Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Jagliana, Feb 4, 2018.

  1. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 680: 12/09/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Hearing is better.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we didn't talk, we watched some TV as he gave me a soothing foot rub. I'm still under the weather and feeling like complete crap. Kind of over it already...

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “7 Great Ways To Live A Happier Life", in this episode, we learn about 7 great ways to live a happier life, 1. Give to yourself, 2. Write your thoughts down, 3. Give to someone else, 4. Go outside, 5. Be grateful, 6. Don't compare your places in life to others, and 7. Stop checking email in the morning. Remember, for every minute you're angry you lose 60 seconds of happiness.

    This morning, we listened to a few more minutes of "What Everyone Who is Too Self-Critical Needs to Know" an interview with Marisa Peer, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. A Famed hypnotherapist who has devoted her life to helping people resolve trauma, find love and lead healthier lives. During the rest of this conversation, they discussed what is the difference between repetition and hypnosis? the process of finding the imprint that causes your negative self-talk and what are the limits to the fact that your mind does what you tell it to? then we made it to my loopy doctor's appointment which was amusing, as usual. Midway through I got a call from the school nurse that my eldest had a headache and sore throat, that she needed to be picked up. Of course, once at home, she seemed to have felt much better and Wade believes she could have easily finished her school day.

    The rest of the day was just a lazy day with me still feeling all sorts of ways, I think tonight I just want to watch something lite, so I can decompress.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Minor triggers at the MD's office, but got past it.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    How To Be Happy


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    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  2. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 681: 12/10/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning errands with Wade.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we spoke on the bed for quite some time. About how I was feeling, how he was doing and various other topics. He is really enjoying the audible book that we got him, which was recommended by Tom Bilyeu, called "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success" by Carol S. Dweck, so he told me all about that. I was super tired though, almost passing out, but he said 'awe, but I wanted to give you a foot rub' so... I couldn't resist that offer, pushed through in order to get it lol then we went to bed after one episode.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Everything You Need To Know About Developing Self Confidence", in this episode, we have an inspiring message on developing self-confidence and going after the things you want in life. Remember, when you get to the point where the comparison is dead, and you know that you're good enough, not to others but to yourself, that is confidence.

    This morning, we listened to a little more "What Everyone Who is Too Self-Critical Needs to Know" an interview with Marisa Peer, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. A Famed hypnotherapist who has devoted her life to helping people resolve trauma, find love and lead healthier lives. In this part, she starts to describe the “You are Enough” movement. Then we ran an errand at Costco, where Wade kept telling me how much these little moments and time spent together mean to him. I completely understand I feel the same way, even when physically I'm not feeling good at all, emotionally I am content. Although there were triggers in Costco, I got through them. When we got to T-Mobile, the prime there was a bigger trigger for me, I also think Wade noticed her and might have had an issue because he turned away quickly and looked uncomfortable.

    Tomorrow we have a holiday concert to attend at the school, the little one is performing. I'm excited to see her, but I am also anxious about the PTA prime mom being there and my trigger ruining the moment for me.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Some triggers at Costco and T-Mobile, but I managed to get through it.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    How to Build Self Confidence


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    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  3. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 682: 12/11/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Hot Tea.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we laid in bed and talked for some time about various topics, including the trigger from T-Mobile. He again tried to express that he sees them there but is more concerned about how they will affect me and they no longer phase him, I just dunno. He also told me again how grateful he is for us, where we are right now and how all of the little seemingly insignificant things mean the world to him and losing me scares him more than anything, which is why no one else matters to him these days.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Rules For Success", in this episode, Les Brown talks about his rules for success in life. Remember, if you're not willing to risk you cannot grow, and if you cannot grow you cannot become your best, and if you cannot become your best you can't be happy. And if you can't be happy then what else is there?

    This morning, I was groggy because I barely slept, still under the weather. My eldest now has a fever, and we got snowed in so the little one's concert was postponed until tomorrow which is kind of a good thing because Wade got held up a work and I needed him at the concert to get up close to film, so I won't be coughing up a storm in front row. Then my parents gave me a headache about taking the little one to school which was fun, finally convinced them and then to just pile on more crap onto me, my clients sent me 14 images that he wants to be done by EOD Friday, sigh.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I got out of bed, even though I wanted to stay hidden under the blanket.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    "So if it's HARD, then DO IT hard" - Les Brown


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    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
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  4. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 683: 12/12/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Work.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we laid in bed and talked for some time about various topics, I also thanked him again for surprising me with some Wonton soup (since he knows I'm sick hehe). Then after settling both girls to bed, he gave me a lovely back rub which felt so good after so many hours of work. Then he added a foot rub to boot, I felt so good after that I actually fell asleep fast! I'm so grateful to Wade, I know he doesn't have to do that.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Living An Above Average Life", in this episode, Freddy Fri Day reminds us that you have everything inside you to be great! So stop being AVERAGE! he gives us his message about living an above-average life. Remember, one of the few things more people should have a healthy fear of is being average.

    This morning, we went to see our kindergartener at her holiday concert and as expected, it was so adorable! thankfully the pta mom trigger wasn't there, so I actually was about to be fully present and calm/happy. Then as soon as she was done, as much as we wanted to stay and support the other grades, I needed to get back to work and he needed to sleep after his night shift.

    Cutting this short, time to get back to work!

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: As crappy as I felt, I am getting through my work, somehow.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Stop Being Average


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    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
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  5. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 684: 12/13/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Completed most of my work.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, he knew how much my back was destroyed after all of the hours I put into working, so he gave me another back rub, which again I appreciate. While he did that we discussed our eldest and her issues. Then we went to watch some tv where the pampering continued with a nice foot rub, then it was time for him to head off to work, but I had more stuff to complete and not that much time to get it done, so I headed back to work myself for another hour or so. Then another sleepless night followed for me, not sure why.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Actionable Tips on How To Figure Out What Drives You And Why It’s Important", in this episode, we get some actionable tips on how to figure out what motivates you and why it's so important to do so. Remember, life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

    This morning, I continued working, then we had a meeting scheduled with one of our daughter's teachers, which went rather well/productive. As soon as we got back, it was more work but I am happy to say I completed the 12 images I needed to do today and submitted them to the client. Two more to finish this weekend and then I have to wait for any feedback/revisions. I hope they don't send anything too fast because I need a mental break and hopefully to get some of this sickness out of me already.

    Between work, being sick and skipping out on our walks, I am feeling a little bit disconnected from Wade - hopefully that will change soon, although it does feel better in the evenings when we reconnect (talking/massages) but still.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Feel accomplished professionally.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Jim Rohn - Find Out What Drives You


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    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  6. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 685: 12/14/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, he gave me a lovely backrub and we spoke about various topics while he did it. Some of which included what he read in his current book and also a random text he received from someone he used to consider a close friend. That friend sent him a text message with a photo of his newborn baby girl to say she was just born... which is great and something to be celebrated, only thing is, Wade never even knew that this friend and his wife were expecting... when they hung out earlier this year and spoke on the phone a few times, this friend didn't even mention it, so this announcement kind of felt like it came out of the blue - we both found it all rather weird.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Tips Everyone Can Use On How To Build Self Confidence", in this episode, we hear some great tips everyone can use on how to build self-confidence. Remember, if someone tells you that you dream too big, you tell them they think too small.

    This morning, we finally finished listening to "What Everyone Who is Too Self-Critical Needs to Know" an interview with Marisa Peer, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. A Famed hypnotherapist who has devoted her life to helping people resolve trauma, find love and lead healthier lives. During the rest of this conversation, she describes how starting with “I am enough” changes people’s self-talk, why people sometimes are not willing to change and how she dealt with cancer. He and I both agreed that imprints left on us as kids have lasting effects, then we disagreed with Mrs. Peers idea of thinking/willing just about anything to fruition, you can't just wish your way into having the perfect sperm impregnate you and having a perfect baby, sorry. Then we walked and spoke about his friend again and how odd that whole thing was. Then he told me that the family of the co-worker who committed suicide stopped by and that brought about a lot of emotions again about the incident, reminded him how surreal it all was. Then we had a talk about something many people state that "suicide is the easy way out" and we had different opinions about that. Also how for some, work is all they have, it's there one safe space from the daunting miserable existence at home, so the mere thought of losing that job or retiring out can really cause someone to emotionally spiral out because they do not want to deal with their sad reality at home. We both agreed that, luckily, these days we actually look forward to spending time together (unlike before) and now it's the opposite, we feel like work gets in the way of the joy of spending time together. Walking together this morning helped me feel more connected again, even though I continue to feel like crap, hey maybe I will keep repeating "get better" and this sickness will just go away? lol

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: No triggers.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Why You Shouldn't Tell People About Your Goals


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    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  7. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 686: 12/15/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we had a bit of news from our daughter. It came as a total shock to me, but she wanted to just confined in me, but I explained to her why it would be a good idea to also be vulnerable with her dad about it. That, of course, it was her secret to share but I think she would be surprised as his reaction. She did end up telling him as well and he took it okay too. Although it may not be something I want for her, I would never enforce my own positions on her. It was a productive talk, twice. Then Wade and I watched some TV, our little one asked if we had made her any gifts for Christmas, so I decided to draw her a picture of her, as a little girl Deadpool character, we think she'll love it.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Key To A Better Life: Change Your Thinking Change Your Life", in this episode, Steve Harvey and Michelle Obama give encouragement to change your thinking in order to change your life. Remember, we cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.

    This morning, before going down to the mall, we stopped by Dunkin' to grab some lattes. There was a trigger there, not a good start to the morning. Then we headed out to the mall, on the drive there we began listening to "True Meaning of Success" an interview with John Travolta, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. We did not get too far into it, Wade paused it and wanted to circle back to everything that happened yesterday and he told me that he was glad about how I carried myself and handled the whole situation. I think a lot of it is my personality, but also everything I've learned in the [almost] last two years of this recovery/healing experience. Then I walked around the mall, as the little one played. I continued listening to "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk, a lot of interesting stuff to unpack there and ironically a lot of it revolves around imprints left in our brain by those closest to us as we develop/age. There were a lot of people there, plenty of triggers but I tried to keep myself distracted with the book and mobile game.

    Now it's back to work!

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I got triggered multiple times but managed myself well enough I believe.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    CHANGE YOUR LIFE WITH THIS


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    [​IMG]
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    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  8. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 687: 12/16/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Errand run.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we didn't talk but both sat in some misery after my brother called and said: "hey we were thinking about dropping by for a week this holiday season, wouldn't that be nice?" HELL NO!! OMG!, anyway we watched some tv as he gave me a foot rub and I began drawing a special Christmas gift for our eldest. I'm still sick and it SUCKS!

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Fulfill Your Potential", in this episode, Dr. Myles Munroe talks with us about how to fulfill your potential. Remember, to reach your greatest potential you’ll have to fight your greatest fears.

    This morning, we discontinued listening to "True Meaning of Success" an interview with John Travolta, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. We both like John as an actor, but we don't know, this interview is a bit lackluster and isn't drawing us in. We wanted to go to a zoo festival today, but it's super cold and my client sent me even more work to complete, so we'll have to do it another day.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I didn't completely lose my shit while my parents were debating what internet/tv package to get.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Wayne Dyer - It is Your Choice


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    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
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  9. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 688: 12/17/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Eldest getting on Honor Roll.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, he did me another solid and gave me a soothing back rub, after the countless hours I spent working, my back was in distress lol. During the back rub, we spoke about various topics, including triggers, love, connection and finding someone attractive even if they age... something I don't think will be possible... given his prime types versus me. Then we watched some TV before heading to bed.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Some Of The Most Successful People On Setting And Achieving Goals", in this episode, we listen in as some of the world's most successful people talk about setting and achieving goals. Remember, to want and to be ambitious and to want to be successful is not enough. At some point, you must take action.

    This morning, my eldest had her honor roll ceremony, I'm proud of her, she is way brighter than I ever was academically. Wade couldn't make it because he had a doctor's appointment, of course, I'm sad that he had to miss this, but I'm also relieved because that PTA mom [one of his 'primes'] was there - which would have given me a huge trigger (had he been there too). My dad decided to join me, talking nonsense the entire time, which was rude but he doesn't care. Once we finally got home, I was able to decompress a bit and since I wrapped up my client's work *fingers crossed* - I decided to start a little holiday side project to send out to my clients as a holiday e-greeting, which will probably keep me busy for some time.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I stayed present for my daughter, even with PTA mom hovering around me nonstop.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    HOW SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE THINK


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    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  10. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 689: 12/18/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we skipped our talk because I was too tired, laying in bed was just making me fall asleep, which happens from time to time, sleepiness just comes over me. So, we went to watch some TV and he gave me a nice foot rub, then he headed off to work and I laid down and passed out - quick.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Taking The Action You Need To Take To Unlock Your Unlimited Potential", in this episode, we listen is as Les Brown talks about what you can do to unlock your unlimited potential. Remember, in order to have what most others don't you have to do what most others won't.

    This morning, we dropped off the girls at school and then headed out to the mall. I found an Impact Theory for us to listen to, but Wade started talking to me about his book and that turned into a full-blown discussion, then we ended up realizing that we forgot our headphones at home too... so we just continued talking during our walk. The theme was a fixed mindset versus a growth mindset and how he feels that when it comes to me having faith in how he feels about me, I still am stuck in a fixed mindset. Well, he is right but that is because of my fear, even if it takes up only 5% out of 100%, it is still there and will always be there. The triggers that hit me, they set me back into that mode and all I can think about is how it will never change. He heard me out and I heard him out, of course, what he tells me sounds so good, it feels so good and feels genuine but when those primes are nearby, all I can see/think are those bad thoughts, rage mode - all red. I hate it but I can't help it or control it. He believes over time I will change, who knows? I feel that because that 5% will always be there, I'll never be able to reach 100% and those are my sad facts and they scare me. When it comes to him, I do believe that Wade 2.0, has earned my trust. He has not given me any reason to think he is lying or manipulating me, not anymore. When it comes to his attractiveness towards me, I'm just not sure... but what I am sure of is that 'other guy' is still there, even if it is only a 5% risk and he is keeping him under lock and key. However, he could surface at any moment of intense weakness and all of my biggest fears will come true. Although Wade 2.0 is my dream guy, the kind of man I've always wanted and may even feel for me, all the things I feel for him and more... the 'other guy', the one who always prefers/chooses other women, porn, etc over me - he is still in there, even if he is locked away deep inside. Now, he says that with all of the work he is putting in, he does not see himself ever going back, he is loving this new life and is too afraid to lose me and I actually believe that, with Wade 2.0, however, should for some reason that 'other guy' still manages to find a way to creep back out, it's unknown what would happen and he can't guarantee that he wouldn't be overcome with shame and decide that "one lie is okay" and the pattern would begin again. We ended up having a really lengthy and vulnerable discussion, I think it was very productive. I love him so much, I love what we have right now so much and I do believe in him and have faith in us, that is why I'm still in this with him - but that fear, it's still very real.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Hair was super shiny today - so, on point!:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Jim Rohn - How to Stop Worrying and Start Living


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
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  11. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 690: 12/19/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Moments of SILENCE!

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we didn't talk, we watched some TV as he gave me a foot rub. Then it was time for him to head out to work. At around 5:00 AM our little one wakes me up, because 'it's morning time' and I spent a good 20 minutes convincing her to go back to bed lol and it was pointless because she came right back out 10 minutes later "I'm done sleeping".

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Living An Above Average Life", in this episode, Freddy Fri reminds us that we have everything inside of us to be great! So stop being AVERAGE! Remember, one of the few things more people should have a healthy fear of is being average.

    This morning, Wade had a doctor's appointment and my parents took the girls to school. I am still sick and with the weather being as brutal as it is, I couldn't walk here. Wade gave me some good news, he would get some extra days off, which is great! then I spent the day continuing to put together our budget and then one of my clients contacted me about a small job. It was nice to sit in some silence and try and figure some stuff out, I hate math, numbers, and budgeting... but it has to get done, I would love to get our family out of debt, somehow, someway and one way or another, we will get there. This coming year, there will be a lot of changes happening and as Dave Ramsey says, get comfortable living uncomfortably aka frugally until you can breathe again (debt-free).

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: How giddy I got after finding out I would get extra days with Wade this holiday <3:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Stop Being Average Motivation


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  12. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 691: 12/20/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we spoke on the bed for a bit, while he caressed me, his touch always puts me on cloud 9, even when I feel sick. He told me about his Mindset book that he had finished, he completed so many books this year, I am so proud of him! he's much better at that than me, but to each his own I guess. I'm slowly getting through my book... I hope I can get through it, some parts are good but others are a bit science-like and boring.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “It’s Time To Get Over Your Past Mistakes", in this episode, Les Brown has a message that inspires you to get over and move beyond your past mistakes. Remember, yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of the Universe, which is why we call it the present.

    This morning, Wade told me about his night returning to full duty after being on their definition of limited duty due to his injury. He is happy to get back to it, he said he was with a new guy all night, a young one, some conversations came up about 'looking' at other women and Wade tried to question him because he has a girlfriend of five years but that guy wasn't getting it and I told him 'of course not', because a few years ago - you were him too. Then he told me about a Ted Talk he listened to, but could not get through, a sexologist that was condoning all sorts of sexual exploits, while married so long as everyone is cool with it but no one brought up connection and how things can affect it, so he turned it off and tried another one that was more interesting and was more about connection. Then during our walk, we began listening to "How to Live a Remarkable Life" an interview with Kathy Bates, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Kathy Bates is a Legendary actress who has probably lost count of how many awards she has been nominated for and won. But very few people know about her battles with cancer, her family history of suicide attempts, or her own struggles with PTSD and depression. During this interview, she talks about gratitude, moments of grace, and the fact that you don’t have to be perfect to be remarkable. Some of the topics they've discussed so far have been how she advocates that actors can create empathy and bring people out of their tribes, she shares her family’s story of suicide, details the ways her mother had such a positive impact on her, she discusses her own struggles with depression and his father’s similar struggles, she describes the worst relationship she’s ever been in, and her battle with cancer, then tells the story of a dead finch that turned into a powerful sign, she explains how she learned to not always try to fix or control everything, they discuss faith, God and moments of grace, how you don’t have to be perfect to be remarkable, how she advocates humility and keeping a beginner’s mindset, and interrupts her discussion of humility to discuss being mistaken for a stripper. As we were walking, I noticed a sign at D&B's that they are doing an NYE special, we were planning on sitting this one out for financial reasons, but maybe we should splurge a little before tightening our belts starting Jan 1st!

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: The girl at Target didn't trigger me, better yet Wade didn't get into a debate about it/her and why! (I was relieved).:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    IT'S TIME TO GET OVER IT!


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
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  13. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 692: 12/21/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we didn't talk, we watched some tv as he gave me a nice foot rub. Then it was time for him to go to work and I headed to bed.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “No More Excuses: Developing A No Excuses Mindset", in this episode, we get encouragement to develop a very helpful no more excuses mindset. Remember, he that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.

    This morning, we finished listening to "How to Live a Remarkable Life" an interview with Kathy Bates, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Kathy Bates is an A-list actress who has shared with us her battles with cancer, her family history of suicide attempts, or her own struggles with PTSD and depression. During the rest of this interview, she talks about Richard Jewell’s story, working with Clint Eastwood and worrying that she was finished, needing truth in the media and government, and then she shares her response to the question of what impact she wants to have. During our walk, I noticed a couple, where the female was definitely a trigger for me. They were walking in front of us for a bit, then Wade stop's and picks up his phone to do a game mechanic where you have to use the game's camera, and it was "coincidently" right at the time where that female also stopped and was standing looking over the rails. So, she was right in his view on his camera. Of course, he claims that he didn't realize she was there, he barely noticed her at all the whole time and didn't think she would trigger me etc., but there were just way too many coincidences... not to mention how long he spent explaining those 'facts'... there was no way he didn't notice they [she] was in front of us and unless he is completely blind, no way he didn't see her ass in his camera either, I don't buy it. He denies it and says it was all random, but I just don't believe that everything just so happened to fall into place and he is blinder than a bat when a few years ago he would notice someone's ass on the 3rd floor if we were on 2nd. When he explains himself, yes it all sounds good, but I just don't think it's plausible, sorry - you just can not be that blind, especially given his job.

    Anyway, my little one's nap lasted all but... umm 5 minutes, so now I'm struggling to keep her entertained and come up with some logo ideas/work, while still sick as a dog. God, I'm so depressed right now, I just want to roll up into a ball and cry, but I can't.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: As triggered as I was, I didn't completely lose my shit today.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    THE RIGHT MINDSET!


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
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  14. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 693: 12/22/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we spoke quite a bit about the issue from earlier in the day. He again tried to make his case and explain his position and I made mine. As I've stated before, there are just some things, based on the different places we are coming from on it, we just can't see eye to eye on. When he speaks, it does sound perfect to me, almost like a dream [too good to be true], but it does not compute for me, at least not based on what I've witnessed and have known to be true, for what seems like forever. Anyway, it was good to talk about it all when both of us were a little more relaxed about it. Now he is under the weather too but has one night of work left before having almost two weeks off. So we watched some TV with whatever time was left before he had to head out. In the middle of the night our little one began screaming like a maniac, giving me a total heart attack, she wanted the blanket fixed! ugh.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Stop Waiting For The Perfect Time", in this episode, Eddie Pinero from Your World Within has a message of encouragement for you to stop waiting for the perfect time, and realize that your perfect time is right now. Remember, stop waiting for the perfect moment! You have to take the moment and make it perfect.

    This morning, I was still in a crappy mood and I did give Wade some warning on that. I did not know whether it was still residual effects from yesterdays events, from my being sick, tired, annoyed by my client or a mix of it all... anyway, we took the little one to the mall so she can let some energy out and I could get some of my walk in. During my walk I listened to some more of my book, it's interesting but so professorial that I couldn't keep listening, not in the mood/state I was currently in. So, I decided to lighten my mood with some Dry Bar Comedy, I listened to a little over half of Alex Velluto's full special "Stop Your Racist Reflexes" before my client called and interrupted my fun with some more annoyances. One the way home Wade wanted to listen to some funnies too, so I put on another Dry Bar Comedy with Kevin Bozeman, "The ONLY Time To Tell Kids That Santa Isn't Real". We were laughing most of the time and we only got through half, we'll finish the rest later. My mood is a little better, but I still feel myself in a foul mood, I hope this changes soon. Later today our eldest daughter's friend is coming over, so I expect the noise level to rise yippie.

    Looking forward to tonight, when all the minions are in bed, so Wade and I could watch a movie in peace and quiet.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Was able to 'move' through a few triggers today during my walk.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    It's Time!


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  15. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 694: 12/23/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Quality Time.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we had a movie night and watched a Netflix original movie "Marriage Story" and I have to stay, it was really good. Not only was the acting phenomenal by Adam Driver, and Scarlett Johansson, but the story was great and served as a surreal window into a place Wade and I could have easily been in, no so long ago, especially if I had given in to my fears and not decided to give him, well - us another chance. It wasn't a comedy, it was a serious (some would say - sad) look into the world of a marriage falling apart and the bitterness of the divorce process.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Why Self Pity Is Harming You and How To Let It Go", in this episode, Isaiah Hankel reminds us that self-pity is the enemy, and gives us some tips on getting rid of it forever. Remember, self-pity is like an unattractive jacket. It simply must never be worn.

    This morning, we had a few errands to run between the supermarket and Costco. There weren't many triggers at our first stop, but as usual, Costco had plenty. Wade seemed okay, so my reaction to those triggers wasn't as bad, I'm not sure how directly connected the two are, but I think there is some connection there. During the car ride and moments in between, we spoke about the movie we watched and how it related to us, where we once were etc. as I mentioned, it was like looking into a window, a scary alternate reality/possibility.

    Tonight, if the weather stays decent we plan on doing something fun with the girls, a light show experience at the zoo - I'm looking forward to it.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Didn't let a few triggers ruin my whole day.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Marriage Story | Official Trailer | Netflix


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  16. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 695: 12/24/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we watched some TV. He gave me a foot rub and then we headed to bed. We got intimate, something that we've both been waiting for and wanted for a while but due to sickness, it was almost impossible.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “The Essence Of Life Through The Ant Philosophy", in this episode, Jim Rohn provides a simple but great explanation of the essence of life. Remember, we must understand that life isn't what we're given, it's what we create.

    This morning, we walked and began listening to "Transform Your Relationship" an interview with Matthew Hussey, on Ed Mylett's show. Matthew Hussey is a world-class speaker, New York Times Bestselling author, a columnist for Cosmopolitan Magazine, and a relationship/dating expert. So far, it is good and because when it comes to love and relationships, Matthew knows what he is talking about and does it in an honest and genuine way, nothing folksy or 'fluffed' about it. So far they've gotten into is there really a ONE and ONLY for you? how to know if you should keep pursuing someone, how to date in a world where technology has given us so many options and sleeping with someone on the first few dates. Then we had an incident, there was a prime standing with her friends, I noticed her quickly (kind of difficult not to, fat ass, bright red yoga pants, Latina with blonde hair) and was put on alert, as we were turning the corner. My focus went straight to Wade and of course, I saw his eyes go in that particular direction, even though we were turning the corner to go in another direction. I thought to myself "I knew he would slip, and I was right, he couldn't help himself". I didn't bring anything up to him, I just kept listening to the video as we made our way to Staples. After we left and were making our way to Target, he asked me if everything was all right. I said to him "I saw you slip" and he began his defensive response, on repeat for about 5-10 minutes straight, claiming that he looked in that direction - yes, but did not see anyone there at all, that maybe he was looking at something else or whatever, but he didn't see anyone like who I'm describing and doesn't really know who I'm talking about or why he even looked in that direction other than, for the sake of randomly looking around. All that frustrated me even more, especially because it made me feel like I made the whole thing up in my head and she was never there. I don't think someone who sticks out like a freaking sore thumb, can be missed, sorry but I don't care how you just 'glace around mindlessly' you just can't miss something like that. Anyway, this back and forth continued for a bit, he tried to come up with better solutions on handling something like this in the future. In the car, he again began repeating himself, explaining how he did not see anyone because he only cares about me these days and no one else matters and as good as it sounds, I just find it so difficult to believe, especially in certain circumstances, especially where someone is dressed like a traffic cone and has his dream ass/body. I want to believe him, I really do and when he speaks about his feelings for me these days, it feels so good and but after what I've been through and continue to deal with during triggers... it seems too good to be true.

    ANYWAY, I will try and breathe, calm down, distract myself with cleaning, reorganizing, designing, doing activities with the girls, etc in order not spoil this holiday for Wade and the girls...

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: As triggered as I got, I am still trying to be excited about the girls/family festive activities today.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    LES BROWN: Wake Up - Take on A New Life


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  17. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 696: 12/25/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Christmas morning fun.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, he gave me a soothing back rub and during this, we spoke about the day and the mishap at the mall. As usual, he stated his case, I stated mine, both of us are pretty clear on our own positions, even though we try to understand where the other one is coming from. I've explained both our points about similar topics before, so I'm not going to do it again right now, but we did discuss it and hopefully came up with a decent resolution to try next time we are in this situation. Then he spoiled me further by giving me a foot rub while we started watching the new Netflix show "Witcher"... so far, so good. While in bed, I told him I felt like because of my issues/triggers I was souring the mood for the holidays and I really hate that, he told me that I was not and that there was way more good than bad and he is still happy, lucky and grateful for where we are, especially after watching Marriage Story which reminded him of the alternate reality we could have easily been in, instead this holiday season.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Living Courageously: Living Life On Your Own Terms", in this episode, we hear an inspiring message on living courageously and living your life on your own terms. Remember, the secret to happiness is freedom. The secret to freedom is courage.

    This morning, I got up before our little one (surprisingly!) and realized we forgot to put out the milk and cookies for Santa! so I quickly did the whole setup, even including a thank you note lol, Wade got up helped me make the scene authentic towards the end, then we both hopped back into bed and pretended to be asleep and in the nick of time too because as we did that, she woke up. Of course, she saw Santa stopped by and was super excited, came in and we acted surprised too. The morning was a hit, everyone loved their gifts and the mood was set for the day - in a good way, which I'm thrilled about. Although my dad did try to be a debbie downer and started to tell us how he was up since 2 am because he felt sick, my mom cut him off and told him to stop. Then after that interlude, we continued opening presents, once we were done, Wade began prepping for the Christmas dinner we have planned for this evening with his parents. Although we don't know how that will go for him (emotionally) but we are hoping better than Thanksgiving, because it will just be his parents, not with his brother, wife, and kids too. I hope it will be a better and less draining experience.

    I'm actually looking forward to maybe watching a comedy special and having a few drinks with Wade tonight, one on one time, to decompress and enjoy our time together without chaos.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: In a surprisingly good mood, given the last few days, happy about that.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Give Thanks Every Day


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  18. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 697: 12/26/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, after a very nice Christmas day, we were both super exhausted. We sat down to watch Witcher together with some yummy snacks. But before we did, he went out to have a smoke, when he came he was overfilled with emotion and told me how happy he was, how much he truly loves me and only wants me, no one else. Every time he says it, it does give me this weird feeling, like butterflies in my stomach, not sure how to explain it. It's sweet and I believe that he is truly grateful for this chance and does really love me. I wanted to stay up and make it a date night, but I was passing out as we were watching, so he took me to bed and both of us went to sleep, much different than it would have played out in the past.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Important Life Lessons You Can't Afford Not To Know", in this episode, Freddy Fri reminds us to embrace the drama and mess in your life, dig deeper and find the true message for that is hidden in your mess! Remember, you can count on the Universe to always deliver what you need, but understand what you need will not always be what you want.

    This morning, we had to handle some stuff for my parents (yet again) which also caused us to have a moment because he did something with a customer service rep that irritated me and I kind of snapped at him for it, but we discussed it right away. Once we were finally done, we took the little one to the mall so she can run around the indoor playground and get some energy out. I walked around and listened to a comedy special because after listening to my parents all morning I needed to decompress. Then we picked up some lunch, stopped by Optimum which ended up killing a bit of time, again for my parents... on the car ride back we listened to some more of "Transform Your Relationship" an interview with Matthew Hussey, on Ed Mylett's show. Matthew Hussey is a world-class speaker, New York Times Bestselling author, a columnist for Cosmopolitan Magazine, and a relationship/dating expert. We pause a lot because Matthew's points are always so wise and valid, we agreed with him and are often surprised that someone so young has so much wisdom on these matters, then again that is why he is, who he is. Then he paused and again repeated to me what he said to me last night, it was sweet and gave me those butterflies again. It does feel good, especially when I am present and not in the middle of a trigger where my mind is spinning other thoughts (in the negative). I told that these days, I am also grateful for where we are right now as a couple too, we are on a whole different level. That we can be honest and upfront with each other at the moment something bothers us, so we never have to sit with resentment for long.

    Then from the moment we got home, my parents have been driving us completely insane and we have not had a moment to decompress or breathe... he knows exactly what I am talking about. All I can say is... THPRKDGKR%%#@#RTTDFFSGHGFSDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDG$%##@#@#@#%.... UGH.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I didn't completely lose my mind today.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Lessons Life Taught Me


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  19. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 698: 12/27/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we laid down in bed and both just spent a minute just breathing ad sighing heavily, reflecting on what a draining and exhausting day it had been. Then we just ranted to one another, it is so nice to have someone to let all of this frustration out to. Before, it was just me, myself and I... which felt like I was harboring the weight of the world, going insane and not to mention making these type of matters worse because of the depression from my own life/marriage issues. These days, I have (and he has) someone to 'release' to and it has really been such a relief. Then we went to continue watching Witcher while he gave me a nice foot rub, before heading to bed.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Why Having A Clear Vision For Your Life Is So Important", in this episode, we hear a message on why having a clear vision for your life is so important. Remember, don't let the limitations of others limit your vision.

    This morning, we walked outside, it was cold but not as bad as it has been. During our walk, we finished listening to "Transform Your Relationship" an interview with Matthew Hussey, on Ed Mylett's show. Matthew Hussey is a relationship/dating expert and has coached millions of women [and men] around the world to help them get the love lives of their dreams. I still can not believe this wise man, is younger than me, sheesh. They talked about compatibility/physical intimacy and it made Wade and I think about how much connection plays a role in physical intimacy. Because in our case, he was always much more hands-on, he enjoys touching, hugging, kissing, etc and he never really cared whether or not we were connected (pre-recovery). Me, on the other hand, when we were disconnected, I found myself finding any excuse I could in order to avoid holding hands, kissing or various forms of true intimacy, because I didn't feel connected to him at all...and I didn't want to get emotionally invested in someone who didn't want me, ignored me and only looked at other women, what would be the point? I still had sex with him, but it was more of 'just to do it because I was horny and he's my husband, I'm not going to step out on the marriage' kind of thing. However, after he began real recovery and we began connecting, we developed a deep intimacy, something neither of us has ever felt before when that happened I actually wanted to be kissed by him, I didn't push his hands away when he wanted to hold mine, etc, there was a dramatic difference. So, for me, in order to be open to intimacy, I need that kind of connection, others are different, each person has their own needs and Matthew was trying to express that you need to be with someone who matches who you want out of a relationship, otherwise, you will always feel like you are always giving and in return constantly being rejected, which feels horrible (I would know/been there). This was a really good interview, so many good points, he went into his Disney story about trashcans ... which he uses as a metaphor for making sure to take care of all the small, daily moving parts of a relationship because those are the ones that matter most and will grow or destroy (if ignored) a relationship. He also made a really good point about relationships, be it love or work being someone's main identity and when they lose it, they feel like they've lost everything, he explained it way better of course. This one is worth watching for everyone.

    Then we had plans to have a rest day, where we could clean the entire house, do some arts and crafts with the girls... but of course, we had to spend the whole day dealing with my parent's tv shit AGAIN, it just never ends #FML.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Felt good to at least get out for a walk, before the chaos of the day began, yet again.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    5 RULES FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  20. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 699: 12/28/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Annual Family Day.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we finished Witcher, which we thought was a good series (but short! only 8 episodes) now we have to wait a whole year for new episodes. He gave me a nice foot rub during which always makes everything better lol.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Emotional Triggers: How To Maintain Control Of Your Emotions", in this episode, Lisa Romano explains how to deal with emotional triggers and regain control of your emotions. 1) Identify what triggers you ahead of time before you are triggered and make a list, 2) When triggered, reorient yourself to time and space and identify what is happening as a symptom of being triggered and 3) After the trigger has occurred, talk to your Amygdala and remind yourself that even though you may consciously recognize the trigger, the fact is your body may still be reacting to stress hormones. Remember, you'll reach a new level of freedom when you take control of your own emotions.

    This morning, we had the new family tradition that we started last year, 'annual family day' where our girls get to pick the activities for the day and where we have our family lunch. It's one day before the year ends and the new one begins, where we get to celebrate the year leaving us, connecting as a family. My mom needed something, so I went over to their place really quick, while Wade and the girls were finishing up and supposed to wait for me outside the apartment. When I left my parents place, I didn't see anyone, I thought it was strange "why is it taking them so long?", so I went back to our apartment, as I opened the door, I hear Wade giving a speech and our eldest's eyes puffy and wet as if she was crying and trying to make herself stop. All I could think to myself was "oh, for f*ck's sake, just one day, come on!" - at that point, I didn't even feel like going anywhere anymore. In my opinion, Wade didn't have to start anything about this particular issue, at the end of the day, it is really not that big of a deal and it's a pet peeve of his - yes, but sometimes, it's okay to just let things go, not everything is defcon 3. Was our eldest wrong by not listening to his request, knowing it's a pet peeve of his? yes, was it worth him going into a whole thing about it with her, setting a bad tone for what is supposed to be a happy and fun day for the family? no, because it's really not that big of a deal in my opinion. Anyway, they tried to mend it, I told them that they were both wrong, they seemed to move on, my mood was off because I did not like that the day began this way, it upset me. I tried to get over it, our first stop was a VR place and then Dave and Busters, which helped me get distracted. After that, we had a family lunch at Johnny Rockets where the eldest actually said she was happy that our family dynamic has changed in 2018/2019 because she finally really got to know us more than 'just parents, but people I can trust and share things with' and that touched my heart because that's when recovery/healing began and major changes started for us and our family. That was followed by dessert at this ice cream cookie dough shop and then gifts for the girls. After all, everyone ended up having a good and happy day and I am glad and grateful for that.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: No major triggers/incidents today.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Self-Care
    Overcome Emotional Triggers and Master your Emotions


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     

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