" and Wade no longer agrees with any of that. We are both in a very different place. They brought up arguments and if we ever curse at each other when we fight and he said no, never - which is 100% true, we never name called, even during his PA when we were disconnected, it was just something neither of us ever did. These days, no matter how triggered I am or how in shame he is, how mad, frustrated we are, we end up talking it out peacefully, we never disrespected each other, even if at the end of the talk, we still do not agree with each other, we validate the other's perspective and move on.

There's a snow storm starting here, I'm hoping they don't close schools tomorrow, sigh. Wade has PT in the morning and I have to see my annoying ass MD right after, not looking forward to THAT.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No major triggers, on a Sunday!

#Motivational
I CAN, I WILL, I MUST

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |
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DAY 673: 12/02/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Wade.
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Last night, we spoke about the various topics that we've been talking about in recent days. We revisited his coworker and how much denial she must be in, for his posts to bother her so much. Then we went to watch TV before going to bed. We were abruptly woken up at 4:15 am, my dad was having a lot of pain and Wade had to drive him down to the emergency room.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “5 Simple And Easy Ways To Help With Overcoming Self Doubt", in this episode, we get 5 simple and easy ways to help with overcoming self-doubt. 1) Have Principles And Live By Them, 2) Have Your Cheerleading Squad, 3) Keep Your Ego Under Control, 4) Compare Yourself To No One But Your Former Self and 5) Put In The Work. Remember, if you're going to doubt anything in life, doubt that you have limitations.

This morning, we got the news that the kids would be having a snow day and my dad would be getting admitted to the hospital for pancreatitis. So the rest of the day was a fairly lazy day at home with a heaping mix of stress and anxiety mixed in. With days like this... I miss those Spring days with Wade, where we got to walk while the kids were in school, then went to lunch and everything seemed so peaceful. I'm just glad he is home tonight too.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Keeping my head up, even though so much is happening, all at once.

#Motivational
5 Ways To CRUSH Self Doubt

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |
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DAY 674: 12/03/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning with Wade.
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Last night, I really appreciated that even though Wade's back was also hurting, he gave me a nice back rub to help with my pain. I even insisted that he shouldn't but he told me he wanted to. Then we went to watch some TV before heading to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Self-Improvement Tips: How to Develop a Growth Mindset", in this episode, Brendon Burchard gives us some great tips and advice on how to develop a growth mindset - 1. Believe in your ability to figure things out, 2. Question your assumptions, 3. Create your own curriculum for growth and 4. Honor the struggle. Remember, the very best thing you can do for the whole world is to make the most of you.

This morning, we started listening to "The Science of Building Successful Habits And Breaking Addiction" an interview with Dr. Jud Brewer, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Dr. Jud Brewer is the Director of Research and Innovation at the Mindfulness Center and associate professor in psychiatry at the School of Medicine at Brown University, as well as a research affiliate at MIT. As an addiction psychiatrist and internationally known expert in mindfulness training for treating addictions, Dr. Jud has developed and tested novel mindfulness programs for habit change, including both in-person and app-based treatments for smoking, emotional eating, and anxiety. So far we both liked this one, obviously, it is relatable and this doctor brings up a lot of interesting points on navigating out of habits and addictions. We ended up pausing multiple times so far to branch off into other conversations.

It's also been so sweet how he's been randomly telling me he loves me, it was cute when he noticed an uptick in it himself today and compared it to the past. Well, there is nothing to compare, he only really told me during special occasions or when he was drunk, maybe there was a one-off here or there, but I don't recall - I was disconnected after all. These days I hear it, feel it and embrace his words, touch, and sweet nothings because it's truly coming from him, from a real place within him... and not just because I've been pleading for it.

My dad is still in the hospital, after dropping the girls off at home we might stop by to visit him at the hospital, although he asked us not to.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers in Costco today.

#Motivational
How to Develop a Growth Mindset

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |
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DAY 675: 12/04/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
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Last night, we laid in bed for a little, spoke about our day, how I would love it for everything to kind of go back to some sense of normalcy like getting my dad back home again, as crazy as he drives us. Then we went to the living room to watch some TV and he gave me a soothing foot rub before heading out to work.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Managing Your Emotions: How To Stop Being Controlled By Your Emotions", in this episode, Tony Robbins talks about managing your emotions so that you control them instead of having them control you. Remember, if you don't manage your emotions, then your emotions will manage you.

This morning, we finished listening to "The Science of Building Successful Habits And Breaking Addiction" an interview with Dr. Jud Brewer, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Dr. Jud Brewer is an addiction psychiatrist and internationally known expert in mindfulness training for treating addictions. We all have addictions. He talks about how some of us know exactly what habits we need to break, others don’t even realize we’re addicted to unhealthy patterns. No matter the addiction, we could all benefit from rationalizing out our habits to begin to understand them. If we can learn to investigate our minds the way we investigated our environment as children, we can begin to understand ourselves and our patterns. Sometimes it’s our ego that we continue to feed while other times it’s a false sense of reward we think we’re receiving from an old habit. Dr. Brewer believes that through mindfulness, we can learn to experience our habits as they are and not as we remember them because when we do this, we can begin breaking even our most challenging addictions.

Later after we pick up the girls from school, we'll drop them off and go visit my dad at the hospital. I would really love for him to be back home and driving us crazy here.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers today, phew.

#Motivational
Manage Your Emotions and Recreate Your Life

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |
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DAY 676: 12/05/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
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Last night, I was laying, waiting for Wade to finish watching a show he's been watching with our eldest. Then he joined me and we laid together for a bit, chatted and then went to watch some tv while he gave me a mind-blowing foot rub. I don't know what or how he does it, but it makes my nerves fire off and my brain spasm too, in a good way.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Signs That Tell You It’s Time To Get New Friends", in this episode, Freddy Fri Day, explains if your old friends are not supporting your dreams, you need new friends that share the same winning mindset as you. He says it's tough to cut people out, but if the people in your circle are bringing negative energy your way, it might be time for you to find some new friends who are on your wavelength. Today's message is on when it's time to get new friends. Remember, no person is your friend who demands your silence or denies your right to grow.

This morning, we listened to "Your Concept Of Who You Are Is F*cking You Up" an interview with Mark Manson, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Mark Manson is the New York Times bestselling author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck and the new book, Everything is F*cked: A Book About Hope. He talks about the importance of hope and how to peel away the layers of your values & identity. He also focuses on values rather than traditional metrics of success, what made him change his focus from music to writing and why he “mourned” his change in career, how to establish a foundation of strong values for yourself (and why it matters), how to decide what your beliefs should be in order to have a better life, why you shouldn’t always trust your emotions, how to build your willpower so that you can do things that are difficult, how “our self worth equals the sum of our emotions over time”, how to develop resilience and why you have a relationship with yourself just as you have a relationship with someone else & the difference between low and high self-esteem, and how to peel back the layers that make up your sense of self. It was really cold, so we didn't speak much throughout, we spoke in the car and really like Mark's point about "for every action, there's an equal and opposite emotional reaction", therefore, you have the opportunity to one-up your self talk in moments of frustration, laziness or temptation, etc. So when your emotional brain is telling you "a free donut! yummy and free!!!!! I must have it!" your thinking brain can step in with some rational thoughts like "free? yes, but how will I feel after? how have I felt after eating a donut in the past? bloated, guilty and fat! - so, even if it is free, is it worth it? no, let's skip it... we didn't finish the whole thing, but probably will tonight.

I hope my dad comes home tonight!~ fingers crossed.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Sick, but in a good mood.

#Motivational
NEW FRIENDS NEW LIFE

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |
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DAY 677: 12/06/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
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Last night, we laid in bed a little and spoke about the items of the day for us. Most of all our plans for the holidays... because we want to do so much, but unfortunately we are broke. Wade also reflected back on our vacation plans for 2020, how maybe we should have skipped it this year in order to pay off some debt - something I kept telling him, but he said: "it's fine, just book it!" (so I did). Then we decided instead of going out somewhere for NYE, we'll celebrate together at home. Then we went to watch some TV.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Daily Discipline: What It Is And How To Improve It", in this episode, we learn what daily discipline is and how we can improve it for even more success in life. Remember, success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines, practiced every single day.

This morning, we finished up "Your Concept Of Who You Are Is F*cking You Up" an interview with Mark Manson, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Then we started on another one of his interview's "I Got Chills When I Heard This Quote" with Robin Sharma. He is considered to be one of the top 5 leadership experts in the world. He has worked with rock stars, royalty, billionaires and many celebrity CEOs. Here he talks about why you should wake up early and how to get clarity around your life's mission. The interview starts off with such a beautiful quote "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable man persists in adapting the world to himself", so true. During this conversation, we learn about how to cultivate enthusiasm and become a high achiever, why you should wake up before the sun rises and Robin Sharma’s 20/20/20 framework, why so many people are brainwashed into believing they are not capable of amazing things, why he bucked his 9-5 and started his business, he goes into why nothing is more expensive than losing your joy and your peace of mind, the importance of heart-set, health-set, and soul-set, how to become braver, more courageous and accomplish more, how to eliminate distractions from your life, his thoughts on patience vs. impatience, and the 3 traits to cultivate in yourself if you want to be a leader.

Then we went and bought two adorable guinea piggies, little baby ones! Wade set up the cage and the girls don't know yet. I can not wait to see their faces when they walk into the house! they'll be excited and I'll even let each one name one piggie.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Our two new guinea pigs made my mood go up x10.

#Motivational
This is Why Daily Discipline makes people successful

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |
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DAY 678: 12/07/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
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Last night, we watched some TV as he gave me a quick foot rub, I think he was very excited about our new friends, which our daughters named Chocolate and Ginger. As soon as he was done with the foot rub, he grabbed Ginger and gave me Chocolate and they laid on us as we watched TV, until he had to go to work. His reaction to them was adorable, we've had a family guinea pig in the past and I don't remember him acting this loving towards him before.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “7 Great Ways To Maintain A Positive Mindset", in this episode, we hear a few ways to help you maintain a positive mindset. 1) Believe, 2) Create a great environment, 3) Help someone, 4) Improve your habits, 5) Have accountability, 6) Be Grateful, and 7) Live your One Word. Remember, a positive attitude gives you power over your circumstances instead of your circumstances having power over you.

This morning, we finished listening to "I Got Chills When I Heard This Quote" an interview with Robin Sharma, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. During the rest of this conversation, they discussed what drives him to keep working, his deepest and most cherished core values and his protocol for biohacking. It was interesting and his book sounds like it would be an intriguing read. I can also attest to the fact that having a good morning routine really does set the day off to a good start for you. Wade was acting all cute throughout our walk, but I still felt like shit because my right ear has been clogged for three days now due to this freaking cold. Once we were done with IT, I decided to change it up a little and turn on a comedy special but it wasn't all that great, so Wade suggested we listen to one of our geek review shows, where they discuss the epic failure of a movie: The Dark Phoenix, which had him and I going for quite some time, as we both agree with the commentators.

After some research, I found a recommendation for a device, that was said to 'work' for clogged ears, so long as it was not an ear infection. It's pricey $60 and I thought it sounded a bit gimmicky, but I was desperate and had a lot of coupons for CVS. So, I bought this "Eustachi Eustachian Tube Exerciser"... and it actually worked, I was in shock, it unclogged my ear about 80%, it's also been popping ever since (clearing out). However, the only thing is the headache I was having from the cold/clogged ear, has gotten worse as this probably agitated it, Advil isn't doing much plus my little one hasn't closed her mouth the entire day either, which doesn't help...

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers, always make me happy.

#Motivational
7 Ways to Keep a Positive Mindset

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |
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DAY 679: 12/08/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we laid on the bed and spoke a little about a video I watched. Afterward, he told me about some situations at work with a coworker, where he make a joke/comment, along with someone else and then felt guilty because he felt like he had shamed that person. I'm glad he is able to express himself to me, it is better than being guilt-ridden. I had a rough night, pain, coughing and lack of sleep. My phone kept blinking, so I decided to check it out, it was notifying me that action was required with one of my google accounts. The account was Wade's, which I've had on my phone since day one because of the mobile game we play. Concerned, I messaged him because I thought his account may have gotten hacked. He told me that it was him, he forgot his password and needed to reset it. Then he questioned why I had his account on my phone, so I reminded him that I have had both accounts on my phone all along and he knew that because I told him that on multiple occasions. But the way he was wording his responses ... made it seem like he was getting defensive (and surprised - when it was never a secret) and questioning my integrity/trustworthiness as to why I would have his account on my phone. It was just a really off-putting reaction and triggered me to respond with "are you hiding something?" and after some back and forth, him telling me that I was misunderstanding his responses, I was over it and just wanted to go back to sleep.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “The Power And Importance of Enlightened Self Interest", in this episode, Jim Rohn helps us to understand the power and importance of enlightened self-interest. Remember, the key to finding is searching.

This morning, we talked about the middle of the night issue. Then on the way to the mall, we began listening to "What Everyone Who is Too Self-Critical Needs to Know" an interview with Marisa Peer, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. She is a Famed hypnotherapist, named the Best British Therapist by Men’s Health Magazine, has devoted her life to helping people resolve childhood trauma, find love, and lead healthier lives. Her primary insight is that the mind does what you tell it to, but most people do not understand how to talk effectively with their own minds. So far in this episode, Mrs. Peer explains exactly how to transform your negative self-talk, details the process by which you can come to the full realization that you are enough, and explains how to deal with the primary impediments to personal growth. We only got 8 minutes in, but she tells the story of what led her to hypnotherapy, how hypnotherapy shuts down the critical part of the brain and explains why you need to use language that is powerful and absolutely up to date. Then I went for my walk while Wade took the little one to the indoor playground. While I walked, I listened to my book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk. An interesting point was "We have learned an enormous amount, not only the impact and manifestations of trauma but also about ways to help traumatized people find their way back. Since the early 1990s, brain imaging tools have started to show what actually happens inside the brains of traumatized people. This has proven essential to understanding the damage inflicted by trauma and has guided us to formulate entire new avenues of repair. We have also begun to understand how overwhelming experiences affect our innermost sensations and our relationship to our physical reality; the core of who we are. We have learned that trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past, it is also the imprint left by that experience on mind, brain, and body. This imprint has ongoing consequences for how the human organism manages to survive in the present. Trauma results in a fundamental reorganization of the way mind and body manage perceptions. It changes not only how we think, and what we think about, but also our very compacity to think. We have discovered that helping victims of trauma find the words to describe what has happened to them is profoundly meaningful but usually it is not enough. The act of telling the story doesn't necessarily alter the automatic physical and hormonal responses of bodies that remain hyper-vigilant, prepared to be assaulted or violated at any time. For real change to take place, the body needs to learn that the danger has passed and to live in the reality of the present. ". This book has a lot of science but explains a whole lot in ways anyone can understand.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Some minor triggers during my walk got through them quickly.

#Motivational
Jim Rohn: TIME IS VALUABLE

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 680: 12/09/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Hearing is better.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we didn't talk, we watched some TV as he gave me a soothing foot rub. I'm still under the weather and feeling like complete crap. Kind of over it already...

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “7 Great Ways To Live A Happier Life", in this episode, we learn about 7 great ways to live a happier life, 1. Give to yourself, 2. Write your thoughts down, 3. Give to someone else, 4. Go outside, 5. Be grateful, 6. Don't compare your places in life to others, and 7. Stop checking email in the morning. Remember, for every minute you're angry you lose 60 seconds of happiness.

This morning, we listened to a few more minutes of "What Everyone Who is Too Self-Critical Needs to Know" an interview with Marisa Peer, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. A Famed hypnotherapist who has devoted her life to helping people resolve trauma, find love and lead healthier lives. During the rest of this conversation, they discussed what is the difference between repetition and hypnosis? the process of finding the imprint that causes your negative self-talk and what are the limits to the fact that your mind does what you tell it to? then we made it to my loopy doctor's appointment which was amusing, as usual. Midway through I got a call from the school nurse that my eldest had a headache and sore throat, that she needed to be picked up. Of course, once at home, she seemed to have felt much better and Wade believes she could have easily finished her school day.

The rest of the day was just a lazy day with me still feeling all sorts of ways, I think tonight I just want to watch something lite, so I can decompress.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Minor triggers at the MD's office, but got past it.

#Motivational
How To Be Happy

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 681: 12/10/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning errands with Wade.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we spoke on the bed for quite some time. About how I was feeling, how he was doing and various other topics. He is really enjoying the audible book that we got him, which was recommended by Tom Bilyeu, called "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success" by Carol S. Dweck, so he told me all about that. I was super tired though, almost passing out, but he said 'awe, but I wanted to give you a foot rub' so... I couldn't resist that offer, pushed through in order to get it lol then we went to bed after one episode.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Everything You Need To Know About Developing Self Confidence", in this episode, we have an inspiring message on developing self-confidence and going after the things you want in life. Remember, when you get to the point where the comparison is dead, and you know that you're good enough, not to others but to yourself, that is confidence.

This morning, we listened to a little more "What Everyone Who is Too Self-Critical Needs to Know" an interview with Marisa Peer, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. A Famed hypnotherapist who has devoted her life to helping people resolve trauma, find love and lead healthier lives. In this part, she starts to describe the “You are Enough” movement. Then we ran an errand at Costco, where Wade kept telling me how much these little moments and time spent together mean to him. I completely understand I feel the same way, even when physically I'm not feeling good at all, emotionally I am content. Although there were triggers in Costco, I got through them. When we got to T-Mobile, the prime there was a bigger trigger for me, I also think Wade noticed her and might have had an issue because he turned away quickly and looked uncomfortable.

Tomorrow we have a holiday concert to attend at the school, the little one is performing. I'm excited to see her, but I am also anxious about the PTA prime mom being there and my trigger ruining the moment for me.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Some triggers at Costco and T-Mobile, but I managed to get through it.

#Motivational
How to Build Self Confidence

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 682: 12/11/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Hot Tea.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we laid in bed and talked for some time about various topics, including the trigger from T-Mobile. He again tried to express that he sees them there but is more concerned about how they will affect me and they no longer phase him, I just dunno. He also told me again how grateful he is for us, where we are right now and how all of the little seemingly insignificant things mean the world to him and losing me scares him more than anything, which is why no one else matters to him these days.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Rules For Success", in this episode, Les Brown talks about his rules for success in life. Remember, if you're not willing to risk you cannot grow, and if you cannot grow you cannot become your best, and if you cannot become your best you can't be happy. And if you can't be happy then what else is there?

This morning, I was groggy because I barely slept, still under the weather. My eldest now has a fever, and we got snowed in so the little one's concert was postponed until tomorrow which is kind of a good thing because Wade got held up a work and I needed him at the concert to get up close to film, so I won't be coughing up a storm in front row. Then my parents gave me a headache about taking the little one to school which was fun, finally convinced them and then to just pile on more crap onto me, my clients sent me 14 images that he wants to be done by EOD Friday, sigh.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
I got out of bed, even though I wanted to stay hidden under the blanket.

#Motivational
"So if it's HARD, then DO IT hard" - Les Brown

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 683: 12/12/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Work.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we laid in bed and talked for some time about various topics, I also thanked him again for surprising me with some Wonton soup (since he knows I'm sick hehe). Then after settling both girls to bed, he gave me a lovely back rub which felt so good after so many hours of work. Then he added a foot rub to boot, I felt so good after that I actually fell asleep fast! I'm so grateful to Wade, I know he doesn't have to do that.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Living An Above Average Life", in this episode, Freddy Fri Day reminds us that you have everything inside you to be great! So stop being AVERAGE! he gives us his message about living an above-average life. Remember, one of the few things more people should have a healthy fear of is being average.

This morning, we went to see our kindergartener at her holiday concert and as expected, it was so adorable! thankfully the pta mom trigger wasn't there, so I actually was about to be fully present and calm/happy. Then as soon as she was done, as much as we wanted to stay and support the other grades, I needed to get back to work and he needed to sleep after his night shift.

Cutting this short, time to get back to work!

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
As crappy as I felt, I am getting through my work, somehow.

#Motivational
Stop Being Average

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 684: 12/13/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Completed most of my work.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he knew how much my back was destroyed after all of the hours I put into working, so he gave me another back rub, which again I appreciate. While he did that we discussed our eldest and her issues. Then we went to watch some tv where the pampering continued with a nice foot rub, then it was time for him to head off to work, but I had more stuff to complete and not that much time to get it done, so I headed back to work myself for another hour or so. Then another sleepless night followed for me, not sure why.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Actionable Tips on How To Figure Out What Drives You And Why It’s Important", in this episode, we get some actionable tips on how to figure out what motivates you and why it's so important to do so. Remember, life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

This morning, I continued working, then we had a meeting scheduled with one of our daughter's teachers, which went rather well/productive. As soon as we got back, it was more work but I am happy to say I completed the 12 images I needed to do today and submitted them to the client. Two more to finish this weekend and then I have to wait for any feedback/revisions. I hope they don't send anything too fast because I need a mental break and hopefully to get some of this sickness out of me already.

Between work, being sick and skipping out on our walks, I am feeling a little bit disconnected from Wade - hopefully that will change soon, although it does feel better in the evenings when we reconnect (talking/massages) but still.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Feel accomplished professionally.

#Motivational
Jim Rohn - Find Out What Drives You

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 685: 12/14/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me a lovely backrub and we spoke about various topics while he did it. Some of which included what he read in his current book and also a random text he received from someone he used to consider a close friend. That friend sent him a text message with a photo of his newborn baby girl to say she was just born... which is great and something to be celebrated, only thing is, Wade never even knew that this friend and his wife were expecting... when they hung out earlier this year and spoke on the phone a few times, this friend didn't even mention it, so this announcement kind of felt like it came out of the blue - we both found it all rather weird.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Tips Everyone Can Use On How To Build Self Confidence", in this episode, we hear some great tips everyone can use on how to build self-confidence. Remember, if someone tells you that you dream too big, you tell them they think too small.

This morning, we finally finished listening to "What Everyone Who is Too Self-Critical Needs to Know" an interview with Marisa Peer, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. A Famed hypnotherapist who has devoted her life to helping people resolve trauma, find love and lead healthier lives. During the rest of this conversation, she describes how starting with “I am enough” changes people’s self-talk, why people sometimes are not willing to change and how she dealt with cancer. He and I both agreed that imprints left on us as kids have lasting effects, then we disagreed with Mrs. Peers idea of thinking/willing just about anything to fruition, you can't just wish your way into having the perfect sperm impregnate you and having a perfect baby, sorry. Then we walked and spoke about his friend again and how odd that whole thing was. Then he told me that the family of the co-worker who committed suicide stopped by and that brought about a lot of emotions again about the incident, reminded him how surreal it all was. Then we had a talk about something many people state that "suicide is the easy way out" and we had different opinions about that. Also how for some, work is all they have, it's there one safe space from the daunting miserable existence at home, so the mere thought of losing that job or retiring out can really cause someone to emotionally spiral out because they do not want to deal with their sad reality at home. We both agreed that, luckily, these days we actually look forward to spending time together (unlike before) and now it's the opposite, we feel like work gets in the way of the joy of spending time together. Walking together this morning helped me feel more connected again, even though I continue to feel like crap, hey maybe I will keep repeating "get better" and this sickness will just go away? lol

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers.

#Motivational
Why You Shouldn't Tell People About Your Goals

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 686: 12/15/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we had a bit of news from our daughter. It came as a total shock to me, but she wanted to just confined in me, but I explained to her why it would be a good idea to also be vulnerable with her dad about it. That, of course, it was her secret to share but I think she would be surprised as his reaction. She did end up telling him as well and he took it okay too. Although it may not be something I want for her, I would never enforce my own positions on her. It was a productive talk, twice. Then Wade and I watched some TV, our little one asked if we had made her any gifts for Christmas, so I decided to draw her a picture of her, as a little girl Deadpool character, we think she'll love it.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Key To A Better Life: Change Your Thinking Change Your Life", in this episode, Steve Harvey and Michelle Obama give encouragement to change your thinking in order to change your life. Remember, we cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.

This morning, before going down to the mall, we stopped by Dunkin' to grab some lattes. There was a trigger there, not a good start to the morning. Then we headed out to the mall, on the drive there we began listening to "True Meaning of Success" an interview with John Travolta, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. We did not get too far into it, Wade paused it and wanted to circle back to everything that happened yesterday and he told me that he was glad about how I carried myself and handled the whole situation. I think a lot of it is my personality, but also everything I've learned in the [almost] last two years of this recovery/healing experience. Then I walked around the mall, as the little one played. I continued listening to "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk, a lot of interesting stuff to unpack there and ironically a lot of it revolves around imprints left in our brain by those closest to us as we develop/age. There were a lot of people there, plenty of triggers but I tried to keep myself distracted with the book and mobile game.

Now it's back to work!

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
I got triggered multiple times but managed myself well enough I believe.

#Motivational
CHANGE YOUR LIFE WITH THIS

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 687: 12/16/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Errand run.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we didn't talk but both sat in some misery after my brother called and said: "hey we were thinking about dropping by for a week this holiday season, wouldn't that be nice?" HELL NO!! OMG!, anyway we watched some tv as he gave me a foot rub and I began drawing a special Christmas gift for our eldest. I'm still sick and it SUCKS!

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Fulfill Your Potential", in this episode, Dr. Myles Munroe talks with us about how to fulfill your potential. Remember, to reach your greatest potential you’ll have to fight your greatest fears.

This morning, we discontinued listening to "True Meaning of Success" an interview with John Travolta, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. We both like John as an actor, but we don't know, this interview is a bit lackluster and isn't drawing us in. We wanted to go to a zoo festival today, but it's super cold and my client sent me even more work to complete, so we'll have to do it another day.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
I didn't completely lose my shit while my parents were debating what internet/tv package to get.

#Motivational
Wayne Dyer - It is Your Choice

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 688: 12/17/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Eldest getting on Honor Roll.
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Last night, he did me another solid and gave me a soothing back rub, after the countless hours I spent working, my back was in distress lol. During the back rub, we spoke about various topics, including triggers, love, connection and finding someone attractive even if they age... something I don't think will be possible... given his prime types versus me. Then we watched some TV before heading to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Some Of The Most Successful People On Setting And Achieving Goals", in this episode, we listen in as some of the world's most successful people talk about setting and achieving goals. Remember, to want and to be ambitious and to want to be successful is not enough. At some point, you must take action.

This morning, my eldest had her honor roll ceremony, I'm proud of her, she is way brighter than I ever was academically. Wade couldn't make it because he had a doctor's appointment, of course, I'm sad that he had to miss this, but I'm also relieved because that PTA mom [one of his 'primes'] was there - which would have given me a huge trigger (had he been there too). My dad decided to join me, talking nonsense the entire time, which was rude but he doesn't care. Once we finally got home, I was able to decompress a bit and since I wrapped up my client's work *fingers crossed* - I decided to start a little holiday side project to send out to my clients as a holiday e-greeting, which will probably keep me busy for some time.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
I stayed present for my daughter, even with PTA mom hovering around me nonstop.

#Motivational
HOW SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE THINK

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |
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DAY 689: 12/18/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
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Last night, we skipped our talk because I was too tired, laying in bed was just making me fall asleep, which happens from time to time, sleepiness just comes over me. So, we went to watch some TV and he gave me a nice foot rub, then he headed off to work and I laid down and passed out - quick.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Taking The Action You Need To Take To Unlock Your Unlimited Potential", in this episode, we listen is as Les Brown talks about what you can do to unlock your unlimited potential. Remember, in order to have what most others don't you have to do what most others won't.

This morning, we dropped off the girls at school and then headed out to the mall. I found an Impact Theory for us to listen to, but Wade started talking to me about his book and that turned into a full-blown discussion, then we ended up realizing that we forgot our headphones at home too... so we just continued talking during our walk. The theme was a fixed mindset versus a growth mindset and how he feels that when it comes to me having faith in how he feels about me, I still am stuck in a fixed mindset. Well, he is right but that is because of my fear, even if it takes up only 5% out of 100%, it is still there and will always be there. The triggers that hit me, they set me back into that mode and all I can think about is how it will never change. He heard me out and I heard him out, of course, what he tells me sounds so good, it feels so good and feels genuine but when those primes are nearby, all I can see/think are those bad thoughts, rage mode - all red. I hate it but I can't help it or control it. He believes over time I will change, who knows? I feel that because that 5% will always be there, I'll never be able to reach 100% and those are my sad facts and they scare me. When it comes to him, I do believe that Wade 2.0, has earned my trust. He has not given me any reason to think he is lying or manipulating me, not anymore. When it comes to his attractiveness towards me, I'm just not sure... but what I am sure of is that 'other guy' is still there, even if it is only a 5% risk and he is keeping him under lock and key. However, he could surface at any moment of intense weakness and all of my biggest fears will come true. Although Wade 2.0 is my dream guy, the kind of man I've always wanted and may even feel for me, all the things I feel for him and more... the 'other guy', the one who always prefers/chooses other women, porn, etc over me - he is still in there, even if he is locked away deep inside. Now, he says that with all of the work he is putting in, he does not see himself ever going back, he is loving this new life and is too afraid to lose me and I actually believe that, with Wade 2.0, however, should for some reason that 'other guy' still manages to find a way to creep back out, it's unknown what would happen and he can't guarantee that he wouldn't be overcome with shame and decide that "one lie is okay" and the pattern would begin again. We ended up having a really lengthy and vulnerable discussion, I think it was very productive. I love him so much, I love what we have right now so much and I do believe in him and have faith in us, that is why I'm still in this with him - but that fear, it's still very real.

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Hair was super shiny today - so, on point!

#Motivational
Jim Rohn - How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |
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DAY 690: 12/19/2019

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Moments of SILENCE!
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Last night, we didn't talk, we watched some TV as he gave me a foot rub. Then it was time for him to head out to work. At around 5:00 AM our little one wakes me up, because 'it's morning time' and I spent a good 20 minutes convincing her to go back to bed lol and it was pointless because she came right back out 10 minutes later "I'm done sleeping".

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Living An Above Average Life", in this episode, Freddy Fri reminds us that we have everything inside of us to be great! So stop being AVERAGE! Remember, one of the few things more people should have a healthy fear of is being average.

This morning, Wade had a doctor's appointment and my parents took the girls to school. I am still sick and with the weather being as brutal as it is, I couldn't walk here. Wade gave me some good news, he would get some extra days off, which is great! then I spent the day continuing to put together our budget and then one of my clients contacted me about a small job. It was nice to sit in some silence and try and figure some stuff out, I hate math, numbers, and budgeting... but it has to get done, I would love to get our family out of debt, somehow, someway and one way or another, we will get there. This coming year, there will be a lot of changes happening and as Dave Ramsey says, get comfortable living uncomfortably aka frugally until you can breathe again (debt-free).

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
How giddy I got after finding out I would get extra days with Wade this holiday <3

#Motivational
Stop Being Average Motivation

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |
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