Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Jagliana, Feb 4, 2018.

  1. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 728: 01/26/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we worked on his project together, I could tell that he was nervous but also excited about this new venture. I tried to ease his nerves by placing my feet under him, so he can feel me, sort of the way I grab his hand when he is overwhelmed when his family is over. I am super excited for him, this is way out of his comfort zone and to be honest, I'm scared of where this may lead, meaning who may see it eventually and if it will get back to certain people. But, I know he wants to help others and I can't let my fears get in the way of that, he wants to contribute and if he is ready for that, then I will support him all the way through, to the best of my ability. Then he gave me a lovely back rub and followed it with a soothing foot rub, so soothing that he made me sleepy lol to the point where when we got into bed, I passed out pretty quick.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “To Start Making Progress You Must Stop Making Excuses", in this episode, we hear about why you must stop making excuses in order to achieve the things you want to achieve. Remember, when you're good at making excuses, it's hard to excel at anything else.

    This morning, during our walk we almost finished listening to "Change Your Life by Changing Your Thought Process" an interview with Brendon Burchard, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Brendon Burchard is a Life coach to billionaire and one of the greatest influencers of all time, he knows exactly how to make an impact. We heard them discuss Brendon's self-evaluation and visualization process, how to observe your life dispassionately, how to deal with failures and feeling bad, going through the motions is the death of high performance, Tom and Brendon discuss leveraging guilt and pain, courage and contemplation, he strongly advocates the need for community, Tom advocates learning to endure hardship, failure, and stress, Brendon advocates allowing joy and deep pleasure, and then he explains how he came to value relationships so deeply. Afterward, we went to Costco for our monthly run there and of course, there were triggers there. I tried to manage myself as best as I could, given the situation, I am glad Wade empathized with me at a point, instead of pretending no one was around, that always helps. I just hope he really means it when he tells me that she doesn't trigger him at all and it really his him reacting to me being triggered. Like I told him, I still find it difficult to believe.

    Anyhow, back to earning gift cards and working on a little side project for Wade :)


    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Some triggers in Costco and I managed them.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Dream For Personal Growth


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  2. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 729: 01/27/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we sat in the bed, spoke about a few PA situations and then worked out a schedule for his upcoming venture, something that would work for his goals and not take away from our relationship too, then we wrote out some ideas for future videos he wants to make. It was fun helping him and scary too, as I mentioned yesterday - I don't know where this could end up aka back in my lap.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Developing Winning Habits That Actually Help You Win Each Day", in this episode, we have a great lesson on why it's important to develop winning habits. Remember, get control of your habits and you'll have control of your life.

    This morning, during our walk we almost finished listening to "Change Your Life by Changing Your Thought Process" an interview with Brendon Burchard, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Brendon Burchard is a Life coach. At the end of this interview they talked about what one change people could make to have more of an impact. Then, as we were just getting into our walk, I saw a threat running towards us, I was preparing myself for her, then she stops us to ask about the trail. I nearly lost my shit (internally)... it was bad enough that she was going to be right in front of Wade and running by, but she had to stop and stand in front of us asking questions too. She was in super-tight clothing aka yoga pants, no coat or anything in freezing weather, while I'm over here looking like an Eskimo with a ski mask, double layers, etc. I don't even remember what I was answering to her questions, as I was feeling my insides burning up. Wade, tried to make it better when we walked away and tell me he was sorry if I was triggered, that he wanted to let me know he was not triggered. However, he was in sunglasses, so I don't know if he conveniently 'slipped' or ogled either, I told him that but he said it wouldn't be possible anyway with how she was standing, but how did he notice all that if he didn't try? Anyway, he tried to tell me that he only wants me these days and he wishes I would believe him on that, but how can I? I can see clearly and both of us know, she is 110% someone he would have gone out of his way to ogle [he even admitted that to me], her stopping us would have been like winning the jackpot for him and given him the opportunity to have a longer and better drooling session. She was in a cute and tight outfit, small waist and fat ass - his wet dream for years, yet he wants me to believe as I stand there covered head to toe, like sasquatch, he still prefers looking at me 'and only me' at this very moment, instead of someone like her, a prime type - YEAH OKAY, i-m-p-o-s-s-i-b-l-e, never in a million years. Don't get me wrong, I wish I could believe him, I would love nothing more, sometimes I do get a tingle when he tells me things, but definitely after bumping into someone like her that tingle is long gone. Look, I believe someone can change, and he has changed into a completely different man after recovery; unrecognizable and treats me like a princess, but he is still a man nonetheless and men react to visual stimulation and I am not stupid about that fact. I will never look like one of them; that's a fact, I know that and would never be able to compete with them, he swears up and down that he doesn't care about any of them (anymore) and only has eyes for me, but I don't buy it, especially not when I look like complete shit and she is at the top of her game and both of us are in front of him. This is what makes me question everything sometimes, like if I can never get to the point of feeling and believing that he desires and prefers me, no matter who is around, will I ever be able to feel free, safe and secure? that uncertainty really scares me, staying stuck in this never-ending loop, which does not allow me to enjoy all of life and any experience at 100%. I feel like I am always walking around with this dark cloud (even 5%) hovering over my head, constantly following me, with a possible downpour ready to strike at any moment and it sucks. It takes away from what would normally be happy, fun or exciting moments, always trying to ignore, push down and get over triggers and sometimes with lighter triggers I am able to move on quickly and still have some enjoyment - but all of it is mentally exhausting. I love him so much, I have never been so connected to anyone before, we are so real with each other, he treats me so well and overall [if not for this trigger/uncertainty crap] I am loving the relationship we have right now, but if I can not believe for certain that my own husband prefers me physically to anyone else, that I don't have to perk up and feel like I am in competition with every other woman out there, that it is not just connection driving his sudden and current attraction to me, what does it mean? am I slated to have a piece of myself always feeling uncertain, scared, fearful and empty? never allowing me to be completely happy, and that makes me sad, especially when all I want to do is be happy and enjoy the relationship I am in now, but can't.

    Then, we didn't get to finish our conversation [unfinished business, something I love lol] before we received a phone call from the school that our eldest was feeling nauseous and had to get picked up from school. There's a whole host of issues with her and constantly 'feeling sick' during gym, but we'll have to figure out a way to talk to her without shaming her, but also make it clear that lying is not okay.

    I felt tired and exhausted, after the non-sleep night I had with our little one, plus the unsettled feeling still from this morning's trigger still lingering, somehow I still managed to work on the video for Wade and get some of my own stuff started.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Pushed through and got a lot done.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    WAKE UP EARLY AND KEEP FAILING


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  3. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 730: 01/28/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, after we had a talk with our eldest about her behavior and lying, we then went and had a talk about my earlier trigger. I told Wade it was pointless [beating a dead horse], but we talked about it anyway. He told me his feelings and how he knows for sure where he stands and again when he speaks and we are alone, it sounds good and sometimes gives me a glimmer of hope because I do know he has changed - he is so different than he ever was, he treats me like never before, it's like I'm with a new man, in a new [loving] relationship... however, the history and memories are so vivid and there's the 5% chance of everything resetting back to how it used to be so when they are nearby, I don't feel like he prefers me, over those 'them [primes], and that's a feeling that I want to have really bad, it's the one piece missing for me right now, driving my uncertainties and fears up the wall.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Understanding How To Unlock Your Brain To Have A Better Memory", in this episode, Jim Kwik talks about how to unlock your brain in order to have a better memory. Remember, if you just do the easy things in life then life is hard, but if you do the hard things in life then life becomes easy.

    This morning, Wade told me about his night at work and another huge milestone he reached, which I am really proud of him for. I'm paraphrasing, so I may get the exchange a little wrong but; his coworker made a joke or flippant remark about 'why don't you go and masturbate' and he replied, I don't do that anymore, the coworker laughed it off and said 'yeah right' and Wade told him, it's true and that he hasn't watched porn or masturbated in almost two years. Shocked, the coworker shouted out to another coworker how "hey, Wade says he doesn't masturbate!" and a whole thing began there and Wade handled it without any shame and like a champ - I am really proud of him for having the kind of courage and how far he has come in recovery. He also called out that coworker about making fun of a suicidal emotionally disturbed person who had gone missing, a Vet, father, and husband - this coworker was again making flippant remarks/jokes about the guy/the situation and Wade being a Vet himself, understanding PTSD through that and through me, plus how difficult he took his other coworkers suicide, he pushed back and called him out on being so cruel and insensitive. Again, something he would not have done pre-recovery, man this recovery really has changed him so man, sheesh *applauds*. Then, during our walk, we began listening to "The Future Doesn’t Have to Be Scary" an interview with Peter Diamandis, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Peter H. Diamandis is the founder and executive chairman of the XPRIZE Foundation, which leads the world in designing and operating large-scale incentive competitions. He is also the executive founder of Singularity University, a graduate-level Silicon Valley institution that counsels the world’s leaders on exponentially growing technologies. We only got 16 minutes into it, before pausing to talk about fear and how it takes over. So far though, we heard them discuss why Peter believes the future doesn’t have to be scary, how you don’t have to put your energy into building bunkers, hiding gold bars in the ground, and preparing for the end because the future can be full of possibility but you have to change your mindset from fear to positivity.

    This evening we have our family dentist appointment, wish us luck.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Wasn't in the mood to walk, glad I did - felt better after.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    UNLOCK YOUR BRAIN'S SUPERPOWERS


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  4. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 731: 01/29/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Wade's Recovery.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, because we talked in the morning, we skipped our talk, he gave me a nice foot rub and we watched some Batwoman, meh a show which is not catching our attention. Then he went to work.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “The Truth About Dealing With Haters", in this episode, Freddy Fri Day talks about dealing with haters. Remember, love your haters, the truth is they're your most enthusiastic fans!

    Today, Wade has officially hit two years clean of PM, I couldn't be more proud of him! more on that further down.
    [​IMG]

    This morning, we skipped our walk because I wanted to avoid any potential triggers (I did not want to start this day on the wrong note). We both traded some small but meaningful gifts to celebrate this wonderful occasion. He got me a two-piece keychain that represents when the recovery began and when I said yes to continue the marriage, which we split between each other. I got him a mug that I designed with Deadpool, special dates, etc on it, Russell Brand's book "Recovery: Freedom from Our Addictions" and redesigned his FB group cover image to look more official for his launch. Then at noon, we went to have a celebratory lunch together, it was a quiet place, we had a lovely time together talking about how far he has come and even some changes he feels I've made. It was a really sweet and good time... tonight we will continue our celebration with a movie, some wine, and sweets.

    Now...

    A direct message to @Wade W. Wilson on his TWO YEAR CLEAN Anniversary: First of all, I’m so proud of you, I am happy to see you taking care of yourself, you are such an inspiration to me and so many others, after all the work and effort you've been putting in and continue to do so, you deserve to live a happy and fulfilled life. You are strong, courageous and I know there's so much more you want to do and I can't wait to cheer you on as you hit each and every new milestone along the way. What else can I say? it has been two whole years of continued growth and change, what a ride; for us both, it was all made possible because you made a choice, the choice to rid yourself of this addiction, taking it... one day at a time. Who would have thought that we would be in a place where there would be real trust, honest communication, love, connection, purpose and growth between us. Where we can talk it out instead of harboring resentment, where we can hold each other's space, even when you or I am triggered or in shame. This is the complete opposite of where we were exactly two years ago.

    I want you to know, we are here because - no matter the challenges you [we] were facing, you handled them with strength, integrity, patience, and determination. There is still an "us" because of you and the work you've been putting in. So, THANK YOU for giving yourself the chance to become the man you were always meant to be, the man - that today - I am PROUD to love, trust and call my husband.

    Do you know what’s better than staying sober for one year? staying sober for two years! and do you know what’s better than staying sober for two years? staying sober for three years! so here's hoping for another year of growth; together. :emoji_champagne_glass:

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Feeling so proud of Wade's milestone and launch of his official "One Day at a Time" FB group and Discord!:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Addiction Recovery: Difference of Sobriety and Recovery


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  5. GID2020

    GID2020 Fapstronaut

    That's so great! I'm happy for you both!!:):)
     
    Strength And Light and Jagliana like this.
  6. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    Thank you! <3
     
    GID2020 likes this.
  7. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 732: 01/30/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we didn't talk, we decided to continue our celebration of his recovery anniversary... he made me chocolate cover strawberries, we sipped on wine and watched "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". He paused midway because the love interest in the movie was making a point about how loving the main character has brought him to life, for the first time in his dull life. So Wade talked about gratefulness, where we are at as a couple and how much I mean to him. How without me, he would have relapsed a long time ago, which I don't know - it's possible but I'm happy to support him and help him as not only his wife but as his AP. We are both so much happier than we ever were before, well I guess than ever - because I don't recall ever being truly present and happy... and no matter the setbacks (especially when my anger/fears hit when triggered), we are still better off today, than throughout the 12 years of marriage when he was into his addiction. We love each other on a different level, we understand each other and best of all we can literally talk to each other about anything and everything, that is something I am really grateful for... because bottling up was slowly sucking the life out of me.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Simple Mind Tricks You Can Use When You Really Need To Change Your Mindset", in this episode, we learn some simple but effective mind tricks you can use when you need to change your mindset. Remember, to change your life you have to change yourself, to change yourself you have to change your mindset.

    This morning, we began listening to "The Importance Of Having A Growth Mindset & Keeping Agreements With Your Partner" an interview with Lisa Bilyeu, with Jay Shetty. Lisa Bilyeu is the co-founder of Impact Theory, Quest Nutrition, and Women of Impact discusses the highs and lows of entrepreneurship and life, years of hard work and sacrifice not only strengthened her marriage but helped her hone in on what really mattered. She discussed how she discovered her true identity and passions walking side-by-side with husband Tom Bilyeu. She also talked about her wishes, hopes, and dreams for her life, the importance of documenting the journey, their turning point in life and business, from zero to a billion dollars in five years, how she overcomes the fear of doing new things, contracts and marriage, her passion for drawing and art, doing what they love every day, her health struggles and overcoming them, their personal agreements, taking divorce off the table, and how she knew she no longer wanted children. So far, this pick by Wade was a really good one. We found ourselves pausing to discuss points often and that's when we know it's a good one when it opens us up to plenty of good conversations. Wade was so lovely dovey today, even more than usual, stopping me to kiss and remind me he loves me, how beautiful I am and how lucky he feels, it was so cute lol.


    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Loving how this hair color looks.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    BAD DAY? 3 Mindset Tricks to Get Positivity Back


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  8. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 733: 01/31/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, my mood was ruined with a simple 'matter of fact' comment/question my mom asked me. While she was sitting, she turns to me and goes "have you gained weight?" and since I was already feeling down after the last trigger, unhappy with being on a weight 'loss' plateau, it just destroyed me. She basically confirmed all the negatives thoughts I was already thinking. Wade and I talked about it at night, but my mood was still off, my fear was turned way up because I correlate weight gain with how attracted he remains/is to me. So, it just sucked, then we began a new couple's book that I had wanted to start on Jan 1st but we forgot, it is called "A Year with You: A Keepsake Journal for Two to Share". My responses weren't as hopeful as Wade's, but that is because my mood wasn't in a good place.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Tips On Eliminating Distractions And Regaining Your Focus", in this episode, we get some great tips on eliminating distractions so you can regain the focus you need in your life. Remember, you can't do big things if you're distracted by small things.

    This morning, we finished listening to "The Importance Of Having A Growth Mindset & Keeping Agreements With Your Partner" an interview with Lisa Bilyeu, with Jay Shetty. Lisa Bilyeu is the co-founder of Impact Theory, Quest Nutrition, and Women of Impact. She is also the wife of Tom Bilyeu of Impact Theory. This was a really good interview with a lot of great relationships and life advice. They finished strong with how she discovered her true identity and passions walking side-by-side with her husband Tom Bilyeu also why being honest at all times is important. Then there was an incident in Target, the subject matter was silly overall, however, Wade's behavior really irritated/triggered me, he made me feel like I was crazy and not seeing something that was "clearly there" -- when in reality it was not, it was in his pocket all along. He apologized and spent quite some time talking about it, he didn't like that I was in still a bad mood and kept wanting to talk about it or 'fix it'... but I told him just because I accepted his apology does not mean I will just forget everything that happened, so of course, I will remain upset until I've calmed down. This whole scenario actually goes really well with what Lisa was talking about, 'honesty', I can accept his apology and even believe his intention wasn't to trigger me but if he wants me to be honest with him and not fake, this is what he gets: the truth - that I can hear him out, accept his apology and still stay true to myself by allowing myself to be upset about the situation until I am ready to move on - instead of faking a smile and pretending "all is well now" and holding onto the resentment in silence.

    The rest of the day was a lazy day, working on our various projects, earning some cash, etc. I hope tonight will be easier for me, I guess we will see what the rest of the day brings.


    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I was honest, sat in my frustration instead of 'people-pleasing' and pretending I was over it.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Change For Yourself, Not Others


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Psalm27:1my light likes this.
  9. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 734: 02/01/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we spoke a little on and off about the usual topics of the day. He reiterated how he sees me, feels about me and offered some ideas/suggestions about implementing more ways to lose weight, if that is something I want to do, although he does not agree with my motivation. Then he decided to spoil me with a really nice back rub and foot rub. Then we went to watch some TV, before heading to bed... to then be woken up every other hour by our little one.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “A Few Simple Ways To Feel Happier Every Day", in this episode, we hear some simple but great ways to feel happier every day. 1. Take your breath away (look the sunrise), 2.Cleanse your environment (clean your room), 3. Blacklist social media (especially in the morning), 4. Anticipate to motivate (plan something), 5. Size isn't everything (do small tasks before big ones), 6. Expand your mind (do hobbies), and 7. Study yourself (know your strengths). Remember, most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

    This morning, after we got the girls situated, I sat down at my Mac and wanted to listen to a quick Ted Talk, while waiting for my mom to come over to sit with them (so we could walk). I asked Wade if he wanted me to wait for him and I said yes, once I began playing "Why I'm done trying to be "man enough" | Justin Baldoni", he jolted and said: "that's the guy I told you about! he was on Jay Shetty's podcast" - I remembered when he mentioned it, but it was funny because I had this sitting in my "Watch Later" list. Anyway, we watched that and it was good, he spoke about the importance of men being vulnerable and open, with each other and their woman, I really enjoyed it and began following his pages on social media. Then during our walk, we began listening to "Mamba Mentality, NBA Championships, and Oscars" an interview with Kobe Bryant [RIP], on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Kobe is widely regarded as one of the best basketball players of all time. He’s won five NBA championships with the Lakers and led the NBA in scoring during two seasons. He’s an 18-time All-Star, a 15-time member of the All-NBA Team, a 12-time member of the All-Defensive Team. He holds the NBA record for the most seasons played with one franchise for an entire career: 20 seasons. In 2018, he received an Academy Award for his animated short “Dear Basketball.” He also launched a podcast called The Punies that teaches kids morals and history in a really fun way. Kobe’s known for what he calls his Mamba Mentality, but it’s his big heart that is truly admirable. He is constantly reinventing himself and continuing to pursue new dreams. It was sad watching this year-old interview because as we all have heard by now Kobe was killed in a helicopter crash on January 26th, 2020. So far, we heard then discuss who was Kobe's greatest teacher? and what are some other things he does to raise the level of your teammates?

    There was a point at the start when we were walking, Wade stopped in one spot and during this exact moment, I noticed running in the distance, the same chick that triggered me [bad] a few days ago, coming our way. He was still standing, she kept getting closer and closer and I felt the rage rushing over me, so I snapped and said "is there a reason we are standing here?!" and he said "I just wanted to finish something in the game" and then we began walking right as she passed by us. I began trying to talk myself down and breathe, luckily this time she didn't stop right in front of us or talk to us. A few minutes later, Wade did ask if I was triggered and I said yes, "it was the same chick from a few days ago, so of course." He said 'really? she doesn't have the same face' and I said, yeah it was her, just a different outfit and no makeup. Anyway, I tried to push it down and breathe my walk to some sense of normalcy, so I didn't have my entire walk/day ruined, I am still triggered and because my big trigger is still present and only started winding down recently that is until the trigger got aggravated by my mom's comments confirming how I've been feeling about myself/my fears... seeing this woman again, brought up some bad thoughts that will probably continue festering all day, if not longer. Then midway through the interview, Wade paused it when they began talking about identity, leaving a career and wondering if there's anything else out there due to the fears of having to start over, etc. Which led to a ranting session where Wade told me about how the upper brass, keeps doing things to ruin the morale and then wonder why a lot of cops aren't motivated. I won't go into details, but what one lieutenant did was really messed up and I'm surprised no one made a formal complaint. I am glad he can confide in me and he knows I understand where he is coming from, although I worked in a corporate - the atmosphere was pretty much the same, where upper management only looked out for themselves and didn't give a crap about their employees, where was Simon Sinek when you needed him - although these idiots wouldn't appreciate or understand his message anyway I guess. Then, he turned back to talking about my mindset and hoping it can change and I can start believing that he only wants me, no matter who is around. We'll see - I do believe he is authentic when he tells me he is grateful for where he is at right now, but when I see one of 'them', I can't control the thoughts and fears that take over.

    Tonight we have some friends coming over, Wade will be making some delicious food, maybe we'll play a board game or two and it will be nice to hang out with people who know our story in real life, so we can be authentic around them.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I got retriggered by the girl from the trail [previous big trigger] and tried to get through it (stuff it) so we could continue walking.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    7 Simple Ways to Feel Happier Every Day


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  10. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 735: 02/02/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Shopping with Wade.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we had some friends over, some of the only friends who know about Wade's PA and my betrayal trauma, so we could literally talk about anything, without holding back. First, we ate and everyone loved Wade's dish, the chef got a lot of compliments. Then we spent a lot of time talking about Wade's new FB page and his goals for helping other PA's in recovery - which led us into some interesting conversions about certain P sites and how advanced their analytics are lol I was so worried Wade would get triggered. Then the subject turned to me and then everyone began badgering me about how I should or should think about the way I process my triggers/trauma - ironically trying to preach to me on how/why I shouldn't "should" myself and make expectations -- while telling me what they think I "should" be doing/thinking instead. It did become annoying/overwhelming after a while of everyone, including Wade, repeating themselves and their points; basically shaming me for thinking/feeling the way that I do. I am sure it was not their intention and they probably feel like they were offering "advice" but at the end of the day I can't help where my triggered mind takes me - that is just how my betrayal trauma is effecting me, 12 years of damage can do that to a person and they can not understand that obviously. None of them have actually been through this type of betrayal trauma/PTSD and can never truly understand what's behind my thoughts, fears and lack of control about certain things - although I tried to explain it all however it fell on deaf ears. Wade enjoyed it though because they were taking his side and validating his opinions but for me, during that 'segment' of the evening I felt like it was 3 vs 1 and I felt alone [an army of one], but I kept up a good front, so no one noticed. Finally, after a long while of them "making their points", we decided to play Cards Against Humanity and that was a good change of pace and we all had a really great time playing. Overall, them coming over was good, minus the 'assault' we all enjoyed each other's company and plan on hanging out more.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Remain Focused On Your Goals In A World Full Of Distractions", in this episode, we learn how to remain focused on our goals even when there are distractions all around us. Remember, where focus goes energy flows.

    This morning, we finished listening to "Mamba Mentality, NBA Championships, and Oscars" an interview with Kobe Bryant [RIP], on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. The rest of the interview they dove into what “Mamba Mentality” means, why he has a passion for storytelling, why you should be excited about failure, his greatest moment in 20 seasons of basketball, and his daily routine. It was heartbreaking to hear all he wanted to do for others, goals he had set for the future... knowing he had passed away so young. Then we did our weekly grocery run, there were some minor triggers there but none that I couldn't manage. Then we went home and I expect a lazy day today.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I woke up in a much better mood.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Why I'm done trying to be "man enough" | Justin Baldoni


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  11. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 736: 02/03/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, Wade wanted to talk, I was feeling like a pile of steaming hot... anyway, I told him I didn't have anything to talk about, but he said he did - so of course, I was all ears. He said he wanted to begin with an apology for the night before because he did not want me to feel attacked. We discussed the group chat in general and why I felt attacked, why I felt he was egging the guy on with his constant 'yes man' etc, but he said it won't happen again and I appreciated that. Then he gave me a soothing foot rub while watching some TV. Our eldest walked out [when she should have been sleeping] with a swollen eye and panic ensued, we assumed it had to be an allergic reaction to something, but getting some antihistamine drop into her eyes caused me to have a panic attack, because of how she gets. I was upset Wade had to leave for work, for multiple reasons, but especially because I feel much more comfortable in situations like these when he is home.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How Your Brain Works: Switching From Automatic To Direct Mode", in this episode, Mel Robbins talks with us about how your brain works, and how to switch from auto to direct mode so that you're able to make better decisions. Remember, everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

    This morning, our eldest's eye looked better, so the drops and Benadryl seemed to work. I wasn't feeling good at all, but I went for a walk with Wade anyway. We began listening to "The Only Way You Know You’re Alive is To Create" an interview with Felicia Day, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Felicia Day is a professional actress who has appeared in numerous television shows and films. She is was recurring on the CW show “Supernatural,” and the SyFy series “The Magicians.” However, Felicia is best known for her work in the web video world. Felicia shares the importance of creativity in our daily life and how to push through self-doubt and judgment. So far we've heard them exchange some fun facts about each other and then began discussing the identity shift Felicia had after having a baby. When we got home, we recorded Wade's weekly recovery video for his Facebook group; where he talks about starting recovery. Then I got it ready for upload for him. After that, I've felt a huge sense of overwhelm, that I guess I've put on myself... trying to get my parent's taxes done, scheduling passport appointments for our girls, scheduling a good time to reshoot their passport photos for them and fixing my own business tax stuff. I feel like my brain is running on empty, but going a mile a minute. It's a lot, but for some reason, I can not make myself stuff, because there is just so much that needs to get done... ugh.


    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: .:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Switch Your Brain To Direct Mode | Mel Robbins


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  12. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 737: 02/04/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, since we spoke throughout the day, we decided to watch some TV. He again decided to spoil me and give me a foot rub, as good as it feels to receive them, I still can not get used to it. I really do appreciate everything he does for me, what a difference from the past, where I felt like Casper 24/7.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Here's Where To Find Your Real Happiness And Peace", in this episode, we learn how and where to find the most real happiness. Remember, real happiness doesn't come from money, success or fame. It comes from expressing gratitude.

    This morning, I woke up to a few cute messages on the back of our bedroom door, on Facebook and an adorable photo he put together on messenger, it made my morning, although I wonder what his coworker thinks about it lol. This is something the 'old Wade' would never do, ever. Due to the weird-ass weather thing morning, we decided to head down to the mall today, where we continued listening to "The Only Way You Know You’re Alive is To Create" an interview with Felicia Day, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Felicia Day is a professional actress who has appeared in numerous television shows and films. They discussed how to focus on what’s important and how to love ourselves unconditionally. On the ride back home, he stopped and again told me how lucky he feels to be here with me, right now and in general, and I truly do believe he believes that and it does feel good. I feel the same way, I'm happy that he chose to put in the work and by doing that, he enabled me to see that him changing was possible, that him being honest could happen and that him loving me, in the way I always dreamed of being loved... could come from him and not how I always assumed 'there would be someone else out there who would love me the way I deserved to be loved, because Wade is incapable of that". It was a nice chat, it made me feel good when I was feeling down in general.


    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I loved how Wade's little love messages make me feel.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    REAL HAPPINESS LIES IN GRATITUDE


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  13. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 738: 02/05/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Silence.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we laid in bed a little, just resting and not talking much. My brain was so overwhelmed with dealing with my parent's issues, that I needed to just be held and breathe. Then we watched some tv as he soothed me with a nice foot rub.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Making A Commitment To Change Your Life For The Better", in this episode, Freddy Fri Day gives us a message designed to remind you that you can turn the nonproductive items on your checklist into a winners guide of daily productive activities by simply committing to change your life for the better! Remember, without commitment, there can be no lasting success.

    This morning, I wasn't feeling well at all, so my parent's dropped off the girls at school, Wade got stuck at work (prob till 11 pm, sigh) and I stayed home. Although I feel horrible about my body image at the moment, the pain was too much for a walk, it wouldn't have been efficient. I worked on helping Wade's with his page and doing more research for my parents because they will be back in the afternoon to continue giving me stress about his whole tax situation. I'm also on a mission to figure out what is causing my phone to suddenly overheat and charge poorly... it's such a scam, the whole industry, they force you into needing a new phone after a certain amount of time passes or after you pay off your device. On and off I listened to some motivational videos and then watched Ozark, definitely could trigger some PA's, so I would avoid it if I were you.

    I'm just hoping I can figure out my parent's stuff before my head officially explodes.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I didn't shame myself for skipping my walk.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Commit To Changing Your Life


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  14. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 739: 02/06/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we laid in bed and talked about each other's days, again about my feelings about attractiveness - especially if I gain any weight. How I am afraid any change in my appearance could cause him to stray with his eyes; which could lead to relapse in my opinion, but he said it is completely impossible. After our talk, we went and spoke to our eldest about integrity and honesty; how both must be earned back after she has been quite inconsistent in what she says recently, it is her responsibility. Wade told her that he had learned the value of honesty, so he is talking to her from personal experience. Then we went to watch some TV, where he gave me a lovely foot rub - before heading to bed and passing out.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Change Your Life: How To Change A Bad Habit", in this episode, we learn how to change a bad habit and ultimately change your life. Remember, we are what we repeatedly do.

    This morning, we walked at the mall due to the rain, we began listening to "If You're In My Office, It's Already Too Late: Marriage Secrets from a Divorce Lawyer" an interview with James Sexton, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Marriage is something that is so important to people. In fact, you probably thought about what your wedding would be like as a child. When people go into a marriage they think so much about their venue, their cake, their guest list — but they never really think about what they are signing up for. Marriage is, legally, one of the most important things you can do. You are signing away half of your life. And there’s nothing wrong with that – if it’s the right person. Mr. Sexton is an NYC divorce attorney, with over 20 years of experience in his field, but along the way, e learned a whole lot more about people and their relationships. He also the author of the incredibly informative book on marriage "If You’re in My Office, You’re Already Too Late". So far, they've discussed what is the technology of marriage (how it is mechanical and filled with unsavory probabilities/ratios that we usually ignore and stick to surface level stuff), what training would you want people to go through before getting married? does he feel when marriage gets rough that they should throw in the towel or work through it? what are the most important things to find out about your spouse before getting married? why people tell more to their lawyers than their therapists, and when one client realized her marriage was over. I gotta say, so far this interview has really opened up a lot of good conversations with Wade and myself because it is so relatable, especially when the woman realized her marriage was essentially over; it's the little things that count and when they stop - something is usually wrong. I can't wait to hear the rest of it when we can, which probably won't be for a few days sadly. Then a funny moment occurred when Wade stopped me to tell me what his 10-year goal was; which was for us to still be doing these little things together (walking/talking/holding hands) etc., so I automatically responded with "well, we can make that happen" or something like that and he got all giddy because he said that was my first thought which got him really excited because I didn't say what usually comes to mind after some rationalizing about our future: "if we are still together by then or if you don't lose attraction towards me." It was a cute moment.

    Later today I have to figure out some more stuff for my parents and then by the time I am done with all that, the kids will be home and well, more noise, sigh.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: The great connection I felt this morning with Wade.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    It Takes Only A Few Days To Change Your Habits


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    im’possible likes this.
  15. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 740: 02/07/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Minutes of Silence.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, well, it was a rough one, I got really triggered and my mind was firing off so many different ideas as to what just transpired. I won't go into too much detail, as I do not want to retrigger myself, but it all started with Wade acting surprised to receive a phone call from a friend... whom he had called first about an hour ago and this friend was actually just returning his call. I know that every time Wade has a vacation coming up, he finds a reason to call this friend with the hopes of meeting up, once he acted out so selfishly about it that he wanted to schedule the hangout, after our celebratory dinner, which would leave me alone for hours. Not to mention this is a friend who otherwise ignores him, never calls him first, even 'forgot' to mention he was expecting a baby until she was born and then he just shoots over a text with a photo "had a baby!". Normally this is not a big deal to me; him hanging out with his friend or speaking to him etc, had told me anything about it or any of the feelings he claims to have had about it, at all, but because he acted so shady - seemingly going behind my back, acting selfish, off and ending up with a story that was full of way too many coincidences. Then when he saw I was triggered, the sorry's and the "it really was all pure coincidence", that he wasn't trying to deceive me or go behind my back began and went on for a really long time - this whole ordeal, it had my gut feeling going nuts all night. His 'forgetfulness', his thoughtlessness, selfishness, and 'subconscious' actions remind me a lot of the past and make me wonder about the future... what else could he forget and so quickly? what other actions would he take through his subconscious? when the time was right? too much uncertainty there.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Questions You Should Ask Yourself Everyday", in this episode, John Maxwell suggests 3 questions you should ask yourself every day. Remember, everything worthwhile is uphill.

    This morning, I woke up still feeling the after-effects of last night, the whole situation left a very bad taste in my mouth. Anyway, I distracted myself with some work while I finished listening to "The Power of Reflection for Lifelong Relationships" an interview with Justin Baldoni, on On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Justin is an American actor, director, and entrepreneur most known for the show, Jane the Virgin, and directing his most recent film, Five Feet Apart. They discussed everything from what it takes to let a pure message pass through you, all the way to finding more nuanced alternatives to “toxic masculinity.” Justin brings a unique perspective to the table, with his Hollywood success and speaking on the TED stage. They also talked about how to deal with feeling excluded from the group, and what it takes as an adult to cope with those wounds that still have yet to fully heal. It was a good interview, but I think I loved his TED Talk more. Then after the kids went to school, I FINALLY had two hours to myself, to just decompress and chill. I also got a really sweet message from another member here (through Discord) and it brightened my mood a bit.

    Wade's vacation starts today, unfortunately, I'm still feeling disconnected from him because of last night, I hope this feeling doesn't linger all week, I guess time will tell...

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Got out of bed this morning.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Relationships
    If You're In My Office, It's Already Too Late


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]

    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  16. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 741: 02/08/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Storytime with my little one.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, our downstairs neighbor was throwing a party and holy shit, the entire apartment was shaking, from 4:30 pm, until 11:00 pm. It was so bad that we even had to Super go and ask her to turn it down, a least the base - you know to have some kind of courtesy or decency, you living in a space with a lot of people, this isn't a damn club. So, this heifer tells the Super "NO, I am not going to turn it down", what kind of animal is she? holy shit, a teacher no less, I was praying so hard for the 10 plagues to come at her.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “The Power of Gratitude And How It Can Change Your Life", in this episode, Jay Shetty talks with us about the power of gratitude and how it can change your life. Remember, there are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

    This morning, everything seemly started out normally, until Wade decided to make a joke, one that was not funny at all, at least not to me. Every morning, when I get up, I go and weigh myself like clockwork, for some reason even though my diet hasn't changed much and neither has my exercising habits... my weight just continues to rise. This has been a real sore spot for me... causing severe tension, stress, and anxiety because I can not understand why it's happening all of a sudden, but also because when I gain weight it makes me feel less attractive, less appealing, less desirable to Wade, and I have always put two and two together, no matter what he says; IE: I gain weight = he becomes less attracted = he acts out or stops recovery altogether and I'm back to where I started pre-recovery, only difference would be is me having to start over, even older than before. So, what did he do? as I got on the scale for my morning weigh-in, all of a sudden the numbers began going down, and then it stopped much lower than I was expecting to see, which confused me but got me excited, because I began assuming maybe whatever hormones were affecting me or water weight came off overnight (which happened before), it gave me so much happiness and hopefulness, which ended up lasting for about 5 seconds, until I realized that the numbers were low because Wade had placed his foot on the scale from behind me "to be funny/make a joke", causing the scale to give me that false/lower result. I haven't felt so much shame about my body or felt so horrible about myself in a really long time, it was by far one of the cruelest and most insensitive "jokes" I had ever been party to. It makes me question the authenticity of the 'compliments' he keeps giving me, his promises to never hurt me, etc if he doesn't take how I feel about this seriously; after he put me in this position in the first place. And if this kind of thing is funny to him - what else can fall under this category? perhaps him telling me I look good in jeans or I'm beautiful are also funny jokes to him? and I've been the dummy assuming he was being real and honest about it. I'm still shocked right now - so letdown, not just by my weight but by his cruel action. How at this point, he could be so hurtful about something he knows 110% I would never find funny, not now, not 10 years ago - not ever. He knows how sensitive I am about my weight, especially now, and to screw with my head and emotions like that was so f*cked up, it destroyed my whole sense of self, I don't want to deal with anyone right now, however, I feel bad because it's not their fault, I'm just not in a good place right now, mentally. Regardless of feeling like shit, I went to a book-reading event with my little one which distracted me for a time and seeing her laugh and smile helped. Then we got home and now all the questions, noise and anything extra is just irritating me.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Spending some time with my little one.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Relationships
    How Gratitude Can Change Your Life


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  17. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 742: 02/09/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Hanging out with friends.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, even though I was feeling disconnected, upset, etc and he was in physical pain, he still insisted on giving me a back rub to alleviate my stress, which I appreciate. I am having a difficult time shaking off the hurt from the 'joke' he made, no matter his intentions or lack thereof. I was not so much triggered (mad) as I was disappointed/hurt. I was shocked by how someone I trusted with one of my deepest sore spots; a deep vulnerability, my weight issues - could pull a joke aka stunt like this. Anyway, after he did that, he also gave me a foot rub as we watched TV. Then we went to sleep, he asked if he could hug me and I said yes, he seemed surprised.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Achieve A Higher State of Consciousness", in this episode, we learn how to reach and live at a higher state of consciousness, and why it's important to do so. Remember, sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere. And sometimes in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself.

    This morning, it was bitter cold but I needed to get my walk in. During our walk, we continued listening to "If You're In My Office, It's Already Too Late: Marriage Secrets from a Divorce Lawyer" an interview with James Sexton, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Mr. Sexton is an NYC divorce attorney, with over 20 years of experience in his field, but along the way, e learned a whole lot more about people and their relationships. He also the author of the incredibly informative book on marriage "If You’re in My Office, You’re Already Too Late". Just as the beginning of this interview, the information he is sharing here is so important, we both wish we would have taken 1/4th of the advice he names here, before marriage. When we were driving back home, we talked a little bit about what we heard so far in the interview (different types of betrayal) and then I explained to him how his cruel joke was also a form of betrayal because I had trusted him with that vulnerability and he turned it into a hurtful jab/joke. It doesn't matter if what he claims is true or not, that he did it out of stupidity/impulse with no back thoughts behind it or if he did it knowing it was hurt me, the end result is the same to me, I got affected deeply on multiple counts. He seemed to have understood, then I explained why this time I was still okay with him hugging me at night... to me... there's a difference between hurt/disappointed and pissed off (aka when I'm so enraged that keeping him in the doghouse is better for us both). Then we got ourselves ready to go visit our friends and on the ride there (and back) we again continued listening to Mr. Sexton's interview. We ended up having a good time catching up with our friends, much better than I had expected. Once we got home, Wade began feeling light-headed, shortness of breath and just weak, he was complaining of a sore throat this morning and similar issues, I told him that he might be coming down with something, but he said no he doesn't think so. But it started hitting him worse when we got home, I asked him if he wanted me to take him to the ER and he said no, so I gave him some Tylenol cold and he went to lay down for a bit. I really hope it is just a cold and nothing more serious.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Loving how excited my little one was about seeing her friend.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Upgrade Your Consciousness


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  18. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 743: 02/10/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) No Flu.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, I held down the fort as Wade was dealing with his illness. I kept checking in on him as his fever got to 104, but he did not want to go to the ER. After some more meds, his tempt dropped a bit thankfully but he still felt horrible.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Improve Your Self-Confidence: Change The Way You See Yourself", in this episode, Jim Rohn talks about how to change the way you see yourself so that you can improve your self-confidence. Remember, what you need to think about is not how you see the Universe, what you need to think about is how the Universe sees you.

    This morning, we dropped the kids off at school and went to the doctors. Wade tested for the flu and strep, turns out the symptoms are very similar, luckily it was strep and not the flu. He still feels like shit, but now he is on prescribed meds which will hopefully help him. My client sent me a buttload of work, so now I'll really have to manage my time well between that and taking care of Wade and the kids. Wish me luck!

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Happy Wade didn't have the flu.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Change The Way You See Yourself


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  19. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 744: 02/11/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Work.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, Wade began feeling a bit better, but it was on and off, as one would expect when you have something compromising your immune system. I hoped the feeling better would have lasted a bit longer, but he began feeling worse at night again, especially his throat and had the same luck with sleep as I did... aka none.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Create Your Future Just The Way You Want It To Be", in this episode, we learn how to create your future just the way you want it to be. Remember, the best way to predict the future is to create it.

    This morning, we finished listening to "If You're In My Office, It's Already Too Late: Marriage Secrets from a Divorce Lawyer" an interview with James Sexton, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Mr. Sexton is an NYC divorce attorney, with over 20 years of experience in his field, but along the way, he learned a whole lot more about people and their relationships. He also the author of the incredibly informative book on marriage "If You’re in My Office, You’re Already Too Late". An awesome interview that I believe every couple should watch/listen to. We went to the supermarket because Wade felt a little better, but that didn't last long, while we were there, he began feeling chills and rundown again, so we hurried up and came home so he could get under the covers and take a nap -- and I could work. Funny thing is, as much pain as working puts me in, at this moment in time, I am really grateful for the distraction as I hold down the fort as best as I can household wise. It is keeping my mind somewhat off of my depressive state, that was really set off by Wade's "joke" a few days ago and if I had nothing but idle time plus no walks, just to sit there and think about all this, I don't even know how much deeper it would go. I can't even look at myself in the mirror right now, that's how disgusting I've been feeling, Wade keeps trying to give me compliments, but they are falling on deaf ears, especially with each passing day - but luckily work is saturating some of these feelings from time to time.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Haven't fallen apart yet.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Relationships
    The difference between healthy and unhealthy love


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  20. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 745: 02/12/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Silence.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, as sick as Wade was, he knew how broken I was after working all day and he still gave me a full treatment (back, hand and foot rub). I told him not to because I didn't want him feeling worse or in pain, but he didn't listen. Well, I appreciate it, as it did help alleviate my severe back pain and every other ache I was feeling, I already lost track of where it was coming from.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Your Differences Are What Make You Great Embrace Them", in this episode, we're reminded that being different is good and should be embraced. Remember, to make a difference you must be different.

    This morning, we didn't get to walk again, which of course sucks but it is what it is. Before taking the girls to school, after setting them up with breakfast, etc., we listened to "4 Habits of ALL Successful Relationships" a Ted Talk with Dr. Andrea & Jonathan Taylor-Cummings. In this talk, they discussed the four main pillars of having a successful relationship and they are 1. Be curious, not critical, 2. Be careful, not crushing, 3. Ask, don’t assume, and 4. Connect, before you correct. If you really think about it though, the main point of all four of those points is: communication - something Wade and I learned is pivotal in the growth and success of our relationship.

    Then I continued working the rest of the day, now I can barely move and I feel nauseous to boot lol yeah! fun times.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Didn't pass out.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Being Different Is Ok


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020

Share This Page