Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Jagliana, Feb 4, 2018.

  1. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 700: 12/29/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Getting Medical Answers.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we laid in bed for some time and spoke about our day, we reflected back on the morning (not so great start for our new family tradition) but also how it went throughout the day, it ended up nice and how good it was to hear what our eldest daughter thought about the changes she has noticed, without us asking or mentioning anything. Then we began watching season 4 of The Expanse on Amazon, as he gave me a nice foot rub - which I am so grateful for. I have still been feeling like crap, so I barely slept again.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Developing These 3 Mindsets Will Change Your Life Completely", in this episode, we learn about 3 mindsets that will change your life completely if you develop them. 1) Ask crazy questions! For example, "What would I do if I had a million dollars?" or "What would I do if he/she/they want me?" Asking absurd questions sparks creative thinking and enthusiasm. 2) Apply a "fear setting" or worst-case scenario and recovery plan. This will convince you that acting on your dreams won't ruin your life--there's a way to survive anything! 3) Before bed, write/type one thing that will make the next day a WIN for you. That one thing each day should be a productive step towards your daily, weekly, yearly or life goal. Remember, if you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.

    OMG, we are on day 700!~ wow! so proud of @Wade W. Wilson!

    This morning, instead of a walk, I decided to go to see a doctor at urgent care because my regular doc has been rather useless. Good thing I did because he told me that I have both a respiratory and sinus infection, meanwhile, my regular doc told me nothing of the sort, she told me "it looks a little red, but I think it's okay", ugh. Anyway, now I'm on a really strong dose of antibiotics which I hope will end this month-long sickness! Then we ran a few quick errands and decided to have a lazy day at home so I can recuperate.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I insisted on an X-Ray, even though normally I would have 'gone with the flow' and agreed with the doc that maybe I didn't need it.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Self-Care
    3 Mindsets That Will Change Your Life


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    [​IMG]

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    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

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  2. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 701: 12/30/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Food.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we laid a little a talked about our days. I still felt like poo, but I was grateful that this urgent care doctor told me what was wrong with me and gave me some proper medication to start. Wade had a very long day himself, he decided to do some cleaning that has been on his "to-do" list for a while, but something always got in the way. He took care of that and still managed to handle food for us all and everything, I am grateful to him for that - he really does a lot for us girls.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Helpful Tips On Overcoming Victim Mentality", in this episode, we hear some helpful tips on overcoming a destructive victim mentality. Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

    This morning, we listened to twenty minutes of "How to Have Infinite Energy" Todd Herman on Conversations with Tom Bilyeu. Todd is a peak performance coach who has worked with hundreds of Olympians and champion athletes and has learned that alter egos are an absolute requirement for extraordinary achievement. Here he details exactly how powerful the alter ego can be. He discusses the need for rituals, shares the real stories of how he got where he is, and even explains exactly how to have abundant energy in every area of your life. So far, we've heard them discuss what he likes about New York City, why people struggle with change, common words and phrases we use are actually what traps us, how the brain tries to protect you from looking like an idiot to yourself, he explains how environment changes people, he describes the basic reason people need to create an alter ego, and why we all have multiple identities and uniforms, and they are all flexible and malleable. Then Wade went into the living room to be with our daughter as I did some stuff on my Mac, while we waited for my parents to come over to sit with our girls, so we could go and run some errands. After a bit, I decided to join them there, I asked him a question, twice and he was so into the Nintendo switch that he completely ignored me... which for me was a triggering incident. He was sitting on the same lazy boy, that he spent years doing this very same thing to me, on... it was not pleasant at all, I just wanted to go into the bedroom and breathe in and out before my parents came in but of course, he followed me and started asking me what was going on. We talked about it, even though I really was not in the mood, but then my parents came, he apologized and we had to leave and get things done. The weather was shit, I felt like shit too - in more ways than one and that was that.

    Once we got home, Wade entertained the kids and let me go take a nap, which was nice of him... I actually passed out - those 875 mg antibiotics are really working numbers on me.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I received the correct type of probiotics and I feel like they are actually helping with the antibiotic side effects.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Self-Care
    CHANGE YOUR LIFE WITH THIS


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    [​IMG]

    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

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  3. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 702: 12/31/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) NYE.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, somehow my parents decided to allow our 5-year-old to sleep over their place as well as our 12-year-old. It was so weird, to have our entire place all to ourselves... but after that wore off, we enjoyed our night. He gave me a nice back rub, which helped with my pain from the cramps caused by all of the excessive coughing. Then spoiled me with a foot rub while we watched some TV, before heading to bed.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Effectively Manage Your Mind", in this episode, we get some excellent tips on how to manage your mind - 1. Sleep well…it’s needed, 2. Get up early and exercise 3. Eat healthy, 4. Avoid addictions, 5. Keep in touch with people, 6. Take a break and 7. Meditate regularly. Remember, if you aren't the one who is controlling your own thoughts, feelings, and emotions then you're one who is being controlled.

    This morning, we continued listening to "How to Have Infinite Energy" Todd Herman on Conversations with Tom Bilyeu. Todd is a peak performance coach who has worked with hundreds of Olympians and champion athletes and has learned that alter egos are an absolute requirement for extraordinary achievement. This is a two-hour interview, so it will take a few days to get through. During the next part, they've discussed why he doesn’t need to know who you are because he can see your results, why he asks “what are you”, not “who are you”, he doesn’t spend any time talking to people about motivation, Todd and Tom discuss how labels trap people and limit them, why he loves archetypes but he doesn’t always use them, the most common alter egos people adopt are, surprisingly, Grandmas, Todd describes the need for triggers and rituals, and then Todd and Tom discuss the power of birthing emotional states with physical triggers.

    And I would like to give @Wade W. Wilson a personal message, as we step into another year together - I would like to say, I love you and I am grateful to have you in my life. I’d like to thank you for always lifting me up every time when I was down and encouraging me to move forward, for making those downs not as gloomy, but rather more bearable, sometimes even funny and enjoyable. Without you, I couldn’t have gotten through this year in the way that I did. Let's have another great fulfilled year together, where we will continue to have each other's backs, get through anything - together, remain in sync and connected, with continued growth where we encourage and support each other individually, as a couple and as parents. Let this year give us more accomplished goals, dreams, and new experiences - that's my wish for us. С наступающим baby!

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: No triggers today, going into the New Year in a peaceful mood *hoping it stays this way*.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Self-Care
    One of The Most Eye Opening Speeches


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    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

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    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  4. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 703: 01/01/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Being alive to start a new era.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, Wade and I spent the evening watch his favorite old Russian movies, classic NYE ones. They were comedies and had a lot of music, which was nice. Earlier in the evening we had a mini-family NYE celebration with finger foods (perhaps a bad idea, way too much junk food). Before putting the little one to bed, we played some board games with her. Then, we had the whole night to ourselves, where we continued the Russian holiday movie marathon. Wade made me some chocolate-covered strawberries, which I really appreciated because they were nowhere to be found unless it's Valentine's day. To be honest, his custom version came out better because he used Milk Chocolate, my favorite. We had wine, desserts and each other - that's how we rang in the New Year - it was perfect.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Master Self Discipline And Improve Your Life", in this episode, we have a message on how to master self-discipline and improve your life. Remember, with self-discipline virtually anything is possible.

    HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
    [​IMG]

    This morning, Wade wanted to go have a family breakfast at iHop (a new tradition he is thinking about starting) and of course, when I told my parents to have my eldest home by 9 am (she had slept over), they asked why so I told them... so... they invited themselves to come with us... ugh. It's New Year's day, so I would feel like a horrible person saying "NO, you can't come with us". The whole time there was such a headache for me, between the kids who were deadset on driving us insane with their morning attitudes and my dad's outrageous, embarrassing and shameful behavior --- I just couldn't wait for breakfast to be over. Once we finally got home, it was more calm and peaceful, at least between Wade and myself - we even gave each other nap breaks LOL.

    Our girls start school tomorrow (yeay!) and we have a movie date, we're going to see "Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker".

    In other news, his vacation is coming to an end and that makes me sad...

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Started the new year without triggers.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    One of The Most Motivational Videos Ever - SELF DISCIPLINE


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    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  5. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 704: 01/02/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Movie Date with Wade.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we laid in bed and spoke about what can possibly come up with/do to help make some changes within our eldest. She is a really emotional child and addicted to electronics, with a dose of sick attitude. Then she walked into our room to ask a question and Wade responded to her very immaturely, but quickly caught himself (thankfully) and went to apologize to her and explain himself. Then we went to watch some TV as he gave me a nice foot rub.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Integrity Matters: Integrity Is Kind Of A Big Deal Here's Why", in this episode, Freddy Fri tells us about the importance of living your life with integrity. Remember, what you do in the dark will find its way to the light.

    This morning, I began reaching out to some old connections but I have a feeling no one will respond. Then, we had a movie date, we saw "Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker". Before that, we ended up paying only .10 cents for our snacks at CVS and then had another $5.00 off at the movies for our popcorn. When I opened my bottle of coke, it bubbled up, even though I opened it slowly and got all over me and normally, a few years back that one incident would have ruined my whole experience and mood for the entire day - causing me to snap at Wade and everyone else the rest of the day. This time, I got annoyed by it, yeah, but I brushed it off with an "it is, what it is, I will just have to throw everything into the laundry". Wade kept apologizing, but I told him exactly what I told myself. In the end, we both enjoyed the movie, it was our first date for 2020, we got lucky with coupons on our food, so we save quite a bit of money - so there was more good than bad today, in my opinion.

    It's the start of a New Year, time to tighten our financial belt, it won't be easy - but I will have to figure it out, (re)budget and see if I can somehow get our debt down.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Didn't let spilled coke ruin my whole day.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Why Integrity Matters


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    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

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    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  6. Purity Power

    Purity Power Fapstronaut

    Hello, may I ask why ? Lol
     
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  7. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    Because I would let the situation get to me and allow my frustration to be top of mind, the whole being wet, sticky with coke all over me for 2.5 hrs. Things like would put in the "ugh, of course, this would happen to me" type of mood.

    I'm just weird like that lol
     
    Purity Power likes this.
  8. GID2020

    GID2020 Fapstronaut

    I don't think it is weird at all! I think when we don't deal with the big issues we have in our lives, the little ones become much bigger to us! Probably because you could feel more comfortable (at a certain point in your marriage) of pointing out that you were pissed about something small (ie. spilling your drink) than you could pointing out the big problem you felt you were going through (ie. being married to a PA).

    Not weird at all! :) And shows tremendous growth on your part that you can say that you let that go and had fun anyway!!:)
     
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  9. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    Thank you! I agree with you.

    I believe that (other than some female triggers), I have been better at letting things go more and I believe you are right - because I'm no longer holding the weight of the world on my shoulders alone (all of that depression, fear, resentment, anger) it makes it easier to diffuse myself and not let every single thing turn into defcon 2.
     
    GID2020 likes this.
  10. GID2020

    GID2020 Fapstronaut

    That's REALLY great! That will help you with everything in your life! Including raising teenagers. Lol.
     
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  11. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    Thanks <3

    And I think I will need a lot more healing and strength in order to deal with the teenage phase because so far the tween phase has been... umm... PLEAD THE FIFTH. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: LOL #HELP
     
    GID2020 likes this.
  12. GID2020

    GID2020 Fapstronaut

    Lol, I understand! My husband and I have 6 kids (we are a blended family) and we have a 17, 15, 13 and almost 13 year old in the house right now! It's enough to drive anyone a little crazy. Lol. They are all pretty great too but its still a lot of hormones to deal with at once! Lol.
     
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  13. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    Oh man, yeah, I don't know if I would be able to survive that many teens in one house, at least not without asylum stays here and there lmao. You are strong! <3
     
    GID2020 likes this.
  14. GID2020

    GID2020 Fapstronaut

    Lol! Thanks! You seem like you are pretty strong yourself! If you ever want any advice about raising teenagers don't hesitate to ask! I read a great book called "Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!" It's by Michael J Bradley. Really great stuff in there and I highly recommend it!
     
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  15. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    Thank you again, for sure!!

    AND I will definitely look into that book because that title is on point LOL.
     
    GID2020 likes this.
  16. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 705: 01/03/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we laid in bed and reflected on the day and how we're feeling. He told me how happy he was with where I was in my healing and what I wrote about my handling of the spilled coke situation. Then we discussed my parents and some of their antics. Afterward, we went to watch some tv, he gave me a lovely foot rub and then we headed to bed. This is what I like, peace - I enjoy peace, it makes me feel safe and at ease.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Taking Full Responsibility For Your Life Is A Sign Of Maturity", in this episode, Jim Rohn reminds us that taking full responsibility for what happens in our life is one of the highest forms of maturity. Remember, you can change your whole life on any day you wish.

    This morning, we continued listening to "How to Have Infinite Energy" Todd Herman on Conversations with Tom Bilyeu. This time we heard them discuss how we react to people based on the clothes they wear, about a study that showed that kids did better when dressed up as Batman, then Tom explains why he strongly advocates self-signaling and using totems to stay obsessed, Todd explains why he uses his glasses as a totem and ritual to get into his alter ego, the need for scarring rituals to mark big life changes, how people’s family narratives can hold them back, how everything you need to be successful is already inside you, that pressure does not exist in Todd’s universe, and Todd explains how to rebuild after a crushing loss. When they started talking about pressure, it opened up a good exchange between Wade and myself - as our opinions on it differ slightly. Then, we agreed wholeheartedly when they began going into Olympians and how perhaps if they didn't build themselves up to want the #1 spot/gold metal, instead strive for 9th pace, so if you get 5th place, they will feel a lot better about it than when they go for the gold and get 5th place, it's all mental. While I agree with the concept of not being overzealous, we are talking about folks who spend their entire lifetime training to get the gold medal lol, with people all around them telling them daily that they need to work to achieve that gold... so if they turn around and go "yeah well, listen here coach, I think I'll shoot for 9th place and take it from there, okay?"... umm... lol Now, something like an American Idol audition, yeah, shoot for "at least one of the top ten!" and if you are #4 or #1, then you've done it! that's a little different. It was a lively and fun conversation to have with Wade, I really did enjoy it.

    When we got home, Wade made me a surprise breakfast meal and I loved it. He made me a pizza/panini type of dish, a Naan with fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, and balsamic glaze baked - it was delicious. I really appreciated it and of course, I appreciate him cooking for me in general in this way (with love & creativity), especially because he never put love into it the past, he barely cooked, most of our stuff was just microwaved, not to mention we barely ever ate together.

    I'm sad his extended vacation is coming to a close, but grateful for the extra time we did have.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: No triggers, few days in a row, I'm shocked but happy.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Jim Rohn - Find Out What Drives You


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    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  17. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 706: 01/04/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Calming Pets.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we watched some TV while he gave me a foot rub, then he left for work and it felt weird going to bed by myself, yet again. It's daunting having to get used to this process time and time again. :confused:

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Overcome Negative Thinking: Train Yourself To Always See The Good In Others", in this episode, we have an excellent message on teaching yourself to see the good in others. Remember, everybody you meet is struggling with something.

    This morning, Wade had to work, the weather sucked so I was stuck at home, not able to get my walk in and with no way to get a moment to myself, I felt like I was spiraling. At 11 am, my parents came and now, for an hour and a half straight, my dad has been talking and repeating the same stories that I've heard for years without a breather. Not to mention they saw I had a show on Netflix paused, to the point where the show went back to the home screen and I just turned the tv off. All morning the little one was singing 'to herself' [and by that I mean, out loud for our neighbors to hear] in a super high pitched tone, then my dad adds on to it... and it isn't even lunchtime yet!

    I just want to lock myself in a soundproof room for a few hours.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I haven't gone completely insane... yet.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Overcome Negative Thoughts


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    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  18. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 707: 01/05/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, I was so drained by night time, my coughing had gotten worse again which made my head throb, plus dealing with the kids and my parents just made all of my symptoms worse. Wade got home and brought me a sweet treat, later on, even though he worked practically a double shift and barely slept, and his wrist was hurting... he still insisted on giving me a back rub and foot rub, even though I tried to tell him not to because I knew how tired he was. Anyway, I was grateful for it, whatever he does - it helps relieve both my back and head pains. Then we watched some TV and headed to bed.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Achieve Anything You Want To Achieve", in this episode, we have a great lesson on how to achieve anything you want to achieve in your life. Remember, figure out what you want in life then go after it as though your life depends on it.

    This morning, before we left the house we continued listening to "How to Have Infinite Energy" Todd Herman on Conversations with Tom Bilyeu. This time we heard them discuss how important it is to love the struggle, not just the results, how you have many identities and many roles that you play in life, that it may be more important to be in a stable hierarchy than to be at the top, they strongly advocate mentorship and really learning something, they discuss authenticity and whether there is an authentic self, that whatever it takes to get you to take action, do it, even if it’s “fake”, they discuss the real story on the mindset necessary for greatness, and Todd shares the story of being sexually abused as a 12-year-old. Again, just like the last time, we found ourselves disagreeing with some of Todd's perspectives on things while siding more with Tom, like how you should try and inspire/encourage others to be better instead of trying to belittle them/shame them into doing better. During my walk at the mall, I listened to some more of my book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk, there was a lot to unpack but an interesting point I took out of what I heard today was "many people who lack emotional connection at home, seek it out elsewhere, they look for belonging and often times it is through joining communities outside of the home, like the military in order to form bonds and connections". This instantly made me think of Wade, given what I know now about how disconnected he was growing up.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: No major triggers during my walk.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    New Year Goals for Winning Life in 2020


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  19. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 708: 01/06/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning talk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we watched some tv, he gave me a foot rub which really helped with my headache that had been ongoing, all day. Then the little one woke me up multiple times throughout the night... so that was 'fun'.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Self Doubt and Anxiety: How To Overcome Self Doubt and Achieve Greatness", in this episode, we get some great advice on how to overcome self-doubt and anxiety. Remember, it's not your business what others are doing, what matters is what you're doing.

    This morning, we had to do our weekly grocery shopping, on the way to the store we finished listening to "How to Have Infinite Energy" Todd Herman on Conversations with Tom Bilyeu, we only had a few minutes left. Todd went through a lot of trauma as a tween, I'm surprised he managed to dig himself out of such depression, figure out a solution and find a way to help others. Then we also talked about the interesting point the author of my book made that I posted about yesterday. How, many people who lack emotional connection at home, seek it out elsewhere, they look for belonging and often times it is through joining communities outside of the home, like the military in order to form bonds and connections. His parents came to this country to avoid having him drafted into the military, then he goes and signs up voluntarily here, perhaps there was more to that. I also updated him on what I am doing with our budget, well my plan for this month and how I will use what I learn and apply it throughout the rest of the year. We did our shopping and came home, Wade went to bed and I sat down and tried to figure out this whole withholding allowances stuff from his check, which has been made 100x more complicated this year than I expected it to be. I even gave up and reached out to our tax guy who called me and said that what I sent him, confused him too... and I was like "great, then there is ZERO hope for me figuring it out now". I will keep researching though, he said Wade will probably have to go to Payroll and have them explain all these new options on the W-4, so we can do it correctly. He said once he does our taxes for 2019, he will be better equipped to let us know what the correct amount of withholding should be.

    My brain hurts, this is on top of all of my other aches and pains, sigh, why couldn't I be born a financial genius.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I didn't beat myself up over not walking due to feeling sick.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    How to Have Infinite Energy


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  20. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 709: 01/07/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we talked for some time, about our day, how his night went at work and that he managed to get a lot of recovery work done and that made him feel accomplished. Then I brought up something that had been bothering me the last two days, my response to him when he told me he would get stuck at work, on a weekend, which triggered and overwhelmed me in multiple ways. I remembered the selfish reasons he would do that in the past, then it instantly dawned on me that due to the weather/my illness I wouldn't be able to walk outside either, then the fact that the kids were home all day PLUS my parents would be in and out all day too and there would be no break for me anywhere in sight - all of those thoughts, feelings, and emotions just took over and I gave him attitude, but given all that and after working all day, he still gave me a nice back and foot rub, when I objected to it (because he was tired). We talked about it all and then we went to watch some TV before he had to go to work.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Always Hold Your Head Up", in this episode, Les Brown reminds you to hold your head up when you're going through difficult times because stumbling every now and then is simply an indication that you're trying new things. Remember, success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.

    This morning, after a few vague messages back and forth, he left me hanging in uncertainty and I do not do well sitting in uncertainty, especially when my morning is thrown out of balance because of it. I would have rather have a concrete NO or yes, rather than a "maybe", "we'll see" or "I'll let you know later". By him doing that (being vague), he put me in an uneasy mood this morning and I did not want to go anywhere, at all. I give myself certainty with the morning routine I've established for myself, I get up, wash up, get dressed for my walk and ready the kids for school, so then I could have a few moments of peace while they are busy. He sends me a message a little after 5 am, that he is so tired and had a busy night, which he could not wait for it to be over. Without following up with what that means for our morning... so of course, I have to fish, I respond with "So I take it, no walk today?" and his response was "we'll see, relaxing right now" -- bam, throwing me into uncertainty, which for me is equivalent to spiraling out/panic attack. Am I getting dressed for a walk? am I not? should I start my meds? should I not? should I bother setting myself up in the bedroom or living room???? it goes at a mile a minute and it really bothers me and I don't care if other people think "it's so small or silly", to me uncertainty is the pits and he knows it. After we spoke, I told him it was fine, we'll just stay home because I don't want to go anywhere at this point especially if he is tired, and now I am in a shitty mood. He began convincing me that he was good to go and wanted to go for a walk, I really *breathe in and out* and put my bad mood on pause in order to agree to go, which took a lot out of me. On the way to the mall, we began listening to "What If My Story Is Different" a podcast by The Betrayed, The Addicted, The Expert, whom we hadn't listened to in a long time. Then after a few minutes in, we remembered why we stopped listening... it was a lot of "filler", ever since they began promoting paid content, the free stuff is minimal. They spent the first 15-minutes of the 27-minute podcast answering a question about how they pick their topics, repeating their points on top of each other. So, we learned nothing and once we were in the mall, Wade actually began talking about our morning, my feelings, uncertainty and our whole morning exchange starting from his first message. We seemed to have hashed it out and kind of figured out what he should do next time when something like this comes up. Then on the ride back home, we finished BAE's podcast... which felt like dead air to me with a side of judgment on one point, where Ashlynn scoffs at the idea that some couples in recovery share trigger's with each other in order to build trust, well, Wade and I did it this way and it actually helped us build the kind of connection we now have - where I can tell him that him putting me in this uncertainty set me off this morning and we could talk about it, instead of me holding it in and remaining in a funk. Or me being able to acknowledge my own faults, like having an attitude due to getting triggered. Or him telling me the truth about how an interview with a former porn star about the industry, he may have found it more interesting than it really was... because he remembered her from some of his PA days and was afraid listening to part two would trigger him, so we didn't watch. Or when something explicit comes up on a TV show, he can talk to me about how it made him feel or if it didn't bother him at all, why and then we can rationalize further, together. You can't claim to be 100% honest with each other and constantly promote the concept of getting comfortable being uncomfortable if you are still withholding information, which is what BAE promotes, aka "have integrity, be accountable, be transparent, support each other" and then two minutes later they contradict themselves by saying don't talk about triggers... or laugh/scoff at the idea that being 110% honest is somehow not the right way to grow trust, because it is something they can not do. So much irony coming from the group that keeps saying "there is no perfect pill in recovery, every story is different and done in their own way".

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I opened up about what was bothering me.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    IT'S TIME TO GET OVER IT!


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.

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