Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Jagliana, Feb 4, 2018.

  1. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

    1,479
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    It’s an awful feeling. Worse still, because it’s hard to “know” what is true. These are the things that destroy our sense of safety. Get the book! It has helped us so much. It’s a little triggering because the author talks about his acting out, but it lays the foundation for rebuilding trust in a relationship where it has been completely destroyed.
     
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  2. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    I already added it to my "to buy" list on Amazon, I appreciate the suggestion.

    Yup, it is difficult to know what is true, because I'm not in his head.
     
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  3. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 868: 06/13/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: Various
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we talked a lot, he tried to give me a hand/foot rub, but I was just not feeling it so I asked him to just stop, it's not relaxing when I'm triggered. Initially, we planned on quietly watching TV and put off talking for tomorrow or after (at least that was my plan), but he put it on pause and began talking. He told me that he noticed that I was drinking wine, which I do not normally do unless we are having a date night and how he feels that shows how much stress I am under, I told him, "well, yeah, because I am, I'm triggered really bad" - to the point of where I have been questioning everything; for hours - his attraction, who he really wants/prefers, what else has he not mentioned to me? where I stand, how long can I continue dealing with these emotional ups and downs, and is it sustainable to have a good relationship? When he tells me how he feels, he sounds like he is coming from an honest place, even getting emotional and I can see that it is real. He is adamantly clear that he wants to be with me, even during triggers rather than with anyone else without them. He wants me to think about everything; what I really want for myself and honestly I just don't know at this point, there's a lot to think about and consider, I want to be that old couple feeding pigeons on the boardwalk with him and for the most part, like I have mentioned before, this is the relationship I have always wanted - but there is this huge caveat, I don't think I can ever achieve true happiness, if I never can get to a point where I believe that I am truly who he wants, above all else. So it is difficult because anytime I try and give him an inch on this topic (believing his attraction - me vs primes, etc) something happens. By "something" I mean anything that shows/proves to me that my fears are legit because he has done "xyz" to show me they are valid. It was a pretty long talk, we ended up going to bed and I told him it was fine if he slept in our bed (I had suggested otherwise earlier) and I was trying not to hug him, to avoid getting triggered again. Somehow, we ended up getting passionate in the midst of all this chaos and confusion, we were both present, and no one was felt forced/obligated - the connection was still there. I ended up hugging him after, which felt good... but... I had to keep pushing down all of the bad thoughts that kept creeping up, of her hugging him and the comparisons that come with that - until I finally fell asleep, it was neither pleasant nor easy.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Understanding Motivation: How To Figure Out What Drives You", in this episode, we listen to a message from the great Jim Rohn on how to figure out what drives you. Remember, some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen.

    This morning, I woke up still feeling emotional, confused, still in the state of being triggered by everything that has occurred. Every time the thoughts come up (randomly/can't control it) I get retriggered. Being intimate last night did not magically make it all go away. Some may ask, why did we do anything if I was in such a state, that is probably because I didn't stop loving or being connected to him just because I'm triggered. I know he loves me, I have no doubt about that, it's the other factor that is the issue: believing whether or not I could ever be his "it" girl, preferred physically more than one of his primes. He keeps telling me that everyone else is insignificant to him these days, how he is antifragile and only wants/desires me but I just don't know if it makes a difference if I still continuously feel that he will always prefer someone else physically, always dealing with these triggers, emotional ups & downs, a lot of insecurity because of it. Is this issue (that I consider toxic for both of us) something that can just be constantly pushed to the side because everything else feels so right? Does it make sense to be in a relationship where I can not be completely happy because these fears and triggers take up so much room in my head, sucking the happiness, joy, and safety right out of me? I don't even know if it makes sense for me to be in any relationship at all, I wouldn't want to burden anyone else with this shit. Everything else is exactly what I wanted out of a relationship, but this is a huge obstacle for me. On another note, I found that prime on Facebook this morning, I remember why she didn't personally trigger me, I don't think she is pretty at all. So why does that whole situation trigger me then? Because when Wade described who she was to me, after bumping into her at the mall months ago... he went on and on about how all the men in the precinct objectify her, they all think she is the hottest woman there, how he was guilty of being apart of that crowd for many years, etc. Man, all of this shit is jumbled up in my head, at the moment it is extremely confusing for me, don't know what to do next or what to make of any of it.

    I went on my walk this morning, it was chilly compared to the sauna of the last few days... during my walk, I listened to "What To Eat for Health and Longevity" an interview with Dr. Mark Hyman, on Health Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Mark Hyman is one of the foremost practitioners of functional medicine, one of its earliest advocates, and is certainly one of its best spokesmen, he is also the author of "Food Fix". Functional medicine aims to uncover the laws of biology, treats the human body as an ecosystem, and is about creating health, not just curing illness. Mark explains the rationale behind functional medicine and describes its most important features. He also gives detailed advice on improving the diet, talks about what it means to say that food is information, and discusses the connection between the body, mind, gut, and brain. During this very interesting interview, they discussed what does it mean to say the body is an ecosystem, how do you find the root cause of an illness, functional medicine is about creating health, not curing illness, how should you deal with bacterial overgrowth in the upper gut, he explains how to test your microbiome and says the test he recommends is "GI Effects" by Genova Labs, there is lots of conflicting information on nutrition but there are some common principles, factory vegetarian diets harm the environment, but regenerative meat diets help, why should we eat more vegetables, what are the laws of biology regarding diet and nutrition, soy traditionally was processed in a very different way than it is now, all food is information, he describes the dietary principles nearly everyone should follow, which kinds of vegetables should you be eating, he explains the effects of eliminating the most toxic foods from a diet, we have the most inflammatory diet in history, and it directly causes illness, he shares his journey towards Buddhism, wisdom and compassion, how your brain, mind, body and gut are all connected, he shares the one change people need to make. It was a very informative and interesting interview.

    Now, it's time for me to deal with the rest of the day, with the kids and all my mixed feelings, sigh.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Trying to be in a better mood, even when my mind drifts and my trigger flares up again.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Video
    How A Messed Up Childhood Affects You In Adulthood


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
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  4. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 869: 06/14/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: Various
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Work.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we did not talk, we spoke a little throughout the day, he did ask me how I was feeling and I told him the truth: off and on, my triggers were coming and going like waves all day. I could be fine and then something drifts into my head and I get triggered again as I recall it. He gave me a nice foot and hand rub, which today - felt good. We watched some TV and he was passing out, so we went to bed early. I also fell asleep fast and actually slept.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Simplify Your Life In A Chaotic World", in this episode, we get great advice on how to simplify your life even in a world filled with chaos. Remember, a simple life is a beautiful life.

    This morning, during my walk, I listened to "How to Get the Best Rest" an interview with Michael Breus and Jason McKeown, on Health Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Most people now know that getting good sleep is essential for healing, top performance, and mental health. But there are too many false ideas floating around about sleep. The old advice to just get eight hours of sleep doesn’t work for everyone. During this interview, Michael Breus (the Sleep Doctor) and Jason McKeown detail exactly how you can sleep more efficiently, understand your own chronotype, and develop a routine for getting ready for the best possible sleep. We hear them discuss, what can we do to be more efficient with our sleep, what are the four stages of sleep, and what’s going on in each stage, Michael explains why sleep consistency is so important, Jason asks why the human body needs sleep at all, the amount of sleep a person needs is mostly genetic, Michael details an experiment everyone can do to find out how much sleep they need, Michael tells the story of the client he couldn’t help, most people go through all four chronotypes over their lifetime, Michael explains why most people’s chronotype changes as they age, Jason describes how the brain recovers during sleep, Michael explains why pharmaceutically induced sleep is harmful, Jason talks about why it makes sense to treat the brain with electricity, Jason explains how he gets ready for sleep, Michael describes his exact routine for getting ready for optimal sleep, Michael explains why blue light matters and what it does, getting poor sleep definitely leads to dementia and chronic illness, Tom and Jason discuss finding the exact optimal amount of sleep, Jason points out that how harmful it can be to miss even one hour of sleep. Wade and I could probably use a little more consistency when it comes to sleep, I can probably make it happen, but him - with his schedule/night shifts, it will be impossible. Oh, and taking Benadryl or NyQuil for sleep = bad idea... oopsie, I am glad I weaned myself off of it. Oh and I think @Wade W. Wilson needs to listen to this part at around 26:45, perhaps it will help him to stop arguing with our older daughter. I might have to relisten to some of it, as I got triggered towards the end and then my concentration turned to shit.

    My last trigger continues being on and off in waves, so it didn't help that when I was halfway through my second round, this chick with her man jogs slowly past me, she is 110% Wade's prime type, dream girl if you will, my blood immediately began to boil and I thought to myself "omg, thank god Wade is not here". It was 50 degrees out, with a bitterly cold wind, so I was in my hat and jacket, meanwhile, this girl was in short-shorts and a crop top. When I say short-shorts, I mean her ass-cheeks were hanging out, I am certain if Wade were with me he wouldn't be able to control himself and would have definitely "slipped", if not flat out ogled. The frustrating part is, I know that if I were in the same shorts, next to her, his eyes would be drawn to her ass/body, not mine (other than if he were looking at me, just to stop from getting in trouble for looking at her). With my mind racing and anger spiraling, another two triggers popped up on my way out of the park. With all that happening, my emotions were taking over, thoughts running wild - it just reminded me; yet again, how helpless I feel in this position that I am always stuck in, constantly fending off triggers, whether they are small or big, it's almost every day. I thought to myself this shit will never stop mainly because I can never be like them, for him. Is being in a relationship, where I never feel like I'm enough... really sustainable? no matter how perfect everything else is with him - this is a pretty big (major) piece of the puzzle that is missing and it may never be found, in other words, 'healed'. This confusion/dilemma of what I really want is excruciating because I can see the good in both scenarios right now. On the one hand - I know I love him more than anything else, we are so connected on levels neither of us thought existed, we have so much in common and can talk about anything for hours or just sit together quietly and find peace; I know I can rant to him and he to me without judgment (no more bottling up), and we grew/experienced so much together, overall this has been the kind of relationship I've always wanted and now I have it. On the other hand, I don't know if I will ever be able to (or how to) get to a place where I can believe; at my core (gut feeling), that I am all he truly wants and desires, so no matter who is around, even if they have their ass hanging out of their shorts - I know in my gut that his attention is still on me. I JUST DON'T KNOW and honestly (unfortunately) I'm currently leaning towards no because I don't believe it is possible for him to desire me when his primes look a certain way and I just can not compare or compete with them physically - ever. Thing is, I have to live with knowing (and constantly be reminded) that I will never be his "it" girl, and that thought alone chips away at me daily. That's the big dilemma I really want/prefer to be with him and be in this relationship too (how we are now), but is it really feasible to live with all of these emotional ups and downs for the rest for our lives, knowing there is a high chance that I will never get 'there', you know that true happy place, where I am at peace, safe and secure with where I stand in this relationship/in his mind. Is it possible to just enjoy all the good parts: love, growth, connection, intimacy, communication, wanting to only hang out with him all the time, etc... but to push down/ignore all those feelings of uncertainty/fear, etc of never being the one he truly desires/wants? these thoughts are probably what continue to give me triggers. Of course, he believes that eventually, I will start to believe him because he knows his truth, what he feels, and because of all that his actions with continue to prove that. There are times where I feel a shift and feel seen and wanted. I also feel the difference between how he treated me in the past versus now, I mean you can not even compare the two - we went from acting like I don't exist to now - treating me like a Queen, even if I don't believe I deserve such treatment. However, I just don't know if my core belief(s) can be changed and that uncertainty/fear is destroying me. This is all so freaking confusing.

    My client has begun sending me work, so this week I'll be busy and probably not have too much to say (or at least no time to truly express it).

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Figured out a way to make some ABC's for my little one's make a movie class this coming week.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Video
    How To Simplify Your Life


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
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  5. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 870: 06/15/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: Various
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Car Ride.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, he gave me the trifecta and although I was still weening off a trigger, it was nice and appreciated. We spent some time talking about everything from the issues/triggers, our connection even through these issues, and how frustrating it is becoming to deal with my parents and our eldest. He saw a quote I sent him (one of our little traditions) and when I came into the room he broke down in tears, thanking me - it was emotional for us both. We watched some TV and the night ended on a good note.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Stop Those Negative Thinking Patterns", in this episode, we have a message from Steve Harvey on how to stop those negative thinking patterns. Remember, the happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.

    This morning, as we ran errands we tried to listen to "This Supermodel Is Changing The Way We Talk About Body Image" an interview with Ashley Graham, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Ashley Graham is a Plus-size Supermodel, designer, and barrier-breaking body activist. I also got triggered and we spoke about that and my beliefs versus his. He is always much more positive than I am, I want to think I could get there at some point, but I still don't think it is even possible... it just does not compute for me. Then my dad and his computer, oh lordy... he was driving me up the freaking wall with it and other nuances, it was so unbelievable and frustrating. All I wanted to be as calm, but until he left, that was just not possible. Later today, Wade is going to be helping our little one with a class, I hope they will have a lot of fun.

    I hope today will be a peaceful day because I'm still feeling all of my triggers from the last few days - in waves and more issues put on top of that, just makes it worse for me.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: As triggered as I was, I still managed to somehow move on enough to remain talkative and functional.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Video
    STOP NEGATIVE SELF TALK


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
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  6. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 871: 06/16/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: Various
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, he gave me the trifecta, in silence with just classical music in the background because we had a really long, loud, chaotic and exhausting day. Between my triggers and our issues with our eldest, it was though. Then we watched some TV and headed to bed.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Develop A Next Level Mindset", in this episode, we learn how to develop the type of mindset you need to go to the next level in your life. Remember, every next level of your life will demand a different version of you.

    This morning, during my walk, I listened to "Health Experts Show You How to Protect Your Immune System" an interview with various health experts, on Health Theory with Tom Bilyeu. This special clip episode of Health Theory brings together some of the finest minds in functional medicine to discuss the immune system. Dr. Steven Gundry says that if you want to cure disease, head to the gut, Naveen Jain explains how the immune system is based in the gut’s microbiome, Rangan Chatterjee illuminates the connection between your gut, diet, and immune system, Jillian Teta describes the incredible diversity of gut bacteria, Dr. Mark Hyman explains that all food is information, Mark shares a list of recommended foods to improve immune system functioning, many processed foods are even worse for you than table sugar, Dr. Jolene Brighten explains why processed foods and sugar are so inflammatory and recommends the best way to get healthy fats and protein. Also during my walk, I was triggered and those triggers got 10x worse when Wade tried to gaslight me. He was fishing with my dad, while I walked, there is a little bridge there, so when I passed he sent me a message that he saw me and I looked good and that my hair looked good too. Under normal circumstances those are sweet sentiments... however, I know that if he saw me pass, then he also saw them pass... the women that triggered me and God only knows what he thought. So, I respond with "if you've seen me, I know you've seen them". He immediately responded with "I don't know who you are talking about"... dude, please. The excuse was "I just looked up and saw you pass on the bridge", you know like a miracle - he only looked up once and it was the time I happen to be the one passing by, all other times he didn't look up at all and see anyone. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

    Today is going to be a long ass day.


    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Didn't allow anyone to gaslight me.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Video
    NEXT LEVEL MINDSET


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
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  7. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

    1,479
    2,083
    143
    So sorry, hang in there. You are beautifully and wonderfully made!
     
    Jagliana likes this.
  8. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 872: 06/17/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: Various
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Work.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, after a hand and foot rub, we spoke on and off about the day - we watched some tv and went to 'bed'.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Help Other People Change", in this episode, Brendon Burchard talks with us about how to help other people change. Remember, just like seasons, people change.

    This morning, we had another incident of him jumping the gun and not taking me into consideration. I just do not have the energy to go into. He tried apologizing as we walked, but honestly, I am just exhausted about going through this - over and over, especially so many times this week. Then I saw his eyes slip, although he denies it. I believe when a woman is bent over, he just can not help himself. Whatever I just can't deal with it at the moment, there's a lot of work to be done and I'm actually grateful for the distraction.


    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Double breath, breathing exercises helped a little.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Video
    How to Get People to Change


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
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  9. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 873: 06/18/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: Various
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, he gave me a trifecta, it was much appreciated - after working all day... omg afterward I could barely walk lol Then we watched some TV before headed to bed, where I fell asleep fast!

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Finding Your Happiness: Don't Let Anyone Steal Your Joy", in this episode, Freddy Fri talks about finding your happiness. Remember, happiness is not the absence of problems, it's having confidence in your ability to deal with them.

    This morning, while we walked we finally finished "This Supermodel Is Changing The Way We Talk About Body Image" an interview with Ashley Graham, on, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Ashley Graham is a Plus-size Supermodel, designer, and barrier-breaking body activist. Towards the end, it got good, once they began talking about relationships and what makes for a good and solid relationship. Wade and I were pausing a lot to discuss our takes on it. Then we needed to head to a small supermarket because we decided to make our little graduate feel special today since she could not have a real graduation with her friends. We got her a unicorn cake there, she loves unicorns. On our way there we had a small, yet, good conversation about the last few days and why I reacted the way that I did and how he handled himself with the whole 'slipping' situation, which is the correct course of action when it comes to handling me, during a trigger, any trigger. Later in the afternoon, my parents came over and we presented our little one with a pink cap & gown and diploma. Then we had a photoshoot and lunch party! both girls received fun gifts and I think everyone had a good time. Our eldest passed her final marking period with all classes as "passing with distinction", so she got Animal Crossing - a video game she really wanted.

    Now I am full and back at my desk working. I hope tonight is peaceful.


    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: No triggers.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Video
    Don't Let Them Steal Your Joy


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
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  10. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 874: 06/19/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: Various
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, another trifecta, damn sitting at the desk all day in one position really takes a toll. We listened to classical music during and it was a nice and relaxing time... given the stress of earlier that evening. Then we watched some TV and headed to bed.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How to Develop a Positive Attitude", in this episode, Steve Holbrook talks about how to develop a positive attitude. Remember, Attitude is Everything!

    This morning, during our walk, we listened to a segment of a tv show, related to porn addiction, "Porn Addiction on The Mel Robbins Show" featuring Dr. Robert Weiss and Noah B.E Church. It was difficult seeing the 'addict' in grief, guilt, shame, and denial all in front of your eyes. Both of these experts did well, Rob was awesome, he continuously validated and acknowledged the betrayed as well. It was short but full of good information. We also encountered some triggers on the trail but... what else is new? Wade almost went into full defensive mode, but stopped himself and said we can talk about it later. That was a good move because I could feel angry beginning to boil as he was about to start with excuses.

    I hope the rest of today will be a lot more relaxing than the last few days have been.


    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Worked myself through a trigger.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Video
    How to Develop a Positive Attitude


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
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  11. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 875: 06/20/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: Various
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, he gave me the trifecta, during the back rub he voiced his opinions about current events, which I agree with, we see eye to eye on many things after all. Then we watched some TV, before heading to bed... I don't know what he presses, but whatever it is, he gets me so sleepy (which is a good thing, in my case).

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Prioritize Your Life", in this episode, Kate Maree O'Brien gives some great tips on how to prioritize your life. Remember, if you don't prioritize your life someone else will.

    This morning, we listened to a little Dry Bar Comedy, still have to finish it tonight. During our walk though, there was a trigger and he told me two contradicting messages: that he noticed her and figured I got triggered, but also that he didn't really see anything because his glasses fogged up... uh-huh. Anyway, we began talking about all this, how I am tired of constantly being triggered, and feeling uncertain about it all the time. He believes, that eventually with time, I will get my gut to wake up and believe him when he says none of them phase him, they don't matter and he only wants me. I said, I don't know - what if I never get "there" and every time a trigger is nearby, I get set off into this whirlwind? so he said he doesn't know how else he could show me and so I said, well, maybe a liar detector test would help clear things up for me and ease my mind about all of these constantly looming questions I have about his attraction to me, who he really prefers, etc. He does not really like that idea, he believes that even if he is truthful when he gets questioned or put in a corner, he becomes so nervous that even truth could come up as lies. I am not really sure how lie detectors work and if they somehow read through nervousness or whatever. I'm one who believes, that no matter the circumstances if you are answering from your heart (your truth) and a confidant with those answers, they will still come up as truthful. I told him I don't prefer this method, I would much rather my gut feeling wake up and guide me, but it's barely functioning when it comes to this topic and I'm not sure why. All I know if I am tired of the unknown, the uncertainty... no matter how much I want to believe him. I will give all of this some thought, careful considerations, and just sit with it for a bit because I need to figure out if this is something I need to feel at peace/get some resolve. I don't want to hurt him either, I do trust him on other issues, I've seen how far he has come, but when it comes to this specific thing I just don't know. I believed we talked it through and both felt better after.

    I hope the rest of today will be peaceful and maybe we will touch a bit more on this issue tonight, we shall see.

    I wish all father's a Happy Father's Day tomorrow, especially Wade.
    [​IMG]

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Loved my ponytail.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Video
    How To Prioritize What's Actually Important


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
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  12. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

    1,479
    2,083
    143
    I would not have started healing without a polygraph and full disclosure. I had been lied to for so long that I didn’t know what to believe. It helped me more than anything else we did. I also insisted that I could ask him to take one at any time. I’ve taken 3 polygraphs and everyone is nervous. If you tell the truth you pass, it’s that simple. If you are hiding anything it will come up deceptive or inconclusive. If inconclusive, you can talk to the administrator about his thoughts on “ why” it’s inconclusive and what questions. Inconclusive does not necessarily mean they are lying, it just means they can’t determine.
     
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  13. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut


    See, that's what I believe as well, that if the truth is spoken - no matter how nervous you are, that's what the test will show. If you lie, that's what will show. If you are incoherent due to extreme paranoid/fear/nerves maybe a few questions will be inconclusive, but not the entire test.
     
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  14. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

    1,479
    2,083
    143
    I was comfortable with them as I’ve taken them before for multiple jobs. We had been in counseling a year without much progress on my part when I decided I had to have one. Best decision ever! It was at thee as t point we established a “ base” that I could start healing from
     
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  15. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 876: 06/21/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: Various
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, another trifecta, it helped my back pain significantly and got me sleepy, so I thank him for that. We spoke a bit about his feelings for me and the situation at hand, then we went and continued watching Outlander... in a better mood. Then, it was off to bed.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Mastering Your Emotions: Take Control Of Your Life", in this episode, we hear about mastering your emotions and taking control of your life. 1. Umbrella Emotions. Think about all individual emotions, not just one vague description. Stop neglecting the real problem. 2. Positive Rumination. A small number of negative things can infect the perception of life. Write down positive things that happen to you so you don't forget. 3. Challenging Patterns. Get out of your comfort zone. New experiences help you better know yourself. 4. Natural immersion. Physical movement can reduce stress. Avoid boredom and fear. Walking can help against this. Immerse yourself in nature. A change in scenery can help. 5. Expanding Vocabulary. New words can help you recognize your feelings. For example, annoyance doesn't equal frustration. It can help in your analysis of your emotions. 6. Emotional resilience. Your ability to bounce back from trouble. Practice positive Rumination. Reinterpret your mistakes. 7. People Watching. Teaches you to read complex emotions by body language. It allows you to recognize it in yourself and helps you communicate your emotions better. Remember, never let your emotions overpower your intelligence.

    This morning, I listened to "Why You Need To Protect Your Joints If You Want to Live to Be 100" an interview with Peter Attia, on Health Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Peter Attia, M.D., and founder of Attia Medical, PC, sits down with Tom to discuss what changes everyone should make in their life in order to build and extend the best quality of your physical and emotional durability as you age. During this interview, they discussed, preserving health and extending physical longevity, loading muscle vs. loading joints, the physical results and consequences of aging, fast vs. slow orthopedic injuries that kill people, the substantial risks of join overload, driving and alcohol as the biggest misjudgments of risk, caloric restriction offers considerable long-term benefits, the truth about the Standard American Diet (S.A.D.), being cautious on teaching kids how to eat, using insecurities as a mechanism to drive you, recognizing what your reactions actually mean, surround yourself with honest, patient people, being the best version of yourself for those you love, we suffer in our heads more than in any other way and exercise, Sleep, Nutrition, Management of Distress. During my walk, I was feeling good, until I got triggered - multiple times. I was by myself, Wade went fishing with my dad at another location. He was messaging me throughout, so I really had to control my impulses when he said things like how he wishes he was walking with me. I wanted to respond with "and today, you would have really enjoyed yourself!", which would have probably led to a hostile exchange. Instead, I kept my focus on the secondary conversation, fishing with my dad, and how "fun" that is. I didn't want to ruin the mood for Father's Day, I rather bottle it up and fake it till you make it, at least for today. Nothing is phasing these triggers and onslaught of thoughts that come with them, it's really excruciating to deal with, nonstop.

    Anyhow, soon he will be home and we will have a family BBQ to celebrate the day and him.

    [​IMG]

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I distracted myself enough and was somehow able, not to start really expressing my emotions, at the moment of my triggers to Wade.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Video
    7 Steps to Mastering Your Emotions!


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
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  16. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 877: 06/22/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: Various
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, he gave me a delicate trifecta, as I was in pain, my head was killing me all day. It was very soothing, we skipped the talking so that I just enjoy that and the music. Then we watched some TV and headed to bed. It was a rough night for me.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “The Importance Of Developing Good Habits", in this episode, Absolute Motivation helps us understand the importance of developing good habits. Remember, being excellent at what you do is not an act. It's a habit.

    This morning, we listened to "Use This Time to Improve Your Relationship" an awesome LIVE with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu, much like their old Relationship Theory segments. Just like before, every question they answered gave Wade and me something to discuss further, amongst ourselves. There were some triggers today, we spoke about them and how I'm affected. As they went on, they covered issues of trust and when you are honest with each other, with nothing to hide - it is like a breath of ease and fresh air in a relationship. How transparency is super important, especially for a person like me, because he can be honest, but perhaps not completely transparent, so in the future, even if some detail 'innocently' pops up, but it is my first time hearing it, I will automatically be triggered to believe what my previous experiences had shown me. Not to mention, I'm an over-thinker, so if you do not fill in the blanks for me right away, I will do it myself and then when new facts suddenly show up, it will change everything for me about the original story I was told AND make me question why those details were omitted to begin with. Anyway, then we discussed how I see myself and his belief that if I see myself better and do affirmations, it could help me with the triggers. However, I still believe one thing, has nothing to do with the other. We tend to agree to disagree on this point/theory.

    Now, we are home hoping for a peaceful day, he is playing with the little one and I am working on a client's last-minute request.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I got through some triggers, didn't mess up my whole day.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Video
    This is why your HABITS will MAKE OR BREAK YOU


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
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  17. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 878: 06/23/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: Various
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, he gave me the trifecta and it was so soothing, so thank you, Wade. During we talked a little about an odd trigger I was having watching Black Sails, during some of the nude and suggestive scenes I was getting triggered by the thoughts of how he must have felt, when he was watching them alone (pre-recovery). He had suggested I watch this show for the story because he had seen it a few years ago. Anyway, those triggers were becoming too much and made it difficult to focus, so I just stopped for now and I don't know if I will try again at a later date. Then we watched some TV and called it a night.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Build Self Discipline And Self Control", in this episode, Sandra The Mom Boss gives 5 very helpful tips on how to build self-discipline. Remember, the first and greatest victory is to conquer self.

    This morning, we listened to "If You Struggle with Conflict in Your Relationship" an interview with Tom Bilyeu, on Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu. Anyone who has been in a long-term relationship knows that you are going to have conflicts; you’re going to have fights. But what are these fights really about? Are arguments about washing the dishes and cleaning the closet really about those issues, or is something deeper happening? During this interview, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu talk about how to deal with differing values and opposing ideas. They discuss creating shared goals, how they build positive habits, and their methods of making sure that conversations stay open, respectful, and honest. And then they an example of "good communication" by examining a real-life conflict they have had over making the bed... which is where they lost both Wade and myself. We believe that, sometimes, it is OKAY to compromise and do something for the person you VALUE, instead of being super selfish and stubborn about your values. In their case, Tom could just make the bed instead of being so against it, because it's not one of his values as a person who is messy. It was an odd thing to bicker about, in both of our opinions. There was a trigger at the store, I handled it as best as I could. We did speak about it while we were there and I explained my thought process to him. We also continued talking about it more in-depth during the car ride home.

    Later we have the kids doctors appointment and then, I am hoping for a relaxing afternoon.


    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Managed my trigger.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Video
    How To Build Self Discipline| Master And Maintain Self Discipline Daily


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
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  18. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 879: 06/24/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: Various
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, he blew out my hair and I felt so pretty, like a princess (although I still feel it is not something I deserve!) he gave me a lovely trifecta, I ended up working almost all day again, didn't expect it, so, at the end of the day, it was such a welcomed release. Then we watched some more TV and headed to bed.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Learning To Listen To Your Inner Conscience", in this episode, Jordan Peterson talks about learning to listen to your inner conscience. Remember, let your conscience be your compass and you will always choose wisely.

    This morning, we listened to "These Relationship Hacks Will Help You Navigate Through Anything" an interview with Tom Bilyeu, on Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu. Normally, people are twice as happy and find their lives much more meaningful when they are with their spouse - but no one actually thought they'd end up spending 24/7 with them! Current quarantines may be causing stress for some (a lot lol) couples. The extensive amount of time spent together is uncharted territory for many relationships. During this interview, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu discuss the tactics, strategies, and rules of engagement they have used to keep their relationship strong and growing for 19 years and counting. They discuss how to avoid letting the small things frustrate you, how to lift each other up, and how to hopefully find a way to make this surprise quarantine fun and empowering. Some points they hit are, how do you avoid getting annoyed with each other over small things, why you have to take responsibility for yourself instead of matching negative energy, do not tell someone they are being irrational - wait for emotional sobriety, how do you make space for yourself in a situation that seems impossible, why you shouldn’t let “dust settle”, you have to know exactly why things are bothering you, how to talk to someone who is agitated without getting them even angrier. We also bumped into a trigger, one I've seen a few times on the trail myself, and yes, even then she triggered me. This of course led us into a discussion about it, plus he reiterated how he only cares about me and making me happy, how they are of no interest to him. I just don't know, I still feel he can be all about me, but still have a desire for those type of women/body's - simply because it is what he considers his physical type. He still believes that the more he continues to show me his feelings/intentions through his actions, one day I will believe him. We shall see...

    Now, I am waiting for my client to send me some work, that is both last minute and needs to be done by tomorrow morning... yet, I still do not have it. This is getting me really frustrated.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Loved my hair today.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Video
    Your Conscience Is Always Telling You The Next Step


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  19. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 880: 06/25/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: Various
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, I was swamped and overwhelmed, my client sent me work at around 5 pm (it was supposed to be in my hands at noon), with a deadline of 9 am the next morning. So, as soon as I got it, I had to work on overdrive, which also means = supercharged back pain. Wade, nudged me and convinced me to take a small break because he wanted to give me a backrub to alleviate some of the pain. It felt wonderful, I thank him for that. He wanted to give me a hand rub too, as he began to do that, he received a phone call from work (11:30 pm) asking where he was... yeah, we dropped the ball, we thought he had to go back the next day, but we were both wrong. We stopped there, he rushed out to work, it really felt like whiplash and a total bummer, we were looking forward to one last night of going to bed and waking up together. However, it is - what it is, then I decided to go to bed and just wake up around 5 am and finish my work at that time.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Why Discipline Is The Key To Success", in this episode, Freddy Fri talks about why discipline is the key to success. Remember, discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments.

    This morning, it was weird waking up alone; I guess the more connected we've gotten over the years - the more difficult it has become getting readjusted to these shifts between having him at home and then going back to work. Once I got up, I continued working... as I worked on my rush job, I listened to "Former Criminal Investigator Shows You How to Get The Truth Out of Anyone" an interview with Evy Poumpouras, on Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu. Evy Poumpouras a former Secret Service Agent has devoted herself to answering questions like "how do you know if someone is lying to you? how often should you trust your intuition? what is the best way to deal with conflict and confrontation? ". During this interview, she shows you how to tell if someone is lying, explains when and how you should listen to your gut feelings, talks about why she embraces confrontation, and gives a surprising lesson on why she thinks that respect is a gift--a gift she doesn’t need. During the course of the conversation, we hear them talk about, how to build mental armor by dealing with small amounts of stress, don’t get distracted by your own mental chatter, you can’t make people respect you - respect is a gift and you don’t need it, within the first five seconds, people make their impression of you, everyone lies and it has nothing to do with you it has to do with them, why you should trust your instincts, speak to people in a way that they can understand, and that they will appreciate, the basics of body language, verbal language, and para-linguistics, don’t be someone you’re not, but bring out the version of yourself that works, shut up and listen - ask open-ended questions, don’t assume your conjectures are facts, how to tell if someone is lying to you. I really enjoyed this interview and even picked up some tips to use in the future myself.

    I finally finished all of my work, it was nice receiving a photo, video and phone call from Wade during the chaos though, made me smile. Now I am awaiting any possible revisions, as I do that, I am taking this time to just breathe a little and catch up on some mundane stuff.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I finished all of my work on a really tight deadline!:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Video
    THE ART OF SELF DISCIPLINE


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
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  20. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 881: 06/26/2020

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    • My husband has been honest with me.
    • Daily talk with my husband.
    • Worked on Self-Care as defined here.
    • Currently Reading: Various
    • Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

    Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
    1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Healing.
    3) Morning Routine.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, wow man it was a long night ... we had to deal with a difficult and frustrating health issue with our little one. Then, he still gave me a trifecta, which was a huge relief after working like an animal all day and night. After Wade left for work, I had to help my daughter as she suffered through the night, neither of us got much sleep.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Stop Suffering: How To Break the Cycle of Negative Thinking", in this episode, Tony Robbins explains how to break the cycle of negative thinking and stop suffering in your life. Remember, although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.

    This morning, after a really difficult night with my little one... I decided to get up early and started my day. As I caught up with stuff this morning, I listened to "If You Struggle with Weight or Dieting, You Need to Watch This" an interview/panel with Beth Manos-Brickey, Jen Cohen, and Heidi Powell, on Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu. Beth Manos-Brickey, Jen Cohen, and Heidi Powell share their stories of dealing with eating disorders, chronic illness, and body shame. Along the way, they discuss the necessity of taking small steps, sticking to your plan, the difference between trust and control, and learning how to change your own self-talk about food and your body. Topics they dive into are “Not everyone can be skinny, but everyone can be strong.”, Beth talks about self-acceptance instead of self-love, the need for supporters and super-friends, trust versus control, taking baby steps, Jen strongly advocates not switching your plans constantly, refusing to identify with the labels applied to your diet, deprivation is not the name of the game, the stories we tell ourselves have nothing to do with what other people see, Beth discusses the dangers of trying to manage emotions with food, give yourself permission to avoid shame. This was an interesting one as well, a lot of good points shared here, especially for someone like me... who's weight plays a big role in how I feel/see myself.

    We took our little one to the doctors, then once we got home Wade went to bed. I stayed with the little one and am praying for some sensible peace, quiet and calm... at least for a few hours.

    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
    For any PA's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things recovery... my husband @Wade W. Wilson, who has been in real recovery for over two years now, has created a dedicated Facebook group [click here] and Discord channel for PA's, all are welcome to join and he is looking forward to getting to know and helping each of you. You can join the channel by clicking this link: https://discord.gg/gXPuU9q
    _______________
    For SO's interested in having someone to talk to, check in with and a safe place to talk about all things healing and betrayal trauma... here is my Discord channel: https://discord.gg/XwhaBTg [this channel is for SO's ONLY, anyone there for malicious reasons will be removed].
    _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: No triggers.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Video
    First Wednesday - Four Perspectives About Possessions


    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 | 8/05/19 | 2/08/20

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
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