Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Jagliana, Feb 4, 2018.

  1. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 758: 02/25/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Alone time with Wade.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we finally found a way to bandage my head, without the use of body tape on my hair - which was giving me so much pain every time I had to change the dressing. Then, Wade started to feel out of it, throat hurting again and after checking himself, he had a low-grade fever starting... he just got better and finished his antibiotics last week and now he might have strep again, ugh. It's like - when it rains, it pours. We watched some TV and then headed to bed.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Improve Self Control And Discipline", in this episode, we get some great tips on how to improve self-control and discipline. Remember, self-discipline begins with the mastery of your thoughts. If you don't control what you think, you can't control what you do.

    This morning, since both Wade and I are 'out for the count', all we did was drop off the kids at school, stop by CVS for some more bandages and head back home to do nothing but unwind/rest.

    I hope all of us feel better soon, this month has been rough for our family, healthwise.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: No triggers.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    The 7 Secrets to Mastering Self Control


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  2. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 759: 02/26/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Neck feeling a little better.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, well... Wade has strep again, I'm still in pain and our whole house feels like a hospital... so we just did nothing, other than take meds, watch some tv and head to bed.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Betting On Yourself Is The Pathway That Will Lead You To Success", in this episode, Freddy Fri talks about the importance of betting on yourself. Remember, stop being afraid of what could go wrong and get excited about what could go right!

    This morning has been just like all of the other mornings this week, unbalanced, unhappy that I can't walk and neither can Wade. It's going to be another day of resting, healing up and hoping to feel better soon, for us all. I do have to say, I don't feel as disconnected from Wade, as I usually get during sickness, it's a good thing but it's weird because we can't really kiss, touch each other or do any of our activities that build our connection - maybe it's because we've really been there for each other? I don't know if he feels the same way though.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: That I've regained a little more neck mobility.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Bet On Yourself


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  3. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 760: 02/27/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Wade.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we didn't speak much, both of us are still recovering from our various illnesses. We continued to watch TV, pausing in-between to discuss various points (something we do now) about the characters, their emotions and our interpretations of their actions.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Develop A Strong Work Ethic", in this episode, we hear from Mark Cuban on how to develop a strong work ethic. Remember, work hard in silence, let your success make the noise.

    This morning, we decided to run a quick shopping errand, on the way to and from, we began listening to "How to Get ATTENTION & Close SALES Online" an interview with Billy Gene, on Ed Mylett's show. Billy Gene is one of the world's leading digital marketing advertisers! we are only 25 minutes in but so far he has been full of great advice and tips, that are actually doable and nothing is out of reach if you just go for it. Then we got home and I needed help washing my hair, because of the cyst/medication I needed to have my hand cover the wound while he washes the rest of it. I appreciate having Wade here to help me, I don't know what I would do without him. The only downside of that; to me, is I feel so unappealing/unattractive in these vulnerable times/moments. He tells me there is nothing to worry about, but I can't help it, I don't want to leave any lasting imprints in his mind, it's a big fear of mine - especially given our kind of history and all of the eye candy all over the place. Plus, I still feel unbalanced because my routine has really been tossed aside due to all these illnesses, it really sucks, I just want things to go back to 'normal' soon.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Regained a little more mobility.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Develop an Insane WORK ETHIC


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  4. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 761: 02/28/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we didn't talk much, we watched tv as he gave me a foot rub - pausing in-between to discuss both the show (deep dive) and also Wade's reaction to our eldest and how I see it, and how I think it will affect her if he does not change his ways. Then we went to bed and both of us actually slept decently!

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Improve At Pursuing Your Dreams In 7 Minutes", in this episode, Isaiah Hankel gives some encouraging words about pursuing your dreams. Remember, chase dreams, not people.

    This morning, we actually walked! it felt so good to get some normalcy/balance back, especially since it will cut short again, soon enough. During our walk, we finished listening to "How to Get ATTENTION & Close SALES Online" an interview with Billy Gene, on Ed Mylett's show. Billy Gene is one of the world's leading digital marketing advertisers and this interview really was made for note-taking, so much good advice was packed in here, worth a listen for everyone. One point that I thought was so good and invaluable, was this: "Take a blank piece of paper and I want you to draw a giant capitalized letter T... on the left-hand side I want you to write the word 'problem' on the right-hand side I want you to write the word 'solution' then at the very bottom I want you to put 'audience' (who specifically is your ideal customer; how old are they, what TV shows do they watch, what gender are they, what color are they, what bars would they probably be hanging out at) and then ask yourself one question 'what are the top ten problems that those people are facing?' and literally go through and write them out the top ten problems that-that exact person is facing and then a solution on the right side (the way your product/your solution solves them) and guess what? you just have content for ten days and then you know what you do for the next ten days; go through the same problems and give them a different way to solve it because there's more than one way to skin a cat." -- something I think Wade will start doing for his stuff. Then since we still had some time left we began listening to "How To Heal Your Past & Love Yourself Again" an interview with Jada Pinkett Smith, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. They sit down and discuss how her childhood shaped her in good and bad ways. After leaving home for Los Angeles at age 18, Jada had to learn how to allow herself to lay down her ego and live with an open heart, how she developed the unique ability to take any life experience and find the good in it. We didn't get too far into it, but I wish I had the ability to set emotions aside and think straight. We will finish the rest soon (I hope!).

    The rest of the day will be a lazy/cleaning type of day until the kids get back from school and the headache will begin lol

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Hair looked shiny and good today.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Relationships
    How to Love After Being Hurt


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  5. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 762: 02/29/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we actually laid down to talk, something we haven't been able to do in quite some time (due to my neck and his illness). It was nice, all of yesterday was a day of 'back to normalcy', a good balance. We discussed our day, his feelings about seeing women being objectified on TV, and our daughter. He also brought up the fact that even though we aren't able to be physically intimate these past few weeks... he hasn't had any urges, temptations or even remote thoughts about P, M or PM - which I think is wonderful, for him and our relationship. He brings up the fact that all of those beautiful/sexy and barely dressed women on tv just 'don't do it' for him anymore and recently, I'm becoming more inclined to believe him until I get triggered in RL; which sucks.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Just Being Yourself Is The One Thing You Were Born An Expert At", in this episode, we're reminded that just being yourself is the one thing you were born an expert at. Remember, the most important role you'll ever play is just being you.

    This morning, we continued listening to "How To Heal Your Past & Love Yourself Again" an interview with Jada Pinkett Smith, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. For the most part, it was decent and she made a few good points about embracing your "shadow" aka demons that follow you, instead of trying to run from them or hide them away. We were pausing a lot of in-between, talking about the subject at hand as well as other stuff. We spent a lot of time discussing the concept of seeking physical validation from your partner versus having it for yourself. Wade believes that if I was more positive, had more self-esteem, etc about myself when I look in the mirror, that would also change how I think he feels about me. I explained that in our situation all of that is a little different. I am not seeking validation on whether or not I am beautiful to the world/myself from him - that was never my confusion the whole "well, I'm definitely ugly because he doesn't think I'm beautiful". Whether or not he thinks I am beautiful - makes no difference in how I feel about my 'beauty' in general terms like on a scale of 1-10 compared to the world. There have been many times where I've seen him ogle someone and thought "wow, really?! you are giving THAT chick attention when you have me right next to you?!", in our case, I feel that when it comes to him/us, my relationship is not on secure ground because; whether or not I think I am beautiful, I am not sure if at the end of the day I am who he prefers (based on whom he had been ogling for over 12 years). Who wants to be in a relationship where they feel unwanted by their partner? or uncertain of that fact... no one. So, for me, it's not about physical validation, instead, it is about being at a place (internally) where I feel safe and secure in where he stands when it comes to wanting me on all levels but especially; physically, because if I'm not, my fear is, that he might go back to his old ways eventually - when he realizes what he doesn't have/really wants OR my triggers will just never stop which is just as bad. I know he keeps telling me that I am his type, 'always was' etc., but I don't feel it in my gut and that plays a huge role in how I feel/perceive what he is telling me these days, no matter how good it feels to hear or how much I want to believe him. I don't know how to wake that gut feeling up, how long it could take or if it will ever happen at all. Everything is there; like I feel that he is being honest, that he lovely me just as much as I love him, but this one factor is still not there for me. Either way, I think it was a good and productive conversation, although we are coming at it with different opinions.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: No triggers today.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Relationships
    Be Yourself


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  6. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 763: 03/01/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Doctors.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we laid low, watched some tv as he gave me a foot rub, before heading to bed.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Deal With Making Sacrifices In Life", in this episode, we have an inspiring message from Walter Bond about making sacrifices in life in order to achieve your goals. Remember, if you don't sacrifice for what you want, what you want becomes the sacrifice.

    This morning, the little one had a high fever, so off to the pediatrician, Wade went. She has strep, it's like the running plague in our household this month, jeez. Today is going to be a lazy day for us until his parents stop by for a visit in the afternoon. Wade warned them about the strep going around here, but they still insisted on coming (so at their own risk!). Hopefully, that will go smoothly, so Wade and I won't end up nursing bad headaches as a result. Tomorrow I have my appointment, hoping that the doctor won't have to make a new cut or open this one too much, I really don't want to have more neck pain for another week again, fingers crossed.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: The wound area seemingly feels better.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Relationships
    SACRIFICE


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  7. Vizsla Dad

    Vizsla Dad Fapstronaut

    I am thinking of sharing this with a friend outside of the forum. She is a SO. If you prefer I do not... just let me know.
    Thank you so much ​
     
    Jagliana likes this.
  8. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    You are more than welcome to share it!~
     
    Vizsla Dad likes this.
  9. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

    711
    930
    93
    I’m sure it will b fine .
     
    Vizsla Dad likes this.
  10. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 764: 03/02/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we again just decompressed with a foot rub and some TV. Wade said he was feeling a lot of drain/overwhelm being released from his mind, sort of in the way that I have felt after events where I am anxious and my body gets tensed up, then once the event passes it all gets released and you feel like you've been hit by a truck/weak. He says watching me suffer in pain this past week - must have really taken a heavy toll on him, now seeing me with some relief, his brain is finally releasing all of that stress and tension, well, at least that's what I'm assuming based on my own experience, hopefully all of us will feel better soon.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How You Create Your Own Future With Your Thoughts", in this episode, Dr. Joe Dispenza explains how you create your own future with your own thoughts. Remember, the best way to predict your future is to create it.

    This morning, Wade and our eldest had a bit of an incident [aka blowout] where they both got triggered, loud and overreacted. They both, but especially Wade, should know better at this point and realize when it's time to walk away instead of escalating the situation. Never the less, we dropped off the girls at school and then went to the mall to walk. During our walk, we began listening to "The Secret to Ending Mental Illness" an interview with Dr. Daniel Amen, on Health Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Daniel Amen is called “America’s favorite psychiatrist” and is absolutely dedicated to improving everyone’s brain health, eliminating the stigma surrounding mental illnesses, and reducing psychiatry’s reliance on pharmaceuticals as a method of first resort. During this interview Daniel talks about the end of mental illness, how he believes the stigma surrounding mental illness comes from misunderstanding, what he recommends is never pharmaceuticals, Tom and Daniel discuss meditation and neurofeedback, how your body responds to every single thought you have, why is hypnosis so powerful? he explains how to use hypnosis effectively, how hypnosis allows you to deal with trauma in a place that’s completely safe, how he believes that we carry memories from our ancestors, he describes a good diet for brain health, he explains why a hyperbaric oxygen chamber can help with brain health, how not to believe every stupid thing you think! how to create good “tiny brain habits”, then Daniel asks everyone he works with to start with the “one-page miracle”. Before we started listening and midway through, we paused because Wade wanted to talk about the incident with our daughter, so we broke it down and rationalized it. I tried to look at it from both his and her perspectives and make some sense of it all, and maybe come up with better ways of handling her in the future. He thanked me for being there for him, being a place to share and vent his frustrations - something neither of us would have bothered with in the past in similar situations. I am happy we are in a place like this, where communication is everything for both of us and neither of us reacts to the opinions of the other - in a way that we would have in the past; aka - explosively, angrily, ignoring or indifferent.

    Later today I have my doctor's appointment, hoping for the best!

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Had a few minor triggers, but got past them.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    How Your Thoughts Are Connected To Your Future


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Raging Wife likes this.
  11. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 765: 03/03/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Spending time alone with Wade.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we again watched some tv as he gave me a foot rub, then we went to sleep. We were breathing a little easier because my doctor told me that she thinks my wound will heal on its own, without her having to dig back into it.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Do Things That Make You Happy", in this episode, Brendon Burchard talks with us about why you must do things that make you happy, and stop doing things that don't. Remember, do more of what makes you happy, and less of that which does not.

    This morning, we finished listening to "The Secret to Ending Mental Illness" an interview with Dr. Daniel Amen, on Health Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Daniel Amen is called “America’s favorite psychiatrist” and is absolutely dedicated to improving everyone’s brain health, eliminating the stigma surrounding mental illnesses, and reducing psychiatry’s reliance on pharmaceuticals as a method of first resort. During the rest of this interview he talks about the end of mental illness begins with a revolution in brain health, he describes some toxins that you might not be aware of, of the 11 major risk factors for brain illness, being overweight includes five, how eating unhealthy food is not a reward - it’s a punishment. Finally, Daniel describes the number one thing we do to damage our health. Then we went on our weekly grocery run, stayed under budget which is always a good thing. We spoke here and there, it is nice when we have a sense of normalcy again, I really find peace in it. I hope the weather stays decent so that tomorrow we could go on our morning walk and get back into a good routine... with that and perhaps diet will follow too.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Feeling better today (wound).:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Quit The Wrong Thing Now


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  12. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 766: 03/04/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we laid in bed for a bit to talk about our day. We were a bit sad that Wade had to go back to work, but still happy that for the most part, we go back into a good routine again, our normal routine. Then he gave me a foot rub as we watched tv, before heading out to work.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Deal With Excessive Relationship Drama", in this episode, Freddy Fri Day, gives a message on dealing with relationship drama. Remember, the right relationship for you is one that will enhance your life, rather than complicate it.

    This morning, we began listening to "Mindset Expert Shows You How to Control Your Negative Thoughts" an interview with Trevor Moawad, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Sports Illustrated calls Trevor Moawad “the world’s best brain trainer,” but Moawad keeps it simple and straight-forward, focusing on changing what people say, what they consume, and how they form habits. In this interview they discuss a realistic alternative to the trendy idea of positive thinking, he explains the connection between what you say out loud and how your life turns out and proves conclusively that, contrary to popular belief, your past does not predict your future. So far, we heard them talk about why negative thinking is bad, but positive thinking doesn’t work all the time either, how it’s much easier to change what you say than it is to change what you think, Trevor tells stories of how people talked negative outcomes into existence, and then they discuss Man’s Search for Meaning. We paused a few times, at first because Wade wanted to talk about some frustration he felt at work when he overheard a conversation about politics and decided to stay out of it (smart move). Then, we stopped the video because Trevor was making a point about positive thinking and Wade wanted to again point our his idea/theory that he hopes eventually my mind will be able to think positively about who he is today when it comes to triggers instead of getting triggered and going straight into the trigger mood/mindset/anger/negative, etc. Listen, I hope so, I would love nothing more than to rid myself of these painful, rage-inducing and sometimes debilitating triggers. I told him I have been trying to mull over some triggers in my head, oftentimes multi-tasking on the fly, just not to stay stuck in my own head and ruin the moment, mood, etc. I even gave him an example of a trigger I had just talked myself out of, about 2-3 minutes before we started this conversation. There was this woman, who normally would not trigger me, however as we were coming up, she was bent over in bodycon yoga pants. As we were passing by, all I could think was 'yep, this is a perfect opportunity for him to slip since she was already bending over' and 'chances are if he did slip, he probably noticed/like it enough to put her ass in some sort of category - hot, sexy, whatever'. Then I had to chime in with "stop, just let it go, let it go - let it go, don't let this ruin the rest of your day, plus she's not even hot". But, it is a lot of work, a lot of mental gymnastics and super exhausting/draining. I explained that I could have been telling myself 100 positive thoughts, been in a great mood but because my triggers stem from visual stimulation - in an instant if I see someone, all those positive thoughts go right out the window and sometimes it's not easy bringing myself back (sometimes I do manage to do so though). We had a good conversation, hopefully we will be able to finish the interview tomorrow.


    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: No bandages today!:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Relationship Drama


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  13. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 767: 03/05/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Wade asking to go home early.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, Wade told me he was feeling off and he thinks it is because of all the chaos health wise we have all been through in the past month now. I totally get it, I'm burnt out as well, he said he needed to let out some pressure by squeezing something, so he offered me an impromptu back rub which was awesome because it seems like it has been forever, so it was well-received by my back. Then we watched some TV before he had to go to work... which is also when our little one began complaining about an earache... which we were a bit shocked by, as she was just seen by her pediatrician and the doc said her ears were good. After Wade left for work... the "fun" night began for me.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How to Live Each Day To The Fullest", in this episode, we have an inspiring message encouraging you to live each day to the fullest. Remember, you only get this one life, live it!

    This morning, after literally being up all night with our little one and her earache that was moving from one side to the other, Wade asked his supervisor if he could go home at 5 am instead of 7:45 am, so I could get at least a few hours of sleep. It was a relief for me because I had spent the entire night awake as I was trying to give her some comfort with hugs, cuddles, and kisses, also trying to come up with possible meds to ease her pain, etc. Once her doctor's office was open we took her there and they were shocked to see us and even joked that at this point they should put a placard with her name on the door. The doctor who saw her yesterday checked her out again and said: "yep, she has a middle ear infection". Both of us were shocked, apparently, it is totally possible for her to have checked her ears at 4 pm yesterday and look good but within a few hours, just like that, the infection to hit. Christ, it is like we can not catch a break, WTF man. Anyhow, on the way to the doctors, we listened to a bit more of "Mindset Expert, Shows You How to Control Your Negative Thoughts" an interview with Trevor Moawad, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. For the few minutes we listened, they discussed how everyone has messed up thoughts, but you don’t have to say it out loud and how your past does not predict your future.

    I'm going to be hoping for some relief - soon, maybe we need someone to come sanitize our whole apartment, jeez.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I got triggered because I thought I saw Wade slip, it passed by quickly because I was distracted by our daughter.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Leader


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  14. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 768: 03/06/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, he gave me another surprise back rub, now those a surprises I can get behind LOL! it felt great and we talked for a bit throughout. Then we went to decompress a little bit with tv, we both agreed with the month we've had - 'mindless tv' in some cases is a good thing because we have been so overwhelmed with nonstop sickness, etc, that we need that mental balance.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Pushing Through Failure: How To Master Anything", in this episode, we learn how to master anything by persevering through failure. Remember, the master of a thing has failed more times than the student has tried.

    This morning, we finally finished listening to "Mindset Expert Shows You How to Control Your Negative Thoughts" an interview with Trevor Moawad, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Trevor Moawad is one of the world’s best brain trainers. During the rest of this interview, they discussed how you have to ask: what do I want, why do I want it, and why don’t I have it, how if you watch 3 minutes of news it increases your chances of having a bad day by 27%, he explains why hope matters, and discusses why he says choice is an illusion. It was a good interview and we didn't really understand his interpretation of choice being there but being an illusion until I began rationalizing it and then it began making sense for us both, it opened up a good conversation. After that one, we began listening to "Big Bang Theory Actor ON: How To Stop Obsessing About The Future & Programming Your Mind For Peace" an interview with Kunal Nayyar, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Kunal Nayyar is a British-Indian actor known for his role as Raj Koothrappali in the CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory. During this interview, we learn how he learned to let go and embrace himself to find freedom within. So far, we heard them talk about his culture and the difference between his upbringing overseas versus the States, even with things such as how we view/interact with the death of loved ones. I think this will be an interesting one.

    Today my plan is to work on my client's project and just take a breather, if I am given that opportunity, because I had another long night, for no apparent reason.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: No triggers!:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    When Life Puts You In Tough Situations


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  15. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 769: 03/07/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, he surprised me with another backrub, I ain't complaining lol but I did feel bad because his back hurt, so I told him maybe he shouldn't, but he said it was fine. During the massage, we spoke about various topics again, like about an interview he had listened to and his thoughts on how materialistic the guy sounded, and how he didn't agree with what the guy said about balance, that you don't need it because we both agree that you need to have balance in all area's of life and at all times. Then we went and watched some TV as he gave me a foot rub, where we analyzed everything in the episode lol as we have been these days, then he had to go to work.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “The Power of Words: Why You Must Choose Your Words Carefully", in this episode, Dr. Wayne Dyer teaches that in order to create the future you want you must choose your words carefully. Remember, the words you speak become the house you live in, choose them carefully.

    This morning, we continued listening to "How To Stop Obsessing About The Future & Programming Your Mind For Peace" an interview with Kunal Nayyar, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Kunal Nayyar is an actor known for his role as Raj Koothrappali in the CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory. He is not just some Hollywood actor, but a man full of so much wisdom and insight. A lot of what he expresses here, his opinions are on point. Wade and I agree with a lot of them, even more than we do with Jay's. Especially that part about it being okay to sit with/face your sadness, fears, anger or pain instead of stuffing it and pushing through and just slapping on a smile on your face. You have to deal with it, you have to feel it or else it will eat you alive, eventually, I know this firsthand - as I bottled everything up for over a decade. We didn't finish the interview but have really been enjoying it so far. While in Target, one of the employees who had to process our coupons was a definite trigger for me. I saw Wade turn immediately in order to ensure I wouldn't assume he slipped or anything, but she still triggered me, even though her face was a butterface and she looked like she was 18 - she was in supertight jeans and her body was the type Wade prefers and has always preferred to mine - any day of the week and I know that no matter how much he tries to convince himself or me of the opposite, I know the truth, he just does not want to hurt my ego/feelings at this point so of course, he will tell me 'she just doesn't do it for me anymore - only you do'.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Worked through a triggered today.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Girl Complains About Everything, Watch What Happens Next


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  16. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 770: 03/08/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) My mom and girls.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY Y'ALL!

    [​IMG]

    Last night, we laid down and just ranted for a bit. My dad has been driving us both nuts, in different areas but still. Then after decompressing for a bit, we went to watch some TV before he had to go to work. We have been watching "Lucifer" on Netflix, which features a lot of half-naked women and suggestive scenes, but most of them don't really trigger me (and Wade says it doesn't trigger him either and that I do believe) and because we both find the show is good, fun, lighthearted (mindless sometimes lol) in general and if you pay attention, there are some good messages in there, that spawn some deep discussions for Wade and me. In the episode we watched this time though, there was an s&m scene (leather, whips, etc, group of passed out partiers - but no full nudity) it was very suggestive tough and I blurted out what I was thinking in my head: "I bet you wish you were there" or something like that. It was obvious he didn't like my comment, he even said so and I didn't mean to hurt him, but in my head, I truly do believe that he would prefer any one of those women dressed up for him in that way, to me - any day of the week, period - that is my truth. We did discuss it for a few minutes before he left for work, but barely because he had to go.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How Having Money Really Affects Your Life", in this episode, we learn how having money affects every aspect of our lives, including your confidence and happiness. Remember, wealth is not about having a lot of money. It's about having a lot of options.

    This morning, because he was tired we decided to skip our walk and opted to make our weekly grocery run instead. During the drive, we continued listening to "How To Stop Obsessing About The Future & Programming Your Mind For Peace" an interview with Kunal Nayyar, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. He continues to make good points, although he did begin to lose both of us when he started talking about having love for everyone in order to find peace, including people you loath -- erm, nah sorry, but I can't find love or be loving towards serial killers, rapists or pedophiles... I can find peace without loving them lol. Wade also brought up my comment from last night and asked me if that scene triggered me, I told him it didn't really trigger/trigger me, but it did make me imagine/think about how he would probably prefer any one of those women to do those things to him, instead of me - hence my making that comment. He asked me if I could stop making comments like that because it bothers him, he doesn't mind me asking if something triggers him but not blatantly say "I know you wish you'd be there" etc. I told him that was definitely something I could do, I could keep those comments/thoughts to myself for sure. We discussed this a bit more and then we continued listening to the interview some more in between shopping. I will say, it is such a relief that both he and I can bring up things that bother us, without worrying about backlash from the other person - this way we can make changes so that we don't hurt each other, instead of bottling up those feelings, trying to move on and end up harboring a ton of resentment toward each other instead.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: No triggers today.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    How Money REALLY Affects Your Happiness, Relationships & Confidence


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
  17. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 771: 03/09/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Brunch Date.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we skipped our talk because we had a good heart to heart in the morning. Instead, we watched some TV as he gave me a foot rub, continuing to over-analyze Lucifer lol. Then we ended the night with an awesome, 'time'... before actually sleeping lol it was so long overdue and so worth it.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Change Your Life For The Better: Stop Chasing The Wrong Things", in this episode, we learn how to avoid chasing the wrong things. Remember, when you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.

    This morning, we finally finished listening to "How To Stop Obsessing About The Future & Programming Your Mind For Peace" an interview with Kunal Nayyar, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Then, during our walk, we began listening to "Get Uncomfortable, Build Your Relationships, and Thrive" an interview with Dave Sparks, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Dave Sparks is an entrepreneur, custom vehicle builder, and social media personality from Salt Lake City, Utah, who goes by the name “Heavy D.” Since he was little, Dave has been fascinated by anything with an engine or wheels. His most famous creation is the “Mega Ram Runner,” Dave went to college to study welding, mechanics, and fabrication, but after his first semester, he decided that he could learn more from real-world experience than from books and lectures. He worked for his uncle’s construction business and handled heavy machinery while learning the ins and outs of running a business. In 2009, Dave met the girl of his dreams. One year later, they were married, and he opened a small used car lot. Then he began to build his dream company, DieselSellerz, which builds badass trucks. That childhood dream of his really came to fruition. He had to take risks and stretch himself in order to make things work. He took the responsibility of achieving success upon himself and didn’t expect it to be handed to him. So far in this interview, we hear them about how he achieved that success, focused on self-improvement, and invested in healthy relationships. How to overcome the fear of anything, how Dave learned how to get back up when he gets knocked down, how to teach kids to appreciate what they have, and the best thing Dave learned from his Mormon mission. So far this is a good one, he talks about very relatable topics for us, giving us reasons to pause and further our own conversation. Particularly, the part about realizing what or who your priorities are and living your life around it/them, making all your other decisions so much easier to make because you know where your priorities are - if that makes sense.

    Then we went to have a nice brunch, it wasn't fancy but it didn't need to be, it was nothing more than small talk but still sweet. After we had to head home and deal with my dad's cable issues, yet again, sigh.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: No triggers today!:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    The Pursuit Of Status How To Avoid Chasing The Wrong Things


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  18. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 772: 03/10/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we watched Netflix's "Spencer Confidential" starring Mark Walberg, I still can not believe A-listers are making Netflix movies, it's crazy. The movie itself was pretty good, both of us enjoyed it. While we watched he gave me a foot rub and after the movie was over, turned on "Lucifer" and went into some deep over-analyzing of the characters and their actions lol. This has really become a fun part of watching shows.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “If You Want To Be Happy For The Rest Of Your Life Do These Things Daily", in this episode, we hear some great tips on what to do if you want to be happy for the rest of your life. Remember, happiness is not a goal... it's the by-product of a life well-lived.

    This morning, we went to a Nissan dealership because last night we received a call about some promotion they had going on. Our KIA lease is up in nine months, Wade told him that and he said to still come in and they would take care of it, even if we wanted a used car next. Just as I figured, it was all BS, just to get us into the door. We explained that we want a used certified preowned car, 2015/2016 is fine because we are trying to be debt-free. He went on a whole spiel about how leasing is way better, when that didn't work he said well why not get a new lease for the term and then buy out the car in the end through refinance, for like "$12,000" and I'm like, well then we'll be paying off the 3-year lease for 12-15k and then have to drop another 12k to buy it out? kind of defeats the purpose. Then he begins to explain that the prices they have on their own website, for the certified preowned cars are just base prices, but when you actually get the car you have to pay another 2-3k for the certification fee? I am so confused. If the car is listed as a CPO with a rate, why would I have to pay another $2k for the cert? sigh, let's just say that was "fun". Then we went for a walk in the local outdoor mall, where we discussed what had just taken place at the dealership, what we plan on doing etc. We stopped by T-Mobile, there was a minor trigger there but I worked through it. Then, we continued listening to "Get Uncomfortable, Build Your Relationships, and Thrive" an interview with Dave Sparks, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Dave Sparks is an entrepreneur, custom vehicle builder, and social media personality. We heard them discuss why you should make deals with God or the universe (Wade and I consider it more like; making deals with yourself and just getting more serious about your plans/goals) and what happens when you focus on one key skill.

    The rest of the day should hopefully be laid back, fingers crossed.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Minor trigger, got passed it.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    7 Science-backed HABITS to be HAPPIER & More SUCCESSFUL


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  19. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 773: 03/11/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we had some back and forth with our eldest again, so during a back rub, we spoke/ranted about that, plus about a comment I made earlier in the day. Then we went to watch Lucifer, which we finished and can not wait for a new season. We also started Altered Carbon, which had a decent start, I'm still not sure how I feel about it compared to season one.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “When Things Get Rough Is When You Find Out Who Your Friends Are", in this episode, Freddy Fri talks about finding out who your friends are and needing new friends. Remember, the people in your life will either inspire you or drain you, choose carefully.

    This morning, we finished listening to "Get Uncomfortable, Build Your Relationships, and Thrive" an interview with Dave Sparks, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Dave Sparks is an entrepreneur, custom vehicle builder, and social media personality. We heard them discuss what Dave thinks about the new Tesla truck and how the auto industry is evolving into electric and hydrogen power. The end of this interview was a bit of a snooze fest for me, I'm not really into cars and all the details that come with that breakdown. After that podcast, we listened to "The Most Powerful Habits For A Healthy & Productive Brain" an interview with Dr. Daniel Amen, on, 'On Purpose with Jay Shetty'. Both of us love listening to Dr. Amen, we grow fonder of him each time we listen to his wisdom. Dr. Amen is the most popular psychiatrist in America, who is also Justin Bieber’s doctor now. Dr. Amen has spent his career studying correlations between brain health and mental illness. He is forever discovering new ways in which the brain is shaped by environment, trauma, and health. During this interview, Dr. Amen tackles some common misconceptions about mental health and the brain and describes the 11 things you should avoid for a healthy brain. We really enjoyed this one, it was full of a lot of great advice. While we waiting for Chipolte to open, he asked me if I got triggered at Target, I told him yes and he said "really?" and that kind of exchange is annoying for me; you see a prime/trigger and then ask me I got triggered and I respond "yes"... responding to that with surprise/shock, like saying "really?" or "weird, I didn't notice anyone" is annoying because, well, if you are at the point of asking me, then you already know the answer, so why are you surprised when I confirm with a yes... anyhow then we spoke about primes, types, and preferences for a bit, our usual sore topic, then we went home.

    I hope today will be a much calmer day, with our eldest, sigh.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Triggered at Target, I moved past it as best as I could.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Signs You Need New Friends


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020
    Wade W. Wilson likes this.
  20. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 774: 03/12/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Me time.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, Wade and I work on/talked about some ODAAT stuff that I do not want to put here. Then we watched some TV while he gave me a nice foot rub and then we went to bed shortly after because he had to wake up early, while I was tired and in pain.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Why There Are So Many Miserable People These Days", in this episode, we hear why there are so many miserable people these days, and how to keep yourself from being one of them. Remember, if you're not mindful the things you own will end up owning you.

    This morning, my back was out of commission and due to this, as much as I wanted to, I could not walk. I feel guilty about it and some shame too, I was giving myself a lot of shit for about an hour or so but then started rationalizing the fact that I didn't want to make it worse, where I wouldn't be able to function at all for the next week. While I got the girls ready for school and worked on some stuff, I listened to "How to Hack Your Way Into Success at Anything" an interview with Alex Banayan, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Alex Banayan dropped out of college to hunt down and ask legends like Bill Gates, Steven Spielberg, Maya Angelou and more how they accomplished their dreams so he could share it with the world. These stories as told in the best-selling book, The Third Door, reframe what most consider “secrets” to success into human journeys of failure and persistence. It was a pretty interesting story/journey to hear, his persistence is pretty cool lol. During the discussion, they talked about "The Third Door" mentality and how he used it to fund his dream, how external voices and rejection factored into his journey, the power and importance of friendship in his success, the fear within uncertainty and how to work with it instead of against it, he shares Steven Spielberg’s incredible story of turning rejection into a new path, the story of Qi Lu and how he redefined the word “luck”, and insecurities and developing self-awareness.

    It's weird, this set of days off felt so much longer with Wade, him going back to work is a bummer for me, I miss him.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I was able to work myself out of my shame/guilt about not walking.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Why 90% of People Are UNHAPPY


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    -------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2020

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