Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

I don't think you read my entire story based on what you wrote. In any event, it's about the connection that I was deprived of while he was in his addiction and the betrayal trauma that his attention on OTHERS (instead of me) caused me.

 

DAY 792: 03/30/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Calm.
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Last night, he gave me another back rub (with a chat), the frequency still shocks me, but I won't complain as it relieves many of my aches. Then we went to watch the Feed, I feel too pampered, he gave me another foot rub AND hand reflexology. I don't know, I feel like I don't deserve it or that him doing so much for me is somehow like I'm using him? even though I am not the one asking for it, he is offering, I feel guilty for getting so much.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Practical Steps To Success In Anything You Choose", in this episode, we get 5 practical steps that will lead to success in virtually anything you choose - 1. Prepare, 2. Be disciplined, 3. Willpower, 4. Focus and 5) Take action. Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

This morning, the weather was crappy, so we skipped our usual walk and went for our weekly grocery run instead. People are still hoarding; food and "essential" products aka the much-needed supplies, it's like... if they would calm down for a minute, everyone could get what they need; there would be enough for everyone and we could all just replenish on an 'as needed' basis. Instead, we have the tin-foil brigade running around with 100 frozen pizza's, 300 prepackaged cookies, 1,000,000 rolls of toilet paper, 1,500 tins of Clorox wipes and 3,750 cans of Lysol disinfecting spray sitting in their garage so that you and I could literally find ZERO in stores when we try to find just ONE. People are ridiculous. Take every precaution you can when going out with masks and gloves (worn properly, look it up), but don't hoard like it's end times. Nevertheless, Wade and I consider going shopping 'us' time these days, so we did what we had to do, tried to keep distance and covered up. I hope everyone is keeping safe out there, being in New York these days is frightening... even more than usual.

Wear a mask people!!

https://www.maskssavelives.org/?fbclid=IwAR0U69E-8XHooAJjJ10bm_QB0Aq-SuVO8Jn4IM6dWl1dVLLu8oPsasFkHEA

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For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers.

#Video
PSA Safe Grocery Shopping in COVID-19 Pandemic

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 793: 03/31/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Drive.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he decided to spoil me again with the trifecta: back, foot and hand massage. He turned on some music for the first round and then we continued watching The Feed before he had to leave for work.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Get Away From And Stay Away From Negative People", in this episode, we're reminded why we must get away from and stay away from negative people. Remember, stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.

This morning, we drove around and listened to a bit more of "The SECRETS To A Healthy Relationship" an interview with Dr. Nicole LePera, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Dr. Nicole LePera is a Holistic Psychologist who believes that mental wellness is for everyone. In this part of the interview, we heard them discuss what’s the greatest trauma people face, what’s the level a child or the parent traumatizes the other, the top tools for a healing journey, why meditation is key to tuning in to our internal world, what to do when we get stuck in our familiarized comfort zone, how do we come to a place of worthiness and how the practice of self-observation removes focus without judgment. Since the weather was frigid, we skipped our walk to avoid getting sick, so we drove around and stopped by CVS for a few items.

When we got home, both of us got a chance to sit through my dad's overzealous play by play of today's news, sigh lol. Well, today Wade is staying up to help me with our girls 'homeschooling' and that's always such a relief for me. *Happy Dance*

I added some relief and change of pace from all of the doom and gloom of recent days/weeks. This will be the #1 show on YouTube soon, a premonition!... posted below, check it out.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers and Wade is up to help me all day.

#Video
Some Good News with John Krasinski

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Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 794: 04/01/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, he gave me another trifecta, during the backrub, he turned on some music which was nice, however, the hip hop didn't provide a relaxing mood though lol, once the R&B and calm stuff came on, it was much better. Then we watched some more of the Feed and went to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Turn A Defeated Mindset Into A Success Mindset", in this episode, we learn how to turn a defeated mindset into a success mindset so you're always able to win the day. Remember, in life, you can either be a victim or you can be a survivor. It's a mindset.

This morning, after my dad gave us a headache, we finally got out for our walk and we finished listening to "The SECRETS To A Healthy Relationship" an interview with Dr. Nicole LePera, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Dr. Nicole LePera is a Holistic Psychologist who believes that mental wellness is for everyone. During the last part of the interview, we heard them go into what is the best practice on observing self-thoughts, what’s her biggest trigger, why we must change our expectations, how do we forgive our parents, even if they were doing the best they can, how do we say no without apologizing, great ways to say no without apologizing or explaining yourself, how do you speak to a child that has a chaotic reality and has not observed their own thoughts, the importance of going inward and connecting with ourselves every day, what’s her biggest fear as a therapist? both Wade and I really enjoyed this interview, it had a big focus on triggers, trauma, and healing - which are all familiar and uncertain topics for me especially.

Then when we got home from our walk, after my shower, I noticed a huge puddle of water under my daughter's new laptop, I rushed to dry it, but in the process, I got triggered. It wasn't because the laptop could be damaged now or how long it was sitting in water without anyone noticing or moving it, but I was triggered because my dad, well both my parents have this innate obsession with constantly moving our shit around, without asking or anything and the frustrates the shit out of me. Before we left the house, I put the laptop where I've been putting it, on the big armrest/side table, for easy access for our little one. When I found it sitting in the water, it was at the corner of the coffee table, surrounded by a whole host of other items (my daughter's stuff). I can bet the when he put it there, he knocked over the water and didn't even pay attention to that or thought it was empty. Now, had they left it where I put it and not moved it - for no damn reason... guess what? we wouldn't be sitting around here, waiting for it to air dry and hoping it turns back on without damage.

Now, Wade checked his temperature and it's slightly elevated... I hope it's a fluke, we'll be monitoring it all day and hoping for the best, now we'll go back to how it was pre-test. That's the thing with first responders, every time they go out, they are at risk themselves and of bringing it back home.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
I didn't snap at my mom when I found the laptop, even though I got triggered.

#Video
STAY AWAY FROM NEGATIVE PEOPLE

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---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 795: 04/02/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Emotional Strength.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, Wade had a fever, so we began being even more cautious. We watched some TV and then both of us went to bed in different rooms.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “For A Happier Life STOP Doing These Things Immediately", in this episode, Freddy Fri Day has a great message about the things you must stop doing immediately if you want a happier life. Remember, figure out what makes you happy and do more of that.

This morning, I had to skip my walk, something I will likely be doing for some time now... at least 14 days. My parents will not come to our apartment to watch the girls, so everything falls on me for now, minus the walking. Wade tried to get tested at two sites and was refused, went to City MD and strep and flu have been ruled out... so he called out sick at work and they offered another testing site for him to try. We knew this was a risk, he is a first responder after all, no matter how much precautions he takes at work... it is what it is. The girls and I are trying to stay away from him, we are disinfecting anything he touches, washing hands, etc. This is going to be a rough few weeks, I hope the strain won't cause a relapse, which would add to the burden of what we are going through already. I feel that we are not disconnected, at the moment, but I don't know how either of us will feel in two weeks. I hate all of this, it is so overwhelming, uncertain and scary. I hope that his symptoms will be mild and this crap runs it's course and leaves us asap. I hope everyone else is staying safe and healthy out there.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Haven't broken down, yet.

#Video
Things To Stop Doing To Be Happy

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---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 796: 04/03/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Routine.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we continued socially distancing during our tv watching and then headed to bed.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Improve And Expand Your Vocabulary", in this episode, Evan Carmichael talks with us about why it's important to improve and expand your vocabulary. Remember,

This morning, Wade went to another testing site, hopefully they will test him there. The "hotline" has not called him back yet to set an 'official' appointment for our local testing sites, how ridiculous is that?? a first responder and they are taking their sweet ass time. Wouldn't it make more sense to handle them first, so he can go ahead and tell all those who he may have been near that he has it or not? the way this whole pandemic has been handled is just beyond words and is exactly why it continues to spread like wildfire. This location though takes from 7 to 10 days to hear back about your results... but his job wants him back at work and 'reevaluated' in 7 (when the safe isolation time is 14 days), common sense = 0. Anyhow, well I will keep this short, time for me to put on my teaching hat and go homeschool.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
I haven't had a nervous breakdown, yet.

#Video
"Be MINDFUL of How You SPEAK!"

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---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 797: 04/04/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Internet Service.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, was another night of socially distancing and then bed, with a few rants and chats in between.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Inspiring Message That Will Help You Face Your Fears", in this episode, Les Brown delivers an inspiring message the will help you to face your fears and overcome them. Remember, the only people who haven't made any mistakes are those who haven't done anything.

This morning, after waking up, Wade was feeling unwell and decided to go back to sleep. He is still running a fever which makes him feel worse obviously, he is taking Tylenol for it. I hate seeing him like this and I hate waiting for test results, although with everything going on and his kind of job... unfortunately we have to assume... you know. He has been isolating himself in our bedroom, which has a restroom too - coming out minimally and wearing a mask (or two) and gloves when around us or mutual locations. While my little one was watching some of her own stuff, I put in one earbud and managed to listen to/watch this gem "Why Men Don’t Open Up and What to Do" with Matthew Hussey, a video where he explains that vulnerability is hard for everyone, whether you’re a man or a woman, we’re all terrified that if we show our true emotions or let someone see who we really are, we’ll get rejected. And while this struggle is universal, men have an extra layer of complexity because so many have been taught to believe that their value is in their ability to appear “strong.” They are programmed their whole lives to “man up,” be “tough,” and show that they’re an “alpha” if they want to be liked and respected, which can get in the way of creating deep, lasting connections. That when a guy wants to share things with you, he often feels deep down that the stakes are too high. He’s scared that if he voices his vulnerability, it will change the way you see him forever... that you’ll no longer view him as the attractive hero he wants to be, but instead as someone who is weak and undesirable. He explains to women that it’s never your job to fix or solve a man’s problems for him, but that there is an opportunity to be one of his greatest allies in bringing out a side of him that no one else sees. Which I can personally say, is true, after Wade and I became 100% authentic and vulnerable with each other, everything changed for us. Honest communication is another building block in our relationship. It is short and worth a watch, for both men and women.

It's early, a weekend, but I wanted to get this out so I can spend the rest of the day taking care of my family.

I hope everyone is hunkered down and healthy.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Hair looks good, although no one sees it or cares, but me of course lol.

#Video
What Coronavirus Means for Your Love Life (Matthew Hussey)

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---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

Thank you! it's the Ibuprofen/Advil set that makes Covid symptoms worse. All the MD's here recommend Tylenol Cold and Flu, sigh. It all just sucks.

I feel so out of it, daily!!

 

EXACTLY..

 

DAY 798: 04/05/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Going outside for an errand.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, yet another night of socially distancing and then bed. I want this nightmare to be over and soon, I can't stand seeing Wade this way and literally not being able to get close to him or do anything to help.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Focus On Your Strengths Not on Your Weaknesses", in this episode, we get a great reminder of why you must focus on your strengths and not your weaknesses. Remember, focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses.

This morning, while I occupied the little one with some new games and Wade slept in... I listened to "This Entrepreneur Shows You What to Do If You're Feeling Out of Control" an interview with Dave Hollis, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Dave Hollis s the CEO of the Hollis Company, a company that exists to help people build better lives. Together with his wife, Dave hosts the podcast Rise Together, the #1 health podcast on iTunes. He has always been somewhat skeptical about self-help, but in the long run, that skepticism has served him very well. He always questions the hypotheses being put forward, both by self-appointed gurus and his own subconscious. As a result, he combines incredible vulnerability and self-awareness with a rigorously logical and brutally honest mindset. (Kind of like me!). During this interview, he goes into incredible depth on the connections between failure, growth, and fulfillment. He explains why he still calls himself a skeptic and admits that he had to get super-stuck in order to embrace self-help, they discuss the power of negative visualization, how motivation is built through consistent habits and constantly pushing yourself, he talks about how none of us are broken, but we all have seasons of brokenness, he explains how he uses journaling to get down to the subconscious, questions if other people’s opinions real? are they important? then they discuss the connection between growth. discomfort and fulfillment and he also gave a few tips on marriage.

It's weird, I've been so 'out of it' these days - sort of like I used to be, disassociated in a way... it's my go-to way of coping... I feel like I have to make sure everything is still running smoothly and as it should be, if it does not, it's a failure on my part. Between everything that is going on around me; Wade being ill, feeling off myself; physically, weight gain, lack of balance, feeling the disconnection growing with him, worrying about where he's at emotionally while in isolation (hoping for no relapse), what he thinks about me physically now, given these circumstances. Sitting in a constant state of uncertainty is extremely draining, plus my parent's admission last night, which devastated me. Also, spending most of my day (any free time) creating and printing worksheets for my kids, making sure they are keeping up with their education and then also having some sort of indoor fun to keep them happy and thriving in this new and weird environment. It's difficult, but someone has to do it, right? everyone is in there own version of hell in these uncertain and scary times, but I'm trying to make it less traumatizing and hellish for everyone around me, without having much time for myself.

Soon, I will mask up and make a run to the supermarket to pick up some things to make him some Chicken soup - I thought it was going to be peaceful, but my parents wanted to come with, so... Then, once I'm home the nonstop "mom, mom, mom" will continue I guess.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Organized all of my daughter's homeschooling worksheets for the coming week.

#Video
We Become What We Think About Most Of The Time

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

I hope things get better, not being able to be in the same room, touch and constantly walking around trying not to contaminate anything is challenging. I remind myself of how lucky/grateful I am, in general, but it does not take away from the daily overwhelm and exhaustion lol.

 

DAY 799: 04/06/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) YouTube.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, some more socially distancing and then bed. :-(

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Tony Robbins On How To Master Your Emotions", in this episode, Tony Robbins gives us some great tips and information on how to master your emotions. Remember, when you react, you're letting others control you when you respond, you're in control.

This morning, much like yesterday, while the little one was in the middle of her school work, I listened to "This Is Why You're Stuck & Not Getting The Results You Want" an interview with Daymond John, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Daymond John is the CEO of FUBU and appears as an investor on the ABC reality television series Shark Tank. This was a good interview, Daymond has a lot of interesting insight to offer. He spent a lot of time discussing how he has used the power of negotiation in his life and career. His ability to think outside the box helped him pave the way for unconventional advertising and cutting-edge design in the worlds of business and fashion. Knowing your why and how it makes a difference in how you enjoy life. His major point was when you take action every day, when you stay FOCUSED and committed to your desire and goal, you will UNDOUBTEDLY get what you want.

Then the mayhem continued adventures in homeschooling and worrying about Wade... sigh.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
In PJ's all day, don't care, no shame.

#Video
Tony Robbins - How To Master Your Emotions

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 800: 04/07/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Wade's 2nd-day fever-free.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, still socially distancing and then we went to bed, wish I could report I slept good, but that would be a lie. :-(

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Being Self Motivated And Working Toward Your Goals", in this episode, Mel Robbins talks with us about how to be self-motivated as you work toward achieving your goals. Remember, you will never always be motivated, which is why you must learn self-discipline.

This morning, I finally got out for my walk -outside- although the way I was covered up to the nines, I still felt a little bit of the fresh air. It was getting warmer and people probably thought I was confused and an Eskimo. As I walked, I listened to "Proven Mental Hacks to END Your negative self talk" an interview with Jim Kwik, on Ed Mylett's show. Jim Kwik is an entrepreneur and business coach. He is the Founder and CEO of Kwik Learning, an online brain training, and learning firm based in Los Angeles. Kwik grew up in Westchester, New York when he was five he suffered a brain injury, which led to his slow brain performance. He spent years training his brain for speed-reading and memory improvement and was able to do it. So now he is THE world expert in speed-reading, memory improvement, and optimal brain performance! During this interview, Jim goes over some tactics on getting the most out of your brain, become SMARTER and change the way you learn, think and perform. How you are smarter than you think, you just haven't been taught how to optimize your brainpower. Some good points/quotes I got out of this interview, "Parents have to be very careful because your external words become children's internal words", his most famous quote "If you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them." Then when talking about technology/devices/apps... "here's the thing, when you pick it up out of habit; like not for a purpose, but just out of habit... there's a problem... because technology is a tool you're supposed to use and when technology is using you, who becomes a tool?" - it was pretty good and informative.

It was weird walking without Wade, but at the end of the day, it was kind of good because even though there weren't too many people out, due to my crazy luck, there were still two triggers out there. Therefore, if he was there, it would have made the triggers worse and that's not what I want these days and under these circumstances.

Then as soon as I got home, it was homeschooling time and the massive headache for the day began.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Triggered twice, managed myself.

#Video
Some Good News Ep 2

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 801: 04/08/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, still socially distancing but he still managed to give me a foot rub - with a mask and gloves lol it felt good. He technically has another 24 hours of isolation left, as he is approaching a full 72 hours fever free, I have to do some more research as to when he can stop isolating and taking all of those precautions.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Very Helpful Habits For Effective Time Management", in this episode, we get some very helpful tips about effective time management. Remember, take care of the minutes and the hours will take care of themselves.

This morning, although it was gloomy, drizzling and I was considering staying home, Wade recommended I still go out and try walking and I am thankful for that push, it was a nice and brisk walk. During my walk I listened to "CORONAVIRUS And How To STAY HEALTHY!" an interview with Dr. Gundry, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Dr. Steven Gundry is a renowned cardiologist, surgeon, medical device inventor, and bestselling author. Although he has performed thousands of heart surgeries in his 40-year career, Dr. Gundry’s current focus is empowering people through diet to reverse and prevent ailments. He’s the Director and Founder of the International Heart & Lung Institute as well as the Center for Restorative Medicine in Palm Springs and Santa Barbara, CA. He helps patients learn how to take control of their weight, health, and energy by using simple diet advice. He’s the New York Times best-selling author of The Plant Paradox, and his latest book is The Longevity Paradox which is all about how we can live long, healthy lives and fight the diseases of aging. He also hosts his own health podcast, The Dr. Gundry Podcast which gives you the tools and information you need to hack your vitality, avoid dangerous “health foods,” and balance your all-important gut. He is all about teaching people the truth about food, gut health, and mental clarity. This interview is no different, he spent most of it explaining why it is so important to make sure our bodies are healthy and our immune systems are strong. He explains some simple ways how we can take control of our health, strengthen our defenses, and protect ourselves from COVID-19. Long story short: if it tastes good, don't eat it LOL but wait, there's more, even "healthy" foods -some- can be bad for you, like spinach! he said it really doesn't do anything for humans, so if it bothers your gut, stop eating it. Pay attention to the "carbs" listed on your labels, read total carbs, take away the dietary fiber - that number will tell you the true number of carbs/sugar/insulin, don't even bother paying attention to the "sugar" listed, it's all a ploy to confuse the mass public, that's why a lot of products that say "0 sugar" as a selling point but it is bogus, especially if the total amount of carbs on that product is 38 grams; the true sugar amount. He also really went into some unique and interesting tips on building up an immune system to fend off COVID.

As soon as I got home, I got overwhelmed because before I even took my jacket off, I was getting asked a thousand questions by everyone. I stood for a minute under the shower and just felt the water, I need that time to decompress, of course, any peace that I felt for those few minutes was gone shortly after because homeschooling began and so did the noise pollution and arguing that comes along with it, ugh. COVID go AWAY!!!!!!!!! I need schools to reopen omg.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
I had to really control myself during my overwhelm.

#Video
This Is How Successful People Manage Their Time

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 802: 04/09/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Exercise.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we decided, that even though his fever is done and 72 hours have passed, we will continue the separation until a full 14 days from his first symptom has passed, just to be safe. He gave me a foot rub, in PPE while we began watching "Godless"... he likes it, so far though, I'm not gaining interest.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “3 Clear Signs That It Might Be Time To End A Relationship", in this episode, Freddy Fri gives us 3 clear signs that it might be time to end a relationship. Remember, relationships are worth fighting for, but you can't be the only one fighting.

This morning, I had a bit of fun doing some morning exercises with my little one. It was a hip hop dance class, I enjoyed it and it actually gave me a good workout, I was shocked. It was a recommendation from their school's gym teacher. I was dressed and waiting to go for my walk (for Wade to wake up) but as I was waiting it kept getting darker and darker outside, it looks like a storm is coming. So, I decided to stay home and not risk getting stuck in the middle of a downpour. This morning, while both girls were situated, I listened to "100+ Doctors Tell You The TRUTH About Coronavirus" a video created by Doctor Mike. It was an interesting take on this pandemic, from our doctors on the front lines and some of what they were saying, could have been words right out of Wade, as another frontline worker; a police officer. Plus, they all offer some tips and insight on what you can do to be a little safer.

Then I began working on a project my client sent me because I'm going to have to navigate between that and homeschooling today. I hope that I won't have another internal meltdown, like yesterday, it was so bad.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Exercised with my little one.

#Video
Signs You Should End A Relationship

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 803: 04/10/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, when we were just getting situated for our talk, I finally got comfortable but we forgot to check our little one's temperature, so I asked Wade to do it. He responded with a sarcastic and condescending remark, which I did not take lightly, actually, it pissed me off and from that point on I didn't want to small talk about anything. He apologized and like every other time; he said, that what came out of his mouth, was not what he actually meant and you know what I say to that? whatever, that's a bad excuse and I am tired of it. My mood/attitude toward a lot of things shifted with his remark, it really hit me hard and I didn't appreciate that feeling at all, especially with all I've been through this week. It's bad enough that every night as I am falling asleep, I'm on the cusp of tearing up from the overwhelm of the day/week as it is.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Personal Development Tips That Will Improve Your Life", in this episode, we hear 5 personal development tips that will help you improve your life;1) Wake Up Earlier, 2) Self Educate, 3) Top 5 To-Do List, 4) Planner/Calendar and 5) Strategic Goal Journaling. Remember, if you always do what you've always done, you'll always be what you've always been.

This morning, after exercising with the kids, I waited for Wade to wake up, then I went on my morning walk and damn was it windy and cold. During my walk, I listened to "COVID 19 Busting Media Myths" an interview with Dr. Mikhail Varshavski, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Dr. Mikhail Varshavski, known on social media as “Dr. Mike”, breaks down COVID-19, giving viewers evidence and information people can actually use and understand. As a doctor first and a YouTube sensation second, Dr. Mike talks about his passion for family medicine and how his calling as a doctor has always taken precedence over fame. We learn practical ways to stay safe and healthy, how the COVID-19 virus spreads quickly from person to person, and there aren’t always noticeable symptoms, this is why all of us are encouraged to stay safe and healthy by staying home. You never know what you’re becoming exposed to through the people you’re meeting. They also talk about how fear and panic also spread fast. They also explain the difference staying home can make when it comes to staying healthy and safe. It was a good and informative episode, Doctor Mike answered a lot of common questions we regular folk wondered or have asked about this never-ending pandemic.

Then it was back to my new career as a homeschool teacher. Always a fun endeavor...

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
No triggers today, just that damn hag and her loud ass annoying hound, again, ugh.

#Video
5 Actionable Tips: Personal Development, Productivity, & Self Growth

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------

 

DAY 804: 04/11/2020

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Antihistamines.
---------------------------------------------------

Last night, we spoke for a bit, then he decided to give me a backrub and it has been a longgg while, it felt good, especially because my entire body is in pain from sleeping on the couch for over a week, then a foot and hand rub too as we watched Vikings. During all this, however, I was dealing with an incompetent Instacart shopper, who took my order, held it for three hours (at 8-11 pm) while sending incoherent and confusing messages... seems like he was trying to work on multiple orders at once, eventually to never deliver the order UGH. I tried to "chat" with their customer support and was left on hold all night, literally, for hours until it timed out I guess. Plus, I was dealing with some (what I assume) are crazy allergies? I thought I was dying, the inside of my nostrils felt like they were burning, my teeth and gums felt tingly/itchy, I couldn't breathe right, my chest felt compressed, I couldn't fall asleep because I was freaking out [are these allergies or am I infected with COVID?!], I was pacing around the living room in a panic for a good hour until I finally calmed down enough (or when the kids Benedryal kicked in) to try going to bed, but then kept waking up throughout anyway, sigh.

Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Live Your Life And Dream Your Dream", in this episode, we have an outstanding message that will inspire you to continue to live your life and dream your dream. Remember, most people can see, but not everybody has a vision.

This morning, I am back on hold with Instacart's customer support, twice now, hopefully, they won't drop me AGAIN ugh. I keep sneezing nonstop, I never had allergies in my life, what is this shit?! I guess I have to go and buy some antihistamines, so I do not have a repeat of last night. I wanted to go walk, but I'm feeling so blah and run down, I don't think it would be a good idea. While the little one was playing with her toys, the big one was on hers and Wade was sleeping... I listened to "Harvard Researcher Tells You Everything You Need to Know About Coronavirus Pandemic" an interview with David Sinclair, on Health Theory with Tom Bilyeu. David Sinclair is a Harvard researcher who has devoted his life to understanding and promoting human longevity. He wrote about pandemics in the book Lifespan. He synthesizes the data we have about the novel coronavirus, COVID-19. He explains what the virus is and how it spreads, describes the way it mutates and discusses what people should do to protect themselves from this new coronavirus. During this interview David shuts down a lot of the bogus information about COVID-19, he explains what is a virus? What is its structure? why thinking of a virus like glitter actually makes sense, how the virus mutates every few days, but the mutations have not been too different yet, Coronaviruses will probably keep appearing every few years, they discuss the differences between COVID-19 and the common cold, how herd immunity is the only way we will overcome COVID-19, why he is optimistic and hopeful, people’s mentality about the cost of pandemic preparedness will have to change, how can we prevent unhealthy contact between humans and animals? he explains why viruses mutate even though most mutations are self-destructive, what can people do to protect themselves from COVID-19, they discuss whether you should eat fresh fruit and vegetables, and he talks about how humidity affects the virus.

A -hopefully- lazy day of recovery awaits.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for almost two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
_______________
For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Practiced a lot of patience.

#Video
IT'S YOUR DREAM, NO ONE ELSE'S

---------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20
---------------------------------------------------