Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Jagliana, Feb 4, 2018.

  1. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 746: 02/13/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) MORNING WALK.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, although he was still feeling sick (but much better *yeah!), again he spoiled me with a full-on back, hand and foot rub after the many hours of work I put in because he knew how much pain I was feeling. During the back rub, he was telling me how sorry he was for the many years of hurt (emotional) he had put me through, and I hear the true remorse in his voice. I appreciate him recognizing and truly feeling the pain he had caused me over the years. Then we finished watching some TV and went to bed... Wade finally got a full night's sleep. Me... not so much lol eh, maybe next time.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Win At The Game Of Life By Playing The Long Game", in this episode, we learn how to win at the game of life by playing the long game. Remember, you can't adjust the wind but you can adjust the sail.

    This morning, we listened to "This Is What it Actually Takes to Have a Happy Relationship" a special Valentine's interview with Tom Bilyeu on Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu. What does it take to make a marriage work? Tom and Lisa share their history and talk about how to build trust, why you need to keep your sex life alive forever, the extent to which you can influence your partner, and how to deal with changing roles in the relationship. Throughout this interview, they discuss why you have to choose the right person to be within the first place, how your personalities can be different - but your values need to be quite similar, Tom discusses how easy it was to have differences when he wasn’t giving anything up, how you should never weaponize your knowledge of your partner, defining roles in a relationship, loving each phase of the relationship for what it is, how you will always find other people attractive but because of love and commitment you become antifragile to other people, how to never take anything for granted, and keep your sex life alive forever, and how he and Lisa learned to not test each other or drop hints. It was a very good discussion and made us nostalgic for Relationship Theory. It also opened up some good conversation for the two of us, even if we still have different viewpoints on where Wade stands on the whole visual/attraction commitment to me (aka antifragile).

    Also, it was so freaking awesome that we actually walked today, after not doing so all week ... feeling like a slob, out of balance and so blah. I was about to skip out today too (wasn't feeling it this morning), but Wade actually insisted and I am glad he did, it was so good.

    Tomorrow we plan to do something special for our girls, to teach them how a man should treat them on Valentine's Day...

    I hope everyone will have a nice day tomorrow.
    [​IMG]

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Feeling great because I was in balance today.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    How to Play the Long Game (and Avoid Burnout)


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  2. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 747: 02/14/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Valentine's Day.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we spent most of the night lecturing (with love) our eldest, hoping to get through to her... eventually. Then we went to watch some TV before heading to bed.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Develop The Mental Toughness To Never Give Up", in this episode, we learn how to develop the mental toughness you need to have so that you never give up. Remember, whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right.

    This morning, Wade and I exchanged Valentine's Day gifts, I got him a card handmade by me and a custom make beer opener... he got me a custom made storybook, it was beautiful. Then, we had a doctor's appointment to go to with my mom, while waiting for her to be called... I was in the middle of trying to make him a cute little Valentine's day collage, I even sat up straight and held my phone up close to my face, to avoid him seeing what I was doing, but he still started peeking, I looked up at him and he smirked at me - all I said was 'forget it' because that totally killed it for me. Anyway, he apologized and I accepted, but I told him, I won't be finishing it/posting it, the element of surprise is gone and so was my excitement for doing it/surprising him with it because he couldn't just mind his business. Anyhow, soon we will be going to pick up our girls from school to take them to their surprise Valentine's Day Date/Dinner, instead of just going on a date with just the two of us, we'll be taking them out instead, to make them feel special and loved, I think they'll enjoy it. Plus, after the last week or so that we've had as a couple, I don't think I'd be in much of a mood for a one on one date (not to mention possible triggers), so this is better.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Slept for a few hours more than expected.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    4 Habits of ALL Successful Relationships


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  3. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 748: 02/15/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, after a nice dinner with our girls (aka date for Valentine's Day) we got home and just wanted to relax. After setting them all up for the night, Wade left a handwritten letter on the bed for me and it was sweet. Then he asked me for a slow dance, which was followed by a soothing back massage, tv with a foot rub, and some chocolate with strawberries. Overall, it was a lovely evening/night.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “You Are Limitless Do Not Allow Others To Limit You", in this episode, Jack Ma reminds you that you are limitless. Do not allow others to place their limits on you. Remember, you are only confined by the walls that you create.

    This morning, we began listening to "Jay Shetty Interviews His Wife For Valentine’s Day" an interview with Radhi Shetty, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. During this interview, Jay and his wife get together on camera again to talk about the past year and answer frequently asked questions from Jay’s audience - about their relationship. It was a fun, sweet and inquisitive interview because we were able to pause and participate by asking each other the questions they were getting and responding to. Today I think both of us felt a little bit better and more connected than we have in recent days. I love morning walks, I love being in balance.

    The rest of the day will be work, work, work.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I woke up in good spirits this morning.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Alibaba Founder Jack Ma: 'Harvard Rejected Me 10 Times


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  4. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 749: 02/16/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Family Time.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, he gave me another lovely back rub and followed it up with a foot rub. I appreciate it, don't get me wrong - but I feel so guilty about being this spoiled, I don't deserve this type of treatment. But it does help me back, legs and body so much.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Essential Life Skills: How To Develop Patience", in this episode, we get some great tips on how to develop patience. One of life's most essential life skills. Remember, with patience one can achieve what force never will.

    This morning, we took the kids to the science museum and it was packed, there were a few triggers here and there, but I think I handled myself decently. I hope Wade didn't have too many issues with them. The whole family had a really good time there, a lot of activities and that was the point, so I was happy about that. During the car ride to and from we finished listening to "Jay Shetty Interviews His Wife For Valentine’s Day" an interview with Radhi Shetty, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. During this interview, we were able to feel like we were apart of it because we got to pause and participate by asking each other the questions they were getting and responding to. We also got my favorite food and ate it with smiles on our faces at home.

    Tomorrow, Wade's vacation comes to an end, I'm sad about that and the kid's winter break begins, sigh. Fun times, fun times.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I didn't have as many triggers as I thought I would today.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Society's Problem With Patience & Why That's Problematic


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  5. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 750: 02/17/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Work.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we watched some TV as he indulged me with another foot rub. Then since I was super tired, we went to bed.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Replace Bad Habits and Replace Them With Better Ones", in this episode, we learn how to replace bad habits and replace them with better ones. Remember, the quality of your habits will determine the quality of your future.

    This morning, we began listening "Breaking Negative Thought Patterns & Stop Being Lazy About Your Growth" an interview with Tom Bilyeu, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Tom Bilyeu is the founder of Impact Theory, he sits down with Jay to talk about how loving what you do is the key to being able to keep going when things get tough in your business. Although Tom started out just wanting to make money, over time he’s learned having an impact and making a difference is what he and wife Lisa really want. Then we ran an errand at Costco, it was packed and there were a lot of triggers there. This soured my mood, he empathized with me but as I mentioned to him... I just don't know how it is possible for him not to feel anything when they are around, especially when I'm the one next to him (compared to them all).

    Time to work!

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Held myself together, as much as I could.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    HOW TO BREAK THE BAD HABITS


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  6. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 751: 02/18/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, I was waiting for him in the living room because I thought we would be watching some TV as usual, but he pulled me into the bedroom because he said he wanted to chat. Then he said 'let's do a backrub' and it was a bit of a surprise, I loved it lol I definitely wasn't expecting it. During the backrub, we spoke about the triggers from Costco and well, the opened us up to a long discussion about this very long, tired and sore topic. I won't go into too many details, because I've gone through this topic on here so many times and my position/opinions have not changed. My fears continue to dominate and have a stronghold over my emotions and thoughts about this/us, which scares me that this is not something that I can get passed. We moved the conversation to the living room where he gave me a nice foot rub, but I felt bad about having this very conversation, as he was giving me this sweet attention. My main point was that I had zero percent of his attention for over a decade, so when I finally got to my decision that I wanted to be with someone where I had 100% of their attention, I set a relationship goal for myself. So, knowing that he still continues to have the need to pause to mentally acknowledge, compartmentalize or categorize other women (for any reason), unlike glossing them over (like I do with men)... reminds me that I will never get to that place with him - which scares me because it means I will never get rid of my triggers, I will never have peace of mind. What place am I referring to? where I have that safety and security that no matter who is around, I know the only person on his mind, 100% is me. Maybe that's naive, maybe I'm the only human being like this or maybe it's selfish, but it's about time I am selfish. The crazy thing is, I love him to death, the connection we have is irreplaceable at this point and to be honest, I don't want to be with anybody else because he has become the husband I wanted to have from the start... but relationship safety and security is a big piece that is missing for me and the triggers, that are related to that - they drain me daily, drive me insane and kill my chance at true happiness.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “In Your Pursuit Of Happiness You Get To Choose Your Sacrifice", in this episode, Jordan Peterson reminds you that in the course of your pursuit of happiness you get the opportunity to choose your sacrifice. Remember, two things prevent us from happiness - living in the past and observing others.

    This morning, we continued listening to "Breaking Negative Thought Patterns & Stop Being Lazy About Your Growth" an interview with Tom Bilyeu, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Tom Bilyeu is the founder of Impact Theory and as usual, he is full of insight, passion and so much good advice. Later on, I asked Wade how he was feeling after our talk last night and we spoke about that during our car ride home. I felt bad having to tell him about my challenges and why I feel so scared about it. Then he told me he is confused/shocked at how it is possible for me not to subliminally pause to think about it if I approach someone who is attractive; if even for a second, like for example if I'm about to check out at the store and my cashier is an attractive man -- how would I not at least think to myself "this is an attractive guy" or "he's cute"... and I told him, that it just does not register for me/phase me, I don't think like that and many may not believe -and oh well, lol, but it's true. Perhaps I do have some weird-ass defect and I am the only person in the world that thinks this way, but unless I am asked flat out "hey, do you think this man is attractive?" I won't care enough to stop and think about this person, at all. But if someone does ask me, then yes, I will look at the man again and then respond to the questioner with a "hmm, yes, this is an attractive man" or "no, I do not find him attractive". When I walk up to this man, I will interact with him, like with any other person, completely glossing over whether he is attractive or average. I have absolutely no need to waste any time or mental energy on him. What will get me to pause? if they have something distinctively off or weird going on like if he had funky hair, dressed like a clown, wearing daisy dukes and cowboy boots in winter or something out of the ordinary, now that I would pause for. So, is it too much to ask for someone else to also not give an ounce of mental energy to other people, especially ones they continue to find attractive enough to make a mental note, compartmentalize or categorize, you know ones they would have most likely ogled in front of me... maybe, but I don't think so, because if I can do it, it is humanly possible. To be honest, I think this is one of the biggest reasons why I just can not get to a place of safety and security in my relationship with Wade, when it comes to this specifically and probably never will, because he and I just do not see eye to eye on this. He does not believe it is possible to completely gloss over attractive people and not acknowledge them, if only subliminally - while, as I've mentioned, I can do just that with no qualms. The thing is, I need to feel in my gut, that when we are out and about, together, no matter who is around - I am 100% his priority, that no matter how many beautiful women are next to us he only sees me, only I matter to him, but if he continues to give any amount of mental energy (which he still does) to these women - subliminally for 1 second, 5 seconds or 15 second -- that still means his mind drifts to them; when he is with me, just like it always has - the only difference is now he is aware of it and snaps out of it quicker. I must sound like I am rambling, but it all makes sense in my head.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Allowing myself to be completely honest with Wade and checking up on him about how he is feeling about that.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    PICK YOUR DAMN SACRIFICE


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  7. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I’m a little confused... are you saying you never see someone and think “ wow, they’re attractive? “ I’m not talking about dwelling on it but mentally acknowledging someone’s beautiful or cute or attractive in the same way you might acknowledge someone was really ugly or weird looking. Because, I thought all people notice beautiful people. In the same way I would notice a particular horse I thought was beautiful but that doesn’t mean I want the horse or am attracted to the horse or person per se.
     
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  8. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    Yep, pretty much and I get that I may be the only person in the world like this too, I just don't care enough to process extra thought about it, no one ever just stops me in my tracks (mentally), maybe it's because of what I do for a living or just how I've always been. I don't give any extra thought to men on tv shows or movies either unless someone asks me for my opinion and I give them an honest response or if it's apart of a conversation; like with a tv show Wade and I were just watching and both of us said that two of the stars were attractive, but would look a lot better without their facial earrings - both a male and female one. I can distinguish between someone who is 'beautiful' (in my opinion) versus someone who I find ugly, of course, but I can be brutal sometimes and find flaws and imperfections everywhere (it's my job and a lot has been heavily ingrained in my head after years of comparing myself to women Wade ogled too). However, in all honesty, I feel like I am so desensitized to them (attractive men), I don't ever find myself pausing to have a thought about it, I just don't care enough to be wowed by anyone, they don't matter to me, no one is so gorgeous that they amaze me or give me pause - I know I'm weird but it is how I've been since forever. So, I'll use the scenario my husband gave me, to see if I could make more sense: if I walked up to the register and the cashier was an attractive guy, I would be able to physically distinguish (visually) that he wasn't hideous or deformed, in the same way, that I would see that an average man wasn't visually hideous or deformed in the same way - and I would continue going about my business and associating with him as normal - there would be zero difference in my perception of him as I walked over to his register. Now, what would give my brain an extra thought process (or pause) would be if this man was missing 5 teeth when he smiled, a huge scar or tattoo across his face, if he had pink streaks in his hair or any distinguishing feature that would sort of shock me because it is not something I expected to see a few minutes prior. Otherwise, my brain isn't totally broken because I can see, think about and get excited when Wade is looking hot in his jeans, a suit or his uniform and I get many thoughts that go along with that, but I won't go into those details here, so I know I can still have those types of thoughts, I just don't for other men, I don't know why or how, but it is what it is. Perhaps if I went back to the dating scene, I would also gain that brain process back, but at the moment, it's just not how it works for me. :emoji_shrug:
     
  9. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

    712
    932
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    Lol! That’s what makes us all unique. I definitely notice a “ type” that I find attractive but I’m not attracted to. I don’t get “ attracted” unless I know and like the person/personality. But dang , I think Ian Somelhander is beautiful! However I’m absolutely sure if I met him in person I would not be attracted to him, if that makes sense. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who didn’t notice beauty in a person though? Do you work with models?
     
    Jagliana likes this.
  10. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    LOL! I'm a celebrity photo retoucher, I make them look 'beautiful' (to the industry standard) for Magazine's, Ads, etc. I also use to work at a talent agency, with models as well - so you guessed well lol. I see the 'before' photos and I am the one who creates what people see in the 'after' aka the beautiful illusions, based on what the managers, publicists, agents/advertisers (you name it) want the end-user to see. I know that nobody is perfect and I can find flaws everywhere because my eye has been trained to do so (to be able to 'fix it').

    I do have a type, and I can distinguish between beautiful and not but my eyes/brain connection is perhaps more connected to my loyalty I guess? because now that you have me thinking about celebrities, I've been a Leonardo DiCaprio fan since the '90s, he was my first crush and come to think of it, even as he has aged and physically changed (gained weight, lost weight) he has always been attractive to me and stayed that way, I would pick him over any of the new 'hot' heartthrobs out there, plus, I also think he is a phenomenal actor. :emoji_sweat_smile:

    I can tell you if you ask me if someone is beautiful, I can acknowledge who is and isn't (to my taste) for example, Salma Hayek - I think she is beautiful, Chris Hemsworth - he is an attractive man. BUT, having said that, in real-world situations, the only thing that gives me pause is someone that provides physical shock value, in a negative light, unfortunately, like someone who is utterly fooooogly, dressed stupidly, etc - if someone looks good or average, my sensors don't get triggered at all (unless it is a woman Wade would have ogled), otherwise, other men - I just gloss them over because they just don't affect me in any way, they don't shock me if that makes sense?
     
    Psalm27:1my light likes this.
  11. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 752: 02/19/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we spoke on and off in the evening about the topic of how my weird brain works. Then we watched some tv as he gave me a foot rub, before having to leave for work. Midway through that, my dad calls me and warns me that he may or may not call me in the middle of the night, because he is feeling sick - so he might need me to drive him to the ER. Which of course led me to a sleepless night full of uncertainty and worry... he ended up never calling and was okay by morning thankfully, I just wish he wouldn't have pre-called and only called if it was really an emergency, so I wouldn't have to worry all night.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Why You Must Choose Your Friends Carefully", in this episode, Freddy Fri reminds us why you must choose your friends carefully. Remember, you cannot change the people around you, nor should it be your goal to do so. What you can and should do without hesitation or reservation is to change the people you choose to be around.

    This morning, before we began our walk Wade told me about his productive night, but also a somewhat slip he had, he just turned around and she was there or something like that, he is not sure if it counts but wanted to count it anyway because he is aware of it. During our walk, we continued listening to "Breaking Negative Thought Patterns & Stop Being Lazy About Your Growth" an interview with Tom Bilyeu, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. As usual, after only a few minutes we found ourselves pausing and diving deep into conversations that stem from the interview discussion, such as 'awareness'. It is always nice that we can branch off and have a 20-minute discussion, from a 2-minute response from Tom or Jay lol. One of Tom's points, about never wanting to stay in a situation that leaves him unhappy, led our conversation back to the topic of the last few days, as it circles back to my point of missing this one huge piece, always leaving me miserable. Wade made his points, that I am different and need to be more open to the fact that other people can not be like me, which I can agree with, however, I shouldn't have to be stuck with that as my only option either. It would be different had he always treated me right and given me attention, I wouldn't even have it in my head, whether or not he is noticing anyone else for 1 second or 5, but our situation, our history taught me something very different - I always had 0% out of 100% and I refuse to share my attention, even 1% of it, with anyone else, not anymore, it's my turn to be selfish - I want, no I need to FEEL that no matter who is nearby, no matter how hot, sexy, beautiful or whatever they are, in my gut I know for certain that Wade's focus is 200% only on me, the whole time; where I don't even have to question it, because I know that to him - no one else matters or triggers his brain/eyes in even the slightest way, he has become indifferent to them; just as I am towards other people around us. My eyes can scan a room and notice my surroundings and not even flinch at the sight of someone who is attractive versus someone who is average, why? because no one else matters to me, I just don't give two shits, I am desensitized to it, no one is just so unbelievably jaw-dropping to cause me to pause or care. Believe it or not, that is how my brain works and if mine does, there have to be others out there that can function in the same way, if not then I would love to be in the Guinness book of world records for this. Having said all that, this is what kills me most is that I want to be with Wade, the man he is now, but knowing his brain will always see 'them' and 'categorize' them no matter what, always taking away from me - as they have for over a decade, even if it is a lot less (because I know he is changing) gives me a lot of pain and fear of never being truly happy. I know he loves me just as much as I love him, especially these days... we're connected on a level that no one else could top off for either of us. But, what am I suppose to do with this dilemma? how am I supposed to just 'deal with' or feel comfortable with the idea of never being able to feel safe and secure in where I stand in my marriage? my gut will never wake up and my triggers will never stop, and it is not because he is not changing, but it is because his brain just can not work in that way, he just can not stop his brain from still fixating on who's cute, pretty, beautiful etc., if even for a minute - which as I mentioned, takes me back to sharing that attention/focus - which I no longer care to do, period. This is all so frustrating, painful and confusing.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Trigger free day.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    New Circle Of Friends


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  12. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 753: 02/20/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Full night's sleep.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, Wade and I watched Lewis Howes's new documentary "Chasing Greatness" which was about him and what made him the man he has become today. It was quite enlightening and interesting to watch/learn about him and how he became the great man I know him to be, today. Wade, kind of had some idea, because he had read the books, but most of the information in this documentary was new to me and I loved it. It was difficult to stay up though because I was super tired from the sleepless night I had before and my mood was off because of all of the circulating thoughts still in my head from the last few days, but the movie did help distract me from those.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “The Right Way: The Art of Setting Goals", in this episode, we learn about the art of setting goals so you can set goals the right way. Remember, average people have hopes and wishes. Successful people have goals and plans.

    This morning, Wade has been stuck at work... and I have been stuck with the little one (yeah~ for winter break :rolleyes:) and it is not even the afternoon yet and I am already going to mentally combust. She is driving me banana's because she is just being a 5-year-old, then my printer is on the fritz and continues to print in only gray, no matter what I do, oh and just to add insult to injury Facebook messenger has gone blank and won't load on my PC or Mac, with no way to reach Facebook other than writing a ticket and waiting 10 years FML. UGH.

    Today is going to be a freakin' long-ass, overwhelming and exhausting day.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Surviving this morning, somehow.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Jim Rohn: Master Goal Setting


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  13. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 754: 02/21/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Wade.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    First of all, I want to say, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to @Wade W. Wilson; I love you and you know I wish you good health, love, happiness and wealth!
    [​IMG]

    Last night, we watched some TV as he gave me a foot rub. I told him he didn't have to do it, again because he worked all day and was tired, but he did it anyway. I appreciated it and it really helped with my pain/stress.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “The Secrets To The Awesome Power Of Gratitude", in this episode, we learn all about the awesome power of gratitude. Remember, be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more, if you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.

    This morning, the little one woke up and was ready to celebrate Wade's birthday. She got dressed for a party and wanted to set up the table with all of his gifts and cards that she had prepared for him. Our eldest wasn't feeling too well, so before Wade even got home, she met him downstairs so he could take her to the doctors - turns out, now she has strep, sigh. After all that jazz, he got home and we gave him his gifts, which was fun and then we had to take the girls to get their passports done. Afterward, we had a birthday lunch to celebrate, we all had a good time. There were, of course, some triggers there, but what else is new? it is what it is at this point.

    Tonight, we plan on having a date night at home, to have our own micro celebration - movie, chocolates, strawberries, and wine. I just hope Wade ends up having a pleasant birthday, that is all I want for him.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Minor triggers around, but I was able to let them pass.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Two words that can change your life


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  14. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 755: 02/22/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Wade being there.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we "continued" his birthday celebration, but not how I would have ever imagined it. I really wanted him to have a good, relaxing and pleasant birthday. However, between my daughter's strep diagnosis and whatever is going on behind my head - be it a... cyst, abscess, boil, lymph node or who the hell knows... began causing severe pain throughout my neck... to the point where turning was excruciating. He tried to make me as comfortable as possible and calm my nerves by explaining that he still had a good birthday because he got to spend it with me and feels so lucky about it. I understand what he is saying, but I still feel like my issues really got in the way of how I wanted to make sure he had a happy birthday.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “There Is No Competition When You Refuse To Be Outworked", in this episode, Will Smith explains why there is no competition when you refuse to be outworked. Remember, to have what most others don't you must be willing to work like most others won't.

    This morning, instead of going with our set plan for the day... ie: skipping our morning walk so we can go in the afternoon and play our game... my neck was really on the fritz. I was up at 2 am with a severe panic attack, doing breathing exercises and taking panic disorder meds. In the morning, Wade and I were debating whether to go to the ER or Urgent Care for whatever it is I have while suffering through panic attack number 2. We decided to go with Urgent Care because I was afraid that the ER would go crazy with tests and want to go to the doomsday type scenario first. Well, I'm not sure if Urgent Care was the better choice, the doctor. I got was lazy and wanted to get out of the room asap, he barely touched my neck, I feel more pressure when I or Wade touches it and told me I might have something called "Cellulitis" and prescribed me some antibiotics and pain killers. He said if it doesn't get better within a week, to go see a doctor again... (duh). Hopefully Monday, Wade will call and use his manly persuasion to get me a same-day appointment to my dermatologist and perhaps I will get better results/explanations with her.

    Now I am mopping around in unreal pain, keeping as much of it to myself as possible because I am not a fan of annoying/bothering people with my problems.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Loved finding comfort in Wade's arms.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Things about Relationships I wish someone told me about


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  15. JustADude

    JustADude Fapstronaut

    @Jagliana
    79 pages of journal posts. Wow.

    Somehow in all of those posts I was able to read just the right ones to really intrigue me. Your husband lied to you multiple times about his infidelity, you were ready to leave him, but due to the kids you stalled the divorce. In the meantime your husband began his recovery from porn and now your marriage seems to be working well. What an amazing testament.

    I have a suggestion/request. There is no way I have time to read all 79 pages of journal posts. Can you link to a summary of your marriage's story in the footer of your posts? Have you written a summary you can send me? If you haven't, you should.

    Your story is so very compelling because you were ready to leave the marriage and you all seem to have come back from the brink stronger than ever.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2020
    Jagliana likes this.
  16. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    Thank you so much @JustADude, I appreciate your words, there were a lot of uphill struggles but somehow we made it through, I am surprised myself that we are, where we are today.

    When you say a link to a summary of my marriage story, do you mean my intro post and add some updates about where we are now?
     
    Psalm27:1my light likes this.
  17. JustADude

    JustADude Fapstronaut

    My suggestion would be to create a new post in the 'Success Stories' section detailing your journey from beginning to present day. Then, link to that post in the footer of your journal posts. Or, maybe you already have a post somewhere that summarizes everything. Your husband posted something similar to what I am describing when he hit his 300 day mark.

    Thanks for being an amazing person and an awesome example to the rest of us.
     
    Jagliana likes this.
  18. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    Gotchya! that's a great idea, I can definitely do something like that, so thank you for the suggestion, I appreciate it and again for all of your kind words, I hope that my story could help inspire others, even as I/we continue on this journey and work through our individual and relationship struggles as they come, there's always a lot of work to do, but for where we are now, as a couple - it's worth that effort and persistence. :emoji_heart:
     
    JustADude likes this.
  19. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 756: 02/23/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Wade.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, I was feeling worse and began getting chills, checked my fever and I had one. We went to the ER, where we ended up spending over 6 hours. They hooked me up to an IV and gave me a painkiller which helped a lot, then antibiotics and a CT scan of my head/neck were done and my goodness it was freezing there. They told me that I had a swollen lymph node at the back of my neck/hairline with an infected sebaceous cyst on it, which was the cause of all of the pain, stiffness, etc. It was a really long, painful and exhausting ordeal, but I have to say I was so grateful to have Wade by my side for all of it. Having him there, being able to lay on him, holding his hand really gave me comfort, some ease and reminded me I was not alone - which helped with my fears, stress and panic attacks. We got home a little after 4 am and I actually fell asleep pretty quickly.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Why Some People Succeed Where Others Fail", in this episode, John Maxwell explains why some people succeed where others fail. Remember, don't wish things were easier, wish you were better.

    This morning, my parents came in early to sit with the kids, so Wade and I could catch up on some sleep after spending all night in the ER, which was nice. After I woke up, I didn't wake him up so that he could rest longer. I took all the medicine that I needed to so that I could function but I was having a difficult time getting myself grounded due to the feeling really overwhelmed between my kids (noise) and an onslaught of questions and 'advice' from my dad. After Wade got up, my parents left and then it has just been a relaxing/lazy day, which I needed so that I can decompress. I know I am sick and at the moment probably shouldn't be concerning myself with this, but I can not help it, I feel shitty because I am out of balance with my daily walks/routine.

    I got a lovely message/suggestion from @JustADude and I will put together the story of where Wade and I started and where we are today, once I am totally healed up and can concentrate on that. Thanks again for the suggestion.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: A little bit more mobility around my neck, with pain meds, makes me happy.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    The Reason Why Most People Fail - Don't Make This Mistake


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  20. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 757: 02/24/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Pain meds.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, I was still in a lot of pain and instead of getting better, it was actually growing and getting worse. We ended up calling my dermatologist (off-hour emergency call) and she told me I needed to get the cyst drained asap by a derm and not to waste time going back to the ER. To give me some comfort, Wade soothed me with a foot rub while we watched some TV. We paused for a few minutes to talk about some of the thoughts I've been having about my cyst, having to possibly have a new scar and any physical changes (cosmetic) -- how it is making me feel and how I think he may perceive me.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Know Thyself: You Are Your Only Limit", in this episode, we have an inspirational reminder that you are your only limit. Remember, the mind that perceives the limitation is the limitation.

    This morning, we made an impromptu appointment to my dermatologists 'guy', aka another dermatologist who covers for her when she is out. We went there and he told us he would numb the area, but maybe he forgot because he did not and told me "this will hurt, get ready". Boy, did it hurt, I took the pain as best as I could, unfortunately, he wasn't able to drain much, because nothing was coming out to his and his assistants surprise. He said he got enough to do a culture, but not much else for such a large cyst. Anyhow, I won't go too detailed into it because it is nasty but right now it hurts like a motherf*cker. Now all I could do is rest and follow the wound care procedure until my follow up with my derm. I really do appreciate Wade being there for me, I know how difficult it is to watch someone you love suffer and not having much to do about it, as it is out of your control.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I appreciated Wade being by my side.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    SELF CARE - Powerful Study Motivation


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.

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